Hello again preppers and survivalist. Life changing reality.

Happened to me friend. Very similar. The seizures were caused by carelessly prescribing medications that became toxic when mixed. The meds were for BP and heart, and should have had no effect. Instead they took me down to the point i could barely work and it took every waking minute and all energy to focus on getting my 8 hrs in to keep my job. Once i was no longer thinking clearly from the meds i went on to extreme alcohol use. I destroyed every friendship and relationship as I slid down that slippery slope.

Then one day during one of the very infrequent lucid periods I decided to find out exactly what they we feeding me and found out they were heart drugs also used for psych patients and they are never recommended for use longer than transportation and stabilization before starting safer meds. Long story short when you give psych meds to patients that need them they get better. When you give them to people that dont need them they become insane. And when you give them to higher thinking people that dont need them its a major head on train wreck.

Getting past that and off all the meds, everything went right back to being normal, just without everyone. Spent a year alone only ever seeing the people at the store and few others. During that time I woke up to the fact that in life, and in the survival game your on your own. You can count on nothing and no one, because that family can just disappear.

So often we see people slip into drugs and drink when their lives fall apart. You listen to me. They blot the pain away at first. But the real truth is the dont take away loneliness. They cause addictions that create the very loneliness that people try to escape from. Cast them aside and leave them in the past with the dead things and live again. You listen to that close. They can creep in when your guard is down.


Finally after being alone for a year i started work on reinventing myself. A new person. Threw away my right wing biblical hate and found a new religion. Love. And when i found my new religion and made it mine and me, everyone wanted to be around me and be there for me. In the end i realized that all of the beliefs i had were still there. Jesus still taught love, God was still love, and none of it had changed except the hate and poison of the people using it for money or power. Now that my religion is Love, none of them have a place in my life. I'm healed, happy and doing well. When love lives inside you all good things come your way. If you get there and they see the change is inside you, you will likely be forgiven. Give it time.

Your itching for a change or you wouldn't have posted. I still prep and do things as if there were more people to take care of. And my best friend of several years has seen the change and embraced it, and is working on making it hers too. I bought her a promise ring for valentines day. No rush. I told her it may be 3-4 years before its time for me or never. Its just a symbol of the love i have for her, for sticking out the tough times I had and my appreciation for her when she should have run far and fast like everyone else.

It will get better if you focus on doing your part.

www.youtube.com...

lets see... you can weld? And in another month or so, you can try driving again. Sounds like a good time to start a machine repair and welding service. I don't know what the laws and regulations are in Michigan, but maybe move to NC. Lot's of farmers and land clearing here need welding services.

You have almost lost your wife, and you rent, sounds like a good time to redeux.

I have done so twice, lost almost everything, lived in a horse barn, and eaten out of trash cans over the last 23 years... I made it and you can too.

In fact, the more you share with us, the more talented and capable you sound. It sounds like the biggest casualty is your self esteem. Look forward and forget about what was... try to work things out with your wife. If she won't... move on. I found the perfect wife after two failed marriages. I found a wonderful farm after losing two homes.

You are a good person and life is tough, but you have made it so far. The turn and corner is just ahead.

reply to post by angryamerican


Prayers for your progress.

Great points.

Persistence, tenacity, resilience are priceless traits to cultivate and maintain a firm grip on.

Self-pity regardless of the causes is deadly.

You might check out

beinhealth.com...

for any possible root causes and therefore cure of the seizures.

He's helped a LOT of people.

reply to post by angryamerican


S and F from me, us preppers need to realize that it does'nt take a meteor, or energy grid collapse, or martial law, or any other of the myriad of possibilities that preppers prep for. I was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic melanoma last June with tumors in my lungs, brain, sinus. Trust me, it was just as devastating to my world as an asteroid hit would have been. This sounds cliche, but you have to believe you're gonna get better, and you will. You have to "see" the light at the end of the tunnel for there to ever be one. My wife would cry and cry when I first got diagnosed, Dr. said I should go ahead and make a living will and start making arangements for my death.Tthere was a poster downstairs from the Melanoma ward where I was being treated that listed Sinus/brain tumors as "very low survivability rate". I was'nt about to let a damn poster tell me I was going to die, and I'm still here and you seem to have adopted this attitude which is good. Good luck brother, I'll remember you in my prayers.

reply to post by angryamerican


Try v2cigs electronic cigarette (kit). Cartridges are cheaper than the real deal, feels similar to traditional cigarettes (will prob. help with your seizures if it's the nicotine), many flavors.

