Child Free and Proud! Why have kids?

I think a lot of the issue is that when you HAVE a baby you don't get to BE the baby anymore.

Life is no longer all about memememememememe. It fits in with a consumer- driven, materialistic, entitlement-minded thought process that says, "there's someone else sucking up MY resources; taking FROM me, I get less now because they are here."

I had 5 kids. None by design or planning and in fact, were a result of ineffective birth control methods. Parents have a saying: I wouldn't give ya a nickle for another one just like 'em and I wouldn't take a million dollars for the one's I've got.

Yes, they're a lot of pain and bother. To someone with OCD, they will make your head explode and your right eye twitch uncontrollably. They will also force you to grow up and experience all that is beautiful and right and worth living for in the world.

Those who think they're doing the non-existent child a favor by not bringing them into a horrible world......hahahaha. You MAY be doing the rest of the world a favor but the non-existent child is not around to thank you or appreciate your efforts on their behalf. Kind of flawed logic there. Your choice to breed or not, of course, but at least place your altruism on someone that is actually living.

And I agree that there are some people who should not breed. I was probably one of them until I actually did breed. Children change everything.
That can be a good thing.

Children were my salvation when I didn't even realize I needed saving. I owed them my life and it has been a joy to give it to them. Every one of them are decent, beautiful, wonderful human beings and a blessing to all that encounter them. It is my privilege to be their mother.

reply to post by whitewave


me wanting to remain a baby or being selfish has nothing to do wth t why do these people who have kids feel they are somehow mentally superor to us who dont wish to breed.
i dont have a problem with people have kids that fine its your choice even when your birth control fals you still choose to go through with the pregnancy.
i CHOOSE not to get pregnant or give birth ever.

i have many responsibilities in life just because i havent shot a living being from my nether regions, or adopted doesnt make me irrisponsble, childish or selfish.
i actually adopt unwanted and abused animals which does take up all of my time, and i wouldnt have it any way.
id need a whole new post if i listed the animals that i have adopted from abusive owners or people who are bored of them.

one reason i do not want children is because im not maternal never have been and never will be and ths idea that if i have children it will change i will love the child, how do you know lets rsk it and if i dont feel any maternal love for this child in question what then another child that has to suffer mentally because its parent doesnt care.


at least im not so irrisponisble enough just to get pregnant willy nilly, and stuff the consequences.


i really get angry when people try to make out we are selfish for not wanting children.
and some of the arguements why we should are stupid.

As of right now, and for the next 5 or so years, I do not plan on having any children with my spouse. I agree with the posters here that talk about how bad society has become. I am terrified of the thought of bringing a beautiful being into this world, and then having some one else accidentally kill it or hurt it. Yes, it is the parents responsibility to raise their kids right, but there are SOOO many that do not know how to do that, which results in undesirables that make stupid decisions (like underage drunk driving)and potentially threatening the life of my child.
It's like when I am riding with my spouse in traffic, and I tell him to be careful. I am not worried about his driving, but everyone elses! Haha. In our families, we were expected to have kids after getting married, because we got married "old" (23,26), which is kind of the thing in the South. His parents did it, and mine did too. However, they were disappointed to find out that we wanted to enjoy not only life, but each other, and grow together, so if we did ever decide to have kids, we would not be torn apart like a lot of parents are.
Maybe after I (the younger) am around 30, I will feel more comfortable. Being 23, my brain is wired to think humankind kinda sucks right now, and society is no place to bring a child. And yes, I do enjoy my money and my toys...I am basically living my childhood in my twenties, because I had to grow up quick and deal with divorce and custody battles between my parents.
I am lucky I even considered marriage.
to the OP and the article.
-FCL

reply to post by kerrichin

I thoroughly agree with you, and I applaud anyone who realises they don't want to be parents BEFORE they have any kids.

As for changing how we feel once we've had a baby, well, (how to make this sound right without making me sound awful) I love my child, I did all the right things for her, but I have never felt that maternal, I would much rather be doing something else, I am quite sure she didn't get as much from me as she would have from a mother who never wanted to be anything else.

To have a child because it is 'expected' by society is the stupidest thing anyone can do, this is where all the unloved, neglected children come from.
It is not selfish to not want to breed, it is common sense if you do not have the necessary feelings for it.

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Originally posted by muuuhahahaha
reply to post by IandEye

 

having a child may be the ultimate form of narcissism.

Creating a half duplicate of yourself, and playing a roll in shaping their brain.

YES!!! it is
they are both sides of the same coin- i was thinking pride itself is narcissism.
tell you what though

Narcissist A has no kids- lives life as a narcissist from birth to death

Narc B has kids- even though a devout self-lover he (or she) can't help but learn about self-lessness as a parent- being able to let go and trust that their baby won't get killed any second

Im thinking that for 99.9999% of humanity, scenario B is the ONLY way they are going to grow at all


good post

You know, I can understand why a lot of people don't want to have children. I also see how many people who shouldn't have children, do. Some people that want children, can't.

I do want children eventually. They are our future, and the future of our species. With proper guidance, they become the leaders of tomorrow. They carry on your name, and a piece of you. They are often described as "the best thing that ever happened to you".

I don't think not having children is the answer to this problem.

Personally, I think making it illegal for stupid people to breed would be a better fix.

Originally posted by IandEye

Originally posted by muuuhahahaha
reply to post by IandEye

 

having a child may be the ultimate form of narcissism.

Creating a half duplicate of yourself, and playing a roll in shaping their brain.

YES!!! it is
they are both sides of the same coin- i was thinking pride itself is narcissism.
tell you what though

Narcissist A has no kids- lives life as a narcissist from birth to death

Narc B has kids- even though a devout self-lover he (or she) can't help but learn about self-lessness as a parent- being able to let go and trust that their baby won't get killed any second

Im thinking that for 99.9999% of humanity, scenario B is the ONLY way they are going to grow at all


good post

just one more thing-

this- the soapbox we call the internet- is also highly, highly narcissistic

reply to post by PennyQ


thank you i just dont see the point in getting pregnant in the HOPE that you will feel maternal love for the child.
its not fair on the child.

i dont feel the need to carry on my genetics, i have plenty of cousins who have already done that, i actually cant count how many cousins and second cousins i have.

reply to post by IandEye

Im thinking that for 99.9999% of humanity, scenario B is the ONLY way they are going to grow at all

What Rot!

I'm sure we all know plenty of childless people who are not narcissistic, I know I do, you don't need to have kids to learn how to be selfless, or are you saying that nuns and other childless charity workers have not learnt to be selfless?.

And contrary to your statement there are plenty of people out there who have children that haven't learnt to get over their narcissistic ways.

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A number of times over the years i have stated to people who have asked when the next baby is going to come along, that i have already paid my debt to the gene pool lol..its amazing how strange people, especially in my local area here, are about just having one kid, most have 2 upwards to one mad women i know of in the area that has 7, the last two being a set of twins.. and i recently have found out shes only 23.. that was pretty disturbing to realize...