I was arrested for defending myself and my family

Hey everyone. This is the first time i've been able to spend much time on a computer over the last few days. I spent about 24 hours in jail and have been legally barred from going back to my home address over a domestic dispute that happened a few days back.

Now, before anyone jumps to conclusions, I'd really like to detail what happened and why exactly this all came about.

I was spending some time at my parents house this week helping them clean up some stuff and prep things for a garage sale they expected to have this weekend. The day was going well, everything was pretty nice, it was a gorgeous day and we were grilling out. Then my stepdad decides to start drinking. Now, he has had a problem in the past with drinking and the way he acts when he gets alcohol in him. The police have been called before by my mother on this man and every time the police have showed up they have discredited her and refused to help in anyway. They mentioned the fact that she has been diagnosed with PTSD and the police have laughed in her face and refused to do anything to help aid any situations. They've assumed my mother was crazy, regardless of any support from friends or family stating the validity of the statements she'd been making.

At approximately 7 p.m. on thursday evening my stepfather's demeanor changed and he began to act extremely belligerent and aggressive towards my mother and I. He was picking fights with her and calling her names. I asked him to stop multiple times and each time that I asked him to stop, this only fueled his rage and he got into my face yelling "hit me, do something then, hit me" over and over. After a few deep breaths I restrained myself and walked away. At this point my mother went into the house to start getting my siblings together to move them from the house somewhere safe. My stepfather followed her in and I sat down on my patio to smoke a cigarette and try and calm my nerves. After about 15 minutes, I saw him walking back out from the inside to the back door, right next to where I was sitting.

This man walks out of the house, and as i'm sitting there completely quiet, he looks at me as he stumbles through the yard yelling "You're a worthless piece of #, you've never done anything for this family" etc etc etc. Saying the most hurtful things he could thing of to me and finally bringing up an addiction issue that I had numerous years ago that I have been clean from and not had any issues with at all. This was coming out of the mouth of a man who has been redflagged at all hospitals in the area for being drug seeking, the same man who has been popping oxycodone for years on and off.

I asked him to stop 3 more times, I stated how much of a jack ass he was being and literally pleaded with him to stop once more. That he was drinking and acting like a fool. This apparently got to him, and he started walking towards me. I stood up and was preparing to defend myself. He got in my face and pushed his forehead against mine spitting onto my face and yelling at me to hit him, over and over. Again, after I pleaded with him to stop acting like this, I finally gathered my restraint once more and began to walk away, this is when he said something that didn't sit right with me. He took 2 steps towards me as I was walking away and I saw this in the corner of my eye and turned to defend myself. Hitting him in the face 3 times and then tackling him to the ground, he got his arm around my neck and started strangling me. Unable to breathe, I couldn't do anything. I was in a panic and unable to gather a thought that would help get me out of this situation.

My mother walked out after about 30 seconds and saw what was going on, screaming at him to stop, she said she was going to call the police and get the kids out of the house somewhere safe. She immediately gathered the kids and left. I went upstairs to my room and barricaded myself into my room by wedging a dresser between my bedframe and the door. Now, at this point, I had no knowledge of what was going on with my mother, where she may have been taking my siblings, if she had actually called the police or not, but I guess that at some point during this ordeal, the police arrived and got to talk to my stepdad first. He lied through his teeth to them saying that I had a weapon and that I was dangerous/suicidal. The police completely disregarded the original 911 call my mother had made and all information given to them as him being the aggressor. They came up to my room, tazers drawn, ordering me out of my room. They handcuffed me, removed me from my house and brought me in for domestic battery.

I spent 24 hours in jail before being bonded out by my mother who was extremely disgusted by the fact that she called the police on her abusive husband and the police showed up and arrested her son, who was trying to defend her through the entire ordeal. I was ordered by police that I can no longer go back to my home address.

It's been a hell of a few days. I have some really nasty sprains in my wrist and right ankle that I've had surgery on in the past. Now i'm laying here waiting for my court date as this man has been harassing my mother and I even more. Stating that he will lie to the police and the State Attorney in an attempt to get the charges dropped if my mom would just come back to him and submit to his will.

I feel like i've been losing my sanity the last few days. I don't have access to any of my belongings. I've been displaced, as well as my 2 little brothers who suffer from autism and a 4 year old girl, just as the school year was beginning all because of this man.

I don't know where to begin, or what resources might be available to me in this situation, but if anyone has any info on anything that may be able to help me i'd really appreciate it. I've been through hell and back the last few days and really just need to figure out what needs to be done next.

I am sorry to hear all of that, that sucks.

How come it took so long to get bailed out, is that usually how long it takes?

Get an attorney now! Don't let this spiral out of control!

Eventually you are going to be in court. The DA could file criminal charges on you.

You need representation.

When I got arrested, by the time I got to the county SO it was roughly 8 pm. I was in a holding cell for about 3 hours. The police stated the servers were down and they were unable to complete my booking until the next morning.

Yeah it sucked, thanks though! I was up all night the night before I got arrested and up all night the night I was in jail. I've never been arrested before and have absolutely no criminal history what so ever. I had no way to know what time it was, but at some point the next morning, maybe 2 hours after they brought breakfast and I completed my booking they told me my bond was $5000

Sounds like you need to start using your cell phone to record any and all things in the future regarding this person and you. There's more than one way to defend yourself and your family.

Don't do anything with the recordings until you have multiple issues of him recorded. The more you collect, the better you will make it for yourself.

Maybe even make 2 recordings. Tell him, for legal reasons, you are now recording him and show him your cell phone. He'll automatically think you're recording him with your cell phone and he may try to destroy it. But, make sure you're recording him using a different cell phone --one he doesn't see.

