Love, how do you live it?

Love. Liebe. Amore.

I am curious about the below questions.

a) How do you perceive it?

b) Is there a difference in loving your spouse/family for you?

c) How does it work for you? How do you live it? How do you express it nonverbal?

d) Do you cook with love and how do you do it? What do you think, makes the difference in taste?
Taking time and putting soul/effort into the dish?



Answers:
a) Love for me feels like a radiation, like heat. Or a kind of field that is surrounding me, sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker. Different shades of two colors, yellow and pinkish/violet. I think one can project that love onto other people. My prayers, I actually do not think a text, I think about the person that I pray for, and praying is sending love, not a religious thing. I do not pray to a god to make things better, instead I try to send positive energy. I would not call myself esoteric, I do not subscribe to any religion (but I am baptised catholic).

b) Hard to tell. I would say it is not weaker or stronger but different in shape. The latency is higher, it is more present. I think it has to do with the family being around and the spouse being new. Love from and towards the family, in an intact family grew over years. Meeting someone new that your heart accepts, is different.
Maybe it is because I am "not normal" in the sense that I prefer both genders/sex that I either dislike someone, or I feel a deep connection. That does not mean I want to kiss or hump that person or be intimate. But it is the moment my heart starts to really care, or not.

c) I am a hug person. I would never hug someone I do not know yet, because it freaks people out or makes them uncomfortable. When I hug you as a friend, I encompass you with my love, or at least it feels like that. Hugs are important and underrated. The best hugs are those that are really tight and long because both enjoy it.

d) This is hard to explain. It all starts being calm and concentrated on the finished dish. I do not just throw in the stuff into a pan, I drizzle it slowly in, steer it with attention and not just turning the cooking spoon. Putting effort into a dish and cooking with all senses is what I believe you can taste. It may be a bit corny to call it "putting love into a dish" but that is the best description.


Love is the only thing that doubles if you share it. Love is important for life, without we can not blossom fully.

So how do you handle this important topic? I am curious to read, maybe I can even learn a bit about myself.

a reply to: Oleandra88

a) It just is. It is unconditional affection and trust; usually at least.
b) Yes. Love of spouse or girlfriend is different to love of children, or siblings, or parents. These are bonds that bind us. Blood is certainly thicker than water.
c) Just be natural. No need to express love really, except to build the bridges and strengthen the bonds.
d) Love is what love is. No cooking necessary.

a reply to: paraphi

about c) that is how I am. Hugging is less expressing but feeling it. I do not hug to show someone else I feel love for them. They know already through my acts.

a) How do you perceive it?

b) Is there a difference in loving your spouse/family for you?

c) How does it work for you? How do you live it? How do you express it nonverbal?

d) Do you cook with love and how do you do it? What do you think, makes the difference in taste?
Taking time and putting soul/effort into the dish?

A) Basically, caring so much for someone, I'm willing to see to any of their needs, wants desires, that I possibly can, without thought. It's very emotional for me. If their sad, I'm sad, and want to do anything to make them happy, which makes me happy. An emotional bond if you will. (I'm better at showing emotion, than describing what I mean, LOL)

B) This one is trickier for me, compared to what is normal. The love I feel for some family members, my spouse, is different than the love I have for my friends of course, much more emotionally bonded, deeper. But I also don't believe you have to "love" all the family members you are born to. I believe it just isn't always possible. My real father was a perfect example. I tried to love him, and maybe he tried to love me in his own way, but we just were never compatible. I don't hold it against him. That wasn't the type of relationship we were supposed to have, and it's ok.

C) Do to a lot of self work, I am working on being a happier person, and in turn, working on "loving" people more. Just everyday strangers. Kindness can be a show of love. Smiling at a stranger, helping someone in need. I'm not perfect, and it sure isn't easy, but its a work in progress.

