I could really use some advice

reply to post by mossme89

dude, what ever i type here is meant with the best of intentions and a genuine understanding of where your coming from!

its big subjects and so much that could be said, which is why i wanna (try) keep it short n sweet.

"some of you here could relate or comprehend to complexities of my emotions"

trust me its all mountains out of mole hills..

my rough year lasted 6 years and i'm just getting over things. negatives are a catalyst for something better!!

by the sounds of it your picking up on the new energies that are going on, whilst having that feeling of "whats the point" on a few levels. whislt dealing with "normal" things. getting all "emotional" about things won't help,, it'll just make anxieties, stress n all that worse... No need!!

remember the world has been set up to fuel our fears, egos and insecurities, which after a couple of thousand+ years has left us emotionally "challenged"... all people are in one way or another, at least your willing to talk about it and willing to try to sort things out.. admiting the problem is the first step

at the end of the day, what your getting worked up about, does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?? i say no not really.

your gonna get to know people for a year then have to meet others, if you meet some real good mates then you'll stay in touch, if not no worries, you'll meet more people and you'll have more experience, better luck next time.

as for the bird, you know you've blown it, let her go, but who knows what may happen in the future, once you've stopped letting anxieties get the better of you. fingers crossed you get the oppurtunity to show her you are actullay a decent bloke! like you said, you keep crossing paths. just chillout and learn from it. you can and will do better!!

the way i see it- fear, anxiety, stress, depression, paranoia, all that are the same bubble, learn from them but never let them guide you/ get the better of you, never react to them. the more you react to them the more you empower them... for me, when i was battling things, it was like my mind would play games, it would throw negative thoughts into my head, i'd react to them and think about them and things would snow ball, so easily, so often. all because i obsessed on the silly little things! the more Energy/thought you put into things the worse it'll get.. or better, what ever the case may be?!

you said yourself you do ok with people you click with,,, same as anyone bruv!

you made a booboo with some bird, everyones done it, and the more you thought about it, the worse it got.... SO DON'T PUT ENERGY/THOUGHT INTO IT NO MORE!!

just experience and learn from life, and you can't do that if your anxious and stressy, it just turns into one big viscious circle being governed by bullsh*t.

all thought, all action is creative energy. proreact and don't react!! or sometimes its just good to tell yourself "it doesn't matter" and leave it at that, train yourself....

here you go, meditate for half hour every moring, don't think of nothing, train yourself to keep a calm head!!

start a martial art- ju-jitsu, aikido, judo or something!!

trust me i went through freakin nightmares figuring out all this!!(there was a few other factors; ) and all it was was mountains out of molehills, its never as bad as you think it is!!!

have a read of this- wecreatethelove.ning.com...

i hope this all helps, hope it makes sense.

u2u me if you want

peace out.

reply to post by muzzleflash


Fair enough...yep, a Counsellor, not necessarily the school one, but someone in person. At least School Counsellors are free....


Hey, at least it was better than my 'bad' advice!



Yes, I've suffered from depression, rejection, hormones, teenage angst and all. I have a handle on my Seasonal Affected disorder now. Talking to people (professionals), face to face certainly helped. So did exercise and masturbation.

reply to post by mossme89

There is one more thing you might try with her - called "the bait and switch technique", whereby, when the time is right, and she seems a little bit receptive, you make a bold play and let her know 100% the degree to which she totally "rocks your world", BUT, then - you fain compelte indifference, like you don't care and are moving on, as if you've changed your mind about her for some strange reason (maybe another girl?, the pimple she sprouted?, it could be anything from her perspective, and a very mysterious turn of events), and then, turning your back on her so to speak, she if she takes the bait and starts to come after YOU!

Forgive us ladies, sometimes we have to do whatever is neccessary, even if it means a little bit of game playing.

Remember too that in spite of what they say, girls like the "bad guy", so you might try altering your persona from the awkward socially inept gangly type, to the carefree, cool ah "Fonzi" type dude (without the slicked back hair and putting your thums up and going "ehhhhhhhh" of course). Some new shoes, a new hair style, clothes, a new you which she never knew even existed, try that role on for size, plus trying on new ways of being is part of being a teen. Ever see the movie "Greese"? The girl was just so innocent, the guy (Travolta) so "bad ass".