Good luck.

Things I am reminded of as I browse all these great post of support.

1: Temper does not show maturity and manhood. It shows the opposite.

2: having a baby or baby's does not make you a father attitude and maturity does.

3: Military service does not make you a man, attitude and maturity does. With the help of your Drill Sargent

4: When the damage is done its hard but not impossible to fix as long as it has not gone on too long.

5: Friends will come and go but there touch on your life is forever.

6: when you are truly in love Show it. If you do not you will lose the love and respect of the one you love.

7: Dependence on a chemical is always a bad thing.

Ime sure there is more but I have dishes to do. In parting for a while I will say one more thing. Loneliness is a curable affliction. It is only curable if you treat others with the love and respect that you yourself expect. On a personal note I had forgotten that for many years. I was crucially reminded the day my wife told me she is no longer IN LOVE with me. I was a stranger to her, and not the respectful ranger she had married. Things that make you hmm

reply to post by angryamerican



Hello AngryAmerican, First of all I would like to say that I am sorry for the hardship that you are going through, But I applaud your bravery and new attitude that you have taken to correct your situation.

I would like to make a suggestion that a man of your skills may be overlooking. CNC is a highly skilled position that requires specialized training. You my friend appear to have exceptional qualities in the CNC field along with the ability to increase production, accuracy, output percentage, quality and profit.

So think about it for a minute. YOU were a great asset to your company because of your knowledge and skills. Now think about all the people that would love to possess those much sought after skills to help them land a good job.

While your physical limitations may keep you from performing the actual work of a CNC Machinist, with the knowledge you have you would make a great Instructor!!!!!

So my question is,,,,,,Have you considered looking for position teaching CNC to all the people eager to learn a skilled trade???

You certainly seem well qualified to do so. And it is still in the field of work you seem to enjoy. If I wanted to become certified in CNC I would want to be trained by an instructor as skilled as you.

Check your local colleges and trade schools for CNC Instructor Positions. YOU would make a GREAT INSTRUCTOR!!!!!

GOOD LUCK MY FRIEND!!!!!

reply to post by angryamerican


It may not seem like it but it will get better. Christ can heal any wound if you let him. Sometimes people hit rough patches but never underestimate the power of forgiveness or the need for redemption. Everyone does things in their life they wish they could take back, well most people do unless theyre selfish and soulless. It doesn't matter if youre wife is "in love" with you, being in love doesn't mean squat. I love my wife but i am not "in love" with her and i told her if it comes between me choosing her over the King of kings, she won't win and she agreed with me and said the same thing of me. We can form bonds with other people that can be unbreakable. Sure those bonds can become strained but if you stay the course you will make it through. The important thing is to keep things in the right perspective and to think objectively in your relationships.

I am no stranger to health problems. I'm 32 and i will probably not live to see 40, my health is getting worse. In the end it doesn't matter though. It's not about how you die it's about how you live. Find a way to reconcile with your family, if you haven't surrendered to Jesus do so and everything will fall into place and in the end it will workout. Sometimes all it takes to be forgiven is to start learning to say "i'm sorry". I've done things in my life i regret and wish i could take back but whats done is done and the only thing you can do is move on from there. Whatever you do, do not give up. It doesn't matter how many times you go down for the count as long as you keep standing back up and pushing on. Take the time to tell your family you love them, even your sons. We all have our cross to bear, just know that youre never alone with that burden.

Hang in there bro.

I can understand some of the things you are going through. While home recently, I had to fight with myself to remain calm and not explode at my parents. They didn't mean to upset me, nor were they being beligerent. Little things would just set me off. The worst I felt, was after I would have an outburst at them. They are understanding and supportive to me. I'm finnishing up my third year overhere in the Stan, and have not really had this problem before. I am getting help and my Faith in God keeps me going.

reply to post by Twisted1


You have a great point and I think the Americans with Disabilities act may be helpful in job placement.
I know social security has a program called Ticket to work.

