I can not sense what is wrong, maybe you can dear ATS

a reply to: Snarl

I am not busy, please share. =)

It seems you have lived a rather interesting life. Well done and good on you for contributing to the world and the happiness of others.

As somebody that has suffered major depressive disorder, general/social anxiety, OCD, insomnia and depersonalisation (although I have not been formally diagnosed with the last two), I thought I would mention another condition that is not widely known about by the average person: Anhedonia, which is often linked with depression. I just thought I would drop you a link about that last one because some of what you related in your opening post seems to resemble that condition. Not saying you have it, but it never hurts to learn about new things which might relate to your own experiences.

a reply to: belkide

Yes it does. at first...
There are monks doing that for years, the true meditative state, if it comes is "out of time" and not boring at all, you're a brain heavy person, so for you it's maybe more important to first find the mind beyond the consciousness?
You know there's the awareness constantly receiving and interpretating the sensorial input.
There's the thinking mind, dreaming, the story teller.
And there's the ego free transcendent true self, which is where the magic happens.

If you just shut up the story teller and try to surpress the awareness without making the leap over to a "trance" you're basically just picturing/imagining and not really meditating.

a reply to: belkide

Hi Dear Belkide,

I know this feeling. I am sorry it is hitting you so hard right now. I am glad you can recognize it in yourself.

I tend to feel this way at the end of every winter. A couple of things have helped me... I hope they may work for you.

An Omega 3-6-9 supplement. Essential Fatty Acids in optimum balance does amazing things.

A vitamin D supplement, since time in the sun is not plentiful this time of year where I live.

Are there any youth organizations in your area you could volunteer for? Maybe play some music at the local recreation center. You may feed a spark in a child that your being will recognize. Maybe spend some time as a music teacher? And 20 years into the future, that child may do the same for another child, and so on. And in that way, your joy will live forever as a spark that moves people.

Best to you, friend... Give us an update when you think of it.

Look i'm gonna say what i think,but Please don't think i'm being unkind to you. You seem like a nice young man and i just want to give you my honest opinion-i may be dead wrong,and i also do not mean to imply that you are ungrateful for all the blessings in your life.Ok here goes:

You had a too easy life.

It seems from your OP that you are not of a family that has financial troubles,you have loving parents,you have friends and have had so many opportunities to follow your interests and passions. You have probably never been hungry,or been in imminent danger of having to live on the streets.You have had,to repeat myself,what seems to me like a Very easy life.

And that can be the problem with easy lives-it can leave one jaded,bored,uninspired and unfulfilled,however bizarre that may sound

Now i live out in the African Bush,and every day i see desperately poor people,but usually always cheerful and positive,just happy to be alive. Grateful for their shack and their meal of savory maize meal porridge with onion+tomato sauce on top.Despite the poverty and lack of opportunities to follow their dreams,interests and passions,they still seem overall to be very happy and positive about life,and ready always to grab every bit of fun that comes their way. They club together for speakers,have huge all night parties in the settlement across the road from where i live,the kids have no access to internet and smartphones,so they use their imagination and make up their own games,get lots of exercise and fresh air and healthy African sunlight on them.Just like i did,when i was a kid in the days before the Flood They all,adult and child alike,MAKE their own fun,individually and as communities,and despite the odds they enjoy their lives.

Maybe you should think about travelling to third world countries,and become inspired by the type of people i just mentioned. You could even help out with charity projects. There is Nothing in this world that makes one as bone-deep happy as helping out other people who really need it.

Just my take on it,the feeling i got,reading your OP.

a reply to: belkide


First I'd like to say I'm sorry you went thru some horrible things: held up, kidnapping that resulted in a knee injury. These are very traumatic things to go through, and changes people's sense of trust forever. It can take years to gain a sense of normalcy after being victimized.

Sounds like possibly ptsd, anxiety, depression.

Your answer to your mom tells me you want to revert to a happier time, like when you were younger and perhaps not victimized the way you were.

Therapy helps even if it's with a relative you can open up to, or a close friend. Meds help also, but the therapy is needed. Journaling , hiking maybe.

I hope you find your inner child again 😢

You need a holiday mate

It's big world out there, go see something new, there are plenty of sights that will fill you with wonder and amazement.

