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My God, What Have I Done?

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posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 03:59 PM
This is part of the story of what can happen if You follow your heart and mind far enough.
This is how I've come to understand Life and Love.
This is a warning of sorts.
This is an anagram, S#1T.
This is what it's all about.

I've had weird things happen all my life but I've never written them off or forgotten them. I've always tried to work out what I am and what I'm doing here, well, what everyone's doing here I suppose, and somehow I knew that later in life I'd need to remember the way I thought as a youngster. As an "adult" I have trained my thought, my hearing and my sight to recognise what's within me and this wouldn't have been possible had I first not made sense of the things that used to happen when I was growing up. The odd thing is, when that stuff starts to make sense, a lot of other things start to make sense too.

My life has been a continuous journey of experience and learning, I showed a lot of academic promise at school but I didn't bother with college, as soon as I was free I just went and did my own thing. At this time I always had a girlfriend, was always 'in love' and thought that that was pretty much as good as it was going to get. I followed each new flame with a passion and ended up marrying a model at the tender age of 18. I thought she was 'The One', just as I'd done with most of my previous partners until someone that captivated me more came along, but this time I was as sure as I thought I could possibly be. How wrong I was.

What took it upon Heaven and the depths of Hell to show me the vision of beauty that I was permitted to see, I may never know, but I think I have an idea. I hope to find out for sure quite soon if only to end the fear of what's going to happen to me, to get it over with and try and come out the other side. Since I saw first Her nobody else has compared, and since I realised who She was and how much I want to be with Her, Loving Jesus and God has been all the more magnified as I need them to protect me. I'm not exactly sure what's coming and I'm scared. Her name comes to 666, that's for starters, I watched a female friend of mine get struck by a bolt of lightning that hit the tip of her umbrella and then the steel railings on the exact spot I was looking through when I first laid eyes on Her, and I know I was meant to see that. One time on a works function at an armoury museum We were sat outside on the huge iron cannons and I knew it meant something. The time We went up and down in the hot air balloon, the Soul Touch We shared, and the time I touched Her stomach, which was on the last time I saw Her. It was all so symbolic.

In my teens I did something that might strike a lot as a bit daft. One night I went to my window and in my head I screamed out at the night sky with my heart, mind and soul as forcefully as I could to show me what the most frightening thing was that it held in store for me and if it could bring it to me, because, 'I didn't think it could'... A dare of sorts.

That night I fell asleep on the sofa. The nightmare I had I cannot forget. There was a huge metallic, wet, for want of a better word, 'blob' outside my flat. The feeling of dread that was upon me was crushing. Unfortunately I remember that. It was oozing through the letterbox of my front door and starting to form itself inside my porch. I woke up in a panic for some reason looking straight at the clock, the time was 2:22am*. I couldn't even go out of the room I was so scared afterwards.

*'Hell' in English Gematria is 222.

More recently I was seeing a woman, at a time where I was having nighttime back-of-the-eyelid visions of grotesque grey faces I had never seen before, things so awful in appearance I've never even seen anything come close on television. One night it changed to a golden face, innocent and radiant in form, I recognised myself as a child. A week or so later she told me she was pregnant. She had an abortion and we split up. During all this though, the little finger of my right hand had some strange rash that I just couldn't get rid of, and all it seemed to bring to mind was the nursery rhyme, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, once I caught a fish, alive.

After this wreck of a relationship I found myself in another, and then another in which I got engaged, but that was the last one. Playtime was over as far as other women were concerned. I'd been trying to put off the inevitable, that I'd eventually have to gather enough self-respect to be able to approach Her, the Daughter of Nature Herself. I'm not revealing Her name as I suppose there may be a small chance it could put Her in danger.