D) I have to laugh at this one. I hate to cook. I'm pretty good at it, but just don't like to cook everyday, so my sons & hubby would probably say this isn't how I show them love. But when I do, I take care to make it good, and yeah, I do think this is how some people show love, but it goes back to taking care of their needs. Weirdly, I love to can foods, so I always canned things they could make themselves, beef stew, taco meat, ect. And yeah, I do that out of love for them, and wanting to make them happy

Hope this is what you were looking for. Again, explaining things isn't my strong point.
And as far as hugs go? I'm a hugger. For me, its another way to connect, emotionally with someone.

a reply to: chiefsmom
Thank you for participating

b) I agree so much that love is not something that is naturally there in a family. Blood is not always thicker than water from my own experience.

c) I know exactly what you mean. It is the little things like holding the door open for someone "just because", standing up for the old grandmother or grandfather to make their life a bit less of a hardship in public transportation. Sharing a smile with a stranger when I make eye contact for longer than a split second and getting a smile back is nice.

I have a bad face-name memory. There are two people I have seen at the wildest places before, unexpected. I do not even know their name, where they are from or how I initially met them. Have I ever talked to the person?

But everytime we meet, there is this mutual understanding, our looks cross each other, we recognize each others, we both smile and nod/blink an eye, and go on with our day. No clue, maybe they know me by name or not. I like these mutual mysteriously exchanges somehow.

It is the refreshing distraction from the sometimes stressful real life.

a) How do you perceive it?

as a positive energy that draws you in rather than a negative energy that pushes you away.

b) Is there a difference in loving your spouse/family for you?

I've never been married so it is hard to say. But I think the love for family is more unconditional whereas the love for a spouse is conditional on how that person treats you. I would think that being treated badly by your spouse could easily kill your love for him. However, there are people who stick with spouses until the point where they are murdered, but I think that is a sick kind of "love" that I'm not sure even deserves to be called "love".

c) How does it work for you? How do you live it? How do you express it nonverbal?

Treating others as I would want to be treated is my goal. Trying not to say that thing that is true but would hurt someone's feelings.

d) Do you cook with love and how do you do it? What do you think, makes the difference in taste?

I don't often cook for others. I don't like to push food on people because they may not want it but out of politeness accept it with a smile and then throw it in the trash behind my back. Hate to see anything wasted. If I am cooking something I am certain someone else would like it, then I will cook extra. I live with 2 relatives but they don't have jobs and I do so we are on different schedules. We don't eat any meals together at home except on very rare occasions.

Sal
a reply to: Oleandra88

Awesome thread, with some many dark mysteries around it is a pleasant change to have a lighter mystery to question.

a/ I see love as a commitment and bond to help keep things together. There are good feelings associated to it at times, but the real test is when things feel bad but you perceiver and work through it.

b/ Don't have a spouse, have gone out of my way to support my family. Don't have much to do with some of them. Have been frustrated to new limits with some of them, still talking and will be there if needed.

c/ Having my dogs give me a smile is the highlight of experiencing that loving feeling these days. They frustrate me at times too.

d/ Cooking these days is quick, cheep and nasty. Should really be doing better here. Granny's Sunday chicken roast was awesome, Mum had a good touch with the tuna mornay, had another friend that made a magic pumpkin soup.

a reply to: SallieSunshine
b) good point, love can turn into dependency too.


c) We have a saying about that like "you should not do to others what you would not want them to do to you." but it is a rhyme. I think your goal covers/counters a huge part of what is wrong today.

I love cooking for others, most of the time I am asked for it so I never had the feeling I am pushing it on someone. It is one of the few things I know I am good at. I also like to include others in the preparations if they want to.

Thank you for leaving your thoughts

a) How do you perceive it?

Intellectually, I perceive love primarily in the acts of thoughtfulness and kindness others show me.This has often caught me off guard, so I practice making notes of these acts, so I can be better at practice paying it forward.

Emotionally, it feels warm and tingly inside.That kind of closeness often shows itself as others anticipating my thoughts or actions and complementing them with their own.Literally taking the words out of my mouth, or addressing my needs without any form of verbal communication.

