posted on Feb, 23 2009 @ 10:55 PM
I am one of the tinfoil hat wearin' conspiracy nutjobs that is preparing for the end of the world and if you are too then I have a small piece of
ammo you can put in your arsenal. If you are not one of "us" you can benifit from this too. So stick around.
In preparing for the end of times and whilst waiting to be taken to the local "FEMA disaster centers" I have made some simple preparations
for survival. One of which is baking,(yes, I'm a man) my own bread.
Now, I know there are several bread recipes out there, actually there are more bread recipes than there are days left in your life to try them all.
Allow me to turn you on to the one and only I'll be using.
Listen up fellas. If you do this the way I tell you, Your wife will crap her pants and tell all of her friends the next day at the office how great
and don't forget to turn on the baby makin' music when she gets home and catches a whiff of freshly baked bread.
Oh, and it just may save your arse one day too.
what you'll need.
1. 5 cups of flour bleached or unbleached, I preferr un-bleached.
2. 2 tblsp of active dry yeast. I bought a couple 2lb bags at costco. just in
3. 2 tblsp of sugar.
4. 2 tblsp of vegetable oil.
5. 2 tsp of salt.
6. 2 bread pans, I preferr glass, but metal is ok too.
7. 2 cups of hot water or milk. I preferr whole milk. It is MUCH creamier
and tastier. Water is for survival but definately use milk if avail.
Now, on with the show.
1.) Mix 2 of the 5 cups of flour (set the other three aside for now)
with all of the other *DRY* ingrediants in a large bowl. Got it?
That wasn't so hard now was it? Let's keep going.
2.) Take your two cups of MILK or water (I'm tellin you milk makes it taste soo much better unless you're Hindu) that you've heated up in the
microwave (not too hot or it will kill the yeast, you should still be able to stick your finger in it without getting burned) and dump it in with the
dry ingrediants. Mix this together pretty good and let it sit for 10 mins.
This stage is called the sponge. What we are waiting for is the Crap in the bowl to start slightly bubbling. It is a reaction from the yeast releasing
which will help the damn thing rise in a bit.
3.) After your ten mins is up, go ahead and dump the rest of your flour (3 cups) in with the sponge and knead it together thouroughly. About 5 mins
should do it. You may need a little extra flour on stand by in case it is too sticky. What we are looking for here is to get this blob to feel like
your ear lobe. It shouldn't stick to your fingers much when you've got it right.
Lift your shirt and get a couple good handsfull of that fuel tank for your love machine....That's what it should feel like.
4.) Let it sit for 1 hour. Keep it in a bowl and cover it with a towell or your dirty workshirt or underwea.....ok that's gross. Also, make sure it
stays warm. I sometimes turn the oven on and sit it on the range to let it get a little extra warmth. Rmember guys, this is your baby. We have to care
for it. treat it like you treated your wife on the first date.
5.) Ding, hours up. Now divide it in half. Put each half into your already greased bread pans (what did you think the butter was for?). Make sure you
pound them down evenly. All that agression you are feeling towards the NWO...Well nows the time.Punch that motherF....Pretend it is Bush's
face and beat that mother down. This one's for selling out our country you S.O.B.
6.) Wait another hour. That's right. Cover those sweet babies up and wait one more time.Trust me it will be worth it. You will thank me remember.
7.) By now those formerly flat lifeless hunks of dough should be big and puffy and ready to be thrown into the oven which has been preheated to 350
degrees....hasn't it? Now, we take Lil' Bush and Lil' Cheney and throw them into the furnace that they are making sure we bake in one day.