seizure

I am a functional alcoholic.

I dont know why Im writing this,maybe I need to let off steam.

17 years ago my daughter was born.
My partner at the time had to be induced.
During that time my drinking increased.

Then about 12 weeks later we took my daughter to have the 12week check up
The GP checked her chest with his stethoscope, then suddenly moved the
stethoscope back and listned again.
He said I can hear a murmer from her heart.
Next thing i know my little girl is beaing rushed to Birmingham childrens hospital in an ambulance.

My friend picked me up and we followed the ambulance up the motorway with its blue lights on.
The ambulanse went into the hard shoulder and we couldnt do that.
But still he got me to the hospital before the ambulance arrived.

My daughter was diagnosed with multiple VENTRICULAR DEFECTS.
She was put on a feeding tube (nazal gastrit).

We had to tube feed her every few hours no matter where we was.
I remember going with my ex to macdonalds and had to tube feed her.
As you can imagine people staring (nothing was said)

So during this time my alcohol increased,I was struggling mentaly.

What made me realise something was...

My daughters heart was a routine op and has been done for many years.
I seen children in Birminghams hospital that will never leave there.
Made me realise that there is more poorly children than mine.

I was boo hooing, untillI seen all them poorly children.
some of them children will never leave the hospital.

My little girl is 17 years old now and fit as a fiddle and at college.

Story is I drank to muster the feelings.
Its got a bit of a grip on me but im battling it.
I even test drove a new car yesterday and hadnt had a drink.

Im honest.
I passed my driving test well over the limit and its still clean.
I was driving a van 2 days later and fitting windows.
Alcoholism is a strange one.
Im functional and still work (shhhhh) But will never drive under the influence.

Point being...

I bashed my right side head on the bathroom sink and a lump about half the size of a golfball was on my head, about 6months ago.
I was at my friends house. I had a seisure.
Woke up in hospital.

Last week same thing..stupidity.
A hammer glanced of the side of my head and blood pishing out.
Had a seisure 2 days later awoke in the hospital with a dressing gown on and my mobile.
Was told ive got concussion had ct scan.

The point being.. injurys are not good.
Ive had 2 serious whacks now and my thick head is still here.

Im trying to cut down but its so difficult.
WHY am I typing this?
I dont know.

God bless all of you

a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

I’ve had my struggles with alcohol in the past. I always quit cold turkey. Hardest part was the 5-7 days of insomnia directly after quitting.

If you’re already having seizures, definitely DO NOT quit cold turkey. If it’s progressed that far, it can kill you.

I’m curious, were you honest with the hospital staff about your drinking? They could have pointed you in the right direction on a path to success. Id see a doctor about it if you’re having seizures. I believe that’s why you’re writing the thread as that’s scary.

Drinking produce’s depression. It’s a constant cycle that won’t stop until you quit or scale way back.

a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

God bless all of you

And you as well! Thank you for such an honest, heart-wrenching account.

I whish you well on your journey and the strength to accomplish your goals.

originally posted by: KKLOCO
a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

I’ve had my struggles with alcohol in the past. I always quit cold turkey. Hardest part was the 5-7 days of insomnia directly after quitting.

If you’re already having seizures, definitely DO NOT quit cold turkey. If it’s progressed that far, it can kill you.

I’m curious, were you honest with the hospital staff about your drinking? They could have pointed you in the right direction on a path to success. Id see a doctor about it if you’re having seizures. I believe that’s why you’re writing the thread as that’s scary.



Drinking produce’s depression. It’s a constant cycle that won’t stop until you quit or scale way back.

I was honest with the staff
Im honest with everyone.
No they did not point me in any direction.
Its so busy there and peeps in there with a slight injury.

Staff were brill

a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

BTW

Whent 8 days no alcohol

Then started tripping, was scary at first.

