It Begins

I think I am beginning my journey into my next phase of life and with this journey I am starting to see things with a jaundiced eye, but much like the wearing of a pair of shades, my vision appears to allow me the opportunity to see some things clearer.

I either wrote a thread a while back or responded to one, on something I noticed which seemed to be both an oddity and an epiphany at the same time. It seems when I become aware of a thing that went completely unnoticed to me prior to my mental awareness or acknowledging of it, it becomes an almost constant in my world. It is an oddity experienced by all of us and it isn't a new or even remarkable occurrence, but it shows us how we live in a world surrounded by things that are always present, but are invisible to us until we open our minds to it.

Our world and our mind grows as we add new experiences, which fills us with additional knowledge. Knowledge comes through all experiences, both positive and negative, and we choose to accept or reject it and label it as we encounter or utilize the information we gain. Changes in our lives affect how we see things. How we see affects how we feel. How we feel affects how we think. What we think affects what we do.

I awakened a few days ago to a thought. In my mind I clearly heard, "The source is the fruit and if consumed will bring death, pain and misery." "Sourcery is the never ending search for the fruit." "The fruit that once bitten, will drop its seeds and spread with ease, even if the fruit is not consumed." "Heaven is beyond all reach because it requires a pure heart, which can never be achieved in a mind that carries the seeds of the source."

I sat on the edge of the chair beside my bed for a long time. I tried for over 20 minutes to clear my mind of all thought. I tried to erase all knowledge from my mind. I tried to shut down all my senses. I tried to block out sound, taste, vision, smell, tactile awareness, memory. I tried to hold back all the thoughts, that feverishly knocked for admittance. I realized I was going to be really late for work and for the first time I can remember, I didn't care.

I don't know why this thought just popped in my head. Some will think it had something to do with the movie I watched with my mother before going to bed; the movie Noah, but I don't think so. I did find the movie throught provoking, but only in a fact vs fiction sort of way. Those that know me well, call me an info geek. One of my life mottos is, "If presented with a question, I will only say I don't know, once". Not that I think there is anything wrong with not knowing something, nor is it my quest to know everything. It is just, when someone is sincerely looking for information about something, and I don't know the answer, a microscopic seed is planted in my mind that screams mercilessly for water, until I satisfy its thirst with as much information it requires before being sated. I have been labelled the "go to person". Not because I know everything, because they know if I don't know the answer, I won't rest until I do; even if I present them the answer long after they have forgotten they asked me a question. So you can easily see why I would not find this morning wake up call particularly welcoming.

The thirst for knowledge. Anyone that shares this curse with me, knows how all consuming this thirst can be. I never really paid much attention to my constant quest for more knowledge, more input. It wasn't until I decided to bite the bullet and pull the plug that I came face to face with the truth. I am an addict. I am not an internet or an electronic junkie. I can easily go without a cellphone or a computer without a second of angst, until I run across something that requires of me additional input, and a source dispenser is not readily available.

I now realize, it is not about the quest for truth or even about finding answers. It is about the input. My driving force and my real desire is to find the source. The core. The alpha and the omega. We all know that in the beginning......... and forever and forever. Amen. We all know that death as we know it, is imminent , and in the end ???????? We just don't know the whys and the werefores. So we go on the quest for answers. We must truly be born with sin. I think this is apparent the moment a child learns he can communicate with words. Even if the child has only a small number of words in their vocabulary, they begin their seemly never ending quest for input, with their new found magical key, "Why?"

A child doesn't really care if they understand the knowledge they receive. They don't even know or understand the whys or their answers. The real goal is to acquire input. I have no great insight into why I have this addiction for input. I guess it may be related to my desire for understanding. I try so hard to wrap my head around things that don't make sense to me, I try to find purpose in things that appear to be without rhyme or reason. I know that each quest starts with trying to locate the 'source'.

I don't know why that thought came to me. I don't know if it means anything. I know I have done much self reflection and I see myself a bit differently. I never thought of myself as an evil doer and I still don't, but I can see why sorcery or 'sourcery' was considered an evil practice. I can see how dwellers in a magnificent paradise would be locked out for all eternity, for taking a single bite of its fruit. I see how and why I carry the curse' and will never be pure enough of mind, even if I was pure of heart, to enter into heaven. You can't miss what you can not measure, and once you accept a beginning it begins.

Pondering this the only solution I see would be willful ignorance, which I have just read you enjoy to act of research like I myself do.

I'd have you found any ancient text that mirrors your thoughts and may have a suggestion?

Never mind it was totally irrelevant to the discussion.
BTW sorcery or magik is your birthright. It's not evil. The only tell you that so you won't use it. Do use it.
Knowledge is also your birthright. Help yourself to a big heaping helping.

a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

Hi, I enjoyed reading your prose. It sums up very well the similar journey most of us are taking; the journey to know one's self.

Me? I used to hunger for investigation, research, and knowledge. I think I reached a point where I'm content to just let go and enjoy the stillness of not needing to know every little facet. There's plenty I don't know, but there's a certain harmony in accepting that to know something is not as valuable as just acting with love and joy; putting wisdom into practice.

