Borderline Personality Disorder!

a reply to: halfoldman

who? me? really?

originally posted by: halfoldman
a reply to: Damla

It made me cry.

My oldest friend, just from nothing, screams her way out of your life.

And you can't do anything - you're completely helpless.

Agreed this is very sad 😔

No - it leaves you destroyed.

I can't even explain how hurtful this thing is.

Probably the worst of the 9 personality disorders.

dooont worry there was a deja vu now. they must have changed somethings in the matrix. lets sleep and see in the morning what they changed. yay!

Been two years since I last saw them.

Still miss them.
We grew up together.

And all of a sudden, no warning ...

I miss them.

But not some "fancy-schmanzy" new term.

I heard it over 20 years ago.

so VERY true...it is SO HURTFUL when she is in the middle of this yelling names at me...and hour later my daughter is normal happy like nothing happened..I am crying and end up depressed for the whole day...it is devastating...but I am lucky it happens rarely....my daughter is the only 1 in our immediate family that has this.

originally posted by: halfoldman
No - it leaves you destroyed.

I can't even explain how hurtful this thing is.

Probably the worst of the 9 personality disorders.

originally posted by: operation mindcrime
a reply to: halfoldman

Been married for 21 years to a wife with BPD....

Yeah that's right...after 21 year I finally noticed something was wrong. It's amazing how long you deny things that are clear as daylight when you are in love.

It is also very common for a person with BPD to make you feel like a God!! Apparently you are either more important than oxygen or less worth than dirt...

It's like learning to life again but without the crazy...

Peace

Y'know, this does explain quite a bit. My wife has often wondered why her dad actually stays with her mom. This sort of thing does make sense when you combine it with other things I've been told about their relationship.

When we first moved to the town we're living in now, we went to a bookstore to look around. After awhile I found my wife in the self-help section crying to herself, it actually upset me because I had no idea what was going on. Then she showed me the book that dffrntkndfnml mentioned, "Walking on Eggshells". She just looked at me, showed me the book, and said "This is my mom. I need to buy this."

So, we did.

That book helped her understand her mom a lot, and helped her with how to handle her. She's even loaned it out to other people who describe mothers very similarly. What really worries me about this is when they talk about how much of this issue seems to be caused by childhood trauma. Though her mom hasn't told her everything, she has opened up to her about many things she went through when she was younger, so it is understandable why she has it. What's worrying to me is my niece came from a similar bad childhood, in many ways probably even worse. Many of the issues she's shown throughout the years definitely hint towards having reactive attachment disorder, and if she doesn't over-come it in her youth, there's a very good chance it will evolve into BPD.

originally posted by: halfoldman
No, I'm not hanging around for fun.

I want people to understand.

I’m glad you posted this. I have explained to my therapist that my life with my ex was “Walking on eggshells”, only he was diagnosed with NPD. I worry for my son, who displays symptoms you are talking about.

It comes out of nowhere, the loud screaming because I didn’t hear a ? correctly, ask how his day was, then I get screamed at for asking everyday.

It is draining on every level. We are both still in therapy, unfortunately, he didn’t keep his last counselor, who was great, and even helped me to deal with it. My son was prev diagnosed with Explosive disorder, changed to severe anxiety and despression. He’s on counselor #6 since he was 10.

I wish he would have stuck with his last one; the counselor was brilliant and very kind and could read right away what was up.

The constant switching up of demeanors, plans, goals is getting to me. I will be looking for this book, because I have tried everything and I’m mentally exhausted.

Thank you so very much!

There are lots of overlaps in the characteristics that define mental disorders. There are also varying degrees of accuracy in the methods used to diagnose those disorders. So, I'm not convinced that psychology or psychiatry is a hard science capable of accurate diagnoses of these illnesses. And successful treatment is an art more than a science; which means that some mental health practitioners are better than others.

My best friend's wife has been diagnosed with BPD. And she meets all of the criteria for the illness. However, I have only known of one incident where she lost control of her darkness. And that prompted me to warn my friend of the potential for her to cause some serious harm.

In my case, I don't exhibit all of the bizarre thought patterns of BPD. My diagnosis is Bipolar, with a whole host of personality disorders. But, it should be noted that people with bipolar can be rapid cycling. Which means that going between extreme modes can happen very quickly. In a mixed mode state the characteristics of both mania and depression are simultaneously present. And that is the most dangerous state for me. That's when my darkness escapes.

I have described this to one of my medical providers as being in a state of unbridled murderous range where self-preservation mechanisms are temporarily suspended. I keep a handful of benzodiazepines with me all the time in the event I need to shutdown; which is the only way to stop it.

The worst part about experiencing many of these mental disorders is the problem with maintaining relationships. Divorce and separation among couples where one, or both, exhibit these symptoms is higher than average. Maintaining friendships can also be challenging.

I've been fortunate that the friend I mentioned above has been a constant. However, I should also note that he is well versed in the use of firearms, and he usually has a weapon within easy reach. I have had discussions with him about the possibility of loss of medications during an SHTF scenario. While he has not committed, I believe that he understands that in the event I no longer have access to the medications that allow me to function semi-normally, I expect him to put me down when the time comes.

Something to think about...

-dex

a reply to: DexterRiley

So it is brother.

Save the last bullet for yourself.

a reply to: halfoldman

Oh don't get me wrong. I'm not saying BPD is fake, or confusing it with Bipolar, well except comparing that they are both personality/emotional mental disorders.
It's more so about the context of what I was saying than maybe the literal interpretation of it.

My reply was specifically in response to the scenario of the OP. Which just sounds more like a typical 'psycho girlfriend' many have seen or experienced than a mental disorder if ya get me.

