What is true 'friendship'?

This thread is for anyone like myself who at one time in their life have found themselves asking what the meaning of friendship is. I think many people they would find it difficult answering that question honestly, because sometimes its easy for people to mistake the people they hang around with as being friends, either out of naivety or gulability, or perhaps wishful thinking.. when perhaps a more honest individual would call them aquaintances.. but this is all up for debate so I'm putting it in the philosophy and metaphysics forum because i think it needs to be debated more...

Looking forward to reading your replies.

I'd like to know the same. I'm terrible with social interaction and all the queues and such so I've always struggled with knowing who is a friend, an acquaintance, a mooch, etc. I was always one awkward dude lol and I'm still learning (Not much interaction with people outside of school until 17, and it's still very sporadic except a gf).

Really would be interesting to hear what ATS has to say about this, since it's a diverse group.

a reply to: funkadeliaaaa

A true friend does not take...

He/she has no interest in benefitting from their friend...

Is interested in what in happening in their friend's life...

Is generally concerned about the well being of their friend...

Would not betray them... trusts in them...

Is there when their friend needs them...

And asks nothing of them but their friendship

Interesting...

To be honest, I'm very socially awkward. I don't hang out with huge groups of people and I get annoyed if I have to be around people for too long.

That said, whenever someone who I care about needs any type of help, I'm there. And I expect the same from them. I'd say that friendship is eternal loyalty. It's companionship, no matter what. And yeah, it's goofing around together too.

Mostly, friends should always have your back and make you feel comfortable in your skin, no judgements. And if you're not returning the favour, you're not their friend, you're just a jerk.

a reply to: Akragon

Such a mysterious subject, glad I asked thanks lol

Trust and honesty, you can be yourself around them, and you know that they won't betray you.

a reply to: Yeahkeepwatchingme

What were you're interactions like with people in school? And what were they like when you started making friends outside of school? Are you one of those people who became a totally different person when not in school uniform?

a reply to: LukeDAP

Mostly, friends should always have your back and make you feel comfortable in your skin, no judgements. And if you're not returning the favour, you're not their friend, you're just a jerk.

The thing is though - and I think a lot of people will relate to this - sometimes people who consider each other friends only meet under certain circumstances as in a set ritual, and it may be harder to judge the degree to which the people you consider "friends" have truly got your back if you ever need them... I thinknits a product of the modern lifestyle personally and the 9-5 work culture. Are these people "true friends" or just aquantances?
How would you in that case tell the difference?
Would it not depend on how similar your tastes are? Is that what a friend is? Someone who likes all the things you like? Or someone who agrees with all the things you agree with?
It seems a bit shallow to me.

originally posted by: SystemResistor
Trust and honesty, you can be yourself around them, and you know that they won't betray you.

But how would you know?

At what point does a person go from being someone who might betray you, to someone who you knownwouod never betray you? Does it depend on what they say? How they behave? Something they do?

a reply to: funkadeliaaaa
A friend is someone who cares the same for you when you're being stupid and ugly and hurtful...
...does anyone deserve that?
Friendship is a gift - not a contract.

a reply to: WanDash

Well, the short answer would be no.

If there's ine thing more mysterious than friendship though, its definately karma.

a reply to: funkadeliaaaa

I was quiet in school but when I went to college I seemed to open up and become more positive.

As for what is friendship, Akragon summed it up very well

a reply to: funkadeliaaaa

A true friend will always support you no matter what trouble you get in.

Simple!

I think there are two sides to friendship.
One being have your friends best interests at heart,and the other being, have your own best interests at heart.
That way both enjoy the mystery of each others mystery, because in this complex world, who, especially those without good friends can, can really know what their best interests are? Knowing how to live is a life long thing, so having friends a long the way makes it a lot easier.... Less it unless it makes it harder... I'm which case perhaps you need to find better friends.

a reply to: LukeDAP
SAND and STONE
>
> TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
> THROUGH THE DESERT.
> DURING SOME POINT OF THE
> JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
> ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
> SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
> IN THE FACE.
>
> THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
> WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
> SAYING ANYTHING,
> WROTE IN THE SAND :
> TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
> SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
>
> THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
> UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
> WHERE THEY DECIDED
> TO TAKE A BATH
> THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
> SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
> MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
> BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.
>
> AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
> THE NEAR DROWNING,
> HE WROTE ON A STONE:
> "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
> SAVED MY LIFE ".
>
> THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
> AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
> ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU,
> YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW ,
> YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"
>
> THE FRIEND REPLIED
> "WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
> WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
> IN SAND , WHERE WINDS OF
> FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
> BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
> SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
> WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
> WHERE NO WIND
> CAN EVER ERASE IT."
>
> LEARN TO WRITE
> YOUR HURTS IN
> THE SAND AND TO
> CARVE YOUR
> BENEFITS IN STONE.
>
> THEY SAY IT TAKES A
> MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
> PERSON, AN HOUR TO
> APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY
> TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN
> AN ENTIRE LIFE
> TO FORGET THEM.

a reply to: funkadeliaaaa

Great thread, funk. For example, you friended me on ATS a while back. And I took that seriously. LOL. What does that really mean? Well, in RL it may mean something different than our online life. If we were segueing in person, I would think it would mean something more than acquaintanceship. But I happen to think it means that online, as well. It says, to me, at least, that we've researched, somewhat, what the other person stands for, writes about, etc., and we find an affinity with that and stand behind them….supporting them. I hope this is still what friendship means. It's rather important, for without it, many of us are totally lost, and shouldn't be…..

Sometimes, in other words, we all need someone to speak up for us….
Your friend,
tetra

A true friend is one you can go years without seeing and pickup as if it were yesterday.

Hi, I'm new but have been reading this forum for ages now, finally I joined just to be able to reply to you about your question on friendship.

This has been a long time favorite quote from George Elliot about friendship.

"“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.”"

a reply to: funkadeliaaaa

If you assume that friends are forever, then of course you would question an action such as betrayal and whether or not it could happen. If you accept that friends can be lost, then, when they do betray you, is, when you lose them.

We can look at other relationships besides friendship, and one of them are compatriots...

If you want to protect against betrayal, then you have to subscribe to "honour" - when you agree not to betray somebody, and agree on penalties for betrayal (punishment) when you make a contract with them regarding your relationship to them, then, you can safeguard against betrayal. You are compatriots as you both agreed to the conditions, something you immediately share in common. When you perform actions that indicate that you stand by the agreement (respect) then you seek to reinforce the validity of the contract. For example, if you were to risk your life for somebody, it can be safe to assume that you would not want to betray them.

a reply to: SystemResistor

What about what wandash said: "friendship is a gift - not a contract"