Catch it all on tape. Let the evidence build. Keep your cool. Let him make the wrong moves. Use the recorded material at a later time when it is most beneficial to you.

Good luck to you.

You should have left.

Who owns the house your mother lives in? It may be time for her to leave or for him to leave and one of you can get a restraining order.

a reply to: Erich94

You guys need to look up what resources and folks in your area help people in your situation.

There are some really good homes around here that help out battered and abused families I hope it the same where you are from.

The social network is a good last place to lean, family assistance is there for a reason.

It sounds like what you folks need is a good fresh start, dig into your community and ask for and take the assistance that is there, not everyone is an asshat.

Just some simple advice, having been there right down to homeless.

The only thing is while you are being helped, pass it on .

Good wishes and stay strong

a reply to: Erich94

Can you describe what it was like?

Like were you in a cell with other people, or a waiting room or like actual general pop common?

Did you talk to anyone there?

Were you freaked out?

I had no way to leave, I was actually waiting on a ride from a friend of mine, but the police were pulling me out of my house in handcuffs when my friend was getting there to pick me up.

My mother is in the process of getting a restraining order right now.

I couldn't use my cellphone because It got damaged recently and I was planning to buy a new one this weekend. I had to help give my mom some money after she bailed me out. So I gave her as much as I could and now I can't afford a phone. I've already been told that i've lost my job. I wasn't expecting to get arrested, and they took it as a no call no show and now i'm unemployed. They told me not to come in anymore. So my life has completely flipped upside down because of this.

- The house is on an open lease between my mom and her husband. There is no physical lease, just verbal agreement.

a reply to: Erich94

You have to help your mom get away from him.

She believes she can save him and she can't. It is the folly of all abusive relationships. But you have to help her see the light and gather the strength she has lost to break free. She ultimately has to make the decision for it to stick but you can help encourage her.

My mom was in abusive relationship for 9 years and the only way I could get her away from him was to help her do an overnight move to a new city and all numbers/contact information changed.

---

As for your legal troubles, you need to go to the hospital and document your injuries. They need to be able to see and officially report that some of your injuries are defensive. That works toward your favor.

You also need to get a transcript or recorded copy of the 9-1-1 call your mom made. Gather all the evidence you can to bring to court. Try to even get old 9-1-1 and police files through the FOIA.

a reply to: bananashooter

It was disgusting. I was reeling with anxiety the entire time. I have a history of panic disorder and GAD. I was put into an original cell that was just for holding while I was supposed to be booked. Thats when they told me the server was down or something and they couldn't complete it.

After a few hours they ordered me into a room and told me to remove all of my clothes until I was completely naked. I was standing in front of a few officers during this procedure and then they made me shower and change into my jump suit.

My cell was divided into a couple cells. My cell had 2 small cells and a large main room in it. Each of the small cells had 2 beds in it, steel frame bunks. My cell was empty but the cell across from me on the other side of the main room had someone in it, and he talked to me for a while.

I wasn't necessarily freaked out, but after being up for about 36 hours and then sitting in jail all night unable to sleep, I was suffering from sleep deprivation and was pretty delusional.

Lawyer, restraining order.

So sorry you're going through this.

a reply to: Erich94
Like One Nation said,get recording.

Your restraint is highly admirable.
Things would have got broken long before the cops arrived if I was in your situation-i have a shorter fuse I think.
No one should think they can treat your family like that,or insult you in that manner.
I have experienced similar,but in the UK the cops are more forgiving or I would probably be dead.
Or maybe I just freaked them the hell out and they were nice to me out of fear.
Yes,I am that ugly-not proud to admit it.


Take NO Sheeeit Bro.
You gotta look out for your family,always.

its sad that a cell phone is the most vital tool in the law system now.
smh.

but best wishes to you all, good luck.

a reply to: Erich94

That sounds horrible, I have never been to jail and don't ever intend to go. If a situation is getting hairy I take off, call me a coward but I could not think of any bigger nightmare than getting caught up in the us justice system.

At least you got a cell all to yourself and not with some psychopath looking to get time added to your stay.

a reply to: MonkeyFishFrog

Yes, I know, this has been a long time coming. She's completely done and in the process of finishing the restraining order. She's definitely seen the light and after this she's told me, there is no going back. I know that she is sincere this time.

I went to the hospital and got documents showing everything on my discharge papers. My ankle/wrist/cuts on my left hand etc. I've taken pictures of all of the bruises and marks. My mom has been working on getting access to the original 911 call but the county police are being less than cooperative and have been delaying things as much as possible. My court date is on the 17th. I've already structured and revised my statement and I have witnesses in my favor. He has nothing.

a reply to: Erich94

Damn, man. That's messed up. Like another poster said, get an attorney. Some work pro bono if you can't afford one.
How many witnesses were there for the confrontation? You mentioned siblings. Did they see or hear anything? That, and the restraining order, should help if it all goes to court.
If you can't go home, are you at your friend's? Is there any way your friend or mom can bring you whatever you need from the house?
Just hang in there, man.

a reply to: Erich94

That's good to hear. It sounds like you both have plans of action in place and that is a step in the right direction. She'll need your support, especially for the next big steps she has to take.

I really hope your court case goes well and that you get a judge that can sniff the bullsh*t your (hopefully soon to be ex) step dad reeks of.

a reply to: Erich94

I wouldn't sweat it man. The case will most likely be continued for 1 year and if there are no other incidents in that time, the charges will be dropped.

I hope you at least gave him a black eye.

Raging alcoholics suck.