The rest regarding the Bipolar and ADHD stuff, was just me thinking about how many people with these labels simply have nothing wrong with them except for a lack of self control and self discipline. Regardless of the mental illness.

Such people make it difficult for the people who have a real physical or mental reason for their behavior being genuinely beyond their control.
They make people view genuine suffers as fakers too.

Sad I have met many kids who have so called behavioral problems and even some adults, who have nothing wrong with them.
Their behaviour is truly one of lazy parenting.
But they are medicated.

I'll give some examples.

Like the friend I have with bipolar. She is treatable. I am proof of that.
With me and my wife she is no different to any other female human emotionally.
If something upsets her I make her be a freaking adult and deal with it. (Hell we're in our 40's all have kids and grand kids these days) Because I know her real problem is she is not made to deal with her problems.
Meds won't cure depression, dealing with what is making you depressed is what cures it for 90% of people I believe.

Hey we've all had to deal with bad # in our lives. As they say life wasn't meant to be easy.

When she is with her carer or other friends, counselors, doctors, shrinks, social media posts etc., they all positively reinforce her victim status and that it's okay to not deal with your problems because society will carry you and run your life for you.

She is not encouraged to try and fix her life. She's told she needs more rest, she should stay in bed more, that it's okay to sit in her room feeling sorry for herself. She is told everything holding her back is a positive, and she is even rewarded for it.

Her whole life is paid for by the government. She doesn't have to work. She has no reason to.
But the rub us, there is genuinely nothing wrong with her anymore except for a bad social circle and a wrong outlook on life.

When she makes the effort she is a functioning member of society. Has she had a bad life? Sure. But again so have a lot of us and she got more help than most, and 20 years later her problems no longer exist. Some of them are literally dead.

Really is a case of mind of matter.

Same with many kids with ADHD.
My step son for basically the entirety of primary school misbehaved at school.
School called his mother and I into the office to talk about him.
Straight away to the "you should have him tested for ADHD."

He wouldn't sit down, he wouldn't listen, he interrupted other kids, we got calls daily.
Thing is at home there was none of it.

He wasn't an angel, all kids have their moments, they're still learning. We all # up some times, even as adults.
The trick is we're meant to learn from our mistakes.
What the problem with him was we disciplined him at home, and at school the teachers have become too scared to so much as growl at a misbehaved student.

He wasn't really getting punished. Timeouts? lol, I would of loved those as a kid. Instead I could get the cane or detention when I was his age. Let me sit on a chair not doing any work though? Hell yeah.
Stop me from playing with my friends after school or whack my hand, you bet I'll behave in class.

If we ran around the class room like a fool, the teacher would grabbed us and given us an earful. Put the fear of god into us so to speak, and if we cried home to mummy and daddy they'd give us an earful for extra measure.
Regardless we learned a lesson about behavior.

Teachers these days are scared they'll get sued if they do something so they do nothing. They've lost power, mostly because of a few who abused it and because easy lawsuits.

The problem isn't ADHD, it's lazy gutless adults.

Hell I have friends whose kids swear, throw tantrums, even tear walls down, like one literally destroyed his home, a 9 year old neighbor, too all the plaster off, the entire houses frame exposed, and they cuss up a storm of swear words.
They're supposedly ADHD and ended up medicated.

Yet they're perfect little angels when in my presence. One friends kid swore once at my house. Only once because I turned to him and said, "hey mate, you might be allowed to swear at home, but you're in my house now and we don't swear here. Plus my daughters are here and I don't want them to hear you swearing. So you're not to swear again OK?"
Helped he had a crush on my girls lol.
Never swore in my house again. Always acted like a proper little gentleman every time he visited after that.
I made him take responsibility for himself, was clear on the problem. Educated him on acceptable behaviour.

Back at home? Swearing up a storm. Misbehaves. Honestly my friends were just lazy parents.

I'd say 98% of kids I meet on meds with ADHD are normal kids.
Same for most adults.

It's like that in most mental illness and behavioral problems.

Sorry, I tend to over explain things...
So yes, I know and accept SOME people have BPD. That it's a real thing and many commenters on this thread have presented good examples of such, but more often than not examples like given in the OP is just someone being a #ty human being and blaming a condition to excuse it pisses me off.

Pisses me off more though that we just accept it and allow it.
Peer pressure can be a good cure all for many problems sometimes. Especially purely social ones.

A person should show they are beyond controlling themselves even if they tried before they're bagged and tagged.
Too many are abusing the system to get a free ride in life and it takes resources from the people who need them.

Sorry I'm tired and cranky and full of words.

Found out a bit more, it's basically the female (and also some gay men) version of antisocial-personality disorder.

But it doesn't present in straight men at all.

Ever had a good time, and next thing a woman in her forties is throwing a tantrum like a two-year-old?

It is frightening.

That is Borderline Personality Disorder.

Advice for men with a BPD partner.

www.youtube.com...

It is loud, it can lead to attacks on property or other humans.

The main trigger usually seems to be a sense of abandonment.

It can be as trivial as going to the mailbox.

That can set it off.

What for most people seems like two minutes seems to them like two hours.

Just humbly getting the mail ...

"Oh F-off, I know what you were doing!

Get your ass inside NOW - and your whoring friends can stay outside."

Huh?

Yeah that's BPD.

They apparently call it "borderline", because most of the time they present as normal.

But when they talk themselves into one of their rages, they are not normal at all.
They present as psychotic.

while i is not qualified to make any real diagnosis

several hours of google - has puts the actions // behaviour of an associate in a " clear light "

thus ASSUMING them as " BPD " - and employing strategies outlined in reputable " how to live // interact with a " BPD person " " has helped matters - both for me - and i hopes them

A male counter-reaction could be, I'm only gonna hang with my brothers.

I've lost interest in women completely.

I don't want to generalize, but they're unstable.