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It's Happened... My First "Old Man" Injury.

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posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 04:47 PM
About an hour ago, I posted this to the much wondered about and discussed in hushed whispers "moderators only forum". Proving that we're just as vicious there, as everyone is out here... One of the staffers praised this just enough to convince me to make it public.

Of course I do so pretty much knowing that he's salivating at the ridicule I am about to receive!

My philosophy? A man who can't laugh at himself, truly doesn't have depth enough to laugh at anything! So, for your approval... the story of my real life afternoon. It appears here, as it appears there, with just a bit of cleaning on some of the more colorful terminology.

It's Happened... My First "Old Man" Injury.

Putting it here because, well I have to tell someone and there is no way that I am empowering the people in my real life with this sort of humiliation material. ( Writers note: And yet here I am, doing exactly that, just a short while later. But I said I'd post what I wrote in the moderators forum... and that is how the story started when I posted it there )

I remember when I was a teenager, maybe 14 or 15, the most hilarious thing in the entire world happened. My mother broke her ankle walking. That's all she was doing. One step, two steps, three steps, broken ankle. Now, I am not a sadist, nor a demon child. I felt bad, helped her out... even drove her to the ER without being legally allowed to drive yet ( My father was a drunk who would drag me with him on his outings - so I knew how to drive when I was about 7 years old because I would end up having to drive him home ).

But after they got the cast on her, and some pain killers into her system? That is when it struck me. She broke her ankle walking! The comedy ensued from there. How, I kept thinking to myself, does one mess around and break stuff when all they are doing is using that stuff in the way it was designed to be used???

She would have been about 40 at that time and, for the love of God... From my POV she was Mumra the ever living. FTR, now that she's 72 and even meaner? I am POSITIVE that she is Mumra... but that's another rant for another day.

So.... about two hours ago, I was sitting here with my legs crossed - for about 2 or 3 straight hours, when I decided to get up and refill my glass of fresh, tasty, southern style sweetened iced tea!

As I stood-up, I realized that my left foot and most of my leg felt like it was asleep. But big deal? I've had that feeling ten thousand times without any issue. So, I did what I always do. Stand, pivot, work around the chair, walk.

I made it two steps past the chair. As I tried to move my left leg for step number three? It just wasn't there. That " a bit asleep" feeling had gone into full on totally asleep. My brain and my nerves said "Sir, your foot is now lifting, feel free to step forward. And, as always, thank you for being my life support system.". My conscious mind replied by saying "Okey dokey! It's a go!".

My foot said "Forget you. I can't feel a damned thing. I quit."

But it didn't say it until the rest of my body was already deeply invested in the whole "moving forward" deal.

It is hard to explain but I had this weird moment where I was trying to interpret the strange signals that were racing up my body. It took a second for me to understand that my foot - which all systems were assuring me was at least an inch off of the ground - was, in fact, busily crashing and burning on the floor. My toes were in the middle of the process of being bent fully back as my body went ahead with plan "A" and my foot had frozen out in an abort procedure that never got CC'ed to the command post.

The fact that my entire leg was violently tingling, from being asleep, and was basically numb to pain did not help at all - as it totally postponed any reaction that an active nervous system might have allowed me. By the time I finally figured it all out, and got the upper 98% of my body to stop moving forward - I was standing with the top of my foot bent underneath and touching the carpet - strangely angled off to the side and away from my body.

In that instant, even without an ability to feel pain, my initial thought was "Yeah... that's a sprain". And I laughed because walking on the wrong side of my own foot is pretty darned absurd. It honestly went down like that shuttle crash from the beginning of the old TV series "The Six Million Dollar Man" - at least that was the thought that came to me as I was still standing on the wrong half of my foot - trying to figure out the proper and logical way to proceed.

Now? Now it's about three times as large as it should be and a funny purple color. I'm thinking that I might well have followed Mumra's example... and broken my own ankle walking.

I've done the heat/cold/ice pack thing, and wrapped it. The problem is that I honestly do have a really high threshold for pain. It hurts, but it's not like excruciating. Then again I broke my wrist a few years ago and refused to believe it was broken because the pain wasn't bad - and only went to the hospital because other people kept freaking out about how ugly it looked.

I guess if it's still purple later on tonight, or maybe in the morning? I'll go have an X-ray.

I hurt myself walking...

A long time from now, in some nursing home, I am going to have a moment of lucidity and recall this as the moment when the downhill slide really gained momentum.


