Can you trick your brain out of anger?

I am asking this here because i see so many posts on ATS that infuriate people, emotions run high and some people totaly lose it in a post. This then leads to warnings, tension on the board, rifts between members, most of who don't know each other and never will. Silly really.

We probably all have better things to do with our time and more important things to stress about that a strangers words on the net, but time and time again we see it here. Lots of anger, lots of emotion.

I'm curious about your techniques for dealing with this. I am lucky in that i am a very mellow person, you could beat the crap out of me before i lost my temper, and even then i'd probably shrug it off and shake your hand lol.

Anger can get you into a lot of trouble if you can't control it, or can eat away at you emotionaly. This used to happen with me regarding people close to me, if they had a go at me for any reason, i would have this cloud come over me and it used to get me down until it was resolved. I hate arguements so it really bugged me.

So i adopted a tip i learnt from a self help book once. Whether it's here on ATS, or in my life outside the net, i just say to myself, "What else could it mean?"

If someone is rude and obnoxious in a post, or to my face, i don't get angry or react straight away, i think to myself what else could be the reason for it. Nine times out of ten it turns out that they were just having a bad day, and the issue is quickly resolved. Here on ATS we often forget that there are people with families, businesses, high stress lifestyles that do not always make for a calm post.

So i find allowing a few moments, or hours to let someone get it out of their system, can make a huge difference to my sanity. Whilst it may seem weird, asking someone who has just given you a mouthfull if they are ok can unearth a whole world of reasons why they are grouchy, and usualy none of them will be your fault.

There could be many reasons why people post the way they do...

When i do this, my brain automaticaly forgets to be angry and almost adopts a sympathetic attitude instead. I'm not saying we should go all hippy on a person, sometimes we need anger as a release and self preservation tool, but i think these days people blow up over stuff they really don't need to.

Especially regarding posts on ATS, people need to remember that whilst a post may raise strong emotions, it will rarely be a personal attach at yourself, just the issue.

Any other tips or techniques for dealing with anger towards others?

CX.

I think most people do not think at all, and they just let there emotions control them alot.

I just ignore them too, and i have always been passive, so to me, alot of people just seem like animals.

reply to post by andy1033


I think thats a good point, many people just don't think before lashing out either verbaly or physically.

I understand the way you are brought up, or your surroundings can have a massive impact in that too, so i try not to judge people i don't know if i can help it.

CX.

reply to post by CX


I was born into a family, with both parents like that also, so i think the genes mean alot. People that resort to violence do not think, about there actions. The way i look at the world, is the world deserves its scum, and your welcome to it.

The violent people in society seem to be those who think they are the greatest thing for society, and thats why i just think, let them have the people the world wants.

Remember i have have had to put up with enormous amounts of bullying as a person, the way i look at it, is the people doing it are scum, and if society wants that they are free to have that, aren't they.

reply to post by CX


I've never seen any reason to get honestly angry at anything anybody has posted, but there are a lot of people that get angry at posts online because they take themselves way too seriously.

Anger is very much a part of the human condition, and something many strive to avoid within themselves, as well as many who thrive on it.

For most people anger can be about not getting things the way they wanted them to be, which I think is the main reason for anger.

I was always a pacifist in life until I got married and found myself always on the wrong side of my wife, who sought absolute control over what I did, said, thought and looked at. I soon found anger was a part of me, and I didn't like it at all.

After 10 years I could not take it anymore and the marriage broke down, but I still had that anger within me. It took a few years to realise that what I was scared of was not being angry, it was really the Power I felt when angry that frightened me.

I tried counting but found I only counted angrily

So one day when I felt a raging fit of anger rise up from deep within I did something different. I shut my eyes and focused on the sensation of Breathing. When I opened my eyes I could still feel that immense power but it no longer drove me.. I was no longer reactionary.

Self Mastery is what I learned that day. That I can choose how I behave at all times, and that I could use that power from within in other ways.

Originally posted by Tayesin
So one day when I felt a raging fit of anger rise up from deep within I did something different. I shut my eyes and focused on the sensation of Breathing. When I opened my eyes I could still feel that immense power but it no longer drove me.. I was no longer reactionary.

Self Mastery is what I learned that day. That I can choose how I behave at all times, and that I could use that power from within in other ways.

This exactly what i am talking about, thank you.

I think we have more power to change or overide our emotions that we realise.

CX.

i don't get angry or react straight away, i think to myself what else could be the reason for it.

Aldous Huxley's widow, Laura Archera Huxley, wrote a book whose title is You are not the Target. Apparently it's still in print.

Her book has several articles about life, but the one that corresponds with the title is about just what you say: people transfer to you their anger with someone else, or about something else in their lives. So, unless you have it coming, you should realize that they probably aren't really mad at you.

She wrote the book way before there was such a thing as an internet forum. It's funny that people take anything that happens here in cyberspace personally, where there is hardly any personal component to our interactions.

But we do, so good for you to inspire thought about why we should do something about that.

Any other tips or techniques for dealing with anger towards others?

Naming thought is good, and maybe as a bonus you'll earn Buddhahood.

(Say to yourself "I think that I am feeling anger." It interrupts the progress of the train of thought. That creates an opening for the more usual you possibly to get back on your game, and maybe disrupts the progression of the physical aspects of anger, too.)

Afterthought: The title of the thread has "naming thought" quality. The notion that you could "trick" your brain is very Zen. On the one hand, the title is an assertion of you not being your brain, being detached from that aspect of yourself. On the other hand, of course, your title raises the question of who is this "You" you speak of, that is not the brain you seek to trick?

[edit on 4-11-2009 by eight bits]

Originally posted by eight bits
So, unless you have it coming, you should realize that they probably aren't really mad at you.

Thats what i've started doing now. Unless i know for a fact i've annoyed someone or done something wrong, then i say to myself it is probably something else getting to them.

(Say to yourself "I think that I am feeling anger." It interrupts the progress of the train of thought. That creates an opening for the more usual you possibly to get back on your game, and maybe disrupts the progression of the physical aspects of anger, too.)

Thats a good one, just adding one sentence about the emotion can interupt it.

Thanks.

CX.