How Many of You Have a REAL Friend?

reply to post by Char-Lee


Trying my pictures again

reply to post by Char-Lee


That looks like a quiet place to spend time in. It's really nice. I would have it full of different varieties of vegetables Speaking of, do I spot a few vegetables here and there in a couple of pictures? Or are they all ornamental?

Originally posted by Hefficide

You know, it's funny... A few years ago my life fell apart. Everything went wrong all at once and the people who I had chosen to surround myself with, for roughly a decade, were gone so fast and so totally that they might as well have been shadows or ghosts.

But then a funny thing happened.

Friends who I had not heard from in years suddenly popped-up out of the woodwork. People I had not talked to at all would just appear and say things like "I've been following your Facebook feed for years and now it seems that you are down. What do you need? What can I do?"

Then, much to my surprise, I realized that there are people here... avatars and made up names on a screen... who turned out to be incredibly loyal and real friends as well. Amazingly loving and compassionate people who truly helped me pick myself up and out of the pit of despair i had sunk into.

I'm not an emotional person really, but just typing these words has my eyes kind of misty.

So, OP, to answer your question. Yes, yes I do have real friends, all over the globe. And I thank God for each and every one of them every single day of my life.

Misted my eyes too. I feel scared of people, I am afraid of anyone who seems loving and compassionate, I have learned if it seems good it will hurt.

We moved every few months after my Father died when I was 7 until I married at 15. I went to several schools a year and never made a friend. Having friends from grade school to adulthood must be nice.

I wonder why your old friends came back, why were they there only when you were down do you think?

You know, it's funny... A few years ago my life fell apart. Everything went wrong all at once and the people who I had chosen to surround myself with, for roughly a decade, were gone so fast and so totally that they might as well have been shadows or ghosts.

THIS I understand, even the nice people at the bank did not talk warmly to me anymore, but I went from a million a year to wal-mart wage and I asked not a penny from my Ex. I let my 30k car go back when I owed only a couple thousand on it had just bought all new tires, I had paid 20k down on it! (I was not in my right mind did not even think to sell it, it was brand new)
Then bought an old clunker. I starved and went without everything even turned off the refrigerator, guess my new life style was to much for everyone. But I may have skipped the bout with suicide if there had been at least one shoulder to cry on.

I am going to be honest, as I always am, one of my extremes that makes me less likable. The truth is people don't like me, I am odd, I don't DO any of the things other people do, I think differently and always have. I have extremes in morals with no religious leaning or affiliation. I am to caring and I am sensitive and suspicious now since my divorce, opinionated for sure!

I don't watch sports, drink, swear, smoke, shop unless necessary, flirt, watch movies with nudity or anything I feel is not appropriate for me, I am vegetarian, my hair is to my ankles, don't follow any styles, ....name it...I don't tell others not to and honestly don't care that they don't do what I do or not do what I don't, but if asked (and it always comes to that doesn't it) I give always my straight opinions.Tell me where would I find anyone who likes me...I read...a ton I don't think there is anyone like me.

I love nature,gardening, hiking, biking, painting, sculpting,reading, cooking, I don' mind being alone.My sense of humor is a little childish silly, I joke and laugh a lot, could drive a person crazy, Lucky for me I met a guy who seems to adore me been 19 years now.

Can't help who we are can we, I mean the things that are really important to us or not?

Sorry guess thinking on my OP I am getting to worked up didn't mean to go on and on,probably feeling sorry for myself actually, thanks for commenting.

Originally posted by jeramie
reply to post by Char-Lee

 

That looks like a quiet place to spend time in. It's really nice. I would have it full of different varieties of vegetables

Speaking of, do I spot a few vegetables here and there in a couple of pictures? Or are they all ornamental?

There are some eatable stuff many are wild things you can eat from our area. Many herbs, we have blueberries, huckleberries, salmon berries, blackberries, elderberries red current and salal.

We have a green house but there is to much moisture for food plants of most kinds out of the green house. Nothing grows as far as root crops, we have to many trees, and to short a growing season, radishes are it. My onions are just pretty and you can get all the green onions you want but nothing forms under the ground.

I grow every type of lettuce and leafy greens year round until this year all winter it was to dark nothing much grew.
I try tomatoes every year can't give up, but they never make it! they form and then get mildew or the season is over and no light.

We love being outside and eat all our meals outside in the summer and even a lot in the winter on the covered porch.

reply to post by Char-Lee


Radishes are good. I like growing the white icicle variety (the few times I have had success with a cool weather vegetable), not only because they are pretty, but because they grow up to around 5 inches long and still only take around 32 days or so. You basically get double the radish and only have to wait a few extra days. You might be able to get by with growing beets for a little over a month and have yourself a bunch of baby beets. They are delicious when they are that size. If you like beets, that is.