Or there's always acid, take a 12 hour holiday from reality

a reply to: KTemplar

I hope you find your inner child again

Great post and advice! That quote explains it best... recollection of innocence and the happiness that comes with it holds so much healing.

originally posted by: belkide
a reply to: Macenroe82

I know I have Anxiety disorder since 2 years and taking a simple med for it but I guess it does not help. In anycase I do not like taking meds and I want to fix this thing with natural ways. Like brain power, thinking, new knowledge that will guide me to different angles looking at this subject. It really sounded like I was reading someone's comments on my behaviour. I can understand her and you... Hope she will get better as this does not seem like a big deal from outside but it sure is a suffering inside.

Anxiety medication!!!!

It may actually just be as simple as that.

My wife has severe OCD and used to be on anxiety medication. As a child she was a prodigy when it came down to all forms of art. Writing, drawing, painting, music, so on and so forth.

She went on anxiety medication and bassically turned into a zombie. Had no will or drive to do pretty much anything. Never felt creative. Nothing stimulated her. She was bassically just an autonomous shell of a human being.

This occurred through several different kinds of anxiety medication.

If you're currently on anxiety meds, I guarantee this is the cause!

originally posted by: belkide
a reply to: Snarl
I am not busy, please share. =)

There's no 'cure' for what you have ... so make the 'very' most of it.

Obviously, you have 'a look' and 'a talent' set. Most people are _lucky_ to have one or the other. What you may be lacking (at the moment) are 'the means'. This is where your focus should be. 'The means' are always developed in those of us who weren't born with a silver spoon (and sometimes even if we were).

Go find a restaurant where rich people eat. Land a job where you'll be seen. Use your look.

This is the same thing one does when 'fishing'.
Once you've got your target's attention, expose some talent (not all of it). When they take the bait ... set the hook ... keep 'em interested.

Here's the hard part for you. Never take advantage. You're running with the big dogs. You're not going to ever be able to 'fool' them. Never try ... and never let 'em know you're not going to, either. It's the mystery that'll keep 'em intrigued. Play it like you would an arcade game. Nobody wants to 'waste' their quarter no matter how shabby the game play happens to be.

When you turn your attention to another ... that's when the offers are going to roll in. And ... you're going to be surprised. And ... you're going to remember this reply. And ... you can PM me with the results ... because my efforts are 'worth' at least that much to you.

It's life. Enjoy it!!

Well this will be like pissing into the wind, but here goes...

Hard physical labor.
Find something, someone who is working on something physically difficult and ask to assist. Preferably a "job" that takes at least two weeks. Whether it's helping a couple of guys roofing (you be the laborer) as an example, or mowing lawns for the elderly, or washing windows....whatever.

In all your accomplishments I noticed you use your mind, but not necessarily your body.

By "pushing" yourself for a couple of weeks, up early, hard physical work outside, you can "reset" your body. I saw you wind-surfed. That's great, but nothing near the same as lifting, hauling, ect.

Humans are designed to be physically active. You don't move, you don't poop. You don't move, you lose lung capacity.
The physical labor takes you away from being in your head, and more on staying in the moment. Plus your appetite will also "reset" as will your sleep cycle cause at the end of the day you'll be worn out.

I say two weeks cause you HAVE to push yourself. Anyone can do a couple of hard days, but the sustained physical activity gives your body that final push to get it together and "reset". Doc's usually recommend exercise for people with the antidepressants, but that doesn't work for everyone. For some people you need more than just "walkies" or the gym.

Your brain & body is going to find EVERY way to force you to quit as well. The harder it fights you the more you know that this is exactly what you need. Grab an ice pack and a Motrin and soldier on!

As others have said, could be ADD, anxiety, major depression, etc. Alcohol is a depressant, so you should probably consider stopping for now.

From a physical standpoint, would suggest a comprehensive work up from both a traditional doctor and a naturopath or integrative medicine doc. From there, explore ayervedic and chinese medicine, and other modalities. Run, do yoga, work out, do tai chi. Pick a martial art and pursue it digently. Hike, rock climb, camp, etc., in nature as much as possible to get grounded.

Feed yourself only healthy, organic food. Take the supplements and herbs advocated by your new integrative doctor. Savor each bite.

Would suggest going for meditation training, every city has groups to learn from. Perhaps try kriya yoga. Mindfulness meditation.

Travel the world if you have the means. Not in fancy hotels and resorts and clubs... instead, put on a backpack and hike, cycle, take trains, couchsurf, hostels, etc. Get lost. See ancient works, beautiful natural wonders, great art and indigenous art and music and dance. See how people live. Try sacred dance. Find a place to take a real, authentic spiritual retreat.

Most of all, maybe you have realized that this is all illusory and is meaningless in some way. What matters is compassion for others... people, creatures, nature, the earth. If you decide to dedicate your life, your art, your work, your heart to be of service to others, to be compassionate to all, life takes on a new color.

