Why are some people so mean?

There was a time in my life where I felt very bitter and untrusting towards people, but I didn't go out of my way to be mean. The worst about me was a scowl on my brow and a harsh tone in my voice. I know now the things that made me feel that way and its was normal explainable things like being in an abusive relationship. I could identify within myself why I was bitter.

What I don't understand is when people just don't care or look within to understand why they are mean.
I'm a little bit interested in psychology and wondered if mean people are just sociopathic.
From looking into Psychology today, some of the things that point to a person being sociopathic are,
Lack of remorse or shame
Inadequately motivated social behavior
General poverty in major affective reactions
www.psychologytoday.com...

So I realize that not every mean person is a sociopath and looked into why are they mean,
The summary from article in Psychology Today says,
"When you insult or criticize someone else, it may say more about how you are feeling about yourself''
"Insecurity over ourselves drives much of the cruelty in the world''
www.psychologytoday.com...

So rather than let the mean people get to me, I have come to the conclusion that they in their own misery want to bring people down to their level and I can only feel sorry for them.
There are so many bright thinkers here on ATS, I would enjoy reading everybodys thoughts on why they think people are mean
Or do you agree with what Psychology Today has to say?
Thank you for reading.

i think some things even psychology can't explain.

a reply to: peppycat

I think some people are made mean by parents, environment and life and so deserve your sympathy.

With them being so mean and dickish, they just don't deserve your company lol.

Some of them get so much joy from being assholes and like to spread their sickness like it's a disease. Those are Typhoid Marys who continue to infect others when they know what they're doing. For them, who cares *why* they are mean? They're best being ignored and left in their own horrible world.

a reply to: peppycat

Unfortunately the world is filled with bad people but then it is also filled with good people, sadly you can not see what a person is by looking at them or categorizing them.

I remember I was one of those innocent sensitive soul's and that actually made me a target of jibe's, sly comment's and general bullying not just as a kid but even in adulthood and I know how it cut's when someone you have no ill will too at all and in reality only know in passing suddenly show's that evil and vile side of there nature for no reason that you can understand.

Growing a thick skin is hard and learning to hide your gentle nature by developing a chameleon like ability to not show your nature is not easy but does happen.

Returning anger with anger and badness with badness though does not provide the fix, it merely makes thing's worse.

Being strong and streight is the best solution, if they don't like you sod them and if they do all well and good, it is best to get the groundwork laid out from the start so that you know were you stand and they too do on your personal interaction's as this even gains you some respect from formerly adverse personality's.

Not all are really bad, they are the morons whom wan't to look strong so they single the one that look's weak and if you are a big but gentle guy then you attract such morons in the form of small loud mouthed little pieces of excrement, these small nasty guys have small man syndrome and want to appear large amd nasty like a jack russel dog going berserk at a postman.

Often people show an angry side to the world because they are hiding there own suffering.

But never lose faith in humanity or rather your own humanity as that is the one thing that matters between you and god.

Let them fall down by there badness just don't let them get you down.

And remember most of our politicians are not the sort of person you would want to invite for dinner, you can't control the world but YOU CAN control to a certain degree whom you are so be strong and stick to your gun's, stay moral and don't let the world make you feel jaded.

For a long time I've put it down to Fear and Envy.

If you study carefully the person who is being mean to you it will usually be apparent that those two things are at the root of it.

You have nailed it...people are either angry at life or sociopaths and have no empathy. Either way we should pity them rather than react with anger.

a reply to: Kandinsky I haven't had to deal with too many Typhoid Marys and I do just avoid them, my guess is that they are the sociopaths and there is no getting through to them.

a reply to: [post=19936623]LABTECH767[/post ] your post reminds me of someone I used to have bad energy with and he even tried to strike me, but I blocked his blow and then gained some respect. I didn't talk to him for years after that and then one day sat next to him in the local brewery and actually had a good time. We now say hello to each other.
It is important as you've' stated to lay the groundwork down and not be intimidated.
My best strategy is to keep myself full of happy energy as that tends to attract good energy in return.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply.

a reply to: berenike I thoroughly agree.

a reply to: Metallicus totally, its best not to let mean people make you feel mean and if they anger you, I like to think ''like water off a duck'' not sure who coined the phrase.

a reply to: peppycat

I think a lot of you are commenting from an oversimplified point of view that is fostering much illusion in your minds about this. I think sometimes people mistake toughness for meanness. Personally I would not say I am mean, but I am tough and VERY assertive. It is necessary for my mental well being to maintain this posture. My life is tough and I have to keep tough or else I will go under.

