Calling it quits drunk as a skunk (not ats dont ban hammer me mods)

We should all pray for each other and this situation brings to light that we need to meditate your way or pray to God that we can heal this man in need. Please, do what you feel appropriate.

originally posted by: Finspiracy

eletheia said very well here. I hope OP follows this advice. But i am currently drinking to suppress pain, so hard to preach. I have been in that situation. Broke up with a woman, we lived together. And i drank and i drank and i drank. I am never violent or even arrogant, but i mess myself up physically and mentally to a very low level. I don't want that to happen to you OP.

I hear you and I am not unsympathetic...... but life has taught me that

sometimes one needs to feel the pain.

May be a bad analogy but a bit like giving birth you have to go through

the pain to get the gain!!

There are no short cuts.

a reply to: Saiker

You only live once.
Ignore what 'society' and religion expect you to be.
Be true to yourself, make yourself happy. Dont get old with regrets. Easier said than done i know, but you only live once.
Yolo.

I'm no bible thumper...I despise those types. Confusion......runs even more rampant when you try to drown it in alcohol. Try taking the sober route, you may find that clear headed thinking can put you in the place YOU should be. Regardless of who you are or who you think you are. Clarity.

originally posted by: Saiker
Well, the wife and I are talking of hanging it up. It's been tough and she's not in the wrong it's all on me. I'm a bad guy really I am. Ive hid who I am for many years and I expected her to ignore it. Hell, my denial is so strong I even deny as I type. We haven't had a good day in years and it's my fault. Trying to do the right thing cause that's been taught has led us to years of misery. I used to think i might be gay then i thought i was bi then straight then tranny. Hell, I don't know anymore, but ide like to thank all the bible thumpers and know it alls that pass judgement on a daily basis for ruining my life and keeping me lost for so many years. Even now I'm in denial cause I was brought up that its wrong and I'm supposed to do what the good book says. That feeling I get is the devil dammit.

Take a shot of Jim with me and that's a drink not a guy lol

Well...good morning to you. Id say try to learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Don't live by labels and as far as marriages? Sometimes you fix it...sometimes you can't.

Learn that it's all ok. Confusion, depression, resignation and courage...all foster acceptance and change.

I recorded an original song once..I wrote "Be the one that you want to be. Don't ever try to change a thing...just be the one that you feel you SHOULD be!"

I hope you find your way...and don't be too hard on yourself just because you can't read the map right now, you know?!

Good luck to you....Best, MS

a reply to: Saiker


Ummm...your probably not going to want to hear this...but here it is anyway's...

Since you've been old enough to make your own decisions...that's all your life really has been...one long string of decisions and choices..all made by you...

If anyone has shamed you...it's the you that allowed or chose the shame...
You've chosen fear and self reproach...denial and guilt...you could easily choose to lay those aside and be whole in your being...

Do you see what I'm saying...?

Stop choosing despair and blame...rather...be whoever you think you ought to be and own that...anyone that feels the need to direct any negativity toward you...remember...it's because they are dealing or not dealing with their own psychological baggage and projecting that on you...

You don't have to listen to them you know...you choose to listen because of shame and guilt...these two very negative and destructive emotional states have you in their grip...what you need to realize is that grip is unsurprisingly your own...

Essentially you placed yourself in this situation by choice...and by choice you can overcome the negative aspects you've clung to...by choice your outlook and acceptance of self can be positive and fulfilling...


You asked...I answered...






YouSir

OP, might help if you find a good therapist to talk to. find one who is okay talking about gay issues, not a conversion therapy type.

If they can help you get it straight (no pun intended) in your head how you feel and what you want, it'll be easier to see what path to take from here.

good luck, i'm rooting for you and your wife to both be happy.

Thanks for all the kindness you all show. Sometimes ATS surprises me we do a lot of arguing, but in the end, a lot of you are caring people. I have tried many of the suggestions left for me and some i havnt I will start there.

Go make some mashed potatoes and gravy with a side of asparagus. It will make things go better for a few days. Some good smoked fish can replace alcohol to boost mood, so can beef jerky.

a reply to: Saiker


I have a cousin who was married with children for over 20 years; he finally came out and that wasn’t easy being he grew up Catholic.

At first the family was shocked and all whispers. My sister and I gave him a great big hug at our family reunion and sat with him and his new spouse. I am Catholic, but I believe as long as we love others and don’t hurt others than that is all that matters. Not being true to yourself hurts everyone involved.

