6 months to live...and not a clue what to say

My best friend since I was 13 years old (33 years now) told me last weekend she has 6 months to live if she was
lucky.

She has been fighting breast cancer for 6 years. Beat it once. It came back. Beat it again. It came back this time with a vengeance. She had spots in her lungs, her bones, and her spine. She has been undergoing chemo and radiation this time for 8 months. This past weekend she told me her cancer has spread to her spine and her liver and the doctor told her there is nothing else they can do. It is too spread throughout her body.

I stood there as she told me this in shock. I did not know what to say. I hugged her and said "that is B*llsh*t no one can tell you when you are going to die. Then I said, "I could get hit by a semi driving home from here". That is crap!!

I was angry. It was not the reaction I thought I would have. It was not appropriate.

She lives about 5 hours away from me. I get to see her once a month. I cannot bear the idea that I will only see her 5 more times.

This is unreal.

I told her (after I processed it all) that I wish I could take her pain and worry away. I wish I could make it better. I told her all I could offer her is to let her know I am here for her 24/7/365...just a phone call away.

It just doesnt seem like enough. I feel so helpless.

If LIsa leaves me, I know my heart will never recover. I feel so selfish. She told me the day she gave me the news all she wants is to live until February to watch her daughter graduate from college.

February..that is 5 months away.

I now look at everything with her in urgency. Time it goes too fast. I want more. She is my sister from another mother. She gets me. She always has. I have aspergers and I am "quirky" she loves me quirks and all.

What do I say?

Part of me wants her to do something amazing for her daughter...like help her make videos or write letters. But that feels like I am giving up on her. But If she truly has 6 months...we have to get busy.

How do I suggest to her I can help her with her wishes...help her fulfill them after she is gone...without giving up on her?

Oh this sucks so bad. My heart is truly hurting and breaking.

I feel so freaking selfish but she is an amazing person and the world needs to know about her, her daughter needs to know her stories from the past, and her grandchildren deserve to know their grandmother they will never meet.

What do I do???

reply to post by k21968


I am very sorry to hear that, I always worry that the treatment is worse than the 'cure'.

It sounds like you are doing just fine by her, she is lucky to have you for a friend.

The only thing I would say is to keep it in context and not let your empathy drain you, you have a life too. Kinda harsh to say but it happens a lot, especially with people who are really close.

It is OK for you to not know what to say.

Your friend has most likely already accepted death, given her multiple brushes with it already (facing a possible death sentence more than once).

Soon it will be time for her family and friends to accept it as well.

There is always a slim chance a cutting-edge breakthrough will emerge before then (new human trials, etc.), but it would be naive to count on it or demand it (to insist on beating nature).

Just remember that she's already been through more than most can relate to. She's already had to come to terms with things that many people don't even think about in their daily routine.

Tell her you love her.

And if you can't stand seeing her five more times, see her fifteen more times.

Be there for her unconditionally with all of the love you have for her. Many of us don't get any kind of warning when we lose someone. I am sooooo sorry to hear about this, I hope you guys can make as many awesome memories as possible!

The tape idea is a great one, but turn it around and get your friend to record as much as possible. There are stories and memories that she possesses that can never be replaced. Suggest she write letters to those future grand babies.

If possible, go stay with her for a month and count it as an extended sleepover. I am sure that she could use her friend right now too. Most of all don't mourn her yet, enjoy her life.

Just my 2 cents, these are things that I wish I could have accomplished with too many lost loved ones.
I wish you love and strength through all of this.

reply to post by k21968


Understand that there is a fine line between making a dying person feel loved and making them feel guilt about leaving you. Make sure forgive her for this and to both have a full understanding of what is to come.

The irony here is that she is trying to live long enough to see her daughter graduate from college yet you are dreading your friend graduating from this incarnation.

I don't want to leave you with empty platitudes or tell you the usual "she'll be in a better place" lines but it is important for you both to understand that this is an opportunity for growth for both of you. You are very fortunate to know this is coming as many lose loved ones without any sort of reconciliation.

I hope you make peace with this soon and can move beyond it being a hurtful memory someday.

Sending prayers and love your way...

The real truth about death: we live forever.

You and Lisa can rendezvous in Heaven.

I recommend that you read a book written by Rebecca Springer called "Within the Gates" (formerly titled "Intra Muros")

It is one of my favorite books and it will give you strength during times of grief.

"Within the Gates" (formerly titled "Intra Muros" after the Latin for the same phrase and originally published in 1895) is the remarkable account of author Rebecca Springer's experience of being taken to Heaven in her spirit while her body lay dying and unconscious for several weeks. This is an excellent book to give to grieving family members.

The copyright has long since expired and the PDF can be found here and here

During a very severe illness, Rebecca found herself alone with no one at her side and needing comfort turned to Jesus. Jesus was at her side and led her to the "promised land" where she was taken to visit relatives and friends who had passed over.

Her description of several "mansions" that have been prepared for the newly departed is very comforting and one realizes that we are just a "heartbeat" away from the other side.

The "refreshing water" from the lake where one is renewed and refreshed after passing over is very illuminating. Within the Gates.

"Within the Gates" (formerly titled "Intra Muros" after the Latin for the same phrase and originally published in 1895) is the remarkable account of author Rebecca Springer's experience of being taken to Heaven in her spirit while her body lay dying and unconscious for several weeks.