I find this kind of thing very reassuring.It helps to put my mind at ease, and gives me more confidence to just be myself.


b) Is there a difference in loving your spouse/family for you?

There's a difference.I think it stems from the different roles or faces I take depending on the relationship.I consciously make more of an effort to be patient with my loved ones.I also feel a greater sense of duty and responsibility towards family.I usually do my best to put their needs ahead of mine.


c) How does it work for you? How do you live it? How do you express it nonverbal?

Imo it usually works pretty well, and I am fortunate to have been able to live a life with little to no regrets (so far).

I practice the G-Code.Generally I'll put others before me.Women and children first, and listen to my elders in various course of action.This has worked out very well, encouraging an organic flow of experience.I haven't always lived that way, so I'm grateful life has taught me this.This practice has greatly improved my communication skills, among other things.

I ran into challenges with time management applying this philosophy.This encouraged me to learn to put others needs before my wants, and my needs before their wants.This really helped balance my service to others/service to self relationship.

Non verbally, I practice the golden rule.Many hands make for light work, even minor acts of kindness, can perform miracles.I do my best to behave as a gentlemen and seize opportunities to make a positive difference.

Sometimes others express reluctance when it comes to sharing, or kind things I try to do for them.I tell them to pay it forward, and then that tends to make them feel better.


d) Do you cook with love and how do you do it? What do you think, makes the difference in taste?
Taking time and putting soul/effort into the dish?

I love cooking, and cooked for many years before taking up another trade.I think loving attention to detail in the preparation is what makes the difference.

Quality ingredients, knife skills(the art of texture), proper timing, and presentation combine to make a meal standout.Dishes with the same ingredients, but lacking this sort of romance just don't hit the spot the same way.

a reply to: Oleandra88
Im going to answer without looking at anyone elses answers, I think thatll be more fun

A) Tough one to answer, since it can take so very many forms both healthy and unhealthy.. I feel like "love" is an emotion that points to a much deeper part of our existence that can lead to everything from happiness to compassion to obsession.

As I explored my own existence, what we call "love" seems to derive from an experiential.. err.. experience.. that feels energizing, electric, and like "home." Sometimes it can be peaceful and soothing, but certainly not always.

B) Dont think I can answer specifically, as I do not have a significant other and I probably never will. In other similar areas though, it does feel different according to context and circumstance. Yet, I feel like all of it derives from the same chapter in the Story, or maybe its better to say it feels like they are all aspects of the same "thing."

C)I found that the fundamental experience that we get glimpses into when we experience love in a typical manner is actually something that can be held as a constant state of being. I felt that was important and relevant, so pursued it and now live it. Its not the same as the emotion though. And, it doesnt mean Im never snarky, or that the things I do/say will always be "nice" even if it comes from a place of kindness. Ive never felt that even as a super basic concept that love is always nice, or involves people walking all over us, or that we accept literally everything as "OK."

In my life, I try to show my beliefs through my actions. I will explain them with great verbosity if asked, but typically, I find the words we use to describe our beliefs and mind sets not only pale in comparison to how we actually live our lives.. they can deceive both ourselves and others into thinking the words are what is important. Or that simply by speaking them, we are actually living the things we talk about.

D) I cant really cook anymore, but I think this same concept can be expanded. When I work on a project, I pour a bit of myself into it consciously and continuously. This practice refers back to my belief that the emotion of "love" is only an aspect of something much bigger. And, when we hold that larger experience as a foundation in life, it will inherently seep into everything we do.

But, even if someone hasnt even given a sliver of thought or time into the subject.. I think they can still achieve the same thing. If someone is cooking a meal for those they love, be they family or friends or even customers, it automatically puts us in a state of mind & being that infuses itself into what we are creating.

The end result may be mostly ineffable and nonspecific, but I do believe it makes a distinct and notable difference.

I make this a tripple post so not to blow up the thread:

a reply to: kwakakev
I am so sorry, I oversaw your message! You probably posted while I wrote the other response.

