Addiction and Withdrawal. A special kind of Demon

Day Two.

I mean the real day two.

feeling strong. It hurts, but I got this.

The next time I come to this thread, I'll be too happy to contain myself. It'll be beautiful, sober as can be, vibrant and healthy.

If I don't,

Ha! as if that is a possibility. I'm so done with this game, I'm very confident. It's over.

well, pray for me, lol.

peace, gimme a few days.

a reply to: GoShredAK


I found this little video about addiction, for those who don't know what it can be like,
then I saw your thread, so I will share it with you.


Stay sober!

Finally! Whew.....what a challenge

Clean as a bean, W/Ds non existent, cravings, a joke, I'm back and coming back stronger.

I Have been eating and living quite healthy, Chaga tea awesome my friends!

So many things have improved in my life, I won't bore ATS with all the details, however I will mention the most exciting one of all!..............My first cage fight is in less than two weeks, Sep 5th.

This is a dream of mine, I am beyond thrilled, and now have even more motivation to live a healthy life.

Signing off, stoked to the max! Wish me luck in my first fight!

Since I'm no longer addicted, we can use this thread to discuss addiction and withdrawal, the entire spectrum, in general.

Thanks again to everyone who visited me here.

Peace! I've got training to do.

a reply to: GoShredAK

damn skippy! You are a champ and self aware...you've already conquered so much. Recovering myself (prescription opiates)...haven't had any in a shade over five years. You keep working the minute at a time

a reply to: KyoZero

Thanks! I was abusing one drug or another for at least fourteen years. It's a constant battle, and a b word the entire time.

Eventually some people are lucky and our will power, and life passions are stronger than the addiction and eventually win.

I don't plan on turning back, I am working with a lot of positive momentum right now. I've had my fun, my time is through with that lunacy. The next fifteen will be contrast to the previous.

Anyone who has been in the depths of an addiction/withdrawal cycle knows the feelings that torment us during those times are at almost too much to handle.

Nothing like being trapped in your own mind, especially when it's a very unpleasant place to be. It's debatable which part is worse. The physical or the mental.

I've heard a lot of people say (tonight even) "God will never put you through more than you can handle", I hope this is true.

I've been to some low points were I really hoped that it was true because I couldn't handle any more, any more and I'd break, somehow, that's how it felt. Always made it through, always a bit stronger,

That statement has passed as 100% true for me.

I know there are countless examples of people clearly facing more than they can handle, I don't know why that is.

Maybe they are meant for something different? A lesson needed learning? An expierience necessary? Ready to go? A different kind of soul? I don't know but it's interesting.

I've never faced more than I can handle, and sometimes he even lends a hand.

Addiction is strong, deeply wired in our brains. Even a person who has recovered and been sober for 30 years is still considered an addict. It becomes who you are and it seems addiction is almost always accompanied by some other unique talent or creative trait.

An addict either gradually loses everything until there eventual demise. Or eventually recognizes what's happening to them and begin to strive for change and freedom.

"an addict spends all day, works and stresses, hustles steals and worries and eventually pays for what a sober person gets for free"

"eventually addiction becomes like wrapping a rubber band around your finger so tight it cuts the circulation off only to feel the relief of removing it"

-Some Random quotes from regular folks-........they have stuck with me.

What's respectable in my eyes is someone who gets caught up in a bad drug habit, ends up in deep water, realizes what they have done and begin the long swim back, yet the whole time they maintain their responsibilities.

Specifically during the recovery/detox phase(S) It's fun when you are riding cloud nine. During WDs, not so much.

Job, family, appearance, social life, ect........

That is not easy and many fail and lose all of those things. Not easy at all. I've done it twice, maintained, the love for my family and desire to be the me I know Can was all I needed, however i can not reiterate enough how downright miserable I was. I won't create that reality again.

I know at least one other person who has pulled this off, it takes a lot of guts, will, heart, and mental strength.

A wise person who cares will endure all of this for the sake of their family and to become a better person, again, for the sake of their family.

It's stupid to even get that far, especially multiple times, and not worth it,not even close.

Those same endorphins are activated in many different healthy ways. No Illegal activities, $cheap$, no WDS, healthy, good for body mind and spirit. Pursuing these natural highs can actually advance you as a human being. Pursuing chemical induced highs will most likely do the opposite.

What happens is you're trying to quit. Your body hates you for that and lets you know. Every slight movement sucks and is a monumental challenge on its own, and that's the easy part. It can get downright hellacious.

Getting dressed was difficult enough, Now you're expected to stay on schedule, make it to work on time and perform well while you're there.

