I'm not perfect; just a man, but i need positive members to help me get back on my feet.

I am just a man, a hypocritical human being, that makes "your" average mistakes. I have been through the so called ringer, and just in need of friends; those i meet, and those i haven't.

I am in the process of moving again, and the stress that follows is expected with anyone. I have close friends, most not. what I am trying to say is that i need help, and all those times i have helped them move and pay part of their exspensives, where is this returned favor or karma? I am not anywhere close to being a good man, but when i go out of my way for others, where is my retrobution of going out of my way for them?

I am all alone in Alaska with absolultely no family, nobody to turn to, and i am one not to depend on my state of federal government to take care of me. I have been homeless, jailed, and reintroduced into the community because i value my life and those around me, because I've been there I have been losing my mind at work for being under paid, and treated like a slave. I teach a labor how to do everything, from reading a tape, to using tools in multiple ways, and because he is a "family friend" he is getting paid $5 more an hour, and because Im a "nobody" I am being taking advantage of to teach him how to be as good, if not better, without praise.

So to continue with the rant: I work 20 hours more than my closest friends in construction, and make less than them, because i insist in honesty, projects done right..... and unfortunately the way it really works in this world, people want cheap and fast work done, and genuine and the best work done is a thing of the past. I go from making $20,000 to $150,000 a year here and there.

I make more money selling plant product and other sorts of flower power these days, I find that when i do everything that is unexsceptable in our community.

I really do feel worthless for doing the right thing. I do think now a days that if I cheat and misdirect people I make a gain, but refuse to be apart of that crowd. ,...... and now im more behind from those that are dishonest. I dont know what to think anymore, but continue to give and treat those around me with 100% truth, and its ruining my business and my relationships with clients.


much more to explain, but im sad, sober, broke, and have to work a 14 hour day tomrw, and start at 4:30 min the morning while my boss is complainging why a house isnt built by 3 guys in one day, while sitting on a beach in Hawaii, saying this one mother &^%$#@Q is screwing me on one more drink


why do I comply to such slavery???

Because I have such a High IQ that wants the best for everyone, but if everyone had power, this world would be better.

work those # hours, and break you back so those in power can rule and keep us in the dark.


Sorry, just needed to get some weight of my chest. I want to join the rotton, and can. but my heart is too big to need money.....

I JUST WANT A HUG, AND TOLD IM A GOOD MAN....


please be polite, I am vunerable!!

Curious: where in AK? I can't help, but say, "stay positive..." And "everything happens for a reason..." "Maybe."

Edit: and a prayer towards you, or positive vibes, or good luck. I know what you mean...
(I wanna go prospecting... Where should we go in AK? )

The way of our world. Ruthless cutthroats go straight to the top and crap rolls downhill. Society seems a test of integrity, you appear to have yours intact. Has your boss retained his? For what it's worth, none of us are perfect and you're not alone.

a reply to: japhrimu

Prospecting, last year my buddy found a $8000 nug in hatchers Pass, which was thought to be empty,

i Think I might tell my boss tomrw that he can shove his ass so far up his ass, he can now wear himself as a hat.


Im more happy as a broke and as a sufficent joke.

my parents hate me, and most my friends dispise me.

Dont get me wrong, i am a gun lover, and have a nice truck, which i live in now.

family isnt what is used to be.

a reply to: AK907ICECOLD

I would share beers with you sir.

Hope things pick up for you up there, sincerely.

Keep your head up!

a reply to: SlowNail

I do the best I can, with what ive got, how is it possible that those around me with no morals, and hate more things around me get more money and have more contacts?

its not my business i believe. lol

I just want to have a good woman in my life, and a position of provision

a reply to: WakeUpBeer

even without the church, I can be a man that emulates the good man. But the tires tracks are starting to show on my back

a reply to: AK907ICECOLD

I wish I could say I feel your pain man, but truth is I have never experienced such as you describe. Other than the assholes of the world.I cannot relate, but empathize with you. If it ever came to sharing beers I have no doubt you would have more to say than I ever would. But I would listen.

All I know for sure is that jerks of one kind or another are everywhere and they are painful to endure and observe. Also pretty sure I could fit into a jerk category somewhere but that's another subject.

a reply to: AK907ICECOLD

Just by having those kind of thoughs you're answering your own question: yes you're a good person.

But, don't let that 'wanna be good person' allow others to trample on you. Take your space, express your thoughs, stop breast feeding others and friends. Instead be a light they will follow, or not, on they're own, because you inspire them. They won't learn to walk if you carry them...and you'll get exhausted soon enough. To learn, people have to get out of their 'confort zone' and it's caring for them to let this happen.

Love yourself first, choose yourself first, and only then the others will see, learn and profit from your growth and happiness.

Hope it make sence to you,

Be well light seeker!!!