For example, many people have hard lives and hard jobs. We would not want to be saying ahhh dee dums to a fellow soldier in combat. We need to bolster each other's toughness to get the job done. What you are sometimes mistaking for meanness is actually somebody encouraging you.

This life does not care for the fineries of human feelings. Too much sensitivity is a VERY bad thing. It can impact one's survival abilities.

Toughness in debate is also a great friend. Here on ATS one has to be tough. Frankly, I was treated very badly here on ATS when I first came. I started out gentle, but had to up my game very quickly. Now I am very thick skinned and can take the punches as well as give them. Debate has to be tough to get to the nitty gritty. If there are a few hurt feelings in the pursuit of quality analysis, well sorry it is a price well worth paying.

Get tough because it is a tough world and getting tougher all the time. Get a thick skin and some metaphorical armour on your backs. If you are a child then I will treat you as a child with gentility. If you are an adult man or woman then you shall be treated as an adult. Don't expect me to treat you like a little teddy bear and pander to your sensitivity.

I can't be bought by illusions of popularity either. That matters jack to me. Popularity NEVER lasts. People only get jealous and shoot you back down to the gutter. Tough tactics for fickle humanity I'm afraid and until I see evidence that humanity are not such bullies this posture shall remain and be perfected.

With that said, good day to you all.

a reply to: Revolution9 I disagree. I for one do know the difference between someone who is tough and some one who is mean.
Being tough would be like a good friend or family member saying ''hey you've gained weight and need to slim down''
A mean person I don't know well would call me a fat cow. I also understand that I need to be tough to take such meanness, but I really think name calling is mean.
Also a mean person is the type to make up stuff about you just to make you unhappy and yes one needs to be tough to deal with this but making up crap about people, I believe is mean.
There is meanness in the world and yes one has to be tough.
Thank you for your reply.

a reply to: peppycat

I tend to think mean people are inherently scared and insecure at their core, no matter how confident they may seem outwardly. Their meanness stems from fear and a need to force people or situations to bend to their comfort level.

a reply to: peppycat

I think a lot has to do with their parents and poor role models while growing up. However, some siblings don't always carry the same mean demeanor as their parents. I don't know if it's a genetic disposition or some people are just hard wired to act that way.

a reply to: kosmicjack I agree, the thing that unsettles me are the mean people who are also angry. It is very hard to deal with a mean and angry person.

a reply to: WeRpeons yeah it is interesting that within families one member can be really nice while another can be really mean. I've seen different levels of nice or mean in my own family and its like at a soul level or something.

putting the answer straight up as usual..these people hate you.They hate you because you seem happy and/or have peace in your life. They waste their lives thinking how miserable their life is instead of thinking how miserable life could be. Ever befriend a homeless person? They most times seem very happy and love their life. They have lost the false happiness that "worldy belongings" bring.They feel they dont have to compete in the rat race that used to bring them down.

Instead of concentrating on resolving the issues that make them mean , they invent more. A vicious cycle.I know , I used to be one of the mean people. Funny when you are told you have cancer how that changes the outlook of your entire life

Peace.....

a reply to: Gothmog Yeah, some of nicest people I know are without a solid place to live or are people with very little. It is true the stress of living in the rat race can make people unhappy and put them in a continual bad mood. I'm guilty of getting snappy under stress.
I don't know how to address you having cancer because you've probably heard all the well wishes there are but I do hope you feel better. A positive outlook on things can be quite healing. Please take good care of yourself.

I too think you've over simplified their excuses to be mean. I think the majority of mean people do not concern themselves with your station in life. They only concern themselves with that moment of meanness, the majority actually enjoy being mean and get more gratification if you react to their meanness.
It comes down to power, they do it because they can and it gives them pleasure doing it.
I am going through a sort of scenario now with my daughter. She left her violent, drunken husband two years ago and the psychologist said he would do anything, say anything promise anything just to keep his power over her.

a reply to: crayzeed I'm not sure why I would try to complicate peoples reasons to be mean. I am a simple person. I'm not sure where I said anything about mean people concerning themselves with my station in life.
I agree that many people enjoy being mean and I generally don't react, unless I can somehow crack their barrier and maybe resolve something.
Years ago I watched a movie called, What the Bleep do We Know and they described how our bodies can become addicted to certain feelings. Perhaps some people just can't look in the mirror and see themselves as others see them and break the addictive patterns of being a certain way.
I am glad your daughter got out of the abusive relationship, as I have been in one myself and had lots of bad feelings to work through.
Thank you for your reply.