A 9 hour day feels like a 12-15 at least. Every hour, no every minute, sucks, to the max.............but it's your fault it could always be worse and you need this damn job.........

It gets worse because you go home and aren't feeling much better, for some the anxiety that's been building all day manifests, for others it hurts however their individual mind wants it too.

Then you must remain positive during any big family event you may find yourself committed to, and you need to act well for your family because they don't deserve any less.

Your blood pressure spikes, and you have miserable night of attempted sleep, knowing you must repeat what you just barely trudged through...........that days even worse, the third probably just as bad.........the fourth or fifth it's not over yet but at some point there is this fleeting moment of normalcy.......it's freaking beautiful. It's that light at the end of the tunnel you so desperately wanted to see.

After that you're still a bit sluggish, but wake up one morning and think, "holy cow"! "I feel happy, normal, Drug free"?! Gosh it's priceless.

However right around this time the cravings start up and your mind tries to trick you into using, just once though of course.........pffffftttt, yeah right..........if you're an idiot like me, you'll make this mistake 4-5 times. It gets progressively harder on your body and difficult to rid from your life each time.

If I didn't stick to my dietary standards, or didn't have someone up there working overtime looking after me, I'd either be passed on or at least much much worse off then I am now. All the more reason to be sober for my remaining time on this planet.

One positive take away from struggling with an addiction, is that if you conquer that demon, you have earned a unique mental strength that can be applied elsewhere in life, basically just extra confidence and a strong sense of optimism.

During many of lifes trials and hardships, such as divorce and custody conflicts for example (been there too, got her back through the law of attraction, no joke). These things cut a person deep, you find yourself with no choice but to fall apart or come back stronger.

If you come back, chances are you aren't to be trifled with. Suddenly the petty things in life are recognized for what they are.

Simply a 100% strict plant based, mainly raw diet, coupled with regular exercise (the real deal, gotta feel it and see results) otherwise you just tried to exercise and failed, received zero benefits.
Would keep the majority of us disease free, free from pharmaceuticals, and happier and more aware that we can fathom.

That's why hard drugs are a problem. They create a false sense of this, it's easily obtainable, and after being flooded our opiate receptors expect more, demand it. The cycle begins.

There is not enough effort to educate the youth, along with everyone who cares on the facts above.

Yet an extreme effort to imprison as many people, mainly drug offenders as possible. Where they are given more poison than nutrition.

Completely backwards. At this point we are done for. We have reached past the tipping point. Climate, foods, society, mother culture, politics, foreign relations, so many people so very divided. I don't see how it can be fixed.

Only a few will survive whatever cataclysm is to come. The world does need a reboot, but the same bloodline cannot be allowed to repeat what they've done.

If you're vegetarian or vegan exercising I strongly recommend whey or at least soy protein supplement and a b12 and zinc supplement as well.

Keep strong. I personally think humanity has little chance left on this planet, yet many will explore elsewhere in the galaxy and thrive.

originally posted by: pl3bscheese
If you're vegetarian or vegan exercising I strongly recommend whey or at least soy protein supplement and a b12 and zinc supplement as well.

Keep strong. I personally think humanity has little chance left on this planet, yet many will explore elsewhere in the galaxy and thrive.

Cool response, and i truly appreciate the advice. I'm good with whey, try to avoid soy because I'm under the impression that soy is a very widely genetically modified crop. Also someone told me men should not consume too much soy based protein because it gives you estrogen pr something crazy (I'm off to verify that with a link or come back amd eat my words. ETA: there seems to be a bit of a debate concerning the validity of that claim.
Hmmmmmm

Regardless, an aspiring MMA competitor and practitioner, I need a lot of protein. Right now, I'm eating a lot of pea or brown rice protein, whey, some isolates (though I try to avoid) Quinoa, Steel cut oats......all I can think of at the moment.

B vitamins are very important to me so I'll keep up on that one. Zinc however I'm not sure if I'm deficient there or not. Worth a check. Who knows when I would have of not for this message.

The last part is depressing because I have a lot left to do, and it didn't have to be this way.....

I just hope that whoever escapes and makes it to our exo planet, is not anything like the group who ran the show here this time around. Otherwise, if we cant help but just repeat, we are just an insane parasite, that's a scary thought.

a reply to: GoShredAK

I think we still got some time left on this planet, man. Don't let the possibility of destruction and collapse sway you from your pursuits. The world has been on the brink since man learned to domesticate livestock and advance agriculture for mass production.

