Global alert levels

This is meant as a joke people

It in no way is meant to offend, please take it in the spirit intended.....................................

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.



The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.



The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.



Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”



The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”



Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels..



The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.



Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Cody

The Irish military has gone from "8 pints of Guinness" to "Now I could do with a real drink or 20"



I'll leave the American military to the rest of you

reply to post by Maxatoria


Where do I sign up

Cody

reply to post by cody599


I have seen loads of version of this same joke

Some really long ones as well that are just too funny

thanks cody

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.

And in the southern hemisphere...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!"

reply to post by Neysa


Genius reply

I genuinely burst out laughing at that , the in the
other cubicle at work was all

Thanks
Cody

reply to post by cody599



Wish I could take credit for it, but I snagged it from another site.
Happy to make you lol, though. I owe you a few.