Jeff

a reply to: WakeUpBeer
Well, I'm exspect to drive out of town tomrw to work for a couple hours, and with what my boss pays me.. I think.... no, i will call him on his day off to tell him its a insult and a kick in the nuts to work for free after i gas up after i get paid for it..


why im i going to lose money to make him some?

Im not, by the way/

fire me bro

a reply to: LoveSolMoonDeath

I like the way you think, but in my years of my kind of life, i was told and taught to coward and just do as told/

I was molested in my church, and bullied. i do my best to overcome my past. but if it were up to me, I would be in the bell tower. I say this to those who dont understand what i have been through. but i am better than that and share to others that we can overcome adversity

a reply to: AK907ICECOLD

I might be going to hatcher's pass tomorrow or Sunday... Yay... I figured there still SOMETHING there...

a reply to: AK907ICECOLD

Screw asking for advice and reassurance. All that will happen is you'll act on the advice your own mind would have gone for anyway. You've got a moral compass and intelligence so let them do the talking for now

When I read about your status at work, it gave me a few ideas. If you're in your 20s, don't worry because you've got 10/20 years to be 'that guy' on the beach whilst the younger guys are working their way up. Same for being alone. If you're in your 20s, she (or he) will be along soon and the reassurance you want from strangers will be there every day from someone who sincerely gives a sh!t about you.

If you're in your 30s, the same probably holds true too. Buckle in and ride through this bad patch because you already know it won't last, right? These periods never do.

The construction business is rarely a level playing field. Its always been about 'who you know' and leg-ups for friends. Back in the days I was working construction, I saw plenty of pitiful site-managers who'd gotten there by leg-ups. I used to work on a team of roofers and did way more work than the boss for 20% of his pay. The thing is, there's also that paying dues thing and working your way up - it's possible.

Here's two quick examples and cautionary tales lol. Two of my friends are the same age and work in construction (Martin and Mark). One of them has worked extra hours and is now managing sites and being sent on 'foreigners' for bosses. The other started the same time and constantly envies the earnings of others. He bitches on sites about the bosses and is bitter about who earns what amount of money. He has time off and turns in smelling of last night's beer.

You sound like the first one and things will come to you. You also sound like a little bitterness is creeping in and that's like cancer for motivation and happiness. Mark has become so bitter over the years that an hour in his company is plenty. Man, nobody should go down that path! Jeez, he's hateful.

None of these comments are intended to be unsympathetic. I actually empathise with your situation and have been there in all its dimensions. All I can say is these times will pass. Imagine being in the future and looking back at how you've come through bad times - they never look as bad with hindsight.

a reply to: AK907ICECOLD

Don't know if they're "good women," but there're some lookers at wasilla Fred Meyer... Lol... I just moved here a couple months ago.

a reply to: AK907ICECOLD

Agreed. There is no reason you should be treated like a doormat. You aren't something below them, for them to walk on. Like you're sub-human because of whatever bull# reasons have infested their minds. You're a human being.

I can't help to also consider, that sometimes people just get caught up in themselves. They may not even realize. Who knows? Maybe you saying some things and such will cause them to take a moment and step back to consider things from a new (or forgotten) perspective.

I believe I have the power to create my reality. Why? I have proven the theory true for myself.

It may not come exactly when I want it to or how I want it to...but it never the less is created by me and the way I think lead to choices I make...... which is a HUGE help.

The way you think has a lot to do with your reality.

Example of creating my reality...........
I left an abusive relationship with two teens five months ago. No money and was scared to death. Im a Realtor who had been made to pretty much stay at home for almost a year. Within a few months I bought a home and will make the most this month I have in my entire 15 year career.

Change your way of thinking and will your reality. The Universe will give you what you ask for.

a reply to: AK907ICECOLD

Which side of hatcher's pass should we go? It's usually closed til the 4th of july, from what I hear, but they opened it up early for the sockeye fire evacuations... I've only been to Indy mine once, with my bro, but I'm looking to spend more time up there, or the western side, soon... Sure, just recreationally, but I can dream, right?

I feel for you brother and can identify with some of your comments. I genuinely wish you well and feel you will come out on top.

I want to join the rotton, and can. but my heart is too big to need money.....

Uh, your heart may not need money, but the rest of you does. Best advice, work for a bit, get some money together and Get Out Of Alaska. Go to Texas. There is so much construction going on, it seems endless. Every time I go, there's a new highway, overpass, more lanes,etc, and in my sister's neighborhood, there's a new house every time I go down there and we're talking houses that start at $750,000. If you can't make it where you are, make it to some where you can.

ETA : Came back to add one of my favorite songs. Everybody needs to sing the Blues sometimes.

I agree with others. The best way to change your life is to leave that god forsaken land and come south. Like another poster mentioned, Texas is booming right now, I had an old neighbor who owned a handy man business who was suffering here, but he moved to texas and now he's banking.

Try and start your own business man, it will be the only way to declare yourself free. I did this, and I have much more control over my financial situation. But beware, your first 3 years will be the most difficult time ever, and you may be broke as hell, but after that it only gets better.