Couple of questions: 1) this fruit, is a metaphor for what? Does it share the Biblical metaphor as the fruit on the Tree of Knowledge? Or does it mean something unique to you? What impression did you get it was a metaphor for? 2) What specifically do you perceive differently? How? Can you give any examples of a before/ after kind of thing? Or are you talking about having a more mature perspective on things?

Either way, best wishes on your journey

You are looking for Nothing.
Hope you find what you're looking for.

a reply to: dashen
Am I confused or this person can't look because if they discover something they will have aquired knowledge?

God was speaking truth into your because you were open for that truth.

without being to over burdensome to you take time over the next year to read an Authorized version of the Holy Bible. Not any other version just that one. a person of your intelligence will have no problem with the English employed. You will have to read it through a few times before things begin to make sense. Say Once every 90 days should do just fine. then after that slow down and read it through in one year, this will make your journey a two year reading assignment but the spiritual growth you will come across will enlighten your for eternity.

originally posted by: ChesterJohn
God was speaking truth into your because you were open for that truth.

without being to over burdensome to you take time over the next year to read an Authorized version of the Holy Bible. Not any other version just that one. a person of your intelligence will have no problem with the English employed. You will have to read it through a few times before things begin to make sense. Say Once every 90 days should do just fine. then after that slow down and read it through in one year, this will make your journey a two year reading assignment but the spiritual growth you will come across will enlighten your for eternity.

You just told him to read the King James Version.
This was the 3rd English translation. You just told him to read an edit of an edit.

Why?!

I guess this is better than nothing however going directly to the source seems more prudent.

a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

In your quest have you come across the Urantia Book? I think you would definitely find it thought provoking.

Link to book: (www.urantia.org...)

Well, in light of the OP's meaning and subsequent offers of "read such and such for answers and knowledge..." I'd offer that one should read Finnegan's Wake by Joyce for the answers to everything... but it takes 23 straight readings followed by one more where one uses the I Ching to find the starting pages relevant to one's personal journey for it to coalesce.

And I've had loved ones gently try to explain to me the feeling about my own constant quest, or addiction, to some relative truth garnered through sifting mass information.

Saying it's all an infinite series of masks just doesn't satisfy, but it doesn't mean it isn't so.

Skoal...

originally posted by: Iamthatbish

originally posted by: ChesterJohn
God was speaking truth into your because you were open for that truth.

without being to over burdensome to you take time over the next year to read an Authorized version of the Holy Bible. Not any other version just that one. a person of your intelligence will have no problem with the English employed. You will have to read it through a few times before things begin to make sense. Say Once every 90 days should do just fine. then after that slow down and read it through in one year, this will make your journey a two year reading assignment but the spiritual growth you will come across will enlighten your for eternity.

You just told him to read the King James Version.
This was the 3rd English translation. You just told him to read an edit of an edit.

Why?!

I guess this is better than nothing however going directly to the source seems more prudent.

First off, the first edition of the 1611 was written with the old styled English letter and not everyone can read it correctly and it takes more out of it having to slowly read it with "f for s" and other letters that are different from the best edition of that time. Plus the third edition has the apocrypha removed from between the old and new testaments the first and second had.

The Authorized version is the only Bible available today that has ALL the words of God in it. Other verions have removed as much as 22,000 words, 6,000 verses and 9 full sections.

otherwise I would have recommended another.

After reading literally dozens of English Bibles over the last 20 years I landed on the Authorized version and have stuck with it ever since. I found that I could teach any of the other versions translations from it anyway just by knowing all the meanings to the English words employed.

I hope that clarifies why.

a reply to: Baddogma

ROTFLOL!!!!!

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

Me? I used to hunger for investigation, research, and knowledge. I think I reached a point where I'm content to just let go and enjoy the stillness of not needing to know every little facet. There's plenty I don't know, but there's a certain harmony in accepting that to know something is not as valuable as just acting with love and joy; putting wisdom into practice.

You are little ahead of me in your journey. I am learning the beauty revealed to me when I remain still. I am winding down from a life of running at break neck speed 24/7, for far too long. My little ones are no longer little and have ventured out on their own. My needs are few, and though I still have commitments and responsibilities, I no longer 'have' to work a ridiculous amount of hours or run, but old habits are hard to break. What was normal for me before, has now become excessive.

I was as quilty as most, probably worse, of impatience. Every second that was not being utilized to fulfil a task, was an obstacle, a glitch, a pure pain in the a$$. I can now smile when the system bogs down or crashes, while not long ago my voice would have been the loudest, shouting at the stupid machine that just stole 30 seconds out of my day. The pure irony in this, is that my first internet experiences were brought to me at the lightning speed of a 300 baud modem.

I am learning about the things in my world that are slowly becoming visible. The mystery and magic of a world unfolding all around me that has probably always been there, but I was too busy, always in motion, always trying to catch up with tomorrow. I think I am slowly starting to learn the real meaning of the so many adages passed down over the years, and usually shared by elders and the ancients. Much of what I thought were just old wives tales or words of wisdom, sometimes seem to hold a meaning, not hidden but lost to me, because I wasn't mature enough to truly grasp the full meaning of what is being said.

