CD 2021 Her Eyes at The Cafe

A fleeting thought passes through my mind as I approach the cafe doors , is life a test , is it punishment or is it really just chemical and biological chance ? I chuckle to myself ' Why do I bother with such conundrums ' , I open the cafe doors to the smell of fresh roasted coffee the thought of life washes away . The Cafe is awake with the sort of tense Vail only the virgin morning can bring , everyone is focused on there coffee's and laptop . The conversation is low and quiet as know one dares raise there voice because then the day begins , this is the way of an early Cafe .

I step forward the line is reasonable only two ahead , I order my usual a triple espresso in decaf french roast with chilled french vanilla cream to the top. I sit down at a corner table alone , my mind content and focused as the hardest part of my day the Gym is over . 08:30 on the dot work is at 09:30 , I sigh with contentment the coffee is perfect sweet yet sharp and I have plenty of time to write . I open my laptop ,and raise my eyes to see an attractive girl making eye contact with me she smiles and ask if she can sit with me , Of course I say.

She is early thirties with a noticeably toned athletic body , Jet Black hair with eyes so green I find it hard to take them in. I introduce myself and she does the same , She politely insists I continue working , You looked very focused she says amused .
Thank you I reply with a smile , I quickly return to my story because she is quite right I am very busy now that she has sat down at my table , My plot is just starting to twist. Some time passes as I'm engrossed in my story , She is still across from me on her phone her eyes looking up on occasions to catch my own but I keep focused on my story. She lays her phone down and gives an exacerbated sigh and a flip of her hair silently saying ' Umm I sat at your table to talk to you so why are you not paying attention to me and my green eyes.?' I look up from my laptop with an amused side ways smile , She blushes and quickly averts her gaze embarrassed by her obvious attempt to get my attention.

She has a black and grey tattoo leading from her wrist to hand very tastefully done ' that will do I think '. That's a nice tattoo I say tell me about it , Her eyes light up made greener still by the deep black back drop of her hair . She explains a tale of flowers and her twin sister , which means a lot to her explaining why she got it on her hand she wants everyone to see it . I never once break eye contact with her nor does she me . We talk for 20 minutes sips of coffee in between She finds my decaf espresso comical , I laugh saying most people do .

She finally ask , What are you writing about ? Oh' I say I'm writing a short story on one of favorite websites Abovetopsecret.com , you and your green eyes are my main character.

Thats a lot of grammar and spelling errors. Did you 'write' this on speech to text?


'The Cafe is awake with the sort of tense Vail '
'everyone is focused on there coffee's and laptop'
' The conversation is low and quiet as know one dares raise there voice '


and all that in the first paragraph.

Please dont post like this.
And I like reading....in general. but that sh% distracts so much it makes you sound special.



a reply to: asabuvsobelow

a reply to: asabuvsobelow

I like this a lot, good stuff.

Im not a grammer snob i wouldnt dream of asking you not to post like that. It was well worth the read.

It takes away from the story for me. I feel like I am grading a paper.

a reply to: SecretKnowledge

originally posted by: chris_stibrany
Thats a lot of grammar and spelling errors. Did you 'write' this on speech to text?


'The Cafe is awake with the sort of tense Vail '
'everyone is focused on there coffee's and laptop'
' The conversation is low and quiet as know one dares raise there voice '


and all that in the first paragraph.

Please dont post like this.
And I like reading....in general. but that sh% distracts so much it makes you sound special.



a reply to: asabuvsobelow

Wow aren't you a sweet heart , I wrote it on notepad I'm afraid I don't have Microsoft Word to do the work for me .

I bet people just line up offering money for some social time with you ?

And It's a true story I wrote in person at a cafe while I was talking to this exact green eyed girl .

Perhaps you can feel better about yourself , now that you've completely ruined my story submission

a reply to: asabuvsobelow

Nice I like it.

Green eyes are so pretty

a reply to: asabuvsobelow

I didn't ruin it! You wrote it!
I was merely pointing out what I noticed which detracted from the story.

Glad you got to talk to a nice girl.

originally posted by: chris_stibrany
a reply to: asabuvsobelow

I didn't ruin it! You wrote it!
I was merely pointing out what I noticed which detracted from the story.

Glad you got to talk to a nice girl.

I accept your criticisms , you are correct I made some obvious grammar mistakes .

I suppose I wrote it as I saw it , very much in the moment.

The story is fine. I think part of the judging, if you want to call it that, is spelling and grammar. I guess how much it matters depends on who is reading it.

There are a bunch of sites that will make corrections and suggestions. In fact, I think there is a thread in the short stories forum for that stuff.

I really liked this story! Yes, there are some grammar mistakes, but I am not a grammar Nazi and find it hard to stomach those who are! Some people just enjoy pointing out other people’s flaws as a way of discouraging them! I’m not sure why? Perhaps it makes them feel intelligent? Superior? 🤮 It isn’t necessary to offer such an insulting public review. IMO.

I’d like to share a little story of my daughter when she was in second grade. Who is now grown, married and has her own children. Anyway, her teacher was trying to get her to write a sentence. My daughter kept telling the teacher that she wouldn’t be able to read it. Teacher said.... I’ll make you a deal, you write me a sentence & if I CAN read it, then you can be first in line all week.

Long story short, she did write a sentence for her teacher ( loaded with grammar mistakes!) and her teacher said very excited...”I can read this! Oh y Gosh! I can read this!”
My daughter was shocked! But it was the beginning of her confidence 💗

Keep writing 👍🏻 Don’t let “those” kind of people take the wind out of your sail. Writing and grammar improves as you write.

a reply to: jensouth31

Why’d that make me tear up 🥲…Like that’s a sweet and really encouraging story. Thanks for sharing that Jen, as I wipe the tears of compassion away.

a reply to: asabuvsobelow

Nah man.

Don't let anyone ruin it for you.

I thought the story was cool, should of took a sneaky pic of her.

originally posted by: jensouth31
I really liked this story! Yes, there are some grammar mistakes, but I am not a grammar Nazi and find it hard to stomach those who are! Some people just enjoy pointing out other people’s flaws as a way of discouraging them! I’m not sure why? Perhaps it makes them feel intelligent? Superior? 🤮 It isn’t necessary to offer such an insulting public review. IMO.

I’d like to share a little story of my daughter when she was in second grade. Who is now grown, married and has her own children. Anyway, her teacher was trying to get her to write a sentence. My daughter kept telling the teacher that she wouldn’t be able to read it. Teacher said.... I’ll make you a deal, you write me a sentence & if I CAN read it, then you can be first in line all week.

Long story short, she did write a sentence for her teacher ( loaded with grammar mistakes!) and her teacher said very excited...”I can read this! Oh y Gosh! I can read this!”
My daughter was shocked! But it was the beginning of her confidence 💗

Keep writing 👍🏻 Don’t let “those” kind of people take the wind out of your sail. Writing and grammar improves as you write.

Thank you for your kind words .