Endless Dark Night Of The Soul.

reply to post by ferumbra


Thankyou. I read all of Castenedas books about five years ago. They were amazing. I didn't use them as a basis for a 'path' but I identified with a lot of what I read. They resonated with me a lot at the time.

reply to post by Malcram


the original post, what do i say in response?

perhaps it is the spark that will rebalance this 'world'

reply to post by LoneGunMan


Yes, Ive felt those same depths. The only thing I can say in comfort is that while there are others around who have this same awareness and feeling then you arent alone and at least a little bit of 'home' must be here, whatever it is.

Often though, such sentiments and ideas mean absolutely nothing to someone going through this experience.

Originally posted by Malcram
The only thing I can say in comfort is that while there are others around who have this same awareness and feeling then you arent alone and at least a little bit of 'home' must be here, whatever it is.

I started reading CC about 5 years ago too.

Also i agree with quoted. There still is possible to find more knowledge or directions while in group with people on same level of awareness. Thats why i believe we should think about that people and group more and find way to help each other somehow.

And when we all know same and feel same, intent same as a group, gzz really, who knows what can happen? I just know spending time with some people is very different thing than anything we do/talk with other people.

reply to post by Malcram

The Dark Night of The Soul

Once in a dark of night,
Inflamed with love and wanting, I arose
(O coming of delight!)
And went, as no one knows,
When all my house lay long in deep repose

All in the dark went right,
Down secret steps, disguised in other clothes,
(O coming of delight!)
In dark when no one knows,
When all my house lay long in deep repose.

And in the luck of night
In secret places where no other spied
I went without my sight
Without a light to guide
Except the heart that lit me from inside.


It guided me and shone
Surer than noonday sunlight over me,
And lead me to the one
Whom only I could see
Deep in a place where only we could be.

O guiding dark of night!
O dark of night more darling than the dawn!
O night that can unite
A lover and loved one,
A lover and loved one moved in unison.

And on my flowering breast
Which I had kept for him and him alone
He slept as I caressed
And loved him for my own,
Breathing an air from redolent cedars blown.

And from the castle wall
The wind came down to winnow through his hair
Bidding his fingers fall,
Searing my throat with air
And all my senses were suspended there.

I stayed there to forget.
There on my lover, face to face, I lay.
All ended, and I let
My cares all fall away
Forgotten in the lilies on that day.

Saint John of The Cross.

The darkness you are enduring is equivalent to the love you have to give and experience. The experience you are having may precede a time of great learning and love for you. Don't give up hope and remember to write, write, write.

reply to post by Malcram


Sir i can only hope that you read through all the replies that you get from this thread. Every human here can help another soul and when you combine the internet the magnitude only increases. I can only offer my two cents in to try and aid you as i know how to, by offering information that i know. In your sense of not being human i can only think of one answer and that is to read The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life: Volumes 1 & 2. They contained many answers for me and raised even more questions but they gave me a sort of direction for my path since i believe we are alike in our sense of seeking the truth. Well really i believe we all want to know the truth but some are distracted by the things of this physical world to not learn. If you do not wish to buy them i have the pdf's on my computer that i can email to you if you wish.

Peace,
Fgluh

Originally posted by Malcram

I also have no belief structure with which to reassure myself or build hope. All such ideas were destroyed in a process of self inquiry. I dont know anything. Not because I need more information, but because its not possible to know. No one knows anything. But not everyone realizes it. I cant share in the insanity of believing I or anyone else actually knows anything anymore.

The feelings and experiences of love and hope etc, that I experienced earlier on in my journey have all ended now.

I would guess that the process of self inquiry which left you with no belief structure was an intellectual exercise resulting in being lost in an exitless maze. Knowledge can come only from personal experience, intuitively understood, and absorbed at all levels of conciousness. Not that I'm an expert at any of this, though. I am pretty much in the same place you are.

I have, however, picked up certain beliefs from books I've read from what I would consider credible authors. I would reccommend Robert Monroe for structure of the afterlife, Hans Ten Dam for the mechanics of reincarnation, and what happens immiediately after death from Dr Raymond Moody.

The book I would reccommend most of all though is The Zelator - the secret journals of Mark Hedsel, an initiate into the Path of the Fool. In the position you describe yourself, I would most definitely give it a read.

www.amazon.co.uk...=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1310246588&sr=8-3

Regarding the feelings of love and hope ending, I am sure that just below the surface all these things are present and correct. And I say that because whenever I have managed to dig a liitle into my psyche, past all the resentments and frustrations and anger, love is always there, flowing happily along like an underground stream. T&C prevents me from describing my methods for these excavations, despite them being legal at the time of writing in my country, but it is what I find, always and consistently, that is of interest in this thread.

And always the realisation comes that all of the world's issues, at a personal and an international level, are easily resolved with love.

Be assured that feelings of love and hope have not ended at all for you. Listen carefully when you have a quiet moment, it will be like a bubbling stream flowing through the night.

reply to post by Malcram


It can only get better for you.

This is the paradox of the shift in consciousness of 2012.