This is traditionally the point when the younger alphas all line up to attack the Silverback. So, on my one good ankle - I await the attack.

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 04:57 PM
book your place in the old age pensioners home now bud and get used to the smell of wee again its a bit like being a baby again

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 05:01 PM
You think it hurts now, wait til tomorrow. They'll be things hurting, that you didn't even know were hurt.

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 05:07 PM
pssst i got a fit granny want me to hook you up she comes with a zimmer frame

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 05:08 PM
First lets start with working on your "old man injury" excuses, Ill share a few of mine, you can take which ones you like....

Darn that twig.

The cat/dog almost killed me (even though their no where to be seen)

Shiny glare from almost anything, t.v, the sun, etc,.

Keep something in your pocket in case someone actually sees the fall, and drop it before anyone noticies, this will dull the laughter from others.

There are plenty more, but you get the jist.

Good luck, and get off ATS sometime

Peace, NRE.

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 05:16 PM
Sits down to read your story. Straightens back. Twinge of pain in lower spine. Stretches out left leg. Dull popping sound from his knee.

So, whats this thread about again eh?

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 05:49 PM
Hey Heff,

Don't feel bad, we're about the same age and every morning I hear "snap", "crackle" and "pop" and it isn't my breakfast talking to me. On the bright side, the only thing I've broken was a big toe with a full beer keg. Don't ask.

Take care mate, it gets worse

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 05:54 PM
LOL. I can relate perfectly to the hilarity of an injury obtained while walking. Some years ago we were all springy and would laugh at the rickety knees and ankles (due to basketball injuries) of our friends just a few years our senior, in particular one friend who gained 30 pounds within two weeks of the season ending and 50 within the month and had a hard time hoisting himself out of cars. He was temporarily like a beetle flopped on his back at 19. Another friend broke both of his ankles in one play in a summer league game when he was only a freshman in high school. His own crossover buckled the right, his momentum carried him through the plant and flailing jumpshot attempt, the left lifted off the ground just high enough for the defender to slip his toes underneath the foot as he landed. Casts on both legs, in a wheelchair. It's funny even though it shouldn't be. That's the only time I've ever heard of that happening, and that was a young man. A coach showed up to practice once on crutches with two black eyes. He had tried to demonstrate a standard pivot to some youngsters, twisted the ligaments in his knee, lost his balance, and toppled over onto his face, breaking his nose. Although I can picture it happening, it almost sounds impossible. LOL.

A question though what is the approximate age span between acquiring the mythical & coveted grown-man-strength and it subsiding into old-man-frailty?

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 05:55 PM
LOL LOL LOL, I do enjoy your writings!

but….. I have similar sentiments to NRE, old age seems to be only an excuse.
further I think, you did not “hurt myself walking… ”

I would say you hurt yourself way way earlier by causing symptoms showing up in your left leg which you ignored for quite some time. then the lack of exercise, the lack of care, no time taken out to go inside and be deeply harmonious and wholesome…… etc etc , no?

and todays accident is only the tip of an iceberg. and for goodness sake’s go get it checked out sooner than later. I don’t trust much in doctors, but they do can fix bones to a certain extend.

have you looked into the message spoken specifically from your ‘left leg’?

then again, who am I to say all these things, my 'left knee' is also in havoc.

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 05:56 PM
not that much of an "old man" situation. it could have happened to anyone. good read tho
star and flag

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 06:45 PM
OBAMACARE mandates you now be referred to death panel. Death panel will decide if you get to live or must be eradicated from human race due to weak old man ankle. Good luck. I'll write the overlords a letter stating we still need you.

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 06:54 PM
Wow, I gotta say that is some of the best writing I've read in awhile. You certainly can engage a reader even over a silly circumstance.

Kudos to you...and sorry about your little mishap...

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 07:01 PM
I am fortunate enough to have an ER nurse that lives next door. Her husband saw me limping out to feed my cat, asked if I was OK, and then sent his wife over to check things out.

She is of the opinion that it is a fracture - and possibly a bad one. So I've broken down and called the cavalry. In this case, my younger sister, who happens to live about 6 miles distant ( She and her kids are the anchor that keeps me in the wonderful and adventure filled environs of South Atlanta. ). She is going to try and get me to the ER tonight. If she cannot manage the logistics then either she will take me in the morning, or I'll attempt to drive myself.