First, it is the people that make this thread awesome, I just had the idea. The idea is worthless without others participating

Frustration with loved ones, even being angry at them, I see this detached from love similar like you (and most I guess). Gather all these people around you and exchange. This is life, this is how we learn new things. This is why I like when "guests" help with the preparation (if they want and ask for it). Everybody does it a bit different.

Like onion chopping. I hated this until I saw a friend take a sip of water in her mouth before cutting, no tears. Also she cut that onion in like 10-15 seconds completely in nice little dices. A bit contrary to my approach (taking time, be conscious) but now I can chop onions like a pro, too. Before I was kind of slow and struggled with the single slides falling apart before I could do the cross-chop. Solution: do not cut through completely, duh.

Just one example.


a reply to: dffrntkndfnml
I should have made the sentence with the "how does it work for you" more clear. It was more like, do you get love in return, are you satisfied. But you answered that already though.

The paying forward part, good that you wrote about it. That is a concept I follow, too. I find it to be a good concept because contrary to "what do you have to give in return" those actions are out of the blue, when the situation arises.

It comes voluntary.

a reply to: Serdgiam
It was kind of insensible to use the word spouse. I am spouseless, too, it was more like "partner" "external loved person".

What you describe in C) is a good explanation what I meant when I wrote that it is sometimes stronger and weaker. By that I mean not the love towards different persons, but the fire in me that keeps the love flowing. Living the love, so to speak, yes. If that makes any sense. I have a form of synesthesia so some of my viewpoints might look strange to you all.

IDK, chi, fire, love maybe they are all the same or very much related?



@all now
There are so many different aspects you all brought up, I could write for hours to each of every one to you

a reply to: Oleandra88

I dont know.. I think putting spouse in there was good. I feel like it is a very singular and unique manifestation of this thing we are talking about. Ill never experience it, but I dont begrudge those that do and on this topic specifically.. I think its extremely relevant.

I have no doubt the synethesia gives you a unique perspective! In this case though, we seem to be on the same page.

I think its all aspects of the same thing. Importantly though, Im not convinced that the root of it is subject to duality (good/bad, etc). It certainly can get that way in its different forms, but I think the foundation itself doesnt.

Which would imply some interesting things, perhaps most notably that its source resides outside of the physical, material universe.

All that said, I feel like this area is exactly what we explore in everything from meditation and martial arts to cooking and caring. Perhaps the biggest difference is that the former practices result in a conscious and mindful continuous state, whereas the latter is turned on and off and is largely unconscious.

Im not sure one path is really better than the other, but for me the best choice was definitely starting with martial arts and meditation and then eventually treating it like breathing or my heartbeat.

a reply to: Serdgiam
I think duality is just the far ends. There is something in between, infinite, and it of course breaks the concept of duality completely like I explained it.

Meditation! That was the word and feeling I tried to grasp all the time. Duh. Yes, when I meditate and my body senses start to fade away I feel this "outside".

This feeling of "being outside of your skin". Like a field of some kind. Yes, now I understand why I say fire! Because it wobbles like fire, the feeling/field.

Amazing!!


Also, chi. You wrote you do martial arts, I do Chinese Gung-Fu. Here something that will blow you out of your socks, if you do not have made the connection yet... I just remembered now....

taichibasics.com...

I do not know how to use that image to get to the real article. There are more heat pictures. It is a study, not some esoteric theories.

Look at happiness and love, combine both. boom.

a reply to: Oleandra88

I hesitate to go too in-depth on my thoughts, because I love this thread being on topic (see what I did there? ). I also tend to be wordy as frack. Which I say Im working on, but I think I only say that because it feels like I should

Buuut, I see duality as that very spectrum you speak about. I think most view it as the hard limits, or the peaks and troughs, but I believe the whole spectrum in between is vital to understanding it and perceiving it even close to accurately.