And in the end, if none of that works, you're bound to pick up another one in the process and it will be this girl's loss in the end.

This is fun!

Originally posted by harrytuttle
...you are love sick, but you'll get over it....

i think many people here do not appreciate the potential seriousness of this problem. yes, it is true that generally speaking, everyone has the same type of experiences while growing up. however, it is distincly possible to develop a permanently damaging fixation on this person. whether or not this happens is a combination of body chemistry (genetics) and other environmental factors.

point being: what OP is going through may be on a magnitude much higher than what YOU did back in HS.


if, OP, you are going through anything like what i did back then (15 years ago), then it sounds like it has already progressed beyond the point of stalking......you are just too afraid to admit that to yourself, let-alone an entire message board.

IF i am right about where you are at right now, i say this: you are developing a pattern which you may never overcome in your life. DO NOT TURN YOUR BACK ON THIS! you MUST find a way to re-claim your sense of individuality. YOUR PROBLEM HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER! your problem has to do with you only. because of that, she has every right to feel violated.


simplest advice is to stop taking everything so seriously. you do not know this girl. you are not in love with this girl. you are at the butt-end of god's cruel joke, and the time has come to laugh about it. no more crying. only laughing. it is ridiculous.




P.S. that is what i wish someone would have told me 15 years ago.

reply to post by mossme89


Feign disinterest..make like your over her!...Then she will wonder whats wrong with her and come on to you...Play the game of Love.

reply to post by StlSteve

That's a disgraceful thing to say - MODS?!!!

reply to post by harrytuttle


Wow, that is pretty accurate. like you said, it describes me and my situation. The lyrics were spot on. The part from 1:05-1:31 resonates the most with me (it's the part about falling in love being easy & it clouds your mind). Thank you for that

reply to post by WHOS READY


Thank you for that. I do see that, the more i think about the negative things, the worse off it gets.

Originally posted by NewAgeMan
reply to post by mossme89

 

There is one more thing you might try with her - called "the bait and switch technique", whereby, when the time is right, and she seems a little bit receptive, you make a bold play and let her know 100% the degree to which she totally "rocks your world", BUT, then - you fain compelte indifference, like you don't care and are moving on, as if you've changed your mind about her for some strange reason (maybe another girl?, the pimple she sprouted?, it could be anything from her perspective, and a very mysterious turn of events), and then, turning your back on her so to speak, she if she takes the bait and starts to come after YOU!

Forgive us ladies, sometimes we have to do whatever is neccessary, even if it means a little bit of game playing.

Remember too that in spite of what they say, girls like the "bad guy", so you might try altering your persona from the awkward socially inept gangly type, to the carefree, cool ah "Fonzi" type dude (without the slicked back hair and putting your thums up and going "ehhhhhhhh" of course). Some new shoes, a new hair style, clothes, a new you which she never knew even existed, try that role on for size, plus trying on new ways of being is part of being a teen. Ever see the movie "Greese"? The girl was just so innocent, the guy (Travolta) so "bad ass".

And in the end, if none of that works, you're bound to pick up another one in the process and it will be this girl's loss in the end.

This is fun!

Ehh.... Thanks for the input but i'd rather just be myself and go with it. I'm not much into those type of games.

reply to post by tgidkp


Thank you. I'd appreciate it if you could elaborate and provide more info on what your situation was and how you dealt with it.

And yes, I'll admit it, it has gotten to that point. I created a fake facebook account to try and friend her on there (it didn't work). I don't know what came over me, i just had to know about her. I suspect, like you said, it's a deeper issue and i suppose it has to do with an insecurity.

If you like to exercise find a good Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) school near you and sign up. Make sure you check thier credentials first though by asking what the head instructors black belt lineage is ( who gave him his black belt) and then go on google and check and make sure it is legit. Call his instructors or his school or any Organization he claims to have a certificate from and verify. Most schools will usually give you some free lessons before you sign up.

