Unhappiness in life, unwanted desires, Marriage broken, Acceptance, Unhappiness, Cures?

I have been running from this for quite sometime and push it away. In the past I acted on my desire to be with men, but I found the woman i thought i could supress my desires and live a happy normal life. I am now in the situation she has figured me out. Did i subconciously want to her to know? My actions and my sloppiness with burying my past has all but destroyed our marriage.

What should i do?

Is their a cure?

I hate my life going through relationship after relationship and now hurting the woman I love very much.Maybe prayer from others would help?

reply to post by Shaiker


Dude. Are you being for real? If you are then mellow, we will get this under control. There is help and others like yourself. If you are inclined towards prayer then yep, you are going to want to keep that tool handy.

You sure you want to do this on a thread?

Dude. Are you being for real? Unfortunately,yes i am
If you are then mellow, we will get this under control. There is help and others like yourself. If you are inclined towards prayer then yep, you are going to want to keep that tool handy.



You sure you want to do this on a thread? I acctually think it could be a good way to learn the point of view of others and possibly get help from other people going through the same things.

reply to post by Shaiker


If you are gay, you know you are and you should face the music. Don't hurt your wife by living a lie. It sounds like you were brought up in a religious background and are feeling the gay guilt. Being gay doesn't make you a bad person and tainted. Only you can know your needs and unfortunately in adult life there are never easy answers. You need to stop the self loathing. Good luck.

reply to post by Shaiker


Id give up on the prayers to be honest....

Start afresh.

Give up your old life and move forward...drop the religion and women, you will be FAR happier

P.s If you drop the religion you wont have to worry about going to hell for being gay...win win win

reply to post by Shaiker


Nobody on an internet forum can give you the answers to your problem. All I will say is that if there are any children as a result of this marriage, everything you do should revolve around keeping them as untouched from any negativity as possible.

And don't give up on prayer. God will love you no matter what your sexual orientation.

/TOA

reply to post by Shaiker


Alright,

So I gather that somewhere along the line, probably as a young man, you experienced sex with another male.

In the past I acted on my desire to be with men, but I found the woman i thought i could supress my desires and live a happy normal life.

So you have this desire to have what you call 'a normal life' (the definition of which you will have to tell me about as we go along) and you found that being with women seems to mitigate this sexual behavior that you were...

running from [this] for quite sometime and push[ing] it away

.

Anyhow, to cut to the chase, you don't seem comfortable with where this takes and has taken you. I think that there is probably a lot to be said for the possibility that you wanted to be 'caught' or discovered. Either way you slice it, leading a dual life will come back to bite you.

Yes, leading people through trouble with you as you go along your journey is a problem if you are out of control. It is possible, however that you are with a partner that is more understanding than you know. But her understanding will only be available to you if you are willing to be completely honest with her about what you have been through and what you want. In fact, your ability to resolve any of this is truly based upon how far you are willing to go in terms of honesty. The gift that is born of the difficulty of this is ultimately the best gift that you can ever give yourself. It is also possible that this is not the time for you to do this. You may go through this many more times before you take action. Most people do. And this might not be the right partner. It is all a matter of timing, I am sure.

But being out of control with this sexual stuff and dragging successive partners through it can become really problematic. Sounds like you have identified that factor and you want to get off the rollercoaster. So how much of this are you willing to talk about, in terms of your story and how you came to be the sexual being that you are and how it led to this place that you want to escape from?

There are lots of folks out there that experience this type of thing, Tr...I mean Shaiker, Most relationships do not survive it. I don't mean to sound glib or to pontificate but it is a supreme opportunity for growth and development if the person is ready and a lot of good stuff falls in to place.

reply to post by The Old American

And don't give up on prayer. God will love you no matter what your sexual orientation.

Not according to your book:

Leviticus 18:22 22 uThou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

Romans 1:26–32 26 For this cause xGod gave them up unto cvile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27 And likewise also dthe men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their elust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. 28 And even as they did not flike * to retain God in their knowledge, xGod gave them over to * a reprobate mind, to do those things gwhich are not convenient; 29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, hiwickedness, hcovetousness, ijkmaliciousness; full of kenvy, murder, debate, deceit, lmalignity; mwhisperers, 30 mBackbiters, nhaters of God, odespiteful, hpproud, pboasters, qinventors of evil things, pdisobedient to parents, 31 rWithout understanding, covenantbreakers, * swithout natural affection, simplacable, unmerciful: 32 Who knowing tthe judgment of God, that they which commit such things uare worthy of death, not only do the same, but * xhave pleasure in them that do them.

