ThreadKillers Anonymous

Ok, since our previously hijacked thread has outlived its usefulness (Thank you to our spokesperson for pointing that out) as the President of ThreadKillers Anonymous, I have decided to start this thread. For all you thread killers, who would like to join up, feel free to post here.

We're still working on our mission statement, but we currently have me as President, Tinkleflower as TKA Mascot, nikelbee as Spokesperson, Duzy as a Member, and fritz as our Cat. More details to follow as they come available.

Oh yeah, Tinkleflower brings donuts, and list what you want for drinks at our meetings.

Zaph, are our self-elected official (*coughbenigndictatorcough*) I would like to see a set of our roles and responsibilities in TKA. Also, as you are our fearless leader; will we be voting on things from now on? Or will the facade of democracy continue much as in does in some of our countries.

As a spokeperson my job is to look cute, swish my hair around a lot and state the obvious (again like many of our government officials).

While I'm at it, I would like to point out that Twinkle and Fitz the cat are fullfilling the same role as mascot (just different titles). I hearby nominate Twinkle as Interior Minister of thread killin'.




[edit on 21-9-2005 by nikelbee]

I'm still working on the charter with our responsibilities. I'll post it in the next couple of days after I get it all figured out. Any input by our Members will be taken into consideration.

Yeah, that's a good point. Ok, Tinkle you can be the Interior Minister of ThreadKilling. Congratulations on the promotion.

I think we'll actually vote on things. It'll make it more interesting, and less stress on me as the Benign Dictator, I mean President.

How could you possibly keep of thread of killers, alive?

Hey, some of these threads are really dangerous you know! You want to make sure to have some of us hired guns around for when they start getting a little too rowdy and have to be put in their place. You never know when you might want to take out a hit on a thread. :w:

Ok then!
Is there a magic word, or phrase, to be uttered?

Our mere presence in the thread is usually enough. I started three threads in the last 24 hours and have three responses to one of them. And two of those are fellow ThreadKillers.

LMAO,
Maybe I should join your gang then..

Once we get more positions we'll give you one. For now you're just a Member. We have to get our Charter and other things written up first.

Hey Nikelbee, we're changing your title. You're going to be the Press Secretary. It sounds more official. You can be in charge of the official briefings.

Oh My Golly Gosh

You really treally need ME as a member of this esteemed league of BoardSurfers.

I am the bestest chat killer/threadkiller/internet killer there is.....

I scare myself sometimes.......

Is there a group therapy self help session available?...are the dreadful side affects of this phenomena explained in detail? ...

Oh Yaaaaaaaah

*dances...I feel better, so much better now......

I'm not sure if I qualify.

I prefer to take a thread and make it into an interesting sewing pattern, rather than lots of repeat "me too" stitches. My favourite pattern for an ATS thread is duck-shaped.

I think a qualification or entry standard ought to be set, such as "here are the 100 threads that I am the last poster on".

Also, if you are the only poster in a thread, it needs to be determined whether the thread was ever truly alive.

I'm in! No one ever likes posting in my threads for some strange reason. Whether its one of my short stories or not, I usually don't get that many posts.

As the proud newly promoted OhFishUl Interior Ministeria of ThreadKilling, I hereby declare the following:

The Interior will be painted a lovely shade of pale pink, with hunter green pillows and beige chenille throws. I'm still deciding on velvet vs lace for the drapes. You are expected to keep your own area nice and clean, as the dust bunnies here grow at an unfathomable rate and they'll soon takeover.

And I can't allow that.

Additionally, any scribbling, doodling and/or graffiti-ing on The Interior will result in severe punishment, usually in the form of permanent revokation of coffee and donut rights.

And we don't want that, now do we?

I'd also heartily recommend that in order to assist the wonderful Nikelbee with her briefs, you refrain from wearing thongs. Because they're just not nice. Nobody likes butt floss. And they're really hard to write on.

Donuts will be available every odd hour, starting at 7am GMT. Please warn me of any food allergies (nuts, wheat, chocolate, poo, etc) so that I won't be held responsible for your untimely death from chowing too many ChocoPoonutMeatyWheaty Kremes.

Coffee is available all day, every day, and your yearly dues will be reduced by 35% if you agree to drink Sanka (or the cheaper dollar-aisle equivalent) instead of Starbucks/Folgers. Bring your own creamer.

That is all.

Your joyful happy hippie,

Ms Twinkly Tinkle, Ministeria Of The Interior, ThreadKillers Anon.

Originally posted by Tinkleflower
ThreadKillers Anon.

I'm in for the tremendous decor and the donuts.

But is this a 12-step program of some sort, as you allude to? If so, then this thread is too open. I suggest use of one of the mustier disused Chat Rooms at a quiet time.