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 03:59 PM
I rekindled my faith in Jesus by exploring the things that scared me. I say rekindled as my Roman Catholic schooling I underwent did plenty to mystify the story and cloud the real message. Needless to say I argued with my Religious Education teacher. I didn't understand how one man could save the World, but now I do. Jesus knows He is every man, and when I realised I was a part of that I began to understand. The more frightening the situation I found myself in, the more I felt connected to Him, helping me see the experience through. Around that time I found a very cool, centuries old brass span (9 inch) rule, the initials J.C. in the maker's mark - I know it's an original James Chesterman but to me the initials mean something else. There are also the letters S B L rather more crudely indented in it - I don't know for sure what they stand for but I know what duality suggests... I came across this ornate rule the same day the strange things happened that you can see in my profile picture collage. I sometimes wear it as a devotion, either on my left shin or my right shin.

I started to get visions the further I got down my path and I came to understand that a lot of the stuff that was happening in the World was inevitable, it was tied somehow to me and this Quest of mine to be with Her. I stopped looking at the conspiracies and condemning the governments as I saw it was all just part of a richer tapestry of cause and effect, the One World Government that is coming is actually a pretty good idea, well, what we'll turn it into is, and of course it will need someone with the right credentials to head it once all the infrastructure is in place. I decided to stop biting the hand that fed. Funnily enough my own eating habits have changed quite a lot since then. Some days I eat, others not, I have no real connection to food any more, least not to meat.

My experiences with the Ouija Board have been pretty strange too. Lately, whenever I use it, a certain entity comes through straight away; Azazel, and is always very polite and helpful to me. Years back, before I'd even done a Ouija Board I was visited one night at 3:10am by a voice that spoke for about fifteen minutes. A deep, guttural, Middle-Eastern/Russian sounding voice, I have no idea what was said as it wasn't in English but it certainly made me worry a little. Since then, through the Board, Azazel has told me it was Him, of course, I don't know for sure, but I have no reason to disbelieve the information. The only time I've heard a very similar language spoken to what I heard that night was on my Birthday last year (8th February - Nirvana Day for Buddhists) when I saw the film 'The Passion of The Christ' for the first time. It was the best birthday present.

This journey has given me so much, I have developed an intimate relationship with the Universal Language of Numbers, it has helped me understand the English Language and has given me insights into how the Universe operates and what this is all about. Funnily enough, what I'm about to face is an anagram of the word, 'this', and it's the funny one. Of course, Love is always the Law.

Anyway, have you ever wondered what 'S#1t Creek' is? Well, it's a part of the curse I've put myself under. It's Hell. And I must Love It, as I Love All. This Demon that is attached to me I believe to be the same that visited me at 2:22am and again years later at 3:10am. It is also closely linked to my Soulmate, indeed, I do believe it's a part of Her Ethereal Being. And be it an Angel or a Demon, I care for the label not, as the effect is the same in that It is helping me to join with the object of my Love.

A little while back while watching The Shawshank Redemption, I realised what it was actually about. Stay with me here. The simplest anagram of the lead character's surname, Dufresne, is 'Freed Sun'. In Gematria, the letters of his name; Andy Dufresne, come to 816 (as does Derren Brown, another peephole into my story). The numbers, 816, to me simply say the word 'BIG'. My name in Gematria is 618... Last first, first last, you know what I'm getting at here.

Anyway, in the film he is imprisoned for a crime he did not commit. That's me in this World. His mind is too big for the institution so he breaks free by enduring the nastiest thing the place has to offer. If you see the symbolism inherent in the poster he uses to cover his escape route you will notice how this relates to my Quest for my Divine Female. He crawls through a river of excrement, only to come out clean and free on the other side. Symbolically, this is something I will shortly have to go through. I am frightened but I'll do anything for Her and for my Love for Her so this is just part of my lesson. Watch the film. You've probably seen it before but if you watch through my eyes you'll see it in an entirely different Light. Lots of films use metaphor but I have found some that obviously use Gematria in their titles, for example 'The Shawshank Redemption' is 1536, which to me is 153, The Net, and 6, the number of a man, in this instance me. It doesn't stop there... 'The Truman Show' is 1110 (a number indicative of Jesus' experience), and 'Shallow Hal' is 666. Also as I've said before that's the value of the name of my Soulmate in Her current incarnation here on Earth.