Zinc deficiency tends to be common in long-standing vegetarians, but if you really try you can get all you need on the diet. B12 is a long-chain molecule that can be stored in the body for a couple of years, but over time tends to become deficient in vegetarians as well.

You can get b12 drops cheap and pop the bottle once every few months and be fine. Zinc maybe 30mg a day might be best. One thing you'll notice if you're zinc deficient is depression, mood swings... basically your testosterone drops, so everything that goes along with it. Not good for someone trying to do MMA or go into correctional/police force.

That's an interesting idea. I wonder if they someday could fit you with an implant that could detect alcohol or other drugs in your system and shock you/make you uncomfortable instead of high/buzzed?

Haha it may be the difference between life and death for those who cannot do it on their own.

I probably coulda used that device many years ago, might of saved me from some long stays in the ol dog house.......

Realistically, I value all the hard learned lessons. They have shaped me into the man I am today, who is turning out to be a pretty cool dude

a reply to: GoShredAK

And that is going to be my new healthy addiction


and what keeps me strong and away from negative influences and habits.

I lost, but I jumped in there with nearly 0 training and crappy conditioning, just to test myself and expierience the atmosphere. Even though I lost, I was immediately excited for my next one, and still am. Only now I will be part of an Mma gym, not killing my health, and much more prepared.

I'm so excited to walk this path for awhile.

Two plus years since my last drink.

Two months smoke free.

Drugs, its been a really long time, lost count and don't care to count it.

Cold turkey was my choice, very hard to do.

Anxiety a little unmanageable had to address that a long with the high blood pressure.

I dont reallycare to go back. I got a great family and a good job. Don't want to screw it up for the gutter.

If you ever have any questions feel free to message me.

a reply to: liejunkie01

Thanks! I'm stoked to hear these choices you have made, much respect! Getting out of a heavy habit cold turkey is only for the strong. Your mentality towards the subject reminds me of my own.

I'm on 9 weeks or so without a drink, never going back there, that is huge for me.

Everything else I've relapsed on a couple times, but I feel very motivated to stay clean forever this time, and I have a strong optimism for the future.

I'm just so damn tired of detoxing, it's idiotic and I've felt a million times better with no drugs and just living healthy. I want that back badly. I want to be done and can't wait to be 100% again.

Mma and my new career choice will make me a better man, and keep me from ever going back again.

It's been nearly a year since I last posted here....

Today I feel compelled to provide an update.

Looking back, I have been on a mental, behavioral roller coaster.

I sure seemed confident at the end of this thread didn't I?

Well, I was not through my struggles yet...not by a long shot.

I had successfully withdrawn from benzos and will forevermore be benzo free......that alone was an accomplishment, but I was certainly not out of the woods.

Sometime after that last post I began abusing Kratom,

en.wikipedia.org...

Like many before me I saw this plant as a harmless miracle, godsend. Which it can be, sure, but Kratom is a tricky double edged sword if there ever was one. I used to compare it to coffee, as many vendors and/or addicts do.

Simply not true......Kratom, it's effects, and withdrawal syndrome are not to be downplayed in such a manner.

Addiction and subsequent withdrawal syndrome is a very real possibility with this seemingly harmless leaf.

Rather then coffee, I would compare it to Opiates, Benzos, and worst of all, antidepressents all combined......the worst of the withdrawal is eerily reminiscent of SSRI withdrawal. (An utter hell I have been through.)

Addiction and subsequent withdrawal syndrome is a very real possibility with this seemingly harmless leaf.

With masterful will power and self control it can be a useful tool.....There is some good to speak of, but the bad must be known!

I wont get into the rest of my personal XP but I will say that I have nearly defeated yet another demon, and I can honestly say all is well.


eta: totally dropped out of mma though I aspire to return.......

When I quit my DOCs I started vaping high MG going through a cart a day. Thought it was fine until I realized I was getting a bit cracked out, and my lungs were hurting worse than when I was using. I had the same kind of rationalization thinking it couldn't be nearly as bad as smoking, but nicotine is a drug, and a poison is by dose. I was taking the equivalent of a pack a day, way higher than when I was smoking.

Glad you got that figured out, substitution is a common tactic for addicts. I'm still away from my DOC, only thing that is working long term is to stay busy and channel my anger into production. The rest heals slowly but truly. Good luck to ya.

It has been a few months. I am off the kratom and currently working on detoxification from the last thing holding me down. I anticipate I will be posting here claiming I am clean and sober once and for all within a month or two.

Though I still have some demons to conquer, I am in a better place mentally then I have been In years, and I have the commitment and tools to be successful.