I'm Not Your Friend, Kid! (Because I Love You.)

I stumbled across this video of a mom discussing her parenting style. I cracked up. If we had had YouTube when I was raising my children, this would have been my video.

This was so me, it has me believing in the Mandela Effect.

I am so tempted to send her a picture of me, to show her the long term effect of the daily monologues, with ice cream props.

a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

Of course she 'don't care' shes eaten a whole bucket of ice cream with chocolate morsels.

Too bad she isn't giving examples why all her kids hate her all together now (for differing reasons).

Maybe then we could really learn her lessons of parenting.

a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

Wait, but why did she dump red wine in the ice cream container at the end? I'm so confused right now

I am my kids father, I will be their father for as long as we both live. I am not their friends, I am their father.

I do not believe in all the being nice crap with the kids, giving them the things they want. I tried to teach my kids to want what they need and be satisfied with that. The more you spend the more you have to make to be in the same place. It is way more fun working and saving to get something, going out and charging it is not nearly as fun. Then comes the paying part and that makes people cranky, the kids see this and they get pushed away and often their wants cause this tension.

Learn to live within your means and teach your kids that too.

Great video.

originally posted by: FamCore
a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

Wait, but why did she dump red wine in the ice cream container at the end? I'm so confused right now

hahaha who knows maybe ice cream wine is the #! ??

I think it was sort of a joke like sarcasm that she is saying act tough but she is emotional eating ?

I thought it was funny.

Nice video

a reply to: rickymouse
My dad was a very strict disciplinarian. My mother was fun, creative, reasonable, but very expecting. Neither believed in corporal punishment, much to my chagrin. I would have welcomed a spanking over the punishments my dad would dream up to make sure our transgressions stuck in or minds, so as not to be repeated.

I tried to use a mixture of the lessons I learned from my parents that I felt were effective with me and my 9 siblings. I think I did a fairly good job. Far from perfect but a good job. I watch my little ones raising their little ones and I sometimes have instant flashbacks to another time, because I hear me coming out of their mouths. I was not a BFF. I was a protector, a nurse, a tree, a teacher, a pillow, a cop, a handkerchief; whatever they needed me to be. My children say they always knew what was expected of them. They knew they could ask any question without impunity, and I was consistent with my words and my actions. We did not fight. We had long, sometimes very long, discussions. They didn't always agree with my rules, but they understood why I had them. They also understood the consequences for breaking them.

I found this video funny because during their teen years, I know I said that mantra at least 5 times a week. "I am not your best friend, kid!" "I am your parent!" Of course this was followed by the discussion, long or short version, depending on witch child.

originally posted by: Reverbs

originally posted by: FamCore
a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

Wait, but why did she dump red wine in the ice cream container at the end? I'm so confused right now

hahaha who knows maybe ice cream wine is the #! ??

I think it was sort of a joke like sarcasm that she is saying act tough but she is emotional eating?

I thought it was funny.

Nice video

That is indeed the message. Whether ice cream or the glass of wine, it goes well with the monologue that many mothers have while their children are under the shackles of punishment.

Depending on what they did, it can go from "I carried that child for 9 months, almost lost a kidney, giving birth, and this is the thanks I get?" to "I can't wait until you are married and have children of your own, I just pray I live long enough to see it, I praaaay I live long enough to seeee it!"

Keep in mind these are conversation you are usually having with yourself, as you pace around the room trying to figure out why they didn't listen, why they didn't understand, and internally asking yourself, "What did I do wrong?" "Why can't I get them to get it?"

Yes. Parenting is hard on both sides of the aisle.

originally posted by: NightSkyeB4Dawn
a reply to: rickymouse
My dad was a very strict disciplinarian. My mother was fun, creative, reasonable, but very expecting. Neither believed in corporal punishment, much to my chagrin. I would have welcomed a spanking over the punishments my dad would dream up to make sure our transgressions stuck in or minds, so as not to be repeated.

nah.. I still flinch if people get too close to me sometimes.. and I was trained to kill in the Army.

I was also a little devil so.. I'm surprised my mom hasn't gone insane.

a reply to: rickymouse

I'm both friends and father to my 19 year old son, can't you multi task?
When he's working with me not at college then the banter is the same as with the rest of my mates, we party together, he is my closest friend where we both know we've got each others backs against the world.