Reason I say this is because they will be like a family and you will have lots of friends through doing that and gain confidence in yourself and it will come through in your personality and help you overcome your social awkwardness. Plus the ladies like strong masculine men especially those with accomplishments to prove it. Also there is a martial arts honor code that will help in all these areas. Reason I say BJJ is because it is not as watered down like many traditional martial arts and is easier to find a good school and not just a belt factory.

With the ladies you can't fall all over them or chase them much, in fact they will fall all over you if you act like you could care less (even if you really like one of them). They like a challenge, however if they have you eating out of thier hand then they become bored and look for the next challenge. Plus part of the make up of the male and female psychi is the male is supposed to be the sender and the female is the receiver. Translated they like strong males who seems confident or in charge (not over doing it) and not chasing them but confident that if one is not interested there are plenty of other fish in the sea who will appreciate you. Even if you don't feel this way you need to act this way and it will eventually become how you are.

Anyway hope that helps as it did me in my high school days many moons ago.

PS try to get off the anti-depressants as soon as possible, but do it gradually.

reply to post by mossme89


Ive read quite a few of your posts on the boards over the months.

You are an intelligent and well spoken person with quite a variety of interests.

Surely you know that there are 3 billion females on the planet to distract you from the misery you are putting yourself through thinking about this one girl?

I remember when I was at school, I had a major crush on a girl that acted like she hated me, I felt crushed, could'nt stop thinking about her to the point I thought I was going insane myself. I was around 14 at the time and I know exactly what it feels like, its like a twisting pain in your stomach etc.

I put this down to hormones now. I found out as well from the person when I was older that she was just as besotted with me but was embarrased of what her friends would think.

Always remember that their is a fine line between love and hate. Right now it sounds like you are hating to love her, take a step back and think about it because you are looking through blurry emotional eyes. She wont be all you are cracking her up to be in your mind and its probably made worse that you messed up a little in the past.

Stuff like this is the good stuff because if you bear through it hurting you, it makes you a stronger and more confident person.

Ever heard of the guy who lived his whole life making no mistakes at all and learned everything? (Rhetorical of course)

I think you have gotten a lot of good advice here...namely get off the Zoloft, keep up the running and don't worry about the girl. Utilize the situation to develop discipline by training your mind to not be anxious for anything....trust that whatever you NEED will be given to you as you need it. Yes you will receive some of your wants as well. But above all things desire wisdom which is a by-product of patience. You are in a time of your life when peer pressure exerts a tremendous force. Know that peer pressure will greatly subside as you leave HS. Ask for inner guidance and trust that you will receive it.
On a side note. At your age the girls of your age are way more advanced then men in the area of emotional maturity and in the ability to utilize it. Some of them can tear you to shreds and laugh about it afterwards. Whether you know it or not it is most likely a great blessing to you that this girl is seemingly not interested in you. As it is you are feeling enough pain over the situation. Now imagine if you allowed youself to be involved on a deeper level.... you would be at her mercy. Not a wise position to be in. Know that women have many ways to manipulate and control men. Most women cannot control men through fear or force so they have developed other methods for accomplishing their purpose. They derive a great deal of security by feeling that they are in control of their enviroment. They are especially masters at the manipulation of emotions. But the only way they can be effective is if you believe you NEED them. Use the time of being single to develop your own sense of self-worth and the knowledge that you will receive what you need if you ask and discipline yourself to wait patiently receiving wisdom ( Through observation and reflection) as you wait. Observe the interactions of other relationships and try to learn from them. DO NOT RUSH to be involved in one at this point. Get your feet planted firmly in the knowledge of your own self-worth and your own ability to live and be happy by yourself. Remember patience is a prerequisite to wisdom.

It's called LIFE. It hurts, it feels good, it sucks, it doesn't suck. It's life, get used to it.

I remember when I was at school, I had a major crush on a girl that acted like she hated me, I felt crushed, could'nt stop thinking about her to the point I thought I was going insane myself. I was around 14 at the time and I know exactly what it feels like, its like a twisting pain in your stomach etc.