I don't want to give any details or anything...but anxiety drove me into another addiction which took over my life for 20 years. And all I can say is it blew my mind when I stopped and how NOTHING it was. I spent years and years TERRIFOED of the sickness that would come and when it did (I was in a professional place) I just thought, THAT WAS IT!?!? Go for kicking it. It's so much better without. I dont believe in 12 step programs though. Replacing drinking or drugs with an hour long meeting 2 times a week for the rest of your life ain't kicking anything...you want your LIFE back, not your drinking habits replaced with others...

a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

My friend. I'm a former alcoholic myself. I've had seizures from withdrawls as well. They're scary as hell.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat this. You need to dedicate the time and energy to inpatient treatment. The charade of trying to go cold turkey after spurts of heavy drinking is only going to do you harm. Your body is dependent on it at this point.

If you'd like to discuss this further I'd be happy to. Message me.

originally posted by: alwaysbeenhere2
a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

BTW

Whent 8 days no alcohol

Then started tripping, was scary at first.

On what day did you start tripping? After day 8? I’m not following. And I’m presuming you mean hallucinations?

I’ve had my struggles with alcohol. I’ve been the typical every day drinker for most of my life. I’ve taken long breaks too. Never had withdrawals. It wasn’t until after a girlfriend opted out of this life that I hit the bottle heavy. It took another amazing woman to point out that I now get sideways when I drink. I don’t drink around her anymore. It’s not even on my mind. Now to work on the part when I’m by myself. I may try vivitrol. a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

I've got a lot of respect for your openness, if you do decide to quit that'll be very helpful. I'm not surprised you weren't asked about quitting because as you say a lot of people are at hospital who probably shouldn't be... I've been routed a few times and I've opted to ignore the advice 8/10 times, the other 2 left me with the feeling I've wasted everyone's time including my own.

All that said, if you do quit it will be best to get proper help. I'd imagine one of those rehabilitation type charities would be the most timely since that's where a GP would most likely signpost you to. I would still go with a GP though since there's a good chance short term medication will be required. Those services usually have fast track capacity with the NHS anyways so either way will work. I know GP appointments can take a while these days...

I've never dealt with alcohol dependency but I've been close, definitely had addiction issues with other stuff including prescribed stuff. It's never fun but I definitely reckon you've got the right attitude to do whatever you want I know a few functional addicts and they're usually A-holes lol. You definitely don't come across that way.

All the best to you and I hope you keep your attitude regardless of what you do, thanks for sharing your story

originally posted by: nugget1
a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

God bless all of you

And you as well! Thank you for such an honest, heart-wrenching account.

I whish you well on your journey and the strength to accomplish your goals.

thank you

originally posted by: RAY1990
a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

I've got a lot of respect for your openness, if you do decide to quit that'll be very helpful. I'm not surprised you weren't asked about quitting because as you say a lot of people are at hospital who probably shouldn't be... I've been routed a few times and I've opted to ignore the advice 8/10 times, the other 2 left me with the feeling I've wasted everyone's time including my own.

All that said, if you do quit it will be best to get proper help. I'd imagine one of those rehabilitation type charities would be the most timely since that's where a GP would most likely signpost you to. I would still go with a GP though since there's a good chance short term medication will be required. Those services usually have fast track capacity with the NHS anyways so either way will work. I know GP appointments can take a while these days...

I've never dealt with alcohol dependency but I've been close, definitely had addiction issues with other stuff including prescribed stuff. It's never fun but I definitely reckon you've got the right attitude to do whatever you want

I know a few functional addicts and they're usually A-holes lol. You definitely don't come across that way.

All the best to you and I hope you keep your attitude regardless of what you do, thanks for sharing your story

Thank you
I want to quit but its got me...I am trying

a reply to: AlexandrosOMegas
I agree

a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

I hope the seizures stop. I have temporal lobe epilepsy from a car accident and was intollerent to all four classes of meds they used to treat it. I use diet and a few supplements to control mine. I gave up drinking all together after the accident, but I had not been drinking much anyway for many years before that. If I do have a drink it raises my risk, so I don't drink anymore other than a hot toddy when sick or maybe one beer occasionally, I had one a couple of weeks ago, first one in over two years I think. I do miss having an occasional beer, but the risk is not worth having it.

