Facing My Own Mortality

a reply to: LadyJae

My youngest daughter works bouncing around the country at a good job. She is gone and staying in motels about nine months a year. Out of the three months off, she travels around to europe, India, and roadtrips in the USA. She has paid rental cars while working, and also her airfare is all paid.

She wanted to buy a car, then a motor home. We have two cars, when she is here she can use them all she wants, no insurance costs or maintenance. I told her to save her money. She can't even drive a van let alone a big motorhome, it would cost her too much to be traveling around with that while she is working. Driving across country to get to a job is foolish. Take an airplane.

Now she wants to buy land and put up a camp. She is gone all the time, Why not wait. When we are gone she will have this house. But, she wants to be in debt just like her friends are. She feels guilty that she has money in the bank.

Kids make big mistakes that they wind up paying for for many years. Why do we have to work all our lives. My grandpa worked for five years in a mine, then he bought a farm and that supported the family. Most of the time my grandparents didn't work as much as I used to work. We got conditioned to want to get ahead in the world.

a reply to: Night Star

By that time they could be strapped in debt. My oldest daughter has imprisoned herself in a mortgage, she doesn't have the reserve to last three months without losing the home. Her payments are high, we could not help her long without jeopardizing our own future, we do not want to have to go back to work again.

a reply to: rickymouse

Let her try her wings, ricky. She's trying hard to be "grown up". You and I both know that being "grown up" isn't all its made out to be, but she has to learn that for herself.

The world has moved on. What worked for our parents and grandparents, just doesn't work much anymore...period. And, yes, the "American Dream" has turned into the "American Nightmare".

Just be her safety net and let her make her own mistakes; learn her own life lessons. There will come a time when the wisdom of what you've told her will finally sink in.

J

Before I say good-night and head off to bed, I want to say Thank You to each of you who took the time to read and comment.

You've lifted my spirits and given me strength to make this heart-wrenching trip. Although Dad has been gone for 15 years now, I just lost Mom in October..barely 7 months ago. The pain is still fresh, and my heart very heavy with the thought of going back to her grave.

I don't know why I posted my thoughts here tonight, but I'm awfully glad I did. You are a wonderful group of people. I'm so very honored to have met you.

Blessings,

Jas

a reply to: LadyJae

Im glad I met you too!!

originally posted by: LadyJae
Before I say good-night and head off to bed, I want to say Thank You to each of you who took the time to read and comment.

You've lifted my spirits and given me strength to make this heart-wrenching trip. Although Dad has been gone for 15 years now, I just lost Mom in October..barely 7 months ago. The pain is still fresh, and my heart very heavy with the thought of going back to her grave.

I don't know why I posted my thoughts here tonight, but I'm awfully glad I did. You are a wonderful group of people. I'm so very honored to have met you.

Blessings,

Jas

My deepest sympathy in the loss of your Mother. I lost my Dad 7 years ago and can hardly believe how quickly the time has gone. My Mom is 90 and I know our time together is limited. My heart goes out to you. Wishing you strength and courage. HUGS!

I have been confronting those same feelings lately. Not because I am the oldest, the matriarch but because both of my parents have had serious health issues in the last 2 years. I see them fading before my eyes and I wonder how I will function in this world as an orphan and how did it happen so fast? One day my parents look the same as they did when I was 15, the next day they are frail and need more help doing the same things they have helped me do in the past. It has definitely made me realize my own mortality as well.

At 37 I have been super blessed to have both of them this long. I just always figured there would always be more time. Stupid... I know. Sometimes it's like I have slept through the last 15 years.

I too, wonder if I will be remembered in a positive way after I am gone.

I think you don't have to worry about that though... The very fact that you are concerned about it tells the rest of us that you have lived your life with that thought in your mind for more than a few years. The ones who never wonder, may be the ones who need to ask.

I think most of us worry about the legacy we will leave behind. We don't want to be remembered for making the world an uglier place. There are enough of those people as it is now. You have brought children into this world and loved them into adulthood. That legacy speaks on it's on. Add in the friends and extended family you have touched and I don't think you need to worry. Truly. I think we touch more people than we realize outside of our immediate circle too. They just never see us again to say so. I have met people like that... More than a few times.

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

I too, wonder if I will be remembered in a positive way after I am gone.

Gawd, who doesn't love the ruex?????????

I for one would remember you fondly. You have shown much of your wisdom and compassion through your many posts.

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

I too, wonder if I will be remembered in a positive way after I am gone.

Gawd, who doesn't love the ruex?????????

I for one would remember you fondly. You have shown much of your wisdom and compassion through your many posts.

You are probably in the minority, but I love you so for that and many other things you show of yourself here. Your legacy will be showing more compassion than most people ever dreamed of. I am absolutely sure if it!

originally posted by: Night Star
originally posted by: LadyJae

My deepest sympathy in the loss of your Mother. I lost my Dad 7 years ago and can hardly believe how quickly the time has gone. My Mom is 90 and I know our time together is limited. My heart goes out to you. Wishing you strength and courage. HUGS!

