OMG!!! Is this for real??

reply to post by SoulVoid


Your wife sounds a bit like a sociopath. You say postpartum depression, which of course can be very real..but to me it sounds like she is an extreme attention w***e (and please don't take that in the bad way..I was trying to think of a nicer term but that is all I could come up with). This is evidenced by how when you were finally making your break from her during your split, she started again with trying to reel you back in. Without maybe even knowing it herself, she must have your attention on her in any way..be it positive or negative. The fact that she had an affair should be the only answer you need. You will have to extricate yourself from her life but remain firmly rooted in your daughter's. Barring some crazy circumstance like lightning strikes her and she suddenly becomes a different personality, she absolutely will not change. She knows you are crazy for her and will do all you can to stay and she will use it against you. The saddest part is, there is a little girl involved that needs two parents, not just one. Two loving parents, anyway. Do not let this woman drive you from your child. Stay a part of her life, but distanced from the mother. She needs to know you are doing all you can.
Take this from a girl whose father left both of his kids to be raised by a single mom, and then has spent my entire adult life bemoaning his decisions. I am now 34 years old and barely a phone call goes by from my dad as he goes on and on about woulda shoulda coulda. The fact is, he didn't and that is not going to change for anything. So don't be that dad who backs away. Be your daughter's knight in shining armor. When you focus on her, you will start to understand the problems of the mother will fade.
Hopefully she won't pull a psycho and make up stories about you to keep you away. Good luck!

reply to post by SoulVoid


I'm sorry to hear of your situation,but your wife sounds like a peal piece of work. Just don't give her another chance.

Sir: Listen up. Every bit of advice here is good. Make the break. Keep in close, close INVOLVMENT with your daughter (notice I dont mean CONTACT with?). STAY INVOLVED. Break away, go thru this...hard as it is...and youll be the better for it.

A lot of your other symptoms can be depression based...see a Doctor too. Tell him/her what youre going thru.

Its always darkest before the storm. Jsut carry a very large UMBRELLA!. You can make this break and be there for the daughter.

And quit beating yourself up over things in your life you have no control over.

Lets us all know how youre doing. A lot of us have been thru this as your are now.

Peace.........

Damm, This hit the spot...

Originally posted by digital01anarchy
reply to post by SoulVoid

 

Sounds like a classic i only want someone who doesn't want me type of person.

+1

File for joint custody of your daughter so that she cannot prevent you from visiting. Keep track of every single dollar spent on our kid. Keep good records. Find a job. Volunteer at a food bank or someplace that needs it until you do. Rebuild you life as slow as it takes for you. Eventually you will be back on top of your game. Be prepared that that is when your ex will attack/swoon you. Resist it, because you will doing it all over again if you go back to her.
Time will heal your heartbreak.

your title was irresistable and your story worthy, i feel that your wife is no good for you and i can only echo sentiments of earlier replies that is whatever you do, do it for your daughter! i hope that you resolve your problems and you get what you want. when life throws you lemons make lemonade! PEACE!

Originally posted by bastet11
reply to post by SoulVoid

 

Your wife sounds a bit like a sociopath. You say postpartum depression, which of course can be very real..but to me it sounds like she is an extreme attention w***e.

Possible. She may also be Bi-Polar.

My ex-mother-in-law was a serious case of Bi-Polar. For some reason men are attracted to her because her HIGHS are so high. Her energy is off the charts. But then she drops so quick - - the man thinks he did something wrong.

My advice is always: You have to be ONE before you can be TWO.

If you are not independently stable - - - marriage is not for you.

I have to thank you for posting your situation. The same all happened to me starting 12 years ago with the exception that when TSHTF I hired a lawyer and got a very good custody/visitation schedule, which basically ruled the mother to stop messing around with the emotions of my daughter and myself. When you have a “stipulation drawn up, MAKE SURE the WORDING in EACH paragraph specifies EXACTLY what you want. This hasn’t stopped the mother from breaking the rules but when she does I have the option to take her back to court for contempt, which I already have three times. When I feel an “episode” coming on, I carry recording devices along with me to prove my case. I WISH I was smart in the beginning and had done this, but we live and learn.