1 Corinthians 6:9–10 9 Know ye not that the unrighteous kshall not inherit the kingdom of God? lBe not deceived: kneither mnofornicators, nor oidolaters, nor nadulterers, nor effeminate, nor mpabusers of themselves with mankind, 10 kNor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

Thats why im saying drop the religion....all that hatred....all that fear of not being able to enter heaven. Seriously, with all the crap the dudes going through he doesnt need the fear of god too

reply to post by loves a conspiricy


You choose negativity. I choose the positive aspects of Christianity. The Book is not infallible. That's why I choose the teachings of Jesus himself, and not the teachings of lesser men.

/TOA

reply to post by The Old American


lol....so in other words....not everything in the book is as important or true as other things. You are free to pick and chose what suits you??


Genius....what a scam

So how much of this are you willing to talk about, in terms of your story and how you came to be the sexual being that you are and how it led to this place that you want to escape from?

Well in my youth i turned down numerous oppurtunities to have sex with girls and told myself and them i wanted to wait till marriage. Not sure if it was the true reason. I blocked most of my childhood out so i dont remember my thoughts, but remember it more as if it were a movie if that makes since.

My first wife decided "from my behaviors" to experiment, and came to the conclusion i should be with me. I was perfectly fine living with her and not trying a man. After my first wife and i called it quits i acted on my curiosity numerous times. I then began dating another girl who then also decided i was gay. I bought toys and and used them while i was with her to keep from cheating on her with a man.My current wife and I have had numerous spats and our relationship was good and bad at times. She kept asking me over and over again if something is wrong she could since that something was different about me. So then i chose honesty and told her about my past. At this point i started craving my toys again and played once then decided to throw them away.

My wife and i talked through this and any time she would mention my being with men or my toys i would become sexually excited and yet if we were talking about female parts it would not excite me without her physical stimulation. Finally, I have purchased another toy and am craving it and she knows. She says that theirs nothing she can do about it, but she would remain with me as long as i wanted her with me.

We do have a child together and i love my family very much.

The religious experts commenting on what they think God allows and does not allow should understand that i do believe in the power of prayer and i am a christian that accepted Jesus as my personal saviour. Unfortunately thus far my sexual attraction is still for men.

I do perform well in the bedroom for my wife so their is not tension in about my performance.

Clarifications

I know eventually she wont be able to deal with it and the utter since of guilt i feel for playing with even a toy is overwhelming.

Originally posted by Shaiker
So how much of this are you willing to talk about, in terms of your story and how you came to be the sexual being that you are and how it led to this place that you want to escape from?

Well in my youth i turned down numerous oppurtunities to have sex with girls and told myself and them i wanted to wait till marriage. Not sure if it was the true reason. I blocked most of my childhood out so i dont remember my thoughts, but remember it more as if it were a movie if that makes since.

My first wife decided "from my behaviors" to experiment, and came to the conclusion i should be with me. I was perfectly fine living with her and not trying a man. After my first wife and i called it quits i acted on my curiosity numerous times. I then began dating another girl who then also decided i was gay. I bought toys and and used them while i was with her to keep from cheating on her with a man.My current wife and I have had numerous spats and our relationship was good and bad at times. She kept asking me over and over again if something is wrong she could since that something was different about me. So then i chose honesty and told her about my past. At this point i started craving my toys again and played once then decided to throw them away.

My wife and i talked through this and any time she would mention my being with men or my toys i would become sexually excited and yet if we were talking about female parts it would not excite me without her physical stimulation. Finally, I have purchased another toy and am craving it and she knows. She says that theirs nothing she can do about it, but she would remain with me as long as i wanted her with me.

We do have a child together and i love my family very much.

The religious experts commenting on what they think God allows and does not allow should understand that i do believe in the power of prayer and i am a christian that accepted Jesus as my personal saviour. Unfortunately thus far my sexual attraction is still for men.

I do perform well in the bedroom for my wife so their is not tension in about my performance.

Looks like you have someone that really loves you. Many straight men would envy you! I wish you well, my friend. Being in that situation is something I can't understand, but I hope you can work it out. If it leads to divorce, there's no easy way to do it (apparently as you already know from one divorce). IMO the child's needs are paramount here. Whatever you have to do to make that child's life and experiences as positive as they can be under the circumstances, do it. If that means leaving the marriage behind, then that's what you may have to do. No child can stand to see their parents unhappy. It disrupts their view of the world that everything is good and everyone is hunky dory.