Thank you, Night Star.

Enjoy every second with your Mom that you can squeeze out. Time passes much too quickly.

HUGS!!

J

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

Thank you, Kanga

One day Mom was well and cooking dinner; the next day she was gone. It was literally that quick. No warning, no chance to say Good Bye.

To borrow wise words from a friend in answer to your own pondering: The ones who never wonder, may be the ones who need to ask.

I think each act of kindness, no matter it's size, is like a ripple in a pond.

Now, I'm off to finish dressing. Its almost time to leave.

Blessings,

J

originally posted by: LadyJae
I think each act of kindness, no matter it's size, is like a ripple in a pond.

Now, I'm off to finish dressing. Its almost time to leave.

Blessings,

J

Thank you LadyJae. I love the ripple in a pond analogy. I think we humans often underestimate the effect we have on others whether positive or negative. I have literally run into people in the grocery store that had that special smile. The one that is contagious regardless of how I was feeling when I saw it. They have pulled a smile from me when I thought it was damn near impossible to do.

It's the little things in life. Truly. I feel a sadness for people who go through life never realizing that. Granted... I have my moments as we all do, but I can't imagine living without being able to see the beauty in the smallest acts of kindness.

My heartfelt sympathies go out for the loss of your mom. I think, we as women form this bond with our mothers when we are grown with kids of our own that we wouldn't sell for all the money in the world. To lose that is beyond devastating.

Hopefully both of us will have many more years creating those ripples in the pond of life.

a reply to: LadyJae

Be happy that your descendants will leave tokens of love on your graves. My family wouldn't bother visiting. They've already left me for dead.

a reply to: LadyJae

Thank you as well, for if people like yourself did not take the time to reply to me I would feel as if I did not help at all.

I get the feeling from the way you wrote your post that you are a caring person and most likely have made a positive contribution to many people's lives.

Most of us will not have monuments or statues build in our memory but will only be remembered by people we have interacted with through our short lives here.

In retrospect there are many things I wish i had done differently raising my 5 children and am sure that my parents felt the same way. I tried to to my best to instill into them what I felt they should know and I hope some of it sticks.

I think the hardest part is that it's tough not to get caught up in your own life and making decisions instead of doing what's important for your kids. I think a lot of times you get so busy living your life and the kids are just along for the ride.

I have also been thinking a lot about the same things you have and hope when I am gone I will just be remembered for something good.

Thank you for the refreshing, down to earth post that shows me some members have real feelings, common sense and a grasp of reality on here.

originally posted by: LadyJae
I've wondered if I have made a difference in the world; or at least my little piece of it.

I'm pretty sure that's exactly what most of us are supposed to do.

a reply to: LadyJae

Youre welcome, ma'am. Ive been there and am still there a bit lately. I think we really dont have any idea how many people we come across and influence in our lives and in what ways. But, we do. As Im sure you have.

The older I get...instead of dwelling on your subject here? I just go through each day and try to do or learn one new thing...no matter how insignificant it may seem, and I try and help just one person in some small way each and every day.

In just those two simple things, Ive made a difference. As a songwriter and author, Ive often said...I may not write the great song, or the best book, or changed the world in any noticeable way...but Ive always tried my make a difference in a little way for someone, somewhere.

a reply to: LadyJae

First, you are a wonderful matriarch, I am positive. You have grown into the role, and know best now how to be that for everyone close to you.

Second, yes, it's a bit frightening wondering if you did well in life, scared you didn't leave a mark... I have worried of that too.

But I will say dear lady, you made a difference in my life. A real one, its a debt I'll never be able to repay, but I will pass on to someone else if I can.

All my love.

a reply to: LadyJae

The Aztecs had a saying that "death was merely the awakening from a dream of having lived". I'm not one for visiting graves very often - I don't believe they're there to be visited. We carry the "departed" with us everywhere we go, and as long as they remain alive in memory, they are never truly altogether gone.

When it's our turn to pass through the veil, they'll be waiting there, a welcoming committee of sorts, and it may not be until then that most of us get a glimpse of the differences we made, when they can tell us face to face.

Every act of kindness has an effect, a continuing effect. You liken it to a "ripple in a pond", but I prefer to think of it as a butterfly flapping it's wings in Yucatan, and by the time that slight disturbance makes it to my house, it's fed off the energy around it and intensified into a rainstorm. The butterfly in Yucatan will never see it, nor know of it, but it makes my flowers grow all the same, whether the butterfly knows it or not.

Each acts according to their own nature, and just as butterflies do what butterflies do, you keep on doing what you do. You DO make a difference, and the differences you make will last forever. The differences we all make will outlive all of us, so endeavor to make them the best that you can.

a reply to: LadyJae

"DEATH BE NOT PROUD" (John Dunne)

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.