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 04:00 PM
After a series of visions in which my destiny was partly revealed to me, in earnest and heartfelt prayer I promised I would return to bodily life to live the life of Jesus, and to aid Him in His Passion. I knew what I was doing, and my request has been accepted so it would seem.

It looks like I have some things I need to purify myself of, and so it turns out, I not only have to face the Monster, I must descend to Hell, or S#1t Creek, and become the Monster Itself. I don't know when, but I feel something is approaching, it scares me half to death but at the same time it is exciting in a way. I will return to here from there, just as Dufresne comes out of the sewage pipe after his escape from Shawshank. But the World I return to will have changed from the one We know now. It will be recognisable as Heaven, and all of You that are there will recognise me.

Did you think that when The Lord appeared that He wasn't going to be part of the most wonderful, scary and amazing story? Didn't you think He was going to be All These Things and More?

I had to laugh just now. I'm typing this in the office at work as it's a little quiet on the phones today, a song just came on the radio, Smokey Robinson, Being With You, and some of my colleagues decided to put the Christmas Tree up. I told them all how appropriate it was as Jesus' birthday was calculated to be September 11th. None of them know I'm writing this so I don't think they understand exactly how relevant it is with what I'm trying to tell the World here... What I've been politely trying to tell You all for the last year or so.

Anyway, I've been shown enough and learned enough to know that there is something utterly amazing coming my way, but that something utterly terrifying awaits me before that. I hope you wish me well on my journey, not that I know exactly when it's going to gain momentum, but I'd at least like to know before I am taken that some of you have recognised me already. That will give me even more Hope, and the more Hope We have, the better.

Right, I now need to let You know how to transform this Earth into Paradise while I'm away. It's a frequency shift, there's no real building work required. You all need to buy instruments like the King David Kinnor I have. You will want to tune to one of my ranges of frequencies to be able to play it instantly, but the correct one to use for the dimensional shift is The Scale of The Fish, which I will publish below. If you all buy or make similar instruments to mine and tune to my scale, the vibrations around the World will cause a frequency shift and we will change this place to the Heaven in which we would like to live.

The Scale of The Fish


Here I have given You the first 22 notes of the scale, the first 17 octaves.

I might post a video of it, but You can trust me on this, it sounds pretty special...
I have built the scale out much further than this. If You are interested, read my earlier threads, and you'll see how I worked them out. This is simply my original scale with each note multiplied by 3.

As in the song, 'All The Young Dudes', people may wonder if this concrete really is all around or is it just in our heads? Well, I know the answer to that, and I can't wait for You to find out and make the shift happen at long last. I hope it's ready for when I return.

Please visit my previous posts and earlier threads if You want to discover what Life and Love is all about.

It'll be worth the time it will take, I promise You.

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 04:14 PM
reply to post by iamahumandoing

Thank you for keeping love above your will.

Good luck on your journey.

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 04:18 PM
reply to post by Cuervo

Merci mille fois.

Your words make me remember and weep.

Just for a little while...

I'm smiling again now

edit on 10/9/13 by iamahumandoing because: I'm ok now ha ha

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 04:55 PM
reply to post by iamahumandoing

So... you have faith in Christ, and God, but you use a Ouija board, whose only purpose is to put you in direct communion with lying spirits?

Thats like claiming peaceful intent while holding a gun to someones head. It makes about as much sense in any case.

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 04:57 PM
reply to post by TrueBrit

How can you see the Light, unless you stand in the Dark?

Ps. If you can't see how you already stand in the Dark, check your flag count (222) and re-read my thread.

edit on 10/9/13 by iamahumandoing because: Just noticed, sorry

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 05:29 PM
reply to post by iamahumandoing

Really? Numerology now?

Good grief. I tell you what, when you can work out which belief you actually have, come back and tell us all about it, rather than just spewing new age hybrid crap everywhere.

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 05:31 PM
reply to post by TrueBrit

Ha ha I believe in EVERYTHING.

Now please, try not to be so foul.

