posted on Jul, 17 2009 @ 10:54 PM
I was an "atheist" for about 18 years following the untimely death of my father. He died when I was 17, about a week before my 18th birthday, and
it infuriated me. What infuriated me even more was the outpouring of religious sentiment all around me — I hated the platitudes and
condolences and the religious reassurances coming from people who I knew were hypocrites.
I hated God most of all, which is what most professed atheists do — they don't truly live their lives without religion, they actually
fill their lives with hatred of God and all things religious. Which is not true atheism. Instead, it's just another kind of theism
that I call God Hating. God haters thrive on religion, they couldn't live without it.
Anyway, in my mid-thirties, I got myself into a pretty dire situation that could have easily resulted in my "sleeping with the fishes," if you get
my drift. For about 2 years, I lived off the grid and below the radar, no paper trails, pretty much hand-to-mouth survival.
It was during this ordeal that I experienced a series of peculiar encounters and twists of fate that somehow sustained me. At the time, I
called them coincidence... really, really bizarre coincidence. Each coincidence steered me away from catastrophe and ultimately led me
back to a normal life.
It wasn't until afterwards, when I reviewed the whole nightmarish experience, that I realized something had intervened in my life, snatching
me from the jaws of death not once but many times, in ways that I couldn't logically explain.
No, I didn't immediately turn into a believer.
But I did remember that, when things were at their worst, I had caught myself praying under my breath. It came automatically, prayers
like "Just get me out of this one. Please." The sort of stuff you mutter when everything is going wrong, when you've reached the end of
your rope — you're not praying to anyone or anything, you're just kind of beseeching The Void, right.
That's when I realized that every time I had "prayed," a bizarre "coincidence" would follow. I didn't pray for anything specifically, I
simply acknowledged that I was all out of ideas, and that's when something would happen.
Well, after that realization, I decided to "test" this phenomenon by uttering a short burst of prayer and then watching for a
"coincidence"... But nothing happened. It then occurred to me that the prayer had to be a heartfelt need, not merely a wish. In fact, it
didn't seem to work at all when I asked for things and material gain — it only seemed to work when I gave up hope, and when I
acknowledged that a situation was beyond my control.
That's when something would happen.
So, I found myself in the unenviable position of being an "atheist" who secretly prayed, and whose prayers were answered in a
predictable fashion. Answered by who or what I didn't know, and I didn't really want to think about it.
It was at this point that I knew I had to reassess my half-assed, hypocritical "atheism" and broaden my mind on the subject of spirituality in
general and of prayer specifically. Over the years that followed, I came to the conclusion that there was much more wisdom to be gained in the
study of spirituality than in the study of the very scant evidence against spirituality.
For one thing, I accept that the Universe is far too mysterious a place for me to dismiss the possibility of a God or an Afterlife or the power
of Prayer. There is simply no Scientific evidence to disprove their existence, and lack of evidence does not prove anything.
— Doc Velocity