FTR: I insisted on driving myself to begin with, but the fact that I have a manual transmission seems to be something that others are concerned about. The fact that I could drive it effectively with two broken legs and in handcuffs seems to be irrelevant.

To the poster who asked the age spread between man strength and losing it to old age:

My paternal grandfather was a walnut grower. He died in his late eighties and, until the last month, or so, of his life he used a pole with two buckets on it to water at least 2-3 acres of his orchard ( His "private" stock - the trees nearest his home. ). Even when I was 15, large for my size and tough as they come, and he was in his late eighties? Dude could have thrashed me at will. Nicest man you'd ever want to meet. Truly an inspiration ( One day I'll possibly write a story about his life here. There is quite a story to tell. ) - but he did not suffer Tom Foolery for a second.

To the poster who asked if it might be an underlying issue ( paraphrasing )

I am currently 46 years old. From the age of 12 or 13- until my mid thirties I was very actively involved in what people now call "Extreme sports". I free climbed rock faces, skateboarded and rollerskated on ramps, mountain biked, raced ( and wrecked many ) street motorcycles ( My saddest moment? Dumping and killing an RD 400. God I loved that bike ), I surfed, fought, jumped from cliffs for fun ( another potential story... the last time I jumped off of anything. A bridge in Arkansas that was probably 120 feet high, into a river, filled with debris and about 10 feet deep. You only do that once and walk away totally over your love of jumping from high places ), oh and parkour long before I knew there was a name for it.

In short? There really isn't a part of my body that is not previously injured in some heinous way. When I was younger I'd have just duct taped something like this ankle injury and kept on going.

The irony of course is that 30 years ago folks would say that my mind might be damaged, but my body was in great shape. Now they say "You've got a sound mind, but your body is jacked up!"

edit on 2/17/13 by Hefficide because: The most bizarre typo I have committed in awhile. How did that D get four words over???

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 07:14 PM
I feel your pain. A few months ago, while in and out of sleep, I stretched my foot and ankle and felt a burning sensation. It was painful enough to wake me up fully , and it took me a few hours to get back to sleep. Next thing I know, the next few months would be spent with random burning, catching and pain while walking.

I have had bony sprains in both ankles, so I have issues, but the physical therapist tested me and finally explained the cause of the problems I have been having. I have hypermobility in my joints. My tendons are super-stretchy. One of the tests involves being able to touch the thumb to the forearm (some people call it double-jointed). Anyway, there are a few more tests, but I passed most of them with flying colors.

So I am very prone to joint injury. Are you a pretty limber guy? I only ask because it can cause problems later on.

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 10:25 PM
reply to post by Hefficide

When I was in my late 30's,I had torn the calf muscle in my left leg.
I remember my doctor telling me that was an injury common for
middle-aged people.I wanted to smack him in the mouth for that one.
Calling me a middle-aged woman while I was still dressing like a teen
and listening to metallica.

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 10:43 PM
Sounds to me like you need to call "Mumra" and say you're sorry for laughing at her all those years back. Or at least tell her your story so she can choose to laugh back at you now. You know that's the right thing to do. Plus I'm sure that is what Karma is telling you.

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 10:49 PM
Probably as painful as 'Homer' missing the jump at Springfield Gorge! All I know is when you described the injury and the way you describe it, I think I may have fractured a molar gritting my teeth ! Since it's an 'old man' injury, I suggest the 'old man' remedy, Whiskey, lots of Whiskey! and if that doesn't work, More Whiskey, the pain may not subside, but your tenous grasp on consciousness will make the pain non-sequiter !

posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 11:19 PM
reply to post by Hefficide

Yeooowch! I actually just cringed at my monitor reading that....

Glad you sought medical advice though, it does indeed sound rather painful and major, especially considering your recent problems with your feet.

A similar thing happened to a friend, who tore his groin just getting out of bed, and wound up being immobile for about eight weeks. He was about half your age too.

Anyway, most likely inappropriate, but this may cheer you up a little.

posted on Feb, 18 2013 @ 12:59 AM

Originally posted by Hefficide
In short? There really isn't a part of my body that is not previously injured in some heinous way. When I was younger I'd have just duct taped something like this ankle injury and kept on going.


Staples and Hot Glue

posted on Feb, 18 2013 @ 01:02 AM
reply to post by 74Templar

Hey, I know that floor! What a great floor! Helpin me out with all that gravity an stuff! Rock on FLoor !

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