I put this down to hormones now. I found out as well from the person when I was older that she was just as besotted with me but was embarrased of what her friends would think.

I sort of get that feeling, she might like me but be afraid of what her friends might think. In the beginning, i think she liked me, but then things got all tangled. Which leads me to where i am now.

It's weird, I've tried rationalizing how i feel about her before, but then i see her in the hallway and just get this vibe, it's unlike anything I've ever felt. You know how you get certain vibes from certain people? Hers is sort of mystical & otherworldly. I'm drawn to it because it's feels so different and is almost an escape from the everyday world. I might be bias, but she seems like a giant lightbulb, giving out that energy in all directions. I can tell when she's upset because that feeling is absent. Plus, i can sort of see from her body language.

I'm not saying i'm psychic or anything, i'm just saying this is what i feel.

Originally posted by XXXN3O
reply to post by mossme89

 

Ive read quite a few of your posts on the boards over the months.

You are an intelligent and well spoken person with quite a variety of interests.

Surely you know that there are 3 billion females on the planet to distract you from the misery you are putting yourself through thinking about this one girl?

Logically, i do know this but have a huge case of "oneitis".

Always remember that their is a fine line between love and hate. Right now it sounds like you are hating to love her, take a step back and think about it because you are looking through blurry emotional eyes. She wont be all you are cracking her up to be in your mind and its probably made worse that you messed up a little in the past.

Stuff like this is the good stuff because if you bear through it hurting you, it makes you a stronger and more confident person.

I know she's not perfect, but i like what i see and am willing to look past the bad, atleast right now.

That's exactly what I'm thinking. I've been bullied since 4th grade. Someone complimented me the other day that it's made me a more compassionate and empathetic person, and a stronger person. Maybe this will do the same.

reply to post by mossme89

Feign indifference, and she how she responds, you don't have many other options, since handing her a hand written love letter or something like that might freak her out to the point of no return. And if that starts to pull her in a bit, just ask her on a "date", straight up.

Originally posted by mossme89
Logically, i do know this but have a huge case of "oneitis".

When I was 15 through to leaving school, I had a huge 'crush' on a boy called Ian. He was very beautiful and very lovely. Soft grey eyes and thick black lashes. Sigh. He was in the cricket team, so I became very interested in cricket and went on very long bike rides in order to incorporate his street. This went on, off and on, for about 18 months, and it was completely and utterly hopeless, but all the same, I kept trying and checking to see if he had changed his mind, because I was convinced he liked me, and maybe he did, but either way, he wasn't going to bite no matter what I did.

And eventually these things run their course. I was lucky, he was very kind to me and did not ever, once make me feel in anyway bad. He would just say he didn't want a girlfriend yet. Damn shame...but, it is okay to have deep feelings for people, but those feelings are not always reciprocated and there is nothing you can do about that. And, also, sometimes people aren't ready to experience those feelings and want to stay out of it for a little while longer. There is a balance to be found, whereby you can just enjoy the fact that that person exists, and accept that, although she lights up and is flattered by your attention, she is just not ready for that level of intensity. Really, there could be any number of reasons and you're not a mind reader, so, at least for the time being, back off. These things cannot be forced or played, and if they are, there is generally a hollowness that makes it not worth having in the long run.

I still say you are better simply concentrating on yourself. Then, if, she does change her mind you are in a position to enjoy it, without having to carry around insecurities that you have just worn her down or the such like. And if it is meant to be, and all the vibes are what you think they are, then surely you have nothing to worry about...and perhaps, when you have both finished high school you will be able to stay in touch and will both be free of concerns about what people think.

OP here agin. I'm thinking about about apologizing to her. Apologizing for the fact that I've come across as a creeper/stalker. How there are so many things that, if i could, i would do over. Apologize for the times i've offended her. Apologize that as much as i try, i can't get rid of the feelings i have for her...

I just want to get that off my chest...

Good idea/Bad idea?

reply to post by mossme89


Hey my friend!
You seem so fragile and sensitive, yet strong and beautifull...
You surely enrich this world...
Have you got the advice you were looking for?