But the sunshine comes after the rain, be glad that your journey can only get better after your darkness,
It will be like your version of the renaissance after the dark ages times 1.000.000

Malcram,
I understand where you are with 'yourself'. It is a Big Sea, the Abyss and once someone finds themselves there, getting out requires All ones Energy and at the same time None. It is a Quixotic Place for the Soul which can produce a mindset that sets one off Chasing Windmills.
I promise you are Not alone on this Journey, even as you are tasting the Eternal Dark Night of the Soul.
Many here are giving Good Advice, I can only offer my own journey and its effects upon me in reflection to your In and Out of the Stasis State you are 'Living'.
I know it is deeply Painful, beyond what should be allowed for poor Human Bodies, Spirits, Minds and the Souls whom inhabit said vehicles. One is forever Marked for treading such 'waters'.
The Nihilist view does become prominent as said by another post, and can offer it's own 'rope' out of the Abyss.
I surfed my own way to the 'Event Horizon' and back 'here' by utilizing Nihilism. When all became Meaningless, I turned it on itself by Giving Meaning to What I Instill in this Experience. So that If the world/universe is a Nihilistic Machine with no real meaning. I designed to Produce the Meaning by my Actions, thoughts and so on.
The Meaning is What I put Into it. Yes, I know it can become Solipsic. It is alright to use such tools when needed, use them.
Another post mentions Carlos Castenada and the techniques used by Men and Women of Knowledge, and Yes, there is much here to utilize. I use the Tensegrity (or Magical Passes) movements in a modified form with a Qi Gong style adaption and they are very effective means of dealing with the bodily sensations you speak of that happen to Souls trapped in the Night. The Warrior mind and attitude is very important aspect of dealing with such, I suggest you reread these works from your present state and fish for 'lifeboats' to safety. Impeccability is a way of Life.
I too, have plumbed the depths, from a very very young age, where it is even more so dangerous to tread into the Abyss. A previous post mentioned how one used to believe in Santa, I never did, and most likely neither did you, as those of us who have such experience, never believe the Lies, (our eyes of perception are different from birth) we see them for what they are immediately and know they are illusion. Thus our predicament, being placed in bodies that appear for all practical purposes, solid and being driven by our minds/souls, when those of us who have swam the Abyss know this too is fallacy and a measure of deceit by the limitations of the human body.

Home.

Well, that too is a trick of perception. Click your heels,
remember Home is where the Heart is.
and other such cliches'
But there are deep messages to such off the cuff remarks.

I am not Christian by any sanctioned standard, and hate pigeon hole placements,(call myself Pagan sometimes) but the thing I did take from what the Christ taught these poor ignorant souls,, that they have yet to understand is this:

The Kingdom of Heaven is Within.

You pass through the Abyss before reaching this destination.

When you get there, I would gladly welcome you Home when you arrive,, but there will not be the need to do so.

Hold Tight. All is Right with the Multiverse. Inward and Outward.
The Abyss too is an Illusion,
WAKE UP and Claim the remaining parts of 'yourself' for Yourself.

Find a Body 'work' that will ground the feelings. Qi Gong, Tai Chi work, as do other methods, find one for your body type and start working the physical, because You are Connected,, even if it feels 'wrong'. Use tools accordingly. Grounding oneself is important here, I would go so far as to suggest old style Mud Baths even to help relieve some of the physical discomforts associated, but again traveling Inward ever deeper into the Abyss really is the Only way Out,,, as bad as that sounds.
I know this doesn't speak to the Pain that you are experiencing. To that I will only suggest that you realize Alchemically this is part of the process, I suggest you look into some of the Literature abounding about this as Jungians might suggest, alchemy is a method of dealing with the Dark Night and some call it the Conjunction phase of the Great Work. Or as Jung suggests it is part of the Burning away of the Self and he said:
As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being. Carl Gustav Jung
When Fermentation begins and settles into the putrid mess and mass, you will know your Work has not been in Vain.

The Phoenix Does Rise from the Ashes, I promise.
Hold Tight and Finish the Great Work you Began Eons ago.

Thanks for Sharing, it should inspire many with Hope you are even able to try and articulate this brief description of the Abyss and Dark Night.

Sincerely
EarthCitizen23

Thanks for sharing op. I've been meaning to share this for a while...

I feel like I don't belong here..but in the sense that I don't feel like I'm like every one else in society. My views are completely different then the major 99% population and when I talk to people I sense how conditioned and brainwashed they are. I don't let it bother me though.I too experience what you referenced to experience regarding "thinking about something deep meanwhile having a in depth convo. then afterwards feeling like you werent there for it" It happens a lot but I think it's normal


Lately, I've felt like I've been living multiple lives at once even though I'm not. I'm still here doing this internship, playing hockey, making music, visiting ats, and enjoying life. But sometimes I feel aware of other realities and I can see images like I remember them. When I experience this, I feel spiritually connected to the person in the realm/place of which I'm seeing thru the other persons eyes. It feels like it's me. Do anybody ever feel this?

Also, I've been remembering tons of dreams I've had. Some dreams I had years ago and some have been recent. At work I'll be doing something and all of a sudden I'll remember 3 or 4 dreams all at once. The thing that's weird is some dreams I recalled when I woke up the first time and some of the dreams I am just now remembering.. I can also remember when I had the dreams. Has this happened to anybody?