Originally posted by angryamerican
Things I am reminded of as I browse all these great post of support.

1: Temper does not show maturity and manhood. It shows the opposite.

2: having a baby or baby's does not make you a father attitude and maturity does.

3: Military service does not make you a man, attitude and maturity does. With the help of your Drill Sargent

4: When the damage is done its hard but not impossible to fix as long as it has not gone on too long.

5: Friends will come and go but there touch on your life is forever.

6: when you are truly in love Show it. If you do not you will lose the love and respect of the one you love.

7: Dependence on a chemical is always a bad thing.

AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

CONGRATS on your wisdom.

The school of hard knocks has very steep tuition charges.

However, one tends to remember the lessons better and longer.

reply to post by JJTHEFETT



There are some good articles on the net on anger management, control.

And ANGER can be a huge survival issue . . . in relationships and in some situations--one's own survival.

Most of the time . . . anger relates to insecurity, Attachment Disorder fostered pride, fears, brittleness etc.

It can help a lot to take a step back . . .

DELAY responding.

Take a walk around the block.

Breathe slowly 6-8 seconds out; 6-8 seconds in for 30-90 seconds. It changes the blood chemistry in the brain toward relaxation.

Take 5 min out and reflect on something positive about yourself; about the other person; about the situation. Discipline your thinking until you can do that BEFORE responding.

Anger usually attempts to !DEMAND! something perceived to be missing . . . or to retaliate in vengeance.

NEITHER ONE WORKS. Only negative fallout results. Even temporary satisfaction is short-lived and costly.

You can say things to yourself like . . .

"It's OK. I can overcome this calmly and maturely."
"It doesn't matter how wrong they are or even what an ignorant jerk they seem bent on being. It matters how maturely and wisely I handle this situation. I choose maturity and wisdom over idiocy and childishness."

"Maybe I'm 100% right. It doesn't matter. Relationships are more important than being !RIGHT!

"A Compulsive need to always BE RIGHT AND SHOVE IT IN OTHERS FACES is an addiction I can let go of. It's not winning me any friends, influence or happiness."

"My goal in this situation is not to strut like a banty rooster but to part this contact with both of us feeling good about ourselves and the other person. How can I most contribute to that?"

"I don't need to prove whose is longer. I need to prove my patience, wisdom and maturity."

"I am mature enough to creatively contribute to a deepening relationship instead of pouting or ranting or retaliating. I am mature enough to show my graciousness and flexibility instead of brittleness and arrogance."

"I can be a healer instead of a destroyer."

"I can be redemptive instead of shredding peace and joy."

"I can share maturity and wisdom instead of spreading manure."

"I can spread sharing and caring instead of barbs and stabs."

"I can spread forgiveness and healing instead of wounds and bleeding."

"I can spread comfort and acceptance instead of hurt and rejection."

CERTAINLY QUICK AND HEART-FELT FORGIVENESS IS A CRUCIAL WAY TO LIVE.

When the feelings of forgiveness are not there--CHOOSE FORGIVENESS ANYWAY--REPEATEDLY--EVERYTIME THE THOUGHT COMES UP . . . until there's no longer any 'high-octane ping.'

We all need forgiven. It is crucial we extend what we need and want.

It is eternally crucial.

". . . Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us, Lord."

Cheers.
.
.

Originally posted by BO XIAN
reply to post by JJTHEFETT

There are some good articles on the net on anger management, control.

And ANGER can be a huge survival issue . . . in relationships and in some situations--one's own survival.

Most of the time . . . anger relates to insecurity, Attachment Disorder fostered pride, fears, brittleness etc.

It can help a lot to take a step back . . .

Anger and rage and temper are no longer an issue but thanks for the advise. On a side note a small amount of anger can work in your advantage as long as you don't let it cloud your thinking. Allow the adrenalin that comes with it to spur you on but do not under any circumstance let it cloud your survival thought.

DELAY responding.

Take a walk around the block.

Breathe slowly 6-8 seconds out; 6-8 seconds in for 30-90 seconds. It changes the blood chemistry in the brain toward relaxation.

Take 5 min out and reflect on something positive about yourself; about the other person; about the situation. Discipline your thinking until you can do that BEFORE responding.