There was this one variety of tomato that I grew a few seasons ago. It was bred specifically for short seasons. It's the Red Robin variety. The plants only get about 8 inches tall, and the tomatoes are about 1 inch in diameter. They only take around 50 days to grow from planting to harvest, so maybe that would be worth a shot if you're in a hardiness zone that won't allow you to grow any other kind. Grow a whole bunch of those and you'll have plenty of cherry tomatoes, at least.

My wife and I are planning on moving somewhere that has a more mild climate, partly so I can grow things such as broccoli and other cool weather crops more easily (and mostly because we're sick of the HOT summers in Central California!). It's kind of frustrating because we have two seasons: hot and cold. And they switch from one to the other in a matter of weeks. So, when it's time to plant cool weather crops, it's too hot for them to sprout, then it suddenly switches to too cold to sprout. I can grow plenty of heat loving vegetables during the summer, but I would love to be able to grow all year round.

reply to post by jeramie

We have tried the beets, we get wondrous leaf and nothing on the bottom at all.

That is funny we are Ca coast and we have wished to be farther in to grow the warm weather food! Still I hate the heat. Broccoli we never can get to grow, it either gets a tiny head then seeds or gets white mildew! I have seen people grow all these things when they cut their trees which we won't do. So a sunny are could grow a lot...I thank you for the tomato name i willl see if i can get them!

reply to post by Char-Lee


Ooooooh, beautiul garden!!! Hell,I'd hang out with you there anytime.

reply to post by Char-Lee


You're welcome! I hope they work out for you if you give them a try. I don't have any seeds anymore, or I would offer to some to you. I did find an ebay listing for them, though. At least you know you can get them there, if no place else.

www.ebay.com... 2ec5e49cf6

reply to post by Char-Lee


It all depends on one's definition of 'friend'. I don't have anyone knocking on my door everyday, looking to do things together (thank gawd!). I get enough of people when I'm working or just going to the store.

However I do have what I consider a friend. When I go outside for a smoke he bothers me with sports talk for 5 minutes, and then I bother him with science or current events for five minutes. When he's flat broke I make sure he gets everything he needs and he always pays me back. When I'm short $20 for the week he's always there with it, and I always pay him back on my next payday.

Originally posted by Char-Lee
I am curious as to how many people have a REAL friend at least one, the kind that is there through thick and thin, who knows you well and still likes you for who you are?

That would be my husband. He's my best friend. We are soul mates.
Everyone else just comes and goes ...

I used to have a bunch of 'good friends' .. but then I got chronically ill and they got strange.
(healthy people don't like to be around sick people ... and some of them were
too busy yelling at me that I wasn't 'being sick right', so I dumped a few of them as well).

** Side note .. apparently 'being sick right' means that you have to be cheerful and happy
and accept all the crap that comes your way .. and do so without even the slightest dent
in your faith in God happening. :shk: ugh ...

Originally posted by jiggerj
reply to post by Char-Lee

 

It all depends on one's definition of 'friend'. I don't have anyone knocking on my door everyday, looking to do things together (thank gawd!). I get enough of people when I'm working or just going to the store.

However I do have what I consider a friend. When I go outside for a smoke he bothers me with sports talk for 5 minutes, and then I bother him with science or current events for five minutes.

When he's flat broke I make sure he gets everything he needs and he always pays me back. When I'm short $20 for the week he's always there with it, and I always pay him back on my next payday.

I would guess that would be a neighbor then? Sounds actually like a pretty good friendship, not many people will give you a loan! Thanks for your imput.

reply to post by FlyersFan


Well...

(healthy people don't like to be around sick people ...

This is true I know but if it were truly a friend they would be there helping I would think. Wonderful for you to have a soulmate! I think that is a one in a million at least!

My husband and I do everything together and we are really close but I know he has changed himself drastically for me, he is not the same man he was before I came into his life, so I have to wonder, am I with the true Jim or is this wonderful guy just an act for me. that is sweet in itself I guess but I keep thinking if I was gone he may find someone more like he was before me and be happier.

Thank you all so much I feel like I am getting Dear Ann Landers, advice and it really helps me see things better.

reply to post by jeramie


Thanks I went ahead and ordered those, I would die for a REAl tomato again! Really cute plant!

reply to post by Char-Lee


You're welcome. Be sure to save the seeds from your harvest. That way you'll never be tomatoless again!
Some sources state the Red Robin is a hybrid, which was true when it was first introduced, but it is to the point now where it actually reproduces true to type, so no worries there.

Hmmm... a deep question indeed.

