I have grown as a person Family Tea

More than any other time, this year has and is still shaping me. Want to hear some family Tea, if so read on...

Yesterday my father passed away. I had every kind of emotion. He had been sick for a very long time.
This post isn’t about him. It’s about me and my sister. She has been a thorn in my side as far as I can remember, pretty much my whole
Life since I’m younger. Well, this week took the cake. She has been absent from our family for the last 13 years, pretty much since my
Dad got sick (we all know those people). This year things took a turn for the worse and both my parents came to live with me. She wanted to separate my parent (married 50 years) to take care of ONLY my dad ($$$) One problem, my dad can’t stand her or her husband.

Time goes on, both my parents get sicker and sicker. No calls, no cards, no Happy Mother’s Day, Happy birthday NADA. Oh we did get a call when my parents sold their house. Fast forward to this week she shows up at my dads hospice with her husband and tried to take over everything. Keep in mind its been THIRTEEN years. My mom went to dinner with her and said they had nothing to talk about because they don’t even know each other at this point.

Here’s where I come in. I’ve been a caretaker for our two very very sick parents. Those that have done it you know what I’m talking about, you know.....now times two. Some days were spent running from the ICU to the Cancer center. Some days were at Hospice then physical therapy. You get it. Forget this year, I’ve been there for my parents for decades. It has been very difficult, but I love them. I begged my sister to help, nope. She wouldn’t even answer their calls, they gave up. Only reason she even knew my dad was in hospice is my brother messaged her.

So now we get to the tea. Today my sister posted on facebook that she is/was being kept from my parents by ME..............................
She wrote a long rant which was composed of 99% outright lies, some so crazy it is humorous. Any other time in my life, I would have flew off the deep end. I would have messaged her, called her, countered her post. I would be angry and hurt. You get the picture.

Something has changed in me. I saw a quote that perfectly described it. “Distance is my response, I don’t return energy, I remove myself”.
It really doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does, it just matters how you react or don’t react. It is quite liberating actually.
If someone gives you a gift, if you don’t take it, is it in their hands or yours? It is not easy to do, but I think this year has taught me to ignore the “noise” focus on what is important. I was hesitant to even write anything regarding this “drama” but I think it might help someone going through similar trials.

a reply to: JAGStorm

I'm sorry for your loss.

And I'm sorry you're having to deal with sibling issues.

I went through something similar. It makes a bad time worse.

I can't offer you solid advice because I'm still messed up in the head from it.

But I can tell you this, talking about it, whether in person or online, helps relieve stress. Don't keep anything bottled up. And I let go of my brother, it hurts but it hurts less than trying to reach out to him and getting nada. July 28, 2016 was the last time I saw or spoke to him. Hopefully time will bring us together.

I hope you find peace and wish you the best.

One last thing, I have to say it, I pray every day and talk to God. It helps the most. But that's for you to decide and no matter what you choose I still hope you find peace.

a reply to: JAGStorm

Sometimes, the right reply is as simple as sending just three letters ... L O L

Nothing else.

You're a great person. Keep it up. Don't get mad when she doesn't like the will.

P

originally posted by: JAGStorm
...
Yesterday my father passed away. I had every kind of emotion. He had been sick for a very long time.

This post isn’t about him. It’s about me and my sister. She has been a thorn in my side as far as I can remember, pretty much my whole Life since I’m younger. Well, this week took the cake. She has been absent from our family for the last 13 years, pretty much since my Dad got sick (we all know those people). This year things took a turn for the worse and both my parents came to live with me. She wanted to separate my parent (married 50 years) to take care of ONLY my dad ($$$) One problem, my dad can’t stand her or her husband.

I'm so sorry for your loss! And for the sibling issue... not my business, but my first thought is she is doing this for inheritance reasons...

Anyway - huge respect and props to you for taking care of your parents! My parents are getting on (85+), and although they're both in ok shape, they are having problems, and it is only a matter of time before one or both are not capable of taking care of themselves.

When that time comes, there will be a fight, because they've both made it clear they won't allow me to bring them home with me to take care of them, and I've made it clear there is no way in hell I'll let them go to some home. I'm hopeful that if/when that time comes, they'll just be happy to learn that I was and am serious, and would never look at them as a burden, because I simply will not allow that to happen. Ever.

a reply to: JAGStorm
If it were me, I'd hit the laugh reaction on the post and do my best to forget about it.

I'm sorry for your loss.

a reply to: tanstaafl

I'm so sorry for your loss! And for the sibling issue... not my business, but my first thought is she is doing this for inheritance reasons..

It is, there is no doubt about it. My parents made a rock solid will and included clauses in case it was contested. They somehow knew she would try to fight it. That was done over a decade ago. My sister didn’t care because my parents didn’t really have that much. They had to sell their house and made a significant sum on it (Seattle area). That is why she popped back into the picture. It is disgraceful. Money comes and goes but how she has treated our parents is not acceptable. She missed out, I really enjoyed my parents so much more as an adult than I did as a child/teen.

I’ve learned a lot from my parents and my in laws. There are a lot of regrets later in life. I don’t want to have those regrets. I don’t want to leave my kids money. I give them help now. I don’t want to wait to say sorry, ask for forgiveness now. I also learned, life is just too short to put up with crappy people. Sometimes you are even related to them!! On the other hand, life is too short to not say how much you love and care for your family and friends too.

Family, family. I know exactly where you're coming from. Firstly let me say watch your back when the wills are read because that's when the knives come out and no matter how close you think you are the nastiest, vilest traits come out.

My sister and brother did an awful lot of things to me. My brother forged some cheques and my sister cashed them leaving me massively overdrawn. The bank only kept the police out of it because it really was a family bank and they gave them a week to replace the money. And that's only a minor incident.

Now, now my sister is 83 and housebound, my brother, who lives next door to her is 81 and heading in that direction. My wife and children know all about my "past" and wonder why I look after them, shopping and taking them to appointments. Why????? Is it because I like to keep the peace, don't want the hassle. They both have what I call selective memory. They only want to remember what they want to remember. I could rake it all up and remind them, but why. Sorry for going on in your post, I hope everything works out for you and stay strong. Stay you.

a reply to: crayzeed

selective memory

100%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Firstly let me say watch your back when the wills are read

I am the sole beneficiary to everything, the claws are already out. Everyone has
known for over a decade though, so nothing shocking.

a reply to: JAGStorm

Dear Jag, I don't have any advice to offer but my heart is full of good wishes for you.

I think I can speak for the majority of members here and say we trust you'll do the right thing.

originally posted by: Trueman
a reply to: JAGStorm

Dear Jag, I don't have any advice to offer but my heart is full of good wishes for you.

I think I can speak for the majority of members here and say we trust you'll do the right thing.

Aww thank you. I try to give 110% to those I love.
My mom asked how I could take care of two old people. I told her it was my filial duty, and I’m proud to do it.
That made her very happy.