The mother is bi-polar with tendencies to “flip out” and lie about things out of the blue. Even cut herself on her arm once while we were together to try to have me arrested. I am lucky I knew the police in my town that also knew the stories of her whole family being crazy. The police incidents were many mainly because I walked away from her ranting and gave up on listening to her lies.

Things between us have been great for close to year now. No episodes, no court,
It was a lazy Saturday and I had fell asleep at 6pm watching TV. I woke up and saw more then 10 missed calls from her mother, stepfather and herself, not explaining what had happened but just to call them back over something important. So when I called back at 10:30 at night, her stepfather answered and started to tell me the story of how my friend’s father (who is in his 80’s) threatened my daughter.

My daughter said that her neighbor (my best friends father) who they live a few houses up from, threatened to “shoot” her and the friend she was with when their dog a (Pit Bull) got loose and ran into their yard and was barking at my friends father. He was working on trimming the bushes in the yard and apparently had grabbed a stick shooing the dog away. I have known these people for over 30 years and know there one the kindest well-mannered families I know. When I first heard the story coming from her stepfather (the same guy that took my good hospitality back stabbed, and cheated me). I thought this has to be another one of the mother’s evil plans again. Then her mother got on the phone with a despicable tone in her voice and said “where were you while your daughters life was being threatened”! and onto say the “step-father is more of a father then you are”! And on and on it went digging into my soul saying hurtful things. Now how did I become the bad guy? Now it just gets worse. My daughter is not speaking to me. The mother has asked me not to contact her with exception of the home phone (which I think they have setup so they record and listen in). I wrote my daughter on FB which I haven’t received a reply. My friend wasn’t there at the time but he said his father never said anything like he would shoot anyone much less two 12 year old girls.

The more and more I go out into town, which I hardly do anymore, I hear the mother’s horrible lies, each one more or less sinister I don’t know. Like how the mother had told someone in my daughters school that she was raped and I’m not the father. Or the $25,000 dollars I invested in giving them a better life by starting a business of their choice to run themselves and eventually take over. To hear through the grapevine the mother lied to her landlord (a mutual friend) about how I ruined their business.

My girl is 12 now and we’ve had a great relationship of respect and honesty but she’s becoming a teenager and wants to spend more time with her friends, which I am happy to do but I think I gave in too much. I always give in to make things calmer and easier, but in the long run makes things worse.

Lately I’ve become very depressed and like you said just want to run and hide from the mistakes I made. That worked great when I once had a lot of money, but don’t anymore. I haven’t had steady work in over a year and I consider myself lucky I have a few friends that throw me work from time to time. Gas here is now $4.15 a gallon and we do a lot of driving in my area. The list goes on and on. Basically I’ve lost all my motivation to finish anything I start. I sleep three times a day sometimes. It’s a struggle to even eat. Overall I find myself wishing for everything I need. I wish I had that feeling back like when I was a kid, a sense of purpose.

Thanks for reading this far if you have. I hope it helps your situation in some way. Honestly, I was hoping it helped my own by writing it down but I don’t feel any better. At this point I just wish Pleiadians would come take me off this ridiculous planet. Sorry.. cool planet, rotten leaders…

reply to post by Skywatcher2011

I replied but not sure you got it.
Here:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Where we go again...
she just picked my daughter from school and went to her mothers place for a few days
without telling me a damm thing.
God damm it.
Standed like a fool there talking to the teacher at school.
``Oh sorry but her grandmother picked her up half an hour ago´´.

Splendid, just fuk... splendid...

Make it all and only about your child.

She scared you half to death.

If she needs some space....Fine, but leave the child out of it.

Tell her the only space you are willing to give her is....The space between the arch of her back and the mattress.

But, never again scare you like that.

Stay Cool (as possible) FOCUS on you Daughter !!!

Originally posted by carbon6667

The mother is bi-polar with tendencies to “flip out” and lie about things out of the blue. Even cut herself on her arm once while we were together to try to have me arrested. I am lucky I knew the police in my town that also knew the stories of her whole family being crazy. The police incidents were many mainly because I walked away from her ranting and gave up on listening to her lies.

YES! My ex-mother-in-law - - - - beat herself in the face then called the cops on her husband for physical abuse. Including stating he threatened her with a knife.