It sounds like you are depressed or unhappy with you're current state. In fact it sounds kind of suicidal sounding. I don't know how you feel in regards to energy bursting..but I do know how you feel being in an "armor suit." Since I'm more attune with my conscious I feel like I'm in a 1st person game sometimes. You just have to find happiness and love..You create you're reality.

Bottom line OP..Life is beautiful, life is pain, life is love, life is light, and conscious life is a blessing. Love life and just go with the flow, experience it and don't let all this get you down. We're a minute part of a bigger picture so accept the things you cannot change. Pe@ce n Love

Originally posted by itsallmaya
reply to post by Malcram

 

What I've found that works for me is helping others less fortunate and needing of assistance. I've gone from working in the corporate world and loathing it to making one of my goals in life to make a "real" difference.
I now work with people who are in need of help whether physical, emotional or spiritual. Depending on your skills you can help yourself find meaning and fulfillment by making a difference in peoples life through your career choice.

I am currently working in the corporate world myself (sales) and I loathe it and all it stands for with all my heart. In particular, the courses I get sent on telling us how to pretend to be considerate and help people so we can increase our profits. Business and the economic system are incompatible with life.

So just wondering if you had any advice on how to change career paths as you have done. Thank you.

reply to post by Malcram


Read the Knee of Listening.1971 edition

beezone.com...

reply to post by Malcram


the dark night of the soul is the journey of the ego and not the soul.
Who is seeking truth, enlightenment, and all those wonderful quality that sadely separate us from each other ?

Frater210, It would be wonderful if that were to be true. I hope so.

Fgluh98, funny you should mention the Flower of Life books. Ive read them and attended the Merkaba workshops. But that was a few years ago now. You're right, it does make things a little easier, even if just for a moment, to discuss things with others and hear that some relate.

Akkad, Ive read Moody and Monroe. Ive also had many OBES so have considerable experience with that. I just can't use experience - mine or others - to form a structure of belief any longer. Ive never read or heard of the Zelator though, so thanks for the recommendation.

I agree with what you said about love. I just wasnt very clear. Yes, its still there, but its not the dominant emotion that it once was. Im generally in too much discomfort for that, too energetically repulsed and restricted and in too much discord with the mindset of most people to feel much love. I pity more than love these days. But its still there.

Senser, 2012? Wouldn't that be nice. Who knows? I hope so. I agree there is somwthing strange about this time. I feel it. This is what I meant in the OP when I spoke of an imminent, inevitable, extreme pendulum swing. I just have no beliefs about what it will mean, if it will definitely happen, or when.

A hunch tells me that you're still young. Not older than 25 right ?

And your post describes your situation darker then it really is? There are still positive aspects of your life and your existence that keeps you floating?

You purposely did not focus much on the positive things in your posts because you want this conversation to focus on the darker aspects?

This is what my empathy tells me, all though, I've been wrong before.

I think that your situation will change, and in fact, I think it already is changing, something which in itself inspired you to make this post.

reply to post by Malcram

Malcram

Buddha dug it all way back then. They say he found the balance. I think this may be so , but I also think that that was another time. This might be said for any of the past dudes who dug it. No list necessary.

But these times are different. We are different. Contemplating and encompassing the All at this time and this place is to my mind a much more complex critter. Sometimes I laugh at the thought of Guatama living today and sitting beneath his Bodhi tree, looking around, throwing his hands up in the air and saying "pass me the doobie"

If we take enlightenment as a goal, then I suppose we will expect a big finale. A " Whassaaa I've found it "
If we take is as a process then it just may be no more than the old two steps forward one step back routine. And there may or may not be a summing up of it all. If not, then so what? But if there is, this may be the time of summing up for you, as well as any number of others. Keep reflecting and observing and making sense of it as you can. I'm sure I read that thought earlier on in your thread. Nice thread Malcram.

reply to post by Pointofview


No, Im almost 40. If Im honest, I lighhtened my presentation rather than darkened it, as hard as that maybe to believe. A habit I have. Under normal conditions, I'd be well beyond the point of discomfort that usually generates suicide, and have been for many years. Its only the spiritual process, for want of a better phrase, that Ive been through that makes suicide unnecessary and meaningless to me (you have to have some beliefs about death to seek it as an imagined solution or relief, for instance). But I should be clear, Im not saying that the circumstances of my life make me unhappy. I wouldn't even classify my condition as unhappiness. There isn't a material solution to my predicament, such as through a change of circumstance, and circumstance isnt the cause.

Its more fundamental than that.

OP, do you have a job???

reply to post by Soldier of God


Yes.

I write greetings cards and work as a clown at childrens parties.

(The second line is a joke )

Btw, to all, I hadn't intended for this to be a bleak thread, or be seen as a cry for help, attention or answers etc. I was more interested to see how others would respond and relate to this pespective. That some do relate is, somehow, comforting and the rest is fascinating. I wish I could reply to all the posts as they deserve because there have been many amazing replies, in various ways.

reply to post by Malcram


Just wondered I know in this economy many who have lost their careers enter a "lost" phase...