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originally posted by: intrptr
a reply to: Rodinus
Rearing children is as international as ATS is, I think. Don't feel left out. My pre teen nephew has just been suspended for fighting with three kids in one day at his school. The love he received for that was a trip to Disneyland.
Fighting with three kids = Disneyland.
originally posted by: beezzer
a reply to: Rodinus
Rod, is your child your first?
My wife and I are both college educated. We are well spoken and have been successful in our careers. So when we had our first child, we thought we were well prepared.
Instead we ended up raising Hannibal Lector.
So when we had our second child, we knew right away to break his spirit and to keep him beaten down always.
(I kid, of course)
But, your Sister or Brother took your nephew to Disneyland after fighting at school or was it off school grounds?
I tend to try and discuss/explain situations with him, but now he knows that it doesn't matter what I say as he can always run to his mum as she will always give in.
Without a combined front on discipline (those little talks) there is no unity in his mind and no need to change. He becomes confused and rebellious.
I am actually in a very difficult and frustrating situation.
I can tell you that your wife is purposefully dividing the family to rule through the chaos. Manipulation as a means of control is a result of fear of rejection at its base, I think.
She is afraid that you don't love her, jealous of the love you have for your son and in denial about her insecurity.
She may be shallow and self serving, mindless of others feelings as long as she is in control. A control freak.
It plays out like this. Your son misbehaves in some way and when you try to help him understand or lay down the law, his mom will tell him, aww thats alright, don't mind him, he's just a mean crazy old man ( or some such). That last part is out off your earshot.
This enamors him to her and divides him against you. It is by intent and lowest of low manipulation. She is using your own child against you.
It took me decades to discover this about my own mother. I still have the fallout influencing what I do and the pain behind it. Mostly because the control and manipulation were secret in a family that ran itself by secrets, keeping them from each other and the wider world.
Maybe go to counseling by yourself?