I believe you are correct and I am gradually reaching the point in my journey where the constant craving for input is waning. I am slowly learning the call of stillness and I very much enjoy the harmony it brings. I have also learned that not all knowledge requires a quest, there is much to be learned in stillness and harmony and that not all knowledge was to be sought.

originally posted by: Baddogma

And I've had loved ones gently try to explain to me the feeling about my own constant quest, or addiction, to some relative truth garnered through sifting mass information.

Saying it's all an infinite series of masks just doesn't satisfy, but it doesn't mean it isn't so.

Skoal...

While I was never on a quest for the meaning of life, or anything remotely that cerebral, I agree the end result was the same. Years of sifting through a mass of information.

Most of my searches for information never rose above the level of a two year old mind, but I was just as obsessive as a genius hoping find the answer to "The Theory of Everything". I searched for answers to everyday common mysteries."Is there a species of flowers that have green blossoms when mature?" "Why does my cat decided to have a conversation with his ancestors every morning just around 2 o'clock?" "What kind of owl just attacked the birds at my bird feeder, that had a wing span that was longer than my tractor?" I was not looking for the secret of life, but I sifted through enough mass information, that it may have been there and was completely over looked for the search of the mundane.

a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

You are very good at articulating your thoughts.

I enjoy reading your posts.

Do you/have you written for a living? If not, you should.




I have found myself in a situation where my life is quiet and close to nature. This, after having worked in the city for 25 years, has changed me, a lot. For the better. There is a calmness and a growing understanding of the world around me.

a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

Oh my... I can totally relate and don't meet many people, if at all, in my every day "world" come across another deep thinker looking for the root of the tree. The very root that provides all life.

This here below I connected with in a strong way!

My driving force and my real desire is to find the source. The core. The alpha and the omega.

That is my number one desire as well. To know.. or to possibly remember this source, or this core.

Desire is the fruit/seed of all evil and the thirst for this knowledge and or wisdom may be a desire that could eat one up, if ya let it. That is with any desire, I guess.

As a child I asked why and in my early forties I am asking why. Its a never ending question.

a reply to: Daavid

Unless you include a policy and procedure manual that I wrote over 20 years ago, along with two coworkers, that were also my friends, I have never received payment for anything I have written.

I am a patient advocate. The most difficulty, yet must important part of my job, is to translate both written and verbal information, into a common language that is understandable to my patients.

It is a common mistake that is made when communicating, hearing and understanding of what is said, doesn't necessarily constitute an understanding of the meaning of what is said.
This can be an unfortunate or even possibly a deadly mistake, in many ways, particularly in a medical situation.

I was present during a discussion when an elderly patient that was observablely overwhelmed and highly stressed, was given detailed information on her proposed discharge plans to a rehab facility. The daughter and the doctor were very patient and careful in presenting the information to the patient. When the doctor asked the patient if she understood what was told to her.The patient said yes, she understood what was said. When the doctor asked if she had any questions, the patient said no she had no questions. The patient signed the choice letter and everyone seemed pleased, except the patient. She looked sad and apprehensive, so I said to her, "Mrs. Patient, did you really understand what your doctor explained to you?" She answered yes. "I asked her, do you know what it means?" She no, and became teary eyed. The daughter and the doctor both were shocked. They didn't understand that sometimes people have no problem with understanding the words they hear, but they be extremely unsure and sometimes completely confused about what they mean, especially if they are unfamiliar with the context.

It is annoying to my close friends and family, my frequent questioning of whether they understand what I am saying. If something is really important to me, I don't want them to just hear what I say, I want them to understand what I am saying. I quess what I really want is for them to understand me. Sometimes I know deep down inside, I don't care if they agree or disagree or if they think I am right or wrong. I just them to understand the why.

See, I am back to magic key. The why of it. No matter how big or small. No matter how simple or complex. For me it seems to always lead back that question I have been asking since I was two years old, "but why"?

It is not God talking to you, that is almost certain. It might be some entitiy trying to give you some speel and I feel you need to be wary about the quality of what you reeive. Question, examine the source, examine the motive, and determine if the motive is control - either now or in the future.

Those who know how to manipulate our energy fields can send us messages we interpret as "meaningful". Easy to get drawn into this kind of thinking. If I wanted to play with someone, I could think up all kinds of wise phrases to send them and get the recipient looking to me for guidance and wise counsel. Then I have got you.

I feel the real deal can only be found by going within and then knowing the quality of the communication. A wise man does not try to convert the world but supports others in their search for the truth which is an individual journey and very different for each of us. The Universe has its own right timing so epiphanies come when the person experiencing them is ready.

a reply to: ChesterJohn
When I was a teenybopper I had a Bible that had the Scripture and what it meant on the same page. Its not that difficult to find.

with all due respect to all the posters and their answers: remember that not everyone are intended to "know, see" everything.

and while many paths may be interesting the truth of the matter is that few can lead you truthfully.

surely, you can, like many; go your own way, research, learn, discover; I am just saying that you might not always like or be able to successfully bare what you might find/discover.

thread carefully.