In that, we get a bit of a trinity (the peaks, troughs, and the whole "wave") and pretty much everything in the material/physical universe being part and parcel of duality.

But, I dont believe thats the totality of existence. I think the sum total of what most of us think of as "the universe" is a bit like a bubble of time surrounded by, and permeated through, a medium or area that is not subject to what we understand as movement. Movement that we understand, at least in part, through our concept of "time." Its tricky to visualize or describe due to its nature, but I do think we can experience it all the same.

I believe that our being, as humans, exists in both. Maybe even more realms, but its hard to say.. So, this core concept we are pointing towards with this topic may be one of the few things of this sort that exists in both. The vague term of "love" is a critical factor in everything from religion and spirituality to the biological drive to reproduce. Really, really interesting.. Some other cultures and languages even saw fit to use different words to more accurately differentiate the nuances.

I used to do martial arts. The reason I dont is the same reason for the lack of a significant other: Im a cripple (lol). I did try to scale it back to tai chi early into these health issues, but it just wasnt happening.

Anyway, I feel like happiness can come and go, and thats OK, but the core "thing" that love derives from can be held and experienced indefinitely. I suppose we can try to be happy all the time, even using many of the same techniques, but my experience was that at the very least.. it involved elements of self-deception. I dont think its healthy.

However, creating a constant state, most easily described maybe as "a state of love," actually leaves room for the experience of the other emotions as well. Even examined solely as the emotion, it is something that can exist simultaneously and naturally with everything from happiness to anger.

I feel like one of the biggest advantages that martial arts, meditation, etc. can deliver is that we can experience these emotions without being consumed by them. Sort of like the difference between "I feel angry" and "I am angry." Those two phrases tend to be used interchangeably, but they really point to two very different experiences.

I wouldnt mind seeing more of that study! I tried to navigate to it as well, but they have the site structured kinda funky. I love scientific exploration of "fringe" subjects. I kind of feel like it brings science back to its roots, back when we didnt think we knew everything about everything because we can Google it!

a reply to: Serdgiam
Hahaha got it

My head explodes it is so much I want to write. But how? It is all so connected.
I try to progress downwards your post.
The duality/trinity approach is interesting and will "brain" about that for a while before I can sort my thoughts and draw conclusions...

But, I dont believe thats the totality of existence. I think the sum total of what most of us think of as "the universe" is a bit like a bubble of time surrounded by, and permeated through, a medium or area that is not subject to what we understand as movement. Movement that we understand, at least in part, through our concept of "time." Its tricky to visualize or describe due to its nature, but I do think we can experience it all the same.

I have zero problems visualizing this, I could draw it on paper right now and it will look funny because of two missing dimensions. I will have to squeeze those into the 2D paper. I also think often about infinity and I have my own concepts. It is a real pet peeve of me, this infinity topic, since childhood.

If you look at my nickname, the 88 is my birth-year and if you flip it to the side, you get the infinity symbol stacked on top of each other . Just this afternoon I changed mood and location to infinity. Of course I started it now so no synchronity here...

I believe that our being, as humans, exists in both. Maybe even more realms, but its hard to say.. So, this core concept we are pointing towards with this topic may be one of the few things of this sort that exists in both. The vague term of "love" is a critical factor in everything from religion and spirituality to the biological drive to reproduce. Really, really interesting.. Some other cultures and languages even saw fit to use different words to more accurately differentiate the nuances.

This is the concept of god for me. Not in the sense of a single being but in the sense of a spirit. Not in the sense of a ghost spirit but more like soul related. Like we are all connected somehow. There are too many strange things we can not explain yet. How do twins know the other is going through hardship, over hundreds of km for example? Is it the DNA? Is it entanglement? I believe in science too and one day, maybe science will be able to explain it all. Until then I keep my mind open. There is the field of noetic, too. Very interesting I read about it in a book years ago.

We do have that differentiation too with love, to an extend: someone you know, someone who is your friend, someone who is a very close friend, family and the spouse.

