posted on Mar, 18 2014 @ 10:30 AM
Today in a stunning announcement from the Pentagon, Authorities stated they will immediately commence operation “Chick Lift” as a reprisal for
Russian interference in the Ukraine.
US Army Major General Stoner went on record saying,
“The plan calls for the Immediate evacuation of all 'Hot sexy Eastern European Babes' from the Crimea region. Thereby removing President Putin’s
reason for invasion.”
As a response Stanislav Biryukov: director of the Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR) of the Russian Federation announced in a public radio address,
“Elements of the GRU Spetsnaz. Special Forces have been dispatched to the American Midwest with orders to capture and return with as many 'Girl Next
Door' types as they can land their hands on.
Sadly that mission was a failure when the CIA caught on to us and switched the girls for Justin Bieber and Piers Morgan. A horrible blow to our
national pride to be sure!”
When asked about the the British plans to recover their citizen 'Mister Morgan' the Ambassador was quoted as saying,
“What... Are you high?”
Canadian officials can't stop giggling long enough to make a statement on Mister Bieber's fate.
Meanwhile in Moscow, President Putin has vowed a quick and decisive military response if the West goes ahead with their plans to embargo shipments of
Bikini Wax to the Russian Federation. Claiming yet again the Americans are behind this heinous plan to create immense suffering and chaos among
In a related story Miley Cyrus announced her intentions to hold a Twerk for peace concert which is secluded to take place in the subbasement, third
level, of the West Hollywood public works department building this Saturday. Free admission and 'trash bags' will be available to all residents who
present a current city water bill at the gate.
edit on 18-3-2014 by HardCorps because: (no reason given)