Hello, my name is anxietydisorder, and I'm a threadkiller.
I haven't killed a thread for one week, and I'm attending this meeting so that I don't have a relapse.

In the past I've killed many threads, and other members can review some of my recent mayhem in the threads below:

www.abovetopsecret.com...
www.abovetopsecret.com...
www.belowtopsecret.com...
www.belowtopsecret.com...
www.belowtopsecret.com...
www.abovetopsecret.com...
www.abovetopsecret.com...
politics.abovetopsecret.com...

When Harry55 started this thread: www.abovetopsecret.com...

My single reply was enough to end any hopes or dreams he may have had as far as future discussion on the topic. Not to mention any points the member may have gained from said discussion.

I feel better just being able to talk about this. Thank-you.
*member sits-down*

Hi, anxiety!

First things first.

I'm not sure there are 12 steps...

I know there are two steps from the living room into the kitchen, but that's really about it.

I'll defer to our benevolent dict..uh...Boss, and let him g'head with any regumalations.

Have a donut, grab your favourite caffeinated beverage of choice (there's Dewski in the fridge too, unless Boss nicked the last one, in which case I'll shake my finger at him or something equally mean) and tell us allllll about it.

Anxiety - good lord! That's quite a list. I think in order to be realistic about our 'true' thread killing skills we have to address the problem of both time in space in the equation. For time, how long is long, is the main question we must ask ourselves.

A few hours, a few days... never? As for space, this one is more complex. Are we posting where others will never see it? Where it will get lost and/or ignored? Is 6:00 am really too early in the morning to post? All these factors contribute to where you post goes to die in the end.

Let me reiterate. One is simply not born a post killer. Yes, there are few Mozart-like individuals out there who possess the Gift naturally, but they are rare. Most of us have worked long and hard at thread killing.

It is helpful to break down the cause of why a thread goes stone cold at the mere touch of your mouse. I'm ennumerating them below in no particular order.

1. Problem with TKing simply by the mere presence of one's name - expert level of TK

2. Problem with Tking as a paranoid reaction to what could simply be a slow day - Novice level - you'll get over it and soon learn to agree with people just to be nice or to say something that someone will respond to. This in turn creates an addiction of a different kind. Get help people!

3. A problem with Tking because you err get carried away with overly compex and long posts that ramble on and do not address any immediate issues/or visible agenda. Otherwise knowns as the Ego post. - Ranges from intermmediate to Holy XXXX you are good at thread killing. At first glance I say most of us fit this description.

4. Advance skills of paranormal TKing. Do NOT try this at home people. This will kill a thread fresh in its track simply by virtue of thought. Studies still being carried out on this one.

5. The 'I'm too sexy for this thread' TKing skills - Expert, expert level. Your posts are SO good, so insightful, so amazingly wonderful, there is no possible way on earth any mere mortal can follow it up.

Now to sum up, I have selected my own top three TK posts for your review. I have (thoughtfully) tried to select one of each category. I hope you will be suitably humbled as I'm sure I will be with yours.

Nikelbee's top 3 failed posts with a brief analysis of why they failed:


www.belowtopsecret.com... - Lost among other posts or big, whopping failure - you decide.

www.abovetopsecret.com...
The I could care less about your opinion, go away and die, die, die post.

www.belowtopsecret.com...
And finally, the whatthebloody??? post. Also known as the genuinely baffled - what did I do???? post. A combination of too much, too little or too crazy, has the unpleasant result of making people back away slowly and go, 'Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkay....'



[edit on 21-9-2005 by nikelbee]

Mine are too numerous to list.

(pause for melodramatic sigh)

Just click on any where my name is attached to the last post. There's enough of 'em...

Originally posted by Tinkleflower
As the proud newly promoted OhFishUl Interior Ministeria of ThreadKilling, I hereby declare the following:

The Interior will be painted a lovely shade of pale pink, with hunter green pillows and beige chenille throws. I'm still deciding on velvet vs lace for the drapes.
Additionally, any scribbling, doodling and/or graffiti-ing on The Interior will result in severe punishment, usually in the form of permanent revokation of coffee and donut rights.

I'd also heartily recommend that in order to assist the wonderful Nikelbee with her briefs, you refrain from wearing thongs. Because they're just not nice. Nobody likes butt floss. And they're really hard to write on.

You run a strict interior Tinkle. I'll be sure to clean up after myself in future. I wouldn't want you to revoke my generic brand coffee privilages.

As for the thong edict - good call! See, this is why you have come so far, so fast... I would have never thought about this regulation. Under my rule there would have been thongs and chaos o'plenty.

Thanks for the promotion by the way Zaph. I eagerly await your proclamat... oops, I mean manifesto.

Are we doing 12 steps or 13 steps just to be different?