Sure everyone of those words have other meanings, too but I think it comes down to love/affection in the end.

I used to do martial arts. The reason I dont is the same reason for the lack of a significant other: Im a cripple (lol). I did try to scale it back to tai chi early into these health issues, but it just wasnt happening.

Two cripples meet each other, lol. That is one of the reasons I started doing something physical. Got into an accident when I was young, 3 weeks ICU, still have back pain and migraine sometimes. You know there is this saying "those who rest, rust" in my country.

Anyway, I feel like happiness can come and go, and thats OK, but the core "thing" that love derives from can be held and experienced indefinitely. I suppose we can try to be happy all the time, even using many of the same techniques, but my experience was that at the very least.. it involved elements of self-deception. I dont think its healthy.

Yes, I also see this detached from happiness. There is the overall happiness and the specific happiness and both are just barely related to love. What I ment with the happiness comment and the heat picture is that if you are happy and feel love, I think it is the best state of "feeling" one can achieve. Being happy and feeling love. Whole body is radiating but it takes energy. And the energy is derived from being happy. Does not matter if you are happy for someone else or for yourself, I would say.

However, creating a constant state, most easily described maybe as "a state of love," actually leaves room for the experience of the other emotions as well. Even examined solely as the emotion, it is something that can exist simultaneously and naturally with everything from happiness to anger.

I would have addressed this either way but you came to the same conclusion as me
Yes one observation about myself that I made is this, I think I touched the topic before somewhere else:
If I open myself up to someone, I go all in. It takes a while for me because I experienced some trust issues in the past where I was just abused. So I tend to be more careful now but still I believe in the good of people:

I noticed about myself that I can be pretty extreme on the other side. As lovely and kind I am most of the time, if someone does me unjust/puts words into my mouth, I will leash back extremely. Has to do with my past, a strategy I developed. This is why I go all in when I open myself to someone I feel I can trust and the feeling is mutual. What they already know about me, they can not hear behind my back and get it wrong.

Life is more easy if you can be who you are. Like, if your reputation is "ruined" already, then you can give a # about what others think or talk behind your back. Excuse the curse word but it expresses how I am fed up with it.

Me being so direct and honest is a problem then. It adds on top of the outrage layer and I do not know exactly all the time how it is perceived in English, if I have to do it in English. Okay, drifted a bit away here...

I feel like one of the biggest advantages that martial arts, meditation, etc. can deliver is that we can experience these emotions without being consumed by them. Sort of like the difference between "I feel angry" and "I am angry." Those two phrases tend to be used interchangeably, but they really point to two very different experiences.

Very good point too. I know exactly what you mean and I think it comes from meditation. Training how to differentiate between the body and the mind. Being able to take a few steps back and make observations about oneself. The fun part is when you start observing your observations and begin to reflect on the reasoning you are using to observe.
I call this "stepped infinity" because it is not smooth but in layers, very similar to a Mandelbrot picture (fractals).

I wouldnt mind seeing more of that study! I tried to navigate to it as well, but they have the site structured kinda funky. I love scientific exploration of "fringe" subjects. I kind of feel like it brings science back to its roots, back when we didnt think we knew everything about everything because we can Google it!

This site you found the picture at, was it like 3/4th down the page? But I know, and I posted it here already, there is a study. As I type I try to narrow it down I know that Nightstar was in the thread. Synesthesia kicking in here..If you look at the graphic you can see there is something off with the proportions and the reason is whoever stole that picture from the original study, snipped the copyright stuff out of it. Look at the right and left corners. No one aligns a picture like that.

Now I run out of space in the textbox so I stop it haha

I traced it down and found the thread.
Correction: it was not Nightstar but Nyiah. I memorize by avatar+name and got the avatar of both mixed up in my head.

digest.bps.org.uk...

a reply to: Oleandra88

I perceive the constant of 'love' as a variable field that is shared between [at least] two people; the closer together they are, the more strength the field posesses; it is a quanta that is difficult to measure. The closeness is measured both in proximity and strength of field.

