Headlines on the day 'Before' the start of WWIII [March2014]

Today in a stunning announcement from the Pentagon, Authorities stated they will immediately commence operation “Chick Lift” as a reprisal for Russian interference in the Ukraine.

US Army Major General Stoner went on record saying,
“The plan calls for the Immediate evacuation of all 'Hot sexy Eastern European Babes' from the Crimea region. Thereby removing President Putin’s reason for invasion.”

As a response Stanislav Biryukov: director of the Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR) of the Russian Federation announced in a public radio address,

“Elements of the GRU Spetsnaz. Special Forces have been dispatched to the American Midwest with orders to capture and return with as many 'Girl Next Door' types as they can land their hands on.

Sadly that mission was a failure when the CIA caught on to us and switched the girls for Justin Bieber and Piers Morgan. A horrible blow to our national pride to be sure!”

When asked about the the British plans to recover their citizen 'Mister Morgan' the Ambassador was quoted as saying,
“What... Are you high?”

Canadian officials can't stop giggling long enough to make a statement on Mister Bieber's fate.

Meanwhile in Moscow, President Putin has vowed a quick and decisive military response if the West goes ahead with their plans to embargo shipments of Bikini Wax to the Russian Federation. Claiming yet again the Americans are behind this heinous plan to create immense suffering and chaos among Russian men!

In a related story Miley Cyrus announced her intentions to hold a Twerk for peace concert which is secluded to take place in the subbasement, third level, of the West Hollywood public works department building this Saturday. Free admission and 'trash bags' will be available to all residents who present a current city water bill at the gate.

reply to post by HardCorps


If only the "negotiators" would learn to apply like humor across those "bargaining" tables.

To them its so serious, if they smile its because they one upped their "opponent".

Cocksmanship is hilarious.

reply to post by intrptr


They do say, there's never a good reason for going to war.
unless someone messes with your 'Hot Chicks' and Bikini wax shipments...
Then I say 'Nuke The Bastards'!

JK, no matter how you look at it it's just more stupid macho grandstanding and chest thumping.

Comedy gold!
Second

That's pretty cool man. No matter where you live, "babes" will always be the most important "resource". Oh boy I'm getting into dangerous territory here cause I think I just objectified every woman on the planet but I just meant to say they are important! Lol! When I was a young teen (15-17) I used to think that the reason there were so many wars was because a lot of men, especially in certain nations, aren't "getting any". So you have all these pissed off men out there f***in sh** up. Yeah I didn't really have a firm grasp on how the world works when I was a teen... it made sense at the time, being a horny teenager and all. I just figured, if you're gettin some, then what reason would anyone have to want to fight on that level of intensity? Lol!

reply to post by Ranong


I don't really know what is so funny about people dying in the Ukraine, and Crimea. I certainly don't see the point of a joke thread about it. Callous, heartless, and more evil than the people who may be controlling what is going on in the first place, over there, in my book.

reply to post by 3n19m470


I wouldn't worry to much about 'Objectifying'

it was my wife who gave me the idea in the first place.
we were watching the morning News and snorted something about how Putin wouldn't be quite so eager to takeover if the region wasn't we'll known for it's Sexy Eastern European Women.

Next thing I knew we were cracking jokes about how if we took all the hot babes out of the country he'd just give up and go back to his Very Flexible Olympic rhythmic gymnastics girlfriend.

If anyone was 'Objectifying' it was my wife, when I asked
"What about the Black Sea Fleet?"
and she just rolls her eyes at me,
"Oh Please...Men like him are not motivated by things like ships... He has his mind on another kind of 'Big Gun..'"

Ya know... She may be right?

Sexism and silly celebrity references set in the present day, framed by the real possibility of widespread war.


Uhh-HYUCK


(Not one sentence in your "comedy" was funny. Or tasteful for that matter. Better luck next time.)

reply to post by Aqualung2012


I see you worship the same musical god as I. Akerfeldt forever!