You sound like you want kids who obey you...I only ever wanted a child who understood my advice is always honest and for a good reason.
I'm the first person my son asks for honest advice because we are friends, not because he's been indoctrinated into thinking I'm some all ruling alpha dad.

You deny yourself loads by denying friendship fella. Every father of my son's mates envies our relationship, and have done all the time I've been a father.
I actually feel sorry for you and your full on dad mode thing.

*edit*
My son's mother is a parent before friend type such as yourself, it is why I have known more about what he thinks/feels/does than her all his life...and continuing.

Damn skippy.

Except the red wine mixed with ice cream. That was a little strange.

Ya, they will have lots of friends, only one mom and dad. I will not be usurped or concede my authority just to get through the tween and teen years. Other forms of authority or tough circumstances won't yield either.

a reply to: grainofsand
I posted the video because I thought it was funny, and it took me back to the times when I was raising my children.

My children are grown and have children of their own. I had rules, they knew what they were, and why they were in place. Yes, I did indeed expected my children to obey me, and I expected them to respect me. My children were immensely loved when they were growing up, and while I didn't think I could love them anymore, my love for them continues to grow, or at least it feels that way to my poor old heart.

I have one child that got hooked up with the wrong group in his teens, and if I hadn't snatched him and his buddies up, I don't think any of them would be here today. I had a long talk with their parents and explained what the rules of my house were. I explained that in my house if the rules are broken there are consequences, and if they did not think my rules were fair or my punishments fair, that I would not hold their children to my rules, but their children would not be welcome in my house. All the parents agreed and the children agreed, my house, my rules.

Guess where those boys wanted to hang out all the time? They did a better job at holding each other accountable to the rules than I did. Those boys always come to visit me when they are in town, and they always thank me for, as they put it, "making them walk the chalk line".

I didn't discipline my children because I didn't love them. I disciplined them because I did love them.

Great vid!

There is a girl in my daughter's class who couldn't understand why my daughter tells me everything, in her confusion she asked her mum why.

Apparently the mothers answer was that I must be her best friend....uh no, wrong answer.

My daughter tells me everything because she respects my opinion, because I won't always tell her she is right, because I will give her advice, eve if she doesn't want to hear the advice I give, as it contravenes her perspective at times.

My response when she told me about this was, I'm not your best friend, I'm your mum, it is my job to take care of you and listen to you, to make difficult decisions for your protection and to provide balance, I can't do that as your friend.

Earlier this evening, she was asking me why she couldn't have her Skype back, as some of the girls at school had been asking when the ban was over.

I told her....never, well not with the girls from school at this juncture, owing to the fact that none of their parents are monitoring their children's online activity and I removed it in the first instance due to their lack of etiquette, as they have not learnt how to wield their words.

So the ban still sticks....thought she is allowed to talk to her best friend from a different school, as I know she will not hurt her.

Daughter doesn't like it, but that's not my problem, it is done for her protection, to avoid a repeat of how she was treated by them a month ago.

Now it is time to eat some chocolate...we're a wine-free home.

a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

I didn't discipline my son like dad, just as a person, same as if a mate rented a room off me, my house my rules.

I used to ask my son "imagine a mate did that to you, how would you feel?" and then we'd calmly talk.
Maybe authoritarian works for you, I found strong communication and trust like a best mate worked for me.

We all make it up as we go along as parents, no instruction books, the outcome is all that counts, I'm happy with my job and I hope you are as well.

a reply to: kosmicjack
***I love EVERYTHING about this***
So do I.

I had my own little version that I taught my kids when they were growing up. Mine were spread out into individual and separate motivational lessons, but I have caught them teaching these lessons to their own children.

My children were good children, and they grew into amazing adults and parents. I like to think that is because of me; that they learned from my successes and my failures. I know I made some mistakes, but everything I did for my children came from a position of love. Even that one spanking I had to give my poor child when he wanted to show his friends that he was bigger than me and didn't have to listen to me anymore.

Interesting thing about that is, he found more embarrassment from being chided by his friends, than he got from receiving a spanking in front of them. First and last time I ever had to put my hands on one of my children. He says he still can't to this day, understand what made him do and say such stupid things. He says that every time he thinks about it, he gets embarrassed, but he says he really thinks he felt himself grow-up after that.

Growing up isn't easy. We all make a lot of mistakes along the way. It is how we mature and learn.

a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

The one time my son acted harder like a mate wanting a fight I offered my jaw and said do it because I wasn't gonna hit him first but I'll fight like # I'd he did it.
He calmed down and we talked with watery eyes because violence came so close.