You just need to quit drinking if you want to quit. I knew a lot of people who did that over the years...just say no. It is your choice if you want to quit or not. I used to like going out with friends when I was in my teens and early twenties, it was a good social gathering going to a bar with others, playing pool and fooseball and dancing with some girls I met. But I never drank that much usually, probably because if I had over two beers I got a three day hangover. Get over it just in time for the weekend or Wednesdays when they had live bands at some bars. Those hangovers made it hard to be a foreman at work, I had to think for the whole crew or for the nine crews when I assigned jobs and wrote job orders. I have not had a hangover now in over sixteen years, haven't exceeded one beer in a day. I was not physically hooked when I was younger, but I was socially hooked, I was an extravert back then and liked interacting with lots of people.

I feel pitty for the kids these days who socialize on their phones and computers, that would suck.

a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

My friend? You're writing this because you want to stop.

Stop. Have faith. Take it hour by hour minute to minute. Each day. I at a time.

The "you" that wrote this....wants out of the old ways. You can. You must want to.

Jesus saves...and whatever GOD by any other name you personally believe in.

Post back SOBER if possible. I'm telling you...ATS membership has your answers, advice and support.

It doesn't have to stay like this. We hear your heart crying.

God bless you every second!
✌️

a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

I somewhat see this thread as a warm up? A testing of the waters so to speak?

Best of luck to you whatever you decide to do, you come across as a decent chap so I can imagine you'd be an awesome chap breaking the chains of addiction.

As mysteriousstranger said there's plenty of people still here with the experience to give good advice, feel free to utilise them!

a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

I also passed my driving test over the limit . I forgot about that until I read your thread

It can be done bud you just have to believe it and find another avenue to fill your time and divert your attention and for me years ago it was getting a computer that made me forget drinking.

I liked a drink when I was younger as did everyone around me , I thought it was normal to go to work as a teenager with a half bottle of spirits and to the pub at dinner time .

I am a nightmare when I am drunk - General Chaos the cops nicknamed me as I never go quietly start drinking the low or non alcoholic beers or what ever you drink it takes time but stick with it .

Even in a house by myself I was in a drinking competition with myself to get drunk quickly and was pouring 5 + beers a hour and then some .

It amazes me now how I managed to make my work every day but at my lowest point in 2006 time I was opening the top of a litre bottle and not even bothering with a glass and then downing 10 strong beers and joints then flaking out and getting up at 6 am going to my work and doing the same thing all over again, I did that every day for over 8 months I was astounded at the number of black ŕubbish sacks I was putting in my bin ? .

Good luck on your journey to sobriety, it will be worth it and you will look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking and marvel at how the heck you managed

a reply to: stonerwilliam

Cheers bro.

Since writing this I have kicked myself up the ass.
I have a brand new car coming I cant wait.

I to last week started to drink vodka straight out of the bottle then realised ive got to stop this.
Thank you
ANd thank you all.
Lets hope this year will good one

Uncle D

a reply to: alwaysbeenhere2

One weird thing I noticed years ago was around a hour before the shops close at 10 pm and no booze can be bought , I would be sitting there not even thinking about a drink and then all of a sudden out of no where I would be craving a drink.

I would go to the store and noticed lots of people doing just the same as me rushing in like their lives depended on it ?? To get a drink when they had all day to stock up ?.

I spoke to a lot of cashiers at different stores who confirmed the same thing happening, I think the government / television adverts are using subliminal advertising .

I stopped watching television I used to get a urge for a drink and just ignore it for months when I was in my 20s and back then I never had time to watch television but when I watched television more I started drinking more .

Drinking is a lot like smoking to me it is hand to mouth interaction, a rolled up piece of paper was a substitute for a ciggy before vapes became a thing .

And the low alcohol trick WORKS if no one tells you it is low alcohol you will get drunk , we used to buy a mate low alcohol beer all night for a lol and watch him get slaughtered , pour some vodka into a glass ,swirl it around then pour it back into the bottle and fill it up with lemonade or coke and 90% of people will think they are smelling the spirit and drink it thinking they are consuming a alcoholic drink .

good luck dude , I know it is a hard long path to tread but it is worth the effort and if you can find a hobby to take your mind away from what ever was triggering the I need a drink urge, but I do recommend ditching the television for a while as a test