This man - her husband - was the sweetest man ever. If anything too sweet - - to the point of people taking advantage of him.

Fortunately - - the next door neighbor - - who had lived there for 20 some years (friends with chief of police) - - just happened by. She knocked on the screen (the door was open). Did not get a response - - so walked in - - and saw the wife in the bathroom hitting herself in the face.

Thankfully - - because of the neighbor - - no charges were pressed against the husband (my father-in-law) - - - and he immediately filed for divorce. Can't say he ever got over her - - but did what he had to.

Sadly - - there were kids involved - twins. School age at this time. The girl did eventually come back to live with her step-father.

Originally posted by whyamIhere
Make it all and only about your child.

She scared you half to death.

If she needs some space....Fine, but leave the child out of it.

Tell her the only space you are willing to give her is....The space between the arch of her back and the mattress.

But, never again scare you like that.

Stay Cool (as possible) FOCUS on you Daughter !!!

YES! Make it about the child.

Children know. They may be confused when they are young. But if your daughter knows you are there for her - - - she will "Get It". She will turn to the stable parent as she grows up.

Just constantly be there in her life. Every chance you have.

Get the legalities and the business end of all this straightened out before you do anything else. Trust me. This will help you keep involved with your daughter and will keep you emotionally detached from your ex. You have to take care of the business of living before you do anything else.

I'm kind of going through the same thing in that I was with my ex for roughly the same time you were with yours and we still don't really know each other after all these years. The fact that you don't really knows why she does the things she does or what she's going to do next tells me that. You have to find ways to emotionally detach yourself from her. For some men it's harder than others. I'm an emotional person but I have my limits as to how much I can give a person. Especially if they can't reciprocate because we're not on the same page after 10+ years. I have a "light switch" that I just turn off. I think you have to find yours.

You just sound like someone who is hanging onto to someone who is letting go. You don't want to be that guy.

Originally posted by SoulVoid

 

Where we go again...
she just picked my daughter from school and went to her mothers place for a few days
without telling me a damm thing.
God damm it.
Standed like a fool there talking to the teacher at school.
``Oh sorry but her grandmother picked her up half an hour ago´´.

Splendid, just fuk... splendid...

Thats illegal. I don't know what to do about it because I never been through that but I know it is unlawful for one parent to begin isolating the child from another. Oh, she has her reasons but unless there is a court order she is breaking the law. Somebody help him out on that one.

Originally posted by SoulVoid
Damm, This hit the spot...

Yah, it did for me too. Looks like you have found similarities between these narcissist videos and her behavior. Only you can tell for sure if that is so. We sit here behind a keyboard reading about somebody else we really know nothing about. But if it clicks for you, then study all you can about the behavior. There are a ton of these "teach" videos about it. The ones you brought with your link are good. I know because I have problems with my family in this regard and I can see the symptoms are mirrored there.

This gives you power to break the spell, the hold she has had over you all this time. Knowing the behavior lets you detach emotionally next time you see it. You don't have to react the same way anymore. Give her the silent treatment for a change. Thats a behavior she can understand. Don't react to stuff she does to punish you, just stare back and go about your business. That lets her know you no longer tolerate that kind of behavior. Even when she ratchets it up (and she will- like taking your daughter out of school) just keep a few notes and hide them for later. Let her screw up by doing these things. That will give you an edge when it comes time to settle.

After all, she is the sick one, not you. Right?

Originally posted by intrptr

Originally posted by Skywatcher2011
reply to post by intrptr

 

I sometimes give someone a silent treatment if I have a grudge against them for something. Does this make me a narcissist????

Because you are even able to ask that question, I think not. Narcissists don't care to self analyze. You might ask yourself where you learned to do that and why you do it though.

I think I am part narcissist and I only say that because part of me has the decency to care about the others' feelings (empathy) and the other is the "I don't care about you" business sense. I am a complex person but I realize that sometimes you have to let others into your world through understanding their needs, while other times you have to protect your own needs. This also falls under human resource management skills.

reply to post by Skywatcher2011

I agree. Applying labels to others is not advisable. Calling someone a "narcissist", is not as correct as saying someone exhibits "narcissistic tendencies".

I'm losing it...
Just found out this instant tha she's back with my ''best friend'' again..
UGHHHHHH..