Jokes about the French

This is a thread about French jokes. The first joke:

Q: What is the supreme law in the United States and France?
A: In the US, the supreme law is the Constitution of the United States. In France, the supreme law is Sharia law.

[edit on 29-4-2006 by Zibi]

O......k
So when am I supposed to start laughing?

How do you recognise a French infantryman?

He has sunburnt armpits.

The Site

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman are out walking the beach one day when they come across a lantern. One of them picks it up and out pops a genie. "I’ll grant you one wish each" says the genie. The Welshman says, "I’m a farmer, my dad was a farmer and my son will also farm the land. My wish is that the land in will remain fertile forever in Wales." "Done," said the genie. The genie turned to the Frenchman. "Well, I would like a wall around France to stop all unwanted people coming into my precious country." "OK" says the genie, "It’s done. The genie then looks at the Englishman. "I’m curious, says the Englishman, please tell me more about this wall." "Well," says the genie. "It’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out. "I see, says the Englishman, very interesting." "So then, what’s your wish?" says the genie. The Englishman replies, "Fill it with water."

Did you hear about the new French tank? It has 16 speeds reverse and two speeds forwards (In case the enemy gets behind them). When it fires, a pole sticks out the end of the barrel with a white flag on it.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?

A: Nobody knows, it's never been tried.


Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!

I think the French have the last laugh...a National Park called Grand Teton. That ranks up there with Nellie's Nipple in California. Maybe Christo can drape giant brassieres over the peaks.

here's a few i found.

What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead french man In the middle of the road?
There's skid marks In front of the skunk.


How do you confuse a French Soldier?
Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.


How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn't matter; if you're depending on the French to do the job, it's screwed anyway


Why are all the roads in France lined with trees?
Because the Germans like to march in the shade.

Originally posted by UK_05_XM29
The Site

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman are out walking the beach one day when they come across a lantern. One of them picks it up and out pops a genie. "I’ll grant you one wish each" says the genie. The Welshman says, "I’m a farmer, my dad was a farmer and my son will also farm the land. My wish is that the land in will remain fertile forever in Wales." "Done," said the genie. The genie turned to the Frenchman. "Well, I would like a wall around France to stop all unwanted people coming into my precious country." "OK" says the genie, "It’s done. The genie then looks at the Englishman. "I’m curious, says the Englishman, please tell me more about this wall." "Well," says the genie. "It’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out. "I see, says the Englishman, very interesting." "So then, what’s your wish?" says the genie. The Englishman replies, "Fill it with water."

Oh man! That was a great joke. It goes along the lines of all the discussions I'd have in my history classes. Me and a few friends would always blame the french for either being conquered by a country or losing a battle they weren't even involved in. Those were great times.

Again, nice joke and I'll be sure to use it the next time I'm having a history discussion!

Cheers~

-Emissari

Can't say I'm surprised to see this post started by Zibi, the fanatically anti-french bigot that he is.....

But, seeing as I'm here.... (it's an Englishmans perogative, you know, to bash the French..we were doing long before the rest of you )

Where is the best place to hide money form a frenchman?

Under his soap, of course!

There are two french legionnaire officers who have been stuck in the sahara for two days and have just run out of water. With the sun on their backs they carry on mile after mile in search of salvation when suddenly over a dune top they come across something,
"Zut alors, look it is a bacon tree" said the first frenchmen.
"Ahhhhh yes, bacon tree" said the second

They quickly ran over the dune towards the tree when suddenly BANG BANG BANG, gun shots rang out across the desert, they were both hit.

The next day search and rescue finally found them, the first frenchman was already dead, the second was a whisper away from death.
The rescuer asked
"Claude, Claude, what in gods name happened here."
The dying frenchman replied,
"Zat, zat was no bacon tree"
"Zat, zat was a ham bush"



Sadly enough one of my favourite jokes

Originally posted by stumason
Can't say I'm surprised to see this post started by Zibi, the fanatically anti-french bigot that he is.....

This is offensive. I am not a racist. The fact that I hate the Germans and the French doesnt mean that I hate all other nations.

Walter you just got me thrown out of the library. Well done

Englishman, Frenchman and a German land a boat on a tropical island and go in search of treasure. After a days fruitless searching they pitch camp for the night and settle down to sleep. During the night they are all awoken by an almighty racket and find themselves surrounded by local tribesmen. The leader walks upto the men and says "You have come here to defile our sacred land. According to our law you have two choices. Death or Bongo"
The Englishman says "Yea gads man, what on earth is Bongo?"
The Leader replies "It is bum sex"
So the Englishman replies "Oh my god, I have a wife and sons, I can't leave them to fend for themselves, I have no choice but to submit to Bongo"
All the natives start dancing around, shouting "BONGO BONGO BONGO", drag him into the bushes and then throw him in the river.
The leader then turns to the German who says "I too am a husband and father, so reluctantly I must submit to Bongo"
Again all the natives start dancing around, shouting "BONGO BONGO BONGO", drag him into the bushes and then throw him in the river.
Then the leader turns to the Frenchman who says "I too am a husband and father, but first and foremost I am a proud Frenchman and as such I will never submit to Bongo. I choose DEATH"
Then all the natives start chanting "DEATH BY BONGO, DEATH BY BONGO"


[edit on 2-6-2006 by ridcully]

I realise Ill probably get in trouble for that joke, but I dont care, I think its really funny

There was a big mess with the French during Katrina. They sent some military units here to assist with the disaster recovery (very good hearted of them). The problem happened when they arrived and saw our Salvation Army, they immediately surrendered and we had no place to hold them till they could be shipped back.