First, hope you all had a great week. I did. I've stayed away from the world's crap and emersed myself in the Final Fantasy VII remake all week --
loved the '97 version that I didn't actually play until 2000, when I was in my late twenties. All week it's been bittersweet memories because of the
nostalgia of FF7.
For a month I felt a loss, I could feel another hole being created in my heart and I tried my best to figure out who it was. I was thinking it was my
brother that I haven't talked to since July 2016. But the internet said it wasn't him or any of those left in what's barely a family tree but more
like a Charlie Brown Christmas tree.
And just like with my mom two years ago, and three friends from SD last year, I once again heard that internal voice say "Caleb". Caleb was a younger
cat, I met him a few months after I moved back to NC in 2011 then around 2013 started really hanging out with him. I was double his age but we were
both gamers and liked to relax by burning the bush. His grandmother and mother were great people and his great uncle reminded me of a West Virginia
When dad died in 2015 I was lost, didn't know what to do, calling it a mental breakdown would be an understatement. However Caleb was one of the few
people that helped me get through a difficult situation. Unfortunately because of circumstances I lost contact with him; I'm actually someone who
doesn't use social media platforms instead of just saying I don't. Damned if I do, damned if I don't, no one uses a phone for what it's intended to be
used for, like communication...
So yesterday when I heard the voice I searched Caleb's name and found this...
Man, it's just been so much death, and his was due to an accident and there's been charges filed but I haven't found the details yet because the paper
wants a subscription to read the article and I still haven't found any local news reports yet.
Caleb was too young and had a good heart, he didn't deserve an early death, especially in this manner.
This voice...how many more times will I hear it, how many more around me are going to leave before me...it should be me, I'm overweight, stressed,
chainsmoke, and I have a lot of anger and regret that festers inside me daily. Why am I still here, and will anyone hear a voice when I do go? What is
this voice, who is it? It told me two years ago how to search for Mom on Gaggle, after searching two weeks and finding nothing when I went almost a
month with no response from her when I sent texts and called, finding out three weeks after the fact she had passed away, no one in the family letting
me know. It told me to look up certain names from SD and sure enough they'd passed on, same with the last man I worked for here, after not hearing
from him for months.
And how sad and pathetic is it that this is how I find out, by using a search engine, and finding out weeks, months, and years after the fact. I've
heard many older folk say they hear "the death bell" when someone they know passes on. I was skeptical but for the last few years I have felt someone
I knew had died and after yesterday I don't believe it's my imagination. It can't be.
Have any of you heard this voice or felt like someone close to you has taken their last breathe, and it turned out to be true?
Have a great weekend, ATS.
Edit: fixed title
edit on 05/30/2021 by EdisonintheFM because: (no reason given)