Dueling banjo's

Some of you might know of my envy of my neighbors riding lawn mower. I've plotted his demise many times as I only had push mowers. He is the personififaction of true evil.
He mocked me and my puny mower.

I felt weak, emasculated. A smaller, lesser male.


This year (I had saved) and my wife gave me the okay. . . I bought a Husqvarna. 42 inches of mowing penis enhancing power. My youngest son is going to college (starting Monday actually) so the lawn would be up to me and since I'm too fat, old, mean, crippled. . . had to buy a rider.


But back to dueling banjo's!

My neighbor had just cut his lawn 3 days ago. It was immaculate. Spotless. A beautiful lawn. Home & Gardens cover photo.

Today I cut my lawn.

With my rider.

My lawn was perfect, I even went over it with the edge trimmer, just to make things look nice.


And what did my neighbor do?

He's out right now, re-cutting his lawn, going over his hedges.

He just can't stand not having the nicest lawn on our road.

I do plan on torturing him at some point. Might have to plant some flowers, do some brickwork.

Just to piss him off.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Dueling banjos was one of the first songs I ever learned to play on guitar back in highschool. At the time I didn't actually know where it was from.

But...it sure is fun to play when you get it going real fast.

Also...people like your neighbour...I always refer to them as the

'Keeping to with the Jones's type.'

Always gotta get that bigger nicer thing than the neighbours. It's how they compensate for an otherwise empty and meaningless existence.

a reply to: DBCowboy

So this meme I posted in the other thread was even more relevant.



I have a neighbor like yours so now I wait until after he cuts his. When I go between our yards, I drop the deck to 1 and make sure I go just a bit into his yard.

No doubt he'll be out the next day cutting his again.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Is he Asian?...He sounds like he's an Asian.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: DBCowboy

Is he Asian?...He sounds like he's an Asian.

He's one of those cauc-asians.

a reply to: IAMTAT

From the title, I assumed Appal-asian. Could be wrong, though!

Awesome story, DB. Imagine if you installed a greek fountain in your yard... please keep us updated and especially if your neighbor blows some gasket lol.

originally posted by: DBCowboy

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: DBCowboy

Is he Asian?...He sounds like he's an Asian.

He's one of those cauc-asians.

They're the worst.

I've been slowly stealing my neighbor's property one inch per week by cutting across our boundary.
I think he's starting to get suspicious after I ran over his patio furniture.

a reply to: DBCowboy
This sounds like my neighbor to a tee. They are an older than me couple and MUST have the nicest looking yard and house on the block.

originally posted by: Klassified
a reply to: DBCowboy
This sounds like my neighbor to a tee. They are an older than me couple and MUST have the nicest looking yard and house on the block.

I'm tempted just to put an old washing machine in my yard just to trash up the place a bit.

originally posted by: IAMTAT

originally posted by: DBCowboy

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: DBCowboy

Is he Asian?...He sounds like he's an Asian.

He's one of those cauc-asians.

They're the worst.

I've been slowly stealing my neighbor's property one inch per week by cutting across our boundary.
I think he's starting to get suspicious after I ran over his patio furniture.

I just pee in his yard when he's out.

originally posted by: FauxMulder
a reply to: DBCowboy

So this meme I posted in the other thread was even more relevant.

I have a neighbor like yours so now I wait until after he cuts his. When I go between our yards, I drop the deck to 1 and make sure I go just a bit into his yard.

No doubt he'll be out the next day cutting his again.

Paint the tractor orange and that's me!

originally posted by: dug88
a reply to: DBCowboy

Dueling banjos was one of the first songs I ever learned to play on guitar back in highschool. At the time I didn't actually know where it was from.

But...it sure is fun to play when you get it going real fast.

Also...people like your neighbour...I always refer to them as the

'Keeping to with the Jones's type.'

Always gotta get that bigger nicer thing than the neighbours. It's how they compensate for an otherwise empty and meaningless existence.

I bought my mower because it had a cup holder for my beer.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Something feels familiar in the last 24 hours.

a reply to: DBCowboy

What synchronicity! I ordered 9 mower blades this morning off eBay. I don't cut my yard for it to look good, I cut it so I can find my grandchildren when they go out side to play. My blind black lab seems to always bring a dead armadillo into the grass before I cut it and I always finds it. My John Deere just makes ground armadillo out of it and the dogs finish it off. Come to think of it, my lab may be smarter than I think...

I've had two riding mowers for my place. When we first moved in I thought I could take care of the lawns with a walk behind. We have three lawns, the side lawn is the size of a residential front lawn, the front lawn is the size of three neighborhood front lawns and the back lawn is half the width of a football field and just a long. Took me one week to bend to the bourgeois necessity of a rider. Took me three days to mow by hand and four days later realized I needed to mow the whole thing again.

The first had the standard gears, first second, third and so forth but after a year I found that changing from gear to gear was wrecking my back with the jerking so I got one of those I forget what they call em, one that smoothly glides from lower to higher speeds with out the jerk. The only jerk on my mower now is me.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Well that is a necessary feature. Not having one could lead to spilled beer..

a reply to: NightFlight

I gotta keep my grass short cuz if I don't our dog will hide his poop in the tall grass. Then when I mow and don't see it ahead of time the blades just smoosh over it and stink up the whole machine as it shoots up the pipe and into the bagging system behind me.

originally posted by: Bigburgh
a reply to: DBCowboy

Something feels familiar in the last 24 hours.

Just add 400 pounds and you've nailed it!

originally posted by: DBCowboy

originally posted by: Bigburgh
a reply to: DBCowboy

Something feels familiar in the last 24 hours.

Just add 400 pounds and you've nailed it!

Terrific

a reply to: TerryMcGuire

one of those I forget what they call em, one that smoothly glides from lower to higher speeds with out the jerk. The only jerk on my mower now is me.

CVT. Intstead of gears it's a belt running in between two opposing cones and a cylinder on the output side. You push the cones together and the belt has to travel longer way, changing the circumference of the "gear". The belt can slip and you don't need a clutch.

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When the >< move together, the belt travels higher and an longer way around the cone.