You can be ' normal' if you want, or you can be real. The latter is so much more low-maintenance.

a reply to: Oleandra88

I figured the study might be kinda neat.. But that is a fascinating piece of work right there!

I think infinity and the infinite tie into all this quite well. The tricky part is though.. Can we really tell the difference between something that is actually infinite, or just seeing the event horizon (or border) of our own perception?

Our perception is the entirety of our world, but when it comes down to it.. Our perceptions are so very, very limited. We struggle to even really comprehend distances when we cant see a direct path. Trying to genuinely comprehend the size of the United States in its entirety, for instance, is essentially impossible to do without bringing it down to abstractions like square miles (or km, if you like those better), or maybe hours traveled. Trying to really understand even our little backwoods solar system is beyond us. We can put numbers on it, but they dont really mean anything at that scale. Now.. Our galaxy? Aint happenin! It might as well be infinite. But, throw a ball at me to catch and I dont even need to "think" about it, my brain comprehends not only the distances, but even trajectories and how I need to move my arm and body in order to catch it.

What I found was that that boundary of our perception can grow. It makes sense, but it was still an epiphany for me. And, I believe that we grow that collective boundary of all of us when we explore into the unknown through everything from science to religion to "standard" exploration like hiking on a mountain. Of course, we can get stuck along the way.. And when we include the possibility of a realm where time and distance essentially dont exist? Oof..

You mention that you see that as "God," which is quite close to my own thoughts. I see that core thing, which love is a big part, that transcends time and the timeless, to be the way God does "work." And probably "play" too! That core thing, and everything that contains it, would make up the parts of God that concern our existence. There might be more, maybe not..

The only time I dont appreciate emotions is when they consume me. Like sadness after a death, etc. However, when playing guitar, I find if I can get happy, or angry, or sad.. I can create better music. Its "controlled," but the emotions are still very real.

My goal in meditation was to give awareness to the different parts of "being" at the same time. The mind is one, and Id typically include stuff like breathing, and even emotions, but it can really get as complex as is imaginable (sounds similar to "stepped infinity"). The idea was to break out of the habit of perceiving existence through the filter of thoughts alone. I tried to stay in various states of that all the time, but especially when doing something like martial arts.

And, when all those parts click together in just the right way and are all given space in our awareness to do so, there is a flow to it that can happen even sitting still. It can be a very, very complex, yet simple experience. One that feels really very close to Love, even in that description above. Not just the emotion, but the whole life experience.

It really is so very nuanced and intertwined!

I like "those who rest, rust." I may not do martial arts any more, but I gotta have something, so its guitars. Both playing and working on them provide very different and amazing experiences, but they also serve each other. It was some electronics and automation stuff for a while too. I have some unknown bone disorder that has led to 8 vertebrae in my spine being fractured for about 10 years now, among other things. Thankfully, they are in a place that still means I can walk and move "OK," but it definitely hurts quite a bit, all the time.

I can wake up at any time I want though

I get the trust stuff, and Im sorry you had to go through abuse. I think having a strategy like that is mainly an issue if you cant control whether its on or off. There are so many things where we are not in charge, but stuff like this is in our purview. Even if it can be influenced, by ourselves or others, where we believe we have dont have control. For myself, I know I have the tendency to have issues with authority. Which sounds kind of funny, but I couldn't always turn it off.

The folks whose opinion of my reputation I do care about are either in video games, or are close enough to know to tell me all about it. Preferably in as clever and trollish manner as possible. Theres a line, of course, has to be at least mostly aristocratic. And true.

I dont know how Ill be perceived in English either, and its the only language I speak..

a reply to: argentus
When I read your text a image I just recently saw popped up:
Like the field lines between the plates of a condensator and the charge is love

It took me two or three reads to understand what you mean with the last sentence but then it clicked. Yes I rather be real and unnormal than living behind a mask. Isn't it the little faults and quirks that make us loveable too?

thank you for leaving your opinion here

a reply to: Serdgiam

A little late but I wanted to take time to compose a reply.