Anger usually attempts to !DEMAND! something perceived to be missing . . . or to retaliate in vengeance.

NEITHER ONE WORKS. Only negative fallout results. Even temporary satisfaction is short-lived and costly.

You can say things to yourself like . . .

"It's OK. I can overcome this calmly and maturely."
"It doesn't matter how wrong they are or even what an ignorant jerk they seem bent on being. It matters how maturely and wisely I handle this situation. I choose maturity and wisdom over idiocy and childishness."

"Maybe I'm 100% right. It doesn't matter. Relationships are more important than being !RIGHT!

absolutely on the bold saying. and good advise for the rest.

"A Compulsive need to always BE RIGHT AND SHOVE IT IN OTHERS FACES is an addiction I can let go of. It's not winning me any friends, influence or happiness."

Very well put in fact It struck so close to home I used it in a letter emailed to my wife.

"My goal in this situation is not to strut like a banty rooster but to part this contact with both of us feeling good about ourselves and the other person. How can I most contribute to that?"

I wish I could double star that one line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I don't need to prove whose is longer. I need to prove my patience, wisdom and maturity."

Agreed with all ime worth.

"I am mature enough to creatively contribute to a deepening relationship instead of pouting or ranting or retaliating. I am mature enough to show my graciousness and flexibility instead of brittleness and arrogance."

Arrogance is a killer that I as a retired ranger was guilty of. its a asset to Special forces but in civilian life its a relationship killer.

"I can be a healer instead of a destroyer."

"I can be redemptive instead of shredding peace and joy."

"I can share maturity and wisdom instead of spreading manure."

"I can spread sharing and caring instead of barbs and stabs."

"I can spread forgiveness and healing instead of wounds and bleeding."

"I can spread comfort and acceptance instead of hurt and rejection."

CERTAINLY QUICK AND HEART-FELT FORGIVENESS IS A CRUCIAL WAY TO LIVE.

Liked that so well I put it in the email to my wife as well

When the feelings of forgiveness are not there--CHOOSE FORGIVENESS ANYWAY--REPEATEDLY--EVERYTIME THE THOUGHT COMES UP . . . until there's no longer any 'high-octane ping.'

We all need forgiven. It is crucial we extend what we need and want.

It is eternally crucial.

". . . Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us, Lord."

Cheers.

.
.
so agree and a way of life that must be developed in all relationships and even in every survival situation. Forgive those are causing it and in that you will see how to defeat them and win your life.

reply to post by angryamerican


Thanks for your humbling and kind reply.

AND THANKS for giving me occasion to put those words together off the top of my head and spirit--from Holy Spirit.

Prayerfully, at least some of them had His help.

May your wife respond well to your letter.

May your health, wholeness, courage, resilience abundantly blossom and intensify.

Thanks for the dialogue.

.
.

Originally posted by BO XIAN
reply to post by angryamerican

May your wife respond well to your letter.

Nope in fact it had the the worst Effect I could imagine.

She informed me she is getting her own place. And we are to each take a hall pass. God I hated that movie now I really cant tolerate it. Part of survival is knowing when you have been beat. My friends thank you all for your advise and encouragement but I am beat. I lay in the dirt blooded and utterly defeated. 20 years of being with her and 18 years of marriage down the tubes.


.

Originally posted by angryamerican
Originally posted by BO XIAN
reply to post by angryamerican

 

May your wife respond well to your letter.

Nope in fact it had the the worst Effect I could imagine.

She informed me she is getting her own place. And we are to each take a hall pass. God I hated that movie now I really cant tolerate it. Part of survival is knowing when you have been beat. My friends thank you all for your advise and encouragement but I am beat. I lay in the dirt blooded and utterly defeated. 20 years of being with her and 18 years of marriage down the tubes.

How horrible!

I usually try and get letters like that in such situations vetted by friends and loved ones who know us both. LOL.

Sigh.

You did your more or less best. That's the best you can do.

Welllllllllllll, the only thing I know to do at this point is to pray that God will turn her every which way but loose--whatever it takes to restore the family.

How old are your children of what sex?

I do think that with most women, if not men as well . . . that when they reach a tilting point in a relationship--there's not much that can bring them back.