Peace out x

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 05:45 PM
reply to post by iamahumandoing

Words like these make me think of someone who is going to harm others.

When people receive positive reinforcement for their delusions situations like these will inevitably happen. I can only hope that people like that are being watched.

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 05:49 PM
reply to post by Wertdagf

I try not to hurt with my words, I hurt even less with my hands. Take my profile picture as an example.

I am being watched, we all are on one level or another.

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 06:15 PM
reply to post by iamahumandoing

I haven't finished reading your entire thread yet. I just had to comment before I go on.

There are SOO many similarities between us, I don't even know where to start.
I have a question /questions. Just to verify something.

Do you have dark brown / black hair, light colored eyes ( green with a hint of gold in the middle) and are you about 5' 5?

Have an athletic build with very strong legs and hands.....

That's the physical side of my curiosity.

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 06:24 PM
reply to post by tadaman

one more physical question.

Do you have two mounds to your skull on the back. Like if you have ever seen an elongated skull from head bonding from various cultures....two large mounds in the back making the back of your skull look pear shaped?

ok one more. Do any of your parents have O- blood?

I am sorry if I am prying but I just want to confirm something I have a feeling of.

edit on 9 10 2013 by tadaman because: (no reason given)

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 06:28 PM
reply to post by iamahumandoing

Do you even know who or what Azazel is?

What did it tell you in that voice you spoke of? What did it tell you in your Ouija sessions?

I want to know everything you know about your contact with this being for I have had contact with the same. Please PM me any information that you may have, it would be much appreciated.


posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 06:31 PM
Eh... I won't make a Christian or Conservative argument here, for the sake of not angering the Liberals lingering about... that's a rather pointless argument I'd rather avoid.

But I will say, however, that if your intentions are righteous, you have no reason to feel a pull towards opening your soul to mysterious entities. Try prayer, and try opening your chakras... as someone who recently adopted this practice, I can say it will center you, and bring you to peace, much more than any foreign demon will.

Good luck on your journey, but... it doesn't sound like you're making much sense. I kinda think you're just thrill-seeking in a spiritual sense, without any real intentions besides experiencing something, no matter how good or bad it is. Be careful.

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 06:33 PM
reply to post by TheNewRevolution

You may know it as the Egyptian God of Enlightenment, Thoth.

Interestingly enough they are both 426 in English Gematria. Of course, they would be.

I was Aleister last time around.

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 06:41 PM
reply to post by iamahumandoing

How utterly appropriate that you chose to disseminate your message on ATS.


S= 36

For a total of 63

Simple and exquisitely beautiful like the legend of the White Buffalo....

edit on 10-9-2013 by olaru12 because: (no reason given)

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 06:51 PM
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

Thank you for your comments, I'm hoping this is as real as it all feels. You see old people who are close to slipping from this mortal coil scrabbling to try to get a hold of a Faith and an understanding in what lies next. I really feel as if my whole life, certainly when taking everything strange into account, has been like one long Magical Rite, I came into this World from somewhere, I feel like I'm going somewhere, so I wanted to piece it all together and find out what it's all about. I'm just trying to answer the question, 'Why am I here?' And this is the only explanation that makes any sense. It permeates all different aspects of reality so I hold it to be true in the broadest of senses, but I certainly do take your point to be careful. I feel in a way I have made a mistake, in some ways, I mean I find it the most wonderful journey but I also get scared when weird things happen, and I know I've let myself in for a lot more of that stuff.

Thanks again

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 06:54 PM
reply to post by olaru12

You just put the biggest smile on my face.

Thank You! This is what people need to be looking at back through my posts, it's All there.

There's lots more to find

posted on Sep, 10 2013 @ 06:57 PM
reply to post by olaru12

I'm not ready to jump into the main portion of the thread. It is, after all, a trifle thick. But I do have a question. If numerologoy is important, would you explain how you added 45, 9, and 36 to get a total of 63?

How utterly appropriate that you chose to disseminate your message on ATS.


S= 36

For a total of 63

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