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originally posted by: NightSkyeB4Dawn
a reply to: rickymouse
My dad was a very strict disciplinarian. My mother was fun, creative, reasonable, but very expecting. Neither believed in corporal punishment, much to my chagrin. I would have welcomed a spanking over the punishments my dad would dream up to make sure our transgressions stuck in or minds, so as not to be repeated.
I tried to use a mixture of the lessons I learned from my parents that I felt were effective with me and my 9 siblings. I think I did a fairly good job. Far from perfect but a good job. I watch my little ones raising their little ones and I sometimes have instant flashbacks to another time, because I hear me coming out of their mouths. I was not a BFF. I was a protector, a nurse, a tree, a teacher, a pillow, a cop, a handkerchief; whatever they needed me to be. My children say they always knew what was expected of them. They knew they could ask any question without impunity, and I was consistent with my words and my actions. We did not fight. We had long, sometimes very long, discussions. They didn't always agree with my rules, but they understood why I had them. They also understood the consequences for breaking them.
I found this video funny because during their teen years, I know I said that mantra at least 5 times a week. "I am not your best friend, kid!" "I am your parent!" Of course this was followed by the discussion, long or short version, depending on witch child.
originally posted by: grainofsand
a reply to: rickymouse
I'm both friends and father to my 19 year old son, can't you multi task?
When he's working with me not at college then the banter is the same as with the rest of my mates, we party together, he is my closest friend where we both know we've got each others backs against the world.
You sound like you want kids who obey you...I only ever wanted a child who understood my advice is always honest and for a good reason.
I'm the first person my son asks for honest advice because we are friends, not because he's been indoctrinated into thinking I'm some all ruling alpha dad.
You deny yourself loads by denying friendship fella. Every father of my son's mates envies our relationship, and have done all the time I've been a father.
I actually feel sorry for you and your full on dad mode thing.
*edit*
My son's mother is a parent before friend type such as yourself, it is why I have known more about what he thinks/feels/does than her all his life...and continuing.
originally posted by: NightSkyeB4Dawn
a reply to: rickymouse
With my children it was the stink eye. I could stop them dead in their tracks with just the right look. Never had to say a word. I have had to use it on a child or two since, the last time being was Sunday past. It still works like a charm.
originally posted by: grainofsand
a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn
Depends how you raise your kids, you don't have to put them in front of a screen.
I played football, climbed trees, did arts n crafts, built sandcastles, almost anything I could think of that involved interacting and talking with my child.
Other parents I know just stuck their kids in front of a screen.
Busy modern lifestyle is bulll#, lazy parents is all.
I cannot understand the 'my child is not my friend' thing, why not? A friend wants the best for each other, friendship is trust, love, compassion and understanding, and everything in between.