I like the movie FIREPROOF and the book related to it . . . 30 days to love a spouse back into the relationship. I just believe there are some relationships that even that effort would have a hard row to hoe.

Gads I hate that feeling of lying bloody in the middle of the freeway with life and everyone having run over you and continuing to run over you with a feeling that there's little one can do but lie there and be flattened more. Hopelessness is the real pits.

Thankfully, feelings and seeming reality don't have to rule the day forever.

What degree of ATTACHMENT DISORDER (1-10 with 10= maximum) would you guess that

A) your wife has/had
and
B) you have/had?

Does she have any awareness at all that it's not all you? . . . that a lot of her angst with you was unworked through stuff from her childhood with her father?

It may be currently impossible for her to learn anything about that in her relationship with you and there's nothing you can do about that.

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AT THIS POINT, AS BEST YOU CAN.

SEEK OUT and receive from others as much as workable. Ask for what you need from a range of friends and loved ones so you don't burn any one of them out overmuch. Most folks don't know how to handle our extreme angst and hurt and depression and many are reluctant to get close to it for fear it will rub off on them.

However, when you give them specific ideas about specific limited brief ways they can comfort you--whether lunch or a phone call or whatever . . . many are willing to offer that.

And, in my case . . . I didn't start crawling out of the 5-6 years long LONG DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL after my divorce UNTIL I started reaching out to folks hurting as much or more than I was. And I was at the stage of talking to store clerks while window shopping as a way to have human contact. My pain was so intense, complicated and extreme that NO ONE wanted very close to me at all.

Gads, I wish I could do something to help relieve your pain and struggle. I know how horrendous it can be.

Sorry to hear about the aftermath of the letter. Sigh.

Pulling for you anyway. Praying for you, too.

Please keep me posted.

reply to post by angryamerican


Bo Xian is right. It isn't all you. There was a relationship that you were all part of and everyone has to hold up their part of the relationship. Most people make the mistake of thinking relationships are equally divided. They are not. In marriage it is generally 80/20. Sometimes you have the 80 sometimes you have the 20.

From what you've said you had the 80 for quite some time. Again, I don't know you or your wife but, from the outside, it appears that she couldn't handle her turn at 80%. It is very difficult to change from 20 to 80 if you haven't had to do that very much.

Do not take all the blame on yourself. Don't discount your blame in the situation. Look at everything realistically and then move forward. There is a future and it will be a good one.

Please keep us all posted. We all really do care. Doesn't matter whether we know you or never laid eyes on you. You were willing to post your situation and ask for help. Hopefully some of what some of us has said will help.

Take care.

Originally posted by TXTriker
reply to post by angryamerican

 

Bo Xian is right. It isn't all you. There was a relationship that you were all part of and everyone has to hold up their part of the relationship. Most people make the mistake of thinking relationships are equally divided. They are not. In marriage it is generally 80/20. Sometimes you have the 80 sometimes you have the 20.

From what you've said you had the 80 for quite some time. Again, I don't know you or your wife but, from the outside, it appears that she couldn't handle her turn at 80%. It is very difficult to change from 20 to 80 if you haven't had to do that very much.

Do not take all the blame on yourself. Don't discount your blame in the situation. Look at everything realistically and then move forward. There is a future and it will be a good one.

Please keep us all posted. We all really do care. Doesn't matter whether we know you or never laid eyes on you. You were willing to post your situation and ask for help. Hopefully some of what some of us has said will help.

Take care.

AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

WELL SAID.

I grieve for both . . . though it sounds like our dear ATSer male Friend has been bloodied--at least recently--well beyond what was earned by any stretch of the imagination.

Prayers for health, wholeness, encouraging relationships nearby . . . etc.

Sigh. [[[[[hugs]]]]]

reply to post by angryamerican


Keep fighting Man, I had seizures also, lost my job and wife, took me a whole year to get another job after getting on two meds that stopped the seizures. I still have my two children, 12 and 16 and they still look up to their old man for everything and that's great, they are my life. I still prep for them and myself and will be there for them if and when the SHTF, and that's if it ever does, if it doesn't we have a bunch of great camping gear and a lot of fun at the range.

like I said, turn a negative into a positive man, look for something to live for like yourself and your son and keep going because the world will keep turning no matter what you do, and your son needs you.