Springer recounts in vivid detail the things which she saw, heard and tasted in Heaven. She also talks of family and loved ones with whom she was immediately reunited with. She describes meeting Jesus (the Master) for the first time and His incredible love for all of Heaven's inhabitants, as well as His concern for those still on Earth. She describes the heavenly mansions and dwelling places and the way that nothing in Heaven is impure or corrupt. "Not an atom of debris, nor even dust, was visible anywhere," she describes.

She explains how Heaven's inhabitants are frequently engaged in missions or tasks that are an extension of God's callings and gifting in their earth-life. She recounts how artists, musicians, authors and speakers all practice their skills regularly, honing them to perfection with the goal of continuing to use them for God's honor throughout eternity. She even describes her experience of corporate worship at a heavenly temple, and recalling how there were no churches or denominations in Heaven, just one faith for all. Intra Muros

Within Heaven's Gates (radio drama theater version) I know this doesn't include everything in the book for to do that the video would have to be 5 hours long. I just highlighted and picked out some of the best scenes of her vision.

Also check out Kat Kerr as well:

GOD HAS REMOVED THE VEIL BETWEEN HEAVEN AND EARTH!

If you have always wondered about Life after Death, this is the book for you ! It will Amaze, Delight and give you Hope for Eternity. Don’t just read about Heaven; ‘see’ what it has to offer those who choose to go there by accepting Jesus as their Savior (John 3:16 & 17). You will be surprised when you learn what God has prepared for His people.

Kat Kerr was taken by the Spirit of God on tours of Heaven for over ten years and has now been commissioned to reveal what she was shown. Two scribe angels were assigned to assist her and they have also delivered the ‘Foreword’ for the book, which is a profound message from God! She not only visited Heaven, but was shown visions of many things that are about to take place on earth. We are entering into a ‘Holy’ season of Heaven being released on earth – it will change life as we know it!

www.robinbremer.net...
www.abovetopsecret.com...

Revealing Heaven Audio Book Vol 2
www.youtube.com...

www.fourwinds10.net...

Do you think she would try a different method of trying to rid herself of this cancer?

I think this would be worth trying, what could it hurt?

Pladuim

[snipped]

I'm very sorry that you and your best girl are having to face this battle. It is heart-breaking. You aren't a selfish monster for not wanting to lose her. You are a loving friend.

Don't let her give up hope.

say goodbye to a true friend
and try to be happy that at least you had the time for a proper goodbye
not a lot of people get that chance

Originally posted by greencmp
reply to post by k21968

 

The only thing I would say is to keep it in context and not let your empathy drain you, you have a life too. Kinda harsh to say but it happens a lot, especially with people who are really close.

right at this moment and for the past week I can honestly say it is draining me. I can do her no good if I am not my best. Thanks! I needed to hear that. You are right, I still have a life to live, but every time I do something I think "lisa cannot do this..."...it makes me very sad.

Originally posted by xszawe
say goodbye to a true friend
and try to be happy that at least you had the time for a proper goodbye
not a lot of people get that chance

You are right. We are fortunate we know the end is coming. But knowing her days are limited is truly tough. Kind of like a death row inmate knowing his execution date is coming. It is torture for her. It has to be.

Originally posted by PrincessTofu
[snipped]
I'm very sorry that you and your best girl are having to face this battle. It is heart-breaking. You aren't a selfish monster for not wanting to lose her. You are a loving friend.

Don't let her give up hope.

[snipped]Then we laughed some more because we realized how nerdy we truly were.

But I told her about this!! Thanks for the article. I am emailing it to her as I type!!

Originally posted by Pladuim
www.fourwinds10.net...

Do you think she would try a different method of trying to rid herself of this cancer?

I think this would be worth trying, what could it hurt?

Pladuim

Thank you! i sent her this article as well.

She replied that I needed to face facts but if I wanted her to eat maple syrup she would.

reply to post by Murgatroid


Your response made me cry. In a good way. Thank you so very much.

I know there is a heaven. I know I will see her again someday. I just am selfish and want to keep her here in hell with me for a little while longer.

reply to post by k21968


If I may suggest an idea ?

Each of you write a diary every day or so about your feelings, and love, and life in general, and swap them for each other to read and add to.

Then when you meet you can share your feelings, pain, love, angst, and laugh together once more.

Just a thought


Cody

Originally posted by woodsmom
Most of all don't mourn her yet, enjoy her life.

Just my 2 cents, these are things that I wish I could have accomplished with too many lost loved ones.
I wish you love and strength through all of this.

That is what I truly want to do...enjoy her life ...but I have to get past my selfishness first in order to do that and I dont have much time. UGH

Jesus.

I can't say much to help. Be strong for her, I guess.

Since I don't pray, instead I will meditate on this.

reply to post by k21968


You guys should go visit a fam member or friend in a legal state. Seriously worth looking into.

Originally posted by cody599
reply to post by k21968

 

If I may suggest an idea ?

Each of you write a diary every day or so about your feelings, and love, and life in general, and swap them for each other to read and add to.

Then when you meet you can share your feelings, pain, love, angst, and laugh together once more.

Just a thought

CODY!!! That is an amazing idea! THANK YOU!!

Cody

Originally posted by bigfatfurrytexan
Jesus.

I can't say much to help. Be strong for her, I guess.

Since I don't pray, instead I will meditate on this.

Thank you that means very much to me.