I am not a religious expert. I have made a pretty extensive study of The Book, and the teachings of Jesus himself are different than the teachings of Paul, whose writings compose almost 50% of the Christian bible. Jesus taught us to love each other as we love ourselves. Paul taught us that women shouldn't speak in church and that homosexuals are evil. I don't call myself a Christian, but a follower of Christ because of that.

That other fellow is trying to sow confusion and discord, two of which you already have plenty of. Just follow your own feelings and you'll wind up where you need to be.

/TOA

reply to post by Shaiker


It sounds like she is willing to stand by you as you get through whatever you need to get through to come to grips with this. You are a lucky guy. The case studies that i have read that sound like your situation reveal the really devastating effect that this can have on the out of control person's partner. Please try to be as understanding with her as you are able to while this is going down. be prepared to listen. I think you guys should seek out some professional help. You gotta try to take her with you because sometimes the partner can get really co-dependant and focus on your needs instead of meeting their own.

Here is a video that should get you headed in the right direction. There is a growing community of people that are finding that they have sexual behaviors that get out of control and drive their lives in to the gutter, just like any other type of substance abuse. And there is a highly developed system of help out there for people that need it.

Good luck to you and yours. I think that you will find what you are looking for. If not in this video and in this type of resource I am sure your desire for healing will take you to where you need to be.

reply to post by Shaiker
[mo

LOL love this topic! I have to say everyone does it once, .....twice,........three.....or more.... :-)) times in their lives No biggie...just understand a couple things..

1) she's done it too....if she denys It...you can call her out as a liar....a girls have that slumber party at some point in time x:
2) assure your not doing that anymore....last thing anyone wants in 2x the competition to keep you!
3) just know it could take a year or plus to get the mental image(s) they have concevid of you in those acts outta their head....
oh and bring her some damn roses and red wine
....be manly...assure her that your all man for her...I been there done that and its So far in the past I am 100% smiling while I write!

Originally posted by Shaiker
I have been running from this for quite sometime and push it away. In the past I acted on my desire to be with men, but I found the woman i thought i could supress my desires and live a happy normal life. I am now in the situation she has figured me out. Did i subconciously want to her to know? My actions and my sloppiness with burying my past has all but destroyed our marriage.

What should i do?

Is their a cure?

I hate my life going through relationship after relationship and now hurting the woman I love very much.Maybe prayer from others would help?

Religion lied to you... Being gay is not evil.

What kind of god would create a man to be homosexual and then torture him by demanding that he spend his enire life in misery, denying what he is and hurting the people around him.

That doesn't sound like a very godly thing to do.


You don't have to be christian to live a moral and principled life. You cannot change what you are. accept it and move on... Or don't

reply to post by Frater210


not all the JARs are empty the TIME will come that this jar will be full so dont be confident dude that she will stay in your side all the time.She's welling to work for it in a right way How i wish no child is involve

reply to post by Shaiker


not all the JARs are empty the TIME will come that this jar will be full so dont be confident dude that she will stay in your side all the time.She's welling to work for it in a right way How i wish no child is involve
wifey

Hmmm. It seems you just to find the the right balance in your life.

It appears you are bi-sexual. Most people are only comfortable with a heterosexual relationship, and to them the homosexual lifestyle is a case of black or white, not both.

Quit fretting.

You are more in touch with your body and sensuality than 90% of the population is. You'll receive no condemnation from me for your own choices in life. What you are experiencing is called a fetish.

Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation. The object or situation of interest is called the fetish, the person a fetishist who has a fetish for that object/situation.

Many people embrace their fetish rather than attempting treatment to rid themselves of it.

In most cases, fetishists enjoy their fetish and see it as their natural orientation, with no intention of changing it.

Source.

Instead of fighting against what you are feeling inside, do some research, join a few ONLINE FORUMS, and perhaps locate a few groups in your area.

Sexual deviation is not a sin, a crime, or anything bad. You definitely need to find other friends who feel like you do. There are many people out there willing to help.

Your desires are yours, and yours alone. Explore what feels right. Don't be ashamed. Guilt is quite a negative emotion, and is not worth keeping inside you. Let it go, and you'll find yourself a much happier person as a result.

Best of luck!

Giving you all a 11 month update.. We are still going thru problems but have stuck it out. We fight often and agree on little. I am so frustrated that i can only think of myself so often. I feel increasingly enraged and wish i could find the love and friendship we had before all this happened . I still want a man sometimes and most often when me and my wife are having sex. I wish i could escape myself and my thoughts. I have treated her so terribly yet she stays here with me.

Am i a monster i feel like such a terrible person.