I found it much easier to "grasp" (it is impossible I think) the concept by not thinking -inf to +inf but all the irrational numbers between 1 and 2 for example.

I keep adding decimals as the number grows I need to zoom out (not into). I then reach a point after a while where it all becomes blurry. Most of the time I fall to sleep because I do this before sleep often. Then I have the time, so to speak.

When I was laying in bed a few hours ago, I thought about how to make it easier to perceive something really big, like infinity. I then came to the conclusion, that in order for me to be able to grasp bigger concepts, I need a way to store and process these informations in a way I can access them fast.

Then it clicked, I am doing this already. I often memorize things as a kind of pattern. I picked a number, my post count and observed how I memorize it. Like if I need to memorize the number 507 I do this: 1/2, 0, 3/4.

Looks damn complicated and yes, way more numbers on the first look to remember. But I do not remember these numbers, the pattern is what I remember, I just expressed the pattern with numbers so I can explain. For the last number, I need to use a little trick to retrieve the rational number but it is intuitive for me although it 7.5 = 8 rounded, I cut the decimals all together and arrive at 7 (7.5, take away the .5 = 7).

It really is hard to make sense out of it but think it that way: instead of using a dedicated part of memory, like a table on sheets of paper and having the whole number 507 several times, I store it at one place and attach the different connections to it, I feel.

Drifted off here...

Perceptions yes. You know until recently I was "asleep". I know it is a trivialized sentence and I do not mean it in the kind of way that says "I am now smarter than you all". No, no, I mean, I was bussy in my little own world for a long time. I keep an eye on politics of course but not much more then.

A example that has nothing to do with love per se:
Of course I knew before I went to google earth that the USA is big. But when I took a look and tried to comprehend the distances, I was flabbergasted. I could not image to be confronted with different time zones in one and the same country. Here, the day starts for everyone in the same time zone. I imagine someone in Los Angeles, who does business with someone in New York City, has to keep in mind that when it is lunch in LA, NYC is going to call it a day and go home.

Things like that. Then I scrolled to Russia...but I am also aware of the different map types and that the countries above and below the equator benefit through the way the map is calculated. They all look much bigger than they really are, too.

The only time I dont appreciate emotions is when they consume me. Like sadness after a death, etc. However, when playing guitar, I find if I can get happy, or angry, or sad.. I can create better music. Its "controlled," but the emotions are still very real.

I play guitar too, not good and I can not read notes, but I can jam a rythm and sing to it. I teached it to myself. But I seldom do it in front of others because I then get all emotional and watery eyes. Also, I get asked seldom so this might say a thing or two about my skills .

Not that I like to share these emotions but I feel vulnerable (I guess). Used it to cope. I just reflect here, no piteous intents. Music is very charming to me, there is a firework exploding in my internal vision. Maybe this is related because I close my eyes when I thumb those strings.

When I meditate I start by laying down and breathing deeply. I wait for the purple ball of "energy" to come into the middle, as soon as I notice this round radiating ball of light, I start to relax all my muscles. It really feels like I fall into the bed at this moment. There is no sense of motion but the sense of getting detached from my body. I can not feel my arms or legs then, not even me breathing.

Sometimes then I get flashes of real sharp pictures, not really in color but like if you look at a LCD screen from the side and the colors start to get wonky. Sometimes I think see faces but I try not to think too much but observe, or everything collapses.

I think it is genetic because now there are many hints that my uncle did similar things. After I learned about the term "synesthesia" a while a go, things started to get into shape like a small puzzle.

He knew about it or else he would not have asked me to help with his music translating program. But he never told me, never made any hints. At this moment I can barely breath, because I realized this was the most kind thing to do. Let me discover it myself.

I miss him so much! But life has to go on and I am a very different person now than a year ago. I just can hope the difference is mostly good things.

Your English is very perceivable, if all, I worry if mistreat your language most of the time.