Spanking? Like on the buttocks?
That seems dark and sinister to me, never done any physical punishment and never will now. My son plays rugby for our town and he'd spank me now haha, I'm glad I never taught him violent punishment for doing wrong.

a reply to: solargeddon
I found that mutual respect goes a long way to a healthy relationship with our children.

Thank God I didn't have to worry about social media when my children were growing up, but we had the TV. I got around that battle by having them so involved in dance and skating, that there was little time for TV.

My motto was, "You are going to spend money raising your children, you just have to decide when you are going to pay." "You are either going to spend money to keep them out of trouble, or you are going to spend money to get them out of trouble." "Your choice."

I chose to spend my money keeping them out of trouble. Gave me a better connection and knowledge of their friends, their families, and what they were doing.

As a Forensic Nurse, I see way too many patients that have been victims of assaults and rapes, directly tied to those social media apps and websites. I am so glad I don't have to deal with that nightmare. I try to keep my family, neighbors, and friends aware of the dangers associated with cyber crimes. I don't think they listen. My brother, by accident, found out that his 11 year old daughter got tricked into sending in photos and "all" of her personal information to a website, because she was tricked into believing she had gotten selected for some modeling job.

I can't get people to understand that the pedophiles are out there in full force. It is their full time 24/7 job. They are professionals at what they do. They are able to trick adults, the young ones don't stand a chance. Every child and every parent that I have worked with say the same exact thing, "I didn't think it would happen to me/us."

It is not getting better. They are getting better at what they do and it is getting harder to catch them. I don't envy folks that are parenting today.

a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

Just recently there was an internet safety event at school for the parents, how many in attendance I don't know, as I didn't go (single mum, no childcare).

I suspect many think they have a handle on what their kids are doing, yet don't, as was evidenced by what happen with my daughter.

The kids in question are petrified of me now, as I know what they did, but their parents don't, the school even know what they did, yet for some reason they haven't informed the parents, which I think is wrong, I say the parents aren't informed as not one has spoken to me, which is strange as I left a dialogue on their group chat relating to my dissatisfaction at how they had behaved.

For my daughter I have done my job, we have discussed it to death (not an exaggeration), however I feel for these children who don't get this kind of guidance.

When I had children I made a choice to put them above income, you only get one shot at childhood and there are so many children damaged by just the day to day, who don't get the opportunities to discuss and make sense of their world, because their parents are too busy working amongst other reasons.

Oh and don't even get me started on the crazy parents who tell their kids they don't have to do anything they don't want to...a couple of years ago I was working in a school, where a reception child was asked to come and put their coat on and line up for lunch, the aforementioned was his response, it took over 5 minutes to get him to tow the line, because the parent, although good intentioned I'm sure, had not secured any caveats to what they had taught.

a reply to: grainofsand

Yes sir. I spanked him on his buttocks, right in front of his friends. He was feeling his cheerios and I think he broke every rule in the book, the worse being, hitting a female. He never got any further than balling up his fist at me, but by then he had already crossed all the lines.

I don't know what would have happened if I had cowered to his aggression, but me being me, that was never going to happen, so the only other worse case scenario would have been being locked up, and having my children taken from me for assault on a child.

Like I said, I was a woman of my word and broken rules come with punishment, and he broke them all. When rules were broken, we had the long discussion. What rule/rules where broken. Why was the rule broken. What is a suitable punishment. He chose the spanking and to be honest with you, I agreed with him since he was the one that introduced violence in my house, and as a reminder that though he had grown taller than me that that didn't mean he could take advantage of people because of his size.

I was blessed because he almost immediately was ashamed of his behavior, his friends helped him see the error of his ways. It was the first and last time, and according to him, it was an event that lives with him til this day. No instruction manual but we made it through with only that single incident. No regrets.

a reply to: solargeddon

Oh and don't even get me started on the crazy parents who tell their kids they don't have to do anything they don't want to.

Yet the majority of those parents biggest complaint about their lives, is the things they have to do, that they don't want to do, go to work, pay bills, etc. So they raise their children to believe falsely, that they actually have a say, or control over the world they live in. They don't, and when they feel deceived, weak, and hopeless, they rebel and disconnect.

I see the results of what happens when the virtual and the real world collides.