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The shortest short story given to me by sleep deprivation and stress.

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posted on Jun, 23 2014 @ 05:39 PM
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Hey Ats this narrative piece popped into my mind in the early hours of the morning a couple of days back. I thought I would post it here in case it resonates with anybody. The story is untitled and it will take approximately two minutes of your time.


There I stood, man alone in a dark cave. Nothing to see, everything to hear. The fear overwhelming the pulsating echo of my heart pounding in the darkness. The creatures hissing in my ears, conjuring the doubts and guilt from the past. I screamed in agony, "reveal yourselves!'' silence filled the void. '' We are the doubts you created, we are the fears that you carry'' they replied. '' Let me be'' I begged '' Let us go'' they whispered...........

The end




posted on Jun, 23 2014 @ 05:41 PM
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a reply to: FreeThinkerbychoice

That was beautiful. This is the first time I've ever posted on a story thread, and thanks for this nice bit. I like very condensed stories which pack a whallop into the words and images, and you've written a good one.



posted on Jun, 23 2014 @ 05:48 PM
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a reply to: Aleister

Thank you kindly for the positive feedback. I am glad you enjoyed it



posted on Jun, 23 2014 @ 06:26 PM
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This is also my first post on a short story and I have to say that the title struck me because I am also well acquainted with insomnia, and after reading your story, I have had those same thoughts as well. Nice piece of writing.



posted on Jun, 23 2014 @ 06:40 PM
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A big message,in a small paragraph. You nailed it. I find the best words flow from sleep deprivation in the wee hours of a fitful night. Stress can create beautiful prose.



posted on Jun, 23 2014 @ 07:59 PM
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Fantastic work! That is high quality, definitely. Every word was just right.


So -- I need to ask -- when fear and doubt asks you to "let go", does it mean: "let me leave you?"

Or does it mean: "stop restraining me and let me devour you?"

I don't need an answer. Obviously, it is the latter possibility that makes it difficult to give up your fears. But if you have a definitive answer regarding your intentions for the story, I would be interested



posted on Jun, 23 2014 @ 08:14 PM
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I feel the whispered "let us go" is a quiet voice in the back of the mind that knows in order to move forward we have to let go of the fear and doubt that we have in ourselves. Reading this piece feels like it could have come from my own mind, that's how much it resonates with me.



posted on Jun, 23 2014 @ 09:35 PM
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Wonderful! Great work! Keep at it!



posted on Jun, 24 2014 @ 04:27 AM
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Very nice. I liked it a lot. I would star and flag you if I knew how and what a star and flag meant, I'm new here, but big shiney gold star to you. I was thinking about if we had (not sure what you would call it) a running story where everyone got to write a short part of the story and passed it on to a random avatar , only you only knew the last line of the previous persons paragraph, I have done something like that before with friends and also with drawing crazy creatures where you could not see the other part of the creature only where the body parts would join. Blah blah I'm raving sorry, someone will edit my writing with no good reason or explanation



posted on Jun, 24 2014 @ 04:44 AM
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a reply to: FreeThinkerbychoice

Wow! That is a great story, and all the better for being short, not because I don't want to give time to reading a long story, but because it really packs a punch in so few words.

It is going to stay with me for a while, like the best stories do.



posted on Jun, 24 2014 @ 08:15 AM
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originally posted by: JHumm
This is also my first post on a short story and I have to say that the title struck me because I am also well acquainted with insomnia, and after reading your story, I have had those same thoughts as well. Nice piece of writing.


Thank you very much and I am glad you found some sort of relation to the message

All the best



posted on Jun, 24 2014 @ 08:23 AM
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originally posted by: AccessDenied
A big message,in a small paragraph. You nailed it. I find the best words flow from sleep deprivation in the wee hours of a fitful night. Stress can create beautiful prose.


I could not agree with you any more. It is in times of deep thought coupled with lack of sleep that matter in the mind manifests at its most intense depictions of subjective conscious interpretation. Thank you for the kind words



posted on Jun, 24 2014 @ 08:32 AM
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originally posted by: Axial Leader
Fantastic work! That is high quality, definitely. Every word was just right.


So -- I need to ask -- when fear and doubt asks you to "let go", does it mean: "let me leave you?"

Or does it mean: "stop restraining me and let me devour you?"

I don't need an answer. Obviously, it is the latter possibility that makes it difficult to give up your fears. But if you have a definitive answer regarding your intentions for the story, I would be interested


Aah a very valid observation, that is the point of the story. To be in the dark, the unknown, not knowing were to go next but having the pressure of taking the leap forward without knowing the outcome. We all have these ''creatures'' gnawing at our ability to take a leap of faith, to risk the outcome of failure. The paradox comes when they whisper '' let us go'' for is it them keeping us? Us keeping them? or Them being a mirror of us that we created thus a part of us we need to come to terms with and conquer? the interpretation is meant for you
Thank you for the compliments


edit on 24-6-2014 by FreeThinkerbychoice because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 24 2014 @ 08:34 AM
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originally posted by: JHumm
I feel the whispered "let us go" is a quiet voice in the back of the mind that knows in order to move forward we have to let go of the fear and doubt that we have in ourselves. Reading this piece feels like it could have come from my own mind, that's how much it resonates with me.





posted on Jun, 24 2014 @ 08:39 AM
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originally posted by: Mura44
a reply to: FreeThinkerbychoice

Wow! That is a great story, and all the better for being short, not because I don't want to give time to reading a long story, but because it really packs a punch in so few words.

It is going to stay with me for a while, like the best stories do.

Thank you kindly. By the looks of your avatar we may be closer to each other than you think
Of kom ek se dit liewers so, as jy dit kan verstaan dan weet ons dat ons die selfde land deel. All the best




posted on Jun, 24 2014 @ 09:33 AM
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Reminded me of the supposed shortest story ever told, often attributed to Hemingway.




For sale: baby shoes, never worn.



posted on Jun, 24 2014 @ 04:25 PM
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a reply to: FreeThinkerbychoice
That is amazing... Full of depth and emotion.
Good stuff freethinker



posted on Jun, 25 2014 @ 08:50 AM
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By the looks of your avatar we may be closer to each other than you think
Of kom ek se dit liewers so, as jy dit kan verstaan dan weet ons dat ons die selfde land deel. All the best



Ja, ek verstaan maar, nee, ongelukkig is ek nie daar nie. I have lived in the UK for 8 years ago. I left not for politics or employment, but for love. But as you can tell from my avatar, you can take the girl out of SA but you cannot take the SA out of the girl.



posted on Jun, 25 2014 @ 03:22 PM
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originally posted by: Mura44

By the looks of your avatar we may be closer to each other than you think
Of kom ek se dit liewers so, as jy dit kan verstaan dan weet ons dat ons die selfde land deel. All the best



Ja, ek verstaan maar, nee, ongelukkig is ek nie daar nie. I have lived in the UK for 8 years ago. I left not for politics or employment, but for love. But as you can tell from my avatar, you can take the girl out of SA but you cannot take the SA out of the girl.


Most certainly, one can travel to the ends of the earth with home in the heart. Keep well



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