The Hunted, a short story

The Hunted

Faster, faster! I can't go any faster. My muscles are burning, my heart is bursting. I cannot get caught, I must not get caught. I don't want to die. Not today.

The hunter was close behind me a few minutes ago, but I heard a slip and fall and it's fallen back a bit. So many trees and they all look the same. It's dark in this forest. I'm ahead, but by how much? I don't want to look back, just in case. I can't waste time looking back, I've just got to keep running. I'm so scared.

I can feel blood dripping down my face. My head is cut. And my legs; my legs are cut too. From crashing through branches and bushes and undergrowth. I must stop to catch my breath; I can't breathe in and out quickly enough. I can't hear the hunter, but I can't hear anything except my running and my breathing. Maybe I'll be OK if I stop, just for one minute? I'll die anyway if I don't stop. I must stop. I can't breathe.

Look! A fallen tree. Perfect.

OK, lay still. Breathe deep. Try to slow my heart. I'm aching for oxygen. Breathe deep but quietly, my life depends on it. I can't hear anything except my heart. I can feel it fill with my blood and then pushed out again, over and over. My blood cycling, feeding my tired muscles. Even my brain is pulsing. I feel dizzy.

Where am I? I'll just pop my head up a little to look around, just for a second or two. I'm so deep into the forest I'm not sure I'll be able to find my way back. I don't recognise anything! It's almost black now. I can't stay out here all night, the forest is dangerous at night, especially this one. I can't hear anything; maybe I've lost the hunter?

My children, oh, my children. They are safe at home curled up in bed by now, but I can't die without seeing them again, just once more, please! I love them so much. The trouble they get into, always unintentionally inviting problems into our lives. They're just too young to understand. I try my best to teach them to be good, to stay safe and constantly look out for danger. Wouldn't they fall down laughing if they could see me now! I can feel a smile on my face. I haven't felt anything other than fear for hours. It feels good. I wonder if they are missing me. I would normally be home before now. This is a story I'm going to tell them again and again. I think they'll enjoy it.

I think the hunter has gone. Maybe given up or got lost? I'll peep over the tree. It's dark; I can't see anything moving. I can't hear anything except the quiet whispers of the forest. I'll stand slowly using the tree as cover. Nothing. I can see a deer in the distance. A deer wouldn't be here if there was a hunter nearby. There is a bird to my left, maybe an owl, but I can't see it. It's so quiet and peaceful; the soft, fresh forest breeze flutters gently in my face. I can smell bark and leaves and soil. I take in this magical, exhilarating moment. It's beautiful.

Crack. A twig breaks behind me.

I see the deer look at me startled and dart away into the forest. I hear unseen creatures scamper away from me into the undergrowth. The bird perched high to my left launches, panicked. I feel paralysing fear run through my spine. I'm frozen. I don't want to turn around, but I know the hunter is behind me. I think of my family and how much I'll miss them.

I wrote this for the competition just ended, but only realised after I wrote it that I was too late to enter.

I'd like your thoughts, especially on who the protagonist and their foe is. I've asked my partner and children and it was fun hearing their theories.

I really like it and it's the first short story I've read on ats.

My first thought was this was from the voice of a deer or other prey animal but then the character sees a deer. Then I assumed it was a person and my imagination filled in that the hunter was an AI type robot and the person had gone out to do or achieve something important but had crossed into some territory they weren't allowed in, then chased into the forest and all it's darkness, both real and imagined.

Wouldn't it be silly if the next competitions theme fit this story nearly exactly?

That's just how my sort of luck works; Arriving too soon but it actually being too late.



I like the alliteration that isn't actually alliteration to put in a pace or the reader in lock step with the first person narrator that gets lost in it like they are in the forest... even tripping over that grammatical blunder like the person does when fleeing the "hunter".

With writing isn't the critic with their face against the 4th wall always the protagonist?

good story

originally posted by: igloo
I really like it and it's the first short story I've read on ats.

Thank you! Much appreciated.

originally posted by: Crowfoot
Wouldn't it be silly if the next competitions theme fit this story nearly exactly?

That's just how my sort of luck works; Arriving too soon but it actually being too late.

I like the alliteration that isn't actually alliteration to put in a pace or the reader in lock step with the first person narrator that gets lost in it like they are in the forest... even tripping over that grammatical blunder like the person does when fleeing the "hunter".

With writing isn't the critic with their face against the 4th wall always the protagonist?

good story

Yes, that would be a shame, but I'm toying with a couple ideas for the next one. I just have to fit them in with the theme.

I needed to create urgency and tempo in the first few lines, plus I wanted the reader to create whatever picture they wanted in their head as to who are the two characters in the story.

When my son read it he thought the Hunted was an alien, and my daughter thought it was some sort of animal but she wasn't sure which.

We have a Lionhead Rabbit as a house pet. He's a soppy fella who loves a cuddle but is afraid of his own shadow. He's deaf, so sudden moves scare the chuff out of him. The story is about him and what I imagine he would be thinking having an adventure outside of the house. The Hunter actually doesn't have any malice as it's another rabbit wanting to play. I left that bit out though as I thought it dumbed down the story a bit.

Thanks for the support!

a reply to: TerraLiga
Maybe the protagonist is a rabbit. That would fit, especially the bit about the children. And also rabbits' hearts go crazy when they're in danger.

a reply to: Moonstar7

Yup, he is. He's our Lionhead Rabbit. He would crap himself in a forest, even the garden is a big scary world for him!