Cool h'Whip

The ultimate Thanksgiving, just for Auggie:

Hungry man turkey family size turkey platter. Mashed potato flakes. Canned or jarred gravy. Canned candied yams. Canned jellied cranberry that holds that shaped as it slurnks out of the can. Green bean cassarole with the canned cream of mushroom soup and French's onions on top. Brown and serve rolls. Margarine for the rolls.

Ans splurge on the deli pie and Readi-whip topping from the fancy can!

And ... if you're lucky, you might go all out and have squeeze cheez on saltines for an appetizer.

a reply to: Raggedyman

I certainly don't eat processed food, I have no intention of being an obese pre-diabetic slug.

But knock yourself out if you like eating poison.

a reply to: ketsuko

Sweet Jesus, who knew you had such an evil side.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I'd say I was your huckleberry, but that's too natural.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Well,you do lead by example. Are you a chef or just owned restaurants?

originally posted by: mamabeth
Are you a chef or just owned restaurants?

Yes to both, I'm professionally trained and cooked at each of them.

I don't mind coolwhip, regular whip cream triggers my sinus issues, I have an allergy to milk. But evidently coolwhip is just plastic or something, taken down to chemicals and reassembled somehow. I can also eat the cheapest softserve ice cream cones without having any reaction, it must be similar to coolwhip somehow.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: Trueman
That's what they use in restaurants.

You work in a restaurant that uses that crap? It takes all of a few minutes to beat some whip cream.

I have seduced a woman or two with real whipped heavy cream on top of stawberries (from my garden) and home made shortcake.

a reply to: Homefree

I should try that, I'm typically seducing them with chloroform.

originally posted by: ketsuko
The ultimate Thanksgiving, just for Auggie:

Mashed potato flakes. Canned or jarred gravy. Green bean cassarole with the canned cream of mushroom soup and French's onions on top. Brown and serve rolls. Margarine for the rolls.

Add a Butterball turkey w/ Stove Top Stuffing and you have my entire Thanksgiving Day menu.

a reply to: Firewater

We don't do the cassarole on our personal Thanksgiving, but it is on the extended family table. It's not my favorite ever since I discovered how to make each of the component from scratch for myself, but making the whole thing from scratch is more effort than it's worth too most of the time. If someone else were to do it, I'd eat it.

As it is, we'll be doing the turkey, homemade stuffing, Brussel sprouts and butternut squash, garlic/cream cheese mashed taters, and mushroom gravy.

The turkey carcass and giblets and back will go to make stock to use the leftovers in a white turkey chili on Sunday so that we make sure we use up the rest of our bird.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: Trueman
That's what they use in restaurants.

You work in a restaurant that uses that crap? It takes all of a few minutes to beat some whip cream.

Yea, but what fun is working in a restaurant that doesn't have whip its?

It’s a well known fact that most people suck at cooking and most people are horrible at baking. Now granted, if you are making kickass inventive meals every night like an old school grandma you get a pass. But most aren’t and can’t even salt correctly.

As for baking..... everybody can make a cookie. It’s a blob that shapes itself. But people who think that they can really make a great cake or a flaky pastry are kidding themselves.

I could go on an on but I already sound pretentious enough.
In my heart I have always felt like that chef adam from the 90’s show northern exposure.

a reply to: TheAlleghenyGentleman

The secret to flaky pastries (or at least good pie crust) is to practice it enough times. That's what my sister and my grandmother both say/said. My sister is getting pretty good at it, and my grandmother was a master.

If my husband's southern style dumpings are any indication, then yeah, there's truth to that because every batch he makes only gets better, same with his cornbread.

a reply to: ketsuko

Of course. To practice it enough times and have the right recipe. Most people can only make a few dessert items and have a couple specialities. Amateurs! Same for savory. People can cook a few methods but most suck.

Or, and most people have like zero knife skills. Terrible cuts. No consistency. All the herbs will always be bruised. It’s like you all hate food.

originally posted by: TheAlleghenyGentleman
Or, and most people have like zero knife skills. Terrible cuts. No consistency. All the herbs will always be bruised. It’s like you all hate food.

Remember the video with the guy cutting an onion with a serrated knife?

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Things like that make me hate. I don't want to hate.

Wait, this is so uncool. I feel like a foreigner
All I'm looking for is this

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

This makes me happy.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: TheAlleghenyGentleman
Or, and most people have like zero knife skills. Terrible cuts. No consistency. All the herbs will always be bruised. It’s like you all hate food.

Remember the video with the guy cutting an onion with a serrated knife?

< cough >

I've totally never done that regularly....

< avoids eye contact >