I've been a loner throughout my childhood... and an angry deviant one at that.

Never had friends growing up. Not until the second half of my time in high school. I got jumped, bullied, you name it... and it molded me into the evil girl I am today.

Oddly, the impossible has happened, and I have a wonderfully perfect fiance, and a bunch of friends--and honestly, I am overwhelmed. I made a habit of hurting people around me, simply because that's how I thought things worked. People hurt me, and I hurt them.

But at age fifteen, I started meeting people who didn't work that way. People who actually showed love and support to those close to them. It REALLY messed with me for a while, because I ended up being really mean to them on accident. And I never realized it. I was just being myself. Angry, hateful, rough around the edges.

But now, I have a lot of people I love and care about, and I have no idea how to be a good girlfriend or a loyal friend. I've only ever had to be an enemy. Not a friend.

Granted, there are a lot of things about some of my friends that I can't stand. But... if I can say one thing about all of them, they are fiercely loyal (most of them). Its mind boggling, how loyal they can be. Honestly, it scares the hell outta me. They do a lot of things that don't exactly scream "friendship" .... but most of them are relatively decent people... sort of.

Its hard to explain.

POINT being, I'm not sure if I have any real friends, because I haven't yet allowed myself to become close to them. I don't trust anything this good... a wonderful fiance, and a bunch of friends? Uh-uh. Something's wrong here. Nothing's ever been this good for me before. Why would it start now?

I guess I have no idea.

Can I tell you something about the garden?

It is gorgeous! For me to enjoy something like that I'd have to either go far or pay to see it. You sound like a wonderful person who has been around some douchebags and if we were friends, I'd frolick in your garden til you get sick of me! I can understand where you are coming from. Over the years the number of friends I had started dwindling for some reason or another. I stopped partying to settle down. Boom, half my "friends" right there, because they cant be a friend outside of clubs or sober. Then I moved. More friends lost, busy lives. Where I live now, people around me seem so materialistic, ignorant, shallow, inconsiderate, and terrible with kids. My only friend in this area is an 85 yr old woman who can outwalk me, she puts me to shame

I just stay with my husband and child. My mom is the only friend I have. I thank my lucky stars she is still around. I gave her so much hell growing up and now I cant keep anything from her. She doesnt judge anyone, and although it took years for me to grow up and mature, she was so patient and has the greatest heart I have ever come across. Thats my only friend.

It sounds like you put so much work into your art and garden. I appreciate it from here

I have many friends, but not any real friends who i can confide in. I did have but she was killed in a car accident we were involved in. There is one russian friend however whom i do trust. Its weird because people seem to come to me for help or advice for some reason unbeknown to me. But yet i keep quiet

I have ONE TRUE FRIEND, Mike, I've known him for about 30 years now, his family lived across the street from me when I was a kid, he is 10 years older then me, and we didn't become friends til I was in my late teens.
He has been my friend thru some really bad times in my life, when my own blood family disowned me, he was right there. His kids are like my nieces, when I had my heart attack, they all made me cards hoping I got better. As a matter of fact, his kids are co beneficiaries on my life insurance along with my son.
We really have nothing in common, except we are okay in each others company. He laughs every time I talk about ATS, ghosts and UFO stuff.
It's almost like we are brothers in a spiritual sense.

reply to post by FlyersFan


Swap a few things in that response and it would have been almost exactly what i'd have written first!

To be honest, I have always preferred being alone! I have never been short of friends growing up but when you find yourself longing to be alone and generally just not interested in all the drama that comes with friends, then that is very telling! and to be honest it's supply and demand, if you stop giving them things or stop being at there every beck and call then they pretty much become strangers very quickly, so I don't think they were ever what I'd personally call a 'friend' to begin with!
I think a lot of people have an anxiety about being alone or looking like a loner etc I mean take a look at facebook, it's like the school popularity thing never left a lot of us and we carry it on in our adult life!

Now my partner, to me is the only true friend iv'e ever had! My soulmate in every sense of the word. My best friend and someone I can share every aspect of my life with and would sincerely miss her company if she wasn't here! she's the only friend i'll ever need, and I like it that way, it works!

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

Thank you for responding!

But now, I have a lot of people I love and care about, and I have no idea how to be a good girlfriend or a loyal friend.

I guess this is true of me too because i wouldn't believe they were friends. I am totally loyal to people i care about but what difference does it make if it is all one way?

Interesting how we all respond different to the same kind of things. I have never been able to be mean so i am a pushover and always the target, to survive I withdrew, into learning, reading, watching, thinking, daydreaming.

Anyway sounds like you are in a good place now congrats on that! Maybe not the Psych Shawn/Gus or Lucy/Ethel thing but friends