posted on Mar, 3 2014 @ 07:58 PM
I'm unsure whether or not this post belongs here, but I don't really care. This is another Ukrainian based thread, but it's oddly metaphysical as
well. It's such a cluster of material that I'd rather just stick it in general chit chat to avoid confusion. I'll start off simply, I just don't
seem to care.
That's the problem, I find that I don't see the point in caring about the things I have seen today. Over the past few weeks I've watched the
Ukrainian revolution spark and ignite within the East and looked upon it with a calm, unimpressed gaze. People are out there fighting the greatest
battle of their lives, human life is being thrown away as if used toilet tissue, and liberty casually fizzles out. The world looks on in awe, excited
and galvanized by its new source of entertainment; yet, here I am, watching as the situation delves into chaos with the least amount of care I've
ever fostered in this chest of mine. I don't seem to care.
Maybe that's the problem. I just don't understand why this event is any more or less significant than the Arab Spring, the Occupy Wallstreet
Movement, the averted Israeli unilateral strikes on Iranian Nuclear facilities, Blossom Goodchild light ships, the Syrian conflict, the Libyan
conflict, 2012, Scotland's possible secession, the dips and possible Market Crash that's always just around the corner, and every other little thing
that has gone on over these past few years. I wonder, maybe I don't care anymore.
Is that a problem? Is there only so much a person can take and process as a truth seeker until the truth no longer interests them? Or, maybe, it's
something else. Could I be able to identify a sham event that is meant to rile my emotions and create some sort of fear/love dichotomy that
perpetuates the systematic progression of this reality I'm confined to? I doubt the last one, because the answer is probably found in an explanation
The problem? The problem may be the fact that we've hit a singularity of negativity and strife that my being no longer attempts to process it or
react to it. It has become, maybe, the status quo. I find no more excitement in my game as I place my hand in the wolves mouth knowing that it will
not bite. I've seen so many near misses that I have come to find the idea of a direct hit to be nothing more than a fable, some fairy tail conspiracy
theorists tell one another to soothe the pangs of insomnia and paranoia. Is that what this has all become? Has the suffering of others become my hope
for change or revolution worldwide? Maybe, maybe not. It could be that that was a truth at one point in time, but I have now stepped out of such a way
of thinking to see the sinful nature of my perverse desires. Pornographic images of collapse and apocalypse are just that, self indulgent fantasies
that kept me moving forward blindly from day to day.
Problems...I have problems accepting that I was hooked on the idea that chaos would bring salvation. Someone else's suffering or sacrifice would
always make the world more interesting, more vivid, more worthy of my attention. That way of thinking is a problem, and I'm not so sure I've
completely shed that skin. All I know now is that I don't feel anything when I watch as Russia invades Crimea. I don't feel anything as Ukrainians
die left and right under a broken regime full of corrupt politicians. I don't care as Russia docks a ship off the coast of Cuba. It seems as if I'm
done caring, or better yet, participating in the cycle. Some would say this is me evolving, becoming more. Others would say this is me stroking my own
Problem? It could be both, or neither. I don't know. What I do know is that this feeling of abject emptiness and apathy is new. I look upon this
situation and feel nothing, not even that perverse excitement that would have lit up my week not but half a year ago. What's happening to me? Am I
burnt out? Am I changing? Am I growing up? Am I becoming more immature? Am I going back to sleep, or am I waking up for the first time? I wonder, is
it a problem?