Like another poster stated if Jesus was standing in front of you right now he would hug you and love you unconditionally.

You always lose with Mr Booze, take it easy with that and NO driving. Best of Luck in your future endeavors.

originally posted by: KTemplar
a reply to: Saiker


I have a cousin who was married with children for over 20 years; he finally came out and that wasn’t easy being he grew up Catholic.

At first the family was shocked and all whispers. My sister and I gave him a great big hug at our family reunion and sat with him and his new spouse. I am Catholic, but I believe as long as we love others and don’t hurt others than that is all that matters. Not being true to yourself hurts everyone involved.

Like another poster stated if Jesus was standing in front of you right now he would hug you and love you unconditionally.

You always lose with Mr Booze, take it easy with that and NO driving. Best of Luck in your future endeavors.

I too am a Catholic (I’m mostly Irish and Mexican so what do you expect? Lol) and feel the same way my best friend was married and had two kids and he came out to me as gay a few years back and it changed nothing between us. I was a little upset that I was one of the last people to find out and it took a major crisis in his life to finally open up to me. I find it very distasteful and very un-Christian to judge people. Sadly our family is divided by my grandfather going from being very laid back to starting to go to a Protestant Church and telling me and my mom we’re going to hell because we don’t follow the same sect as him, it kills me inside to be judged by my own family when we all believe in the same god.

OP I know it’s not what you want to hear but in my opinion before writing off all as lost find a good therapist and have sessions with your wife as well you’d be amazed what you can work through with professional guidance. As far as the drink I’d gladly raise a glass with ya but now is not the best time I have a love hate relationship with alcohol since my dad was a nasty drunk and it caused a lot of problems between me and him. I know alcohol is not going to be your best friend in this situation try to stay clear headed and for the sake of all that is good don’t do anything to harm yourself, you will be harming your family more than you could imagine.

a reply to: BigDave-AR


Sorry you are going thru that BigDave. I’ve never been a big fan of fanaticism in Religion, I take the pearls from different types, for example I really admired the Mormons I met while I lived in AZ, I like certain aspects of Buddhism, etc. I hope you’re grandfather softens his stance on this. If not, don’t worry, God loves us all!

Thanks for all the reply's yall im taking shots tonight of Jack black gonna finish whats in the cabinet then maybe ill sober up.
Im not quite sure what to do still. But im gonna have fun doing nothing im sure

originally posted by: KTemplar
a reply to: BigDave-AR


Sorry you are going thru that BigDave. I’ve never been a big fan of fanaticism in Religion, I take the pearls from different types, for example I really admired the Mormons I met while I lived in AZ, I like certain aspects of Buddhism, etc. I hope you’re grandfather softens his stance on this. If not, don’t worry, God loves us all!

I appreciate that it makes it even worse that my dad was gone most of my childhood and my grandpa was my father figure and I always looked at him as a great man. He made a promise to his father that he would “get right with god” before my grandfather dies. He went from only being in a church for weddings of funerals to going everytime the doors were open and got super preachy and it progressed to him telling me and my mom were going to hell and he’s not shy about saying it regularly. We don’t need it to be like “the troubles” in Ireland or Muslim sects killing eachother off.

OP I love that song keep your chin up buddy.

a reply to: BigDave-AR
yep been listenin too it all night
drink up

I feel for you and your situation.
I just want to inject a different type of thinking:
How does she feel? Do y'all have kids? Does She want kids? Is her clock ticking(fertility)? A woman has a defined amount of time to have kids and you should be considerate of this if it is an issue. Do you make passionate love to her? Does she want someone to make passionate love to her?
If you cannot provide this, then sometimes it is better to just let her go. I really do hope for the best for both of you.

originally posted by: Saiker
a reply to: BigDave-AR
yep been listenin too it all night
drink up

Well if you insist I’ll raise my glass of Buschmills Black Bush on the rocks.
ETA: some sleep would do your mind good, and make sure you’re drinking water and eating don’t get so mixed up you neglect your body I’ve been there and it sucks.

a reply to: Onlyyouknow

Yeah we got one boy he means the world to the both of us. I make love often to her but she doesnt make me content and she knows it.

originally posted by: Saiker
a reply to: Onlyyouknow

Yeah we got one boy he means the world to the both of us. I make love often to her but she doesnt make me content and she knows it.

Well that is a different ball of wax and I have no additional advice for you two. I trust y'all will do the best for your son.