Just my two cents.

a reply to: belkide

Well...thats certainly a lot to take in here...but let me post you a simple observation:

If you perceive yourself "grey"..grey can be a transitional color. One between the brightness and dark. Perhaps its only that you are (obviously too by your own description) in transition yourself?

The "color" will return once you reopen the crayon box of things from the past that gave you joy...and those things you wish to learn to CREATE more joy.

Your getting older. Things change...and the "in-between" can become a "grey" area for you. Open the box of crayons and color yourself a new one by revisiting that and those things that once gave you joy...and go onto new ones to create new colors!

Peace

Quit eating so many veggies, the plant defense chemicals and pesticides might be inhibiting acetylcholineesterase and making you too anxious. It is time to boost your dopamine, maybe a little more sugar or some chinese food. Pea soup also helps with that.

Some veggies block the thyroid hormones and can cause a lowering of thyroid chemicals working right. This can cause a lack of interest and also a dampening of thinking. there were some mispellings in the OP, not usually a problem, lots of people misspell things, but it appears that you were a teacher, the misspellings are not normal. Hypothyroidism can cause that.

One of the chemicals in the thyroid is a tyrosine chemistry I think, it is found in eggs and some other foods. Then you need iodine, Selenium, and folate to make things work right, real folate, not folic acid. Try taking a multimineral tablet, one with adequate molybdenum, selenium, and manganese and copper. Then eat eggs for breakfast a couple times a week or some boiled eggs sometimes. Some people can tolerate coffee better than others, some need it others don't. The opposite could be a problem too, but it really does not match well, but your acetylcholine could be too low. No energy or exitement in things if that is the case. There are foods that are anticholine that can cause this, and it can occur if you eat too much of this kind of food chemistry. Extreme cases of low acetylcholine can also cause your symptoms.

You explained your symptoms but not really your normal eating habits. Trying to eat too healthy can cause you problems if it throws off your metabolism. Everyone makes different amounts of enzymes, so we all need to eat differently.

Watch the cruciferous veggies, don't overconsume them. Try going out in the sun more too.

a reply to: Raxoxane

I have seen this quite a bit. The person that never needs to strive for anything because they have the means to acquire everything with little effort. There is no challenge anymore. They have experienced more than 90% of what the general population will ever experience in their lifetimes on this planet. They do not like pain so they avoid it instead of embracing it.

It is like seeing the beautiful person and immediately assigning the ideal of greatness to them. Then you get to interact with them and outside the possibility of charisma, they are just a shell, empty and shallow.

Then you run into the physically cursed. The disfigured and challenged. They need to fight and scrape for every bit of food and shelter they can get. But they are happy and content. You can see it in their eyes as they have been through so much hardship and still have a thirst for this reality. It is a beautiful thing to experience.

I know these are gross generalizations but maybe they rhyme with structures of discontentment vs serenity.

If you are sure that your condition is not physically or psychologically based, might I suggest

A Vacation?

I cannot, and will not, attempt to diagnose you, it sounds like you've got that pretty much to hand.

But perhaps a "different perspective" might serve to "enlighten" you current "grayness".

Go somewhere you've never been before and explore.

DO NOT go with the intent of finding "a cure".
DO Not go with any preset goal OF ANY KIND!

Just go and explore as much as you can.

See how you feel afterwards.

My two cents.

a reply to: belkide



Try this on for size:

www.sunfell.com...

See if anything 'changes' as You read it...

a reply to: belkide

Look into COQ10.

a reply to: belkide

Grow a garden an act of play. Very relaxing and theraputic..

a reply to: rickymouse

To belkid: I would look at Rickys notes, think about looking at Low Testosterone levels symptoms

www.medicinenet.com...

I really think you may have some depression (PTSD after your kidnapping) as well as you seem to have lost interest in so many activities
Also your insomnia may be from your aquarium as you posted in another thread of yours (the light frequency)

Good luck...you have such a wealth of experience we are glad you come on ATS

You wrote this:

Me: Having a go-kart race in my own property with my friends or people drinking and partying with loud music and naked girls swimming in pool. Seeing everyone having a great time. And possibly some sexual time after that. Her reaction was interesting.
She said -Really? This is what you came down to in the end after all of those? Like, this is it? And she laughed in a humorous way.

Was she being judgmental? It sounds like you were not satisfied with her response.
Until you get the insomnia sorted you might like to give up alcohol for a while. I think regular a sleeping pattern/regime is very important.