eggnog and rum and a rant about my rich Aunt

a reply to: jappee

Yeah been said before lol.
Just in a villainous mood

Love what you do and do what you love.
To make it simple, no one else lives by your values, they live by their own, we all do.
Stop caring about how rich (monetarily) other people are.
It's your own life that matters.
Recognize your own wealth, it's not always about money, it won't let you down, you are more wealthy that you thought.
You have a "new grandson" how special...
That means you also have children.
There is your nation growing right there.
No one else matters.
If Aunty didn't exist, would anything be any different?

a reply to: goou111

So, let's see if i got this right. You don't want their money, but you do want them to give you some money. Is that about right?

What did you give them this Christmas and past Christmas's? Did you even send them a card? Exchanging gifts is the tradition. Have you invited them to family events such as christenings? Have you included them in anything? College graduation cards? Wedding invites? How are they supposed to know anything about you if they are not kept up with these notices. For all you know they think you are stiffing them for not inviting them or noticing them when these special moments occur.

Smh,

STM

a reply to: goou111

Relatives are just relatives, unless u really love them and accept them as family, which I don't accept my relatives at all as family and can't stand them anymore because of there fakesness and arrogance. That being said relatives don't owe u anything just like u don't owe them anything.

originally posted by: goou111

originally posted by: isaanbkk
Dont long for someone elses money.

Obviously it came off wrong. I have never wanted anything from them,never.. I have been on my own since I was 17 years old. I have never asked them or anyone else for anything .

I have a job, own a home , have raised 2 kids, and now ave a grandkid. I am just irritated that on their own volition they have never just done something for me or my kids. so I vented.

It does kinda sound like you want to be on good terms with them again for what you and yours can get out of it. I did not hear you say you missed them, felt sad that you no longer get to spend time with them. Just that they have done stuff financially for other family members but not you and yours.

Have you sent THEM so much as a Christmas card? Tried to call and reconnect and spend time with them? Maybe they think you feel like your mother does, and want nothing to do with them because argument between Mom and Aunt.

I'm sorry, that probably sounds harsh. But it does sound like that when I read it, because you don't mention anything about missing them, just their finances.

a reply to: goou111

I really hope you re-read your OP when you are not inebriated, and that you really think about your words.

It would be very easy for me to assume the worst about your wealthy aunt, having seen the worst from my own very wealthy family members, one of whom can pinch a penny so hard a booger pops out of Abe's nose...

But what struck me in your OP is that you seem to have absolutely no relationship with your aunt, and you make no mention of trying to have a relationship with your aunt. If you haven't seen her since you were 15 years old, and you are now old enough to have a grandchild, I'm left wondering what effort you made to be "family"... or if you made any effort at all. Because it seems to me that if you had made any such effort, that would have been very relevant to your rant.

In other words, I see absolutely no regard for your aunt as a person or someone you love and respect and want to have a close relationship with... you just want her money. Where's the love for her? How would you feel if the situation were reversed? What if your mother was the fabulously wealthy one, and it was your cousins who wanted her money after blowing her off for years?

When my "second mother" passed a couple years ago, I received a couple baubles. I don't believe they were actually willed to me, but that her children wanted me to have something to remember her by. I could probably sell them for a pretty penny, but I won't. The sentimental value is worth far more than their market value. Of all my brothers and sisters, I was the only one who had maintained any kind of relationship with her. When she was dying, I was the only one in contact with her children. And yet my sister, also quite wealthy, and also her God-daughter, was quite bent out of shape about the fact that she got nothing. Under the circumstances, my sister had no reason to expect a darn thing, and I suspect that she is really more upset that I got something and she didn't, which means it's just jealousy and entitlement... which is really funny because my sister could buy and sell me in a New York minute!

In the end, it's all about the love.... for HER. Not her money. I hope you really think about that for your sake -- no one else's.

originally posted by: seentoomuch
What did you give them this Christmas and past Christmas's? Did you even send them a card? Exchanging gifts is the tradition. Have you invited them to family events such as christenings? Have you included them in anything? College graduation cards? Wedding invites? How are they supposed to know anything about you if they are not kept up with these notices. For all you know they think you are stiffing them for not inviting them or noticing them when these special moments occur.

Smh,

STM

Bravo bravo and bravo. It works both ways, doesn't it. But if it's done as manipulation to achieve something, it will show.

So, OP, be genuine. Think about the times you had with her when you were young. Try to let go of some of your jealousy and resentment. Like others said, she doesn't owe you a cent. If she helps others, she does so out of the goodness of her heart. Try to find your own place there. Do as Seentoomuch has suggested. Give her a call sometime to see how she is doing. Tell her the truth. You regret being estranged from her. Invite her to come over for coffee and dessert.

What wealthy family members want is you to be beholden to their greatness and obvious superiority. To jump when they say jump because they know whats best and if you do not then you are an obvious waste of humanity, tolerated but nothing more
I have a sister who is one of these people who is an executive for a major automobile company. I am a machinist, she could have gotten me in doing exactly what I do now with just a phone call.....not even 5 minutes of her time...but that was never going to happen. If I wanted her help I had to first go get a degree in computer science and she would hire me to "work for her"..... I tried to explain that I like what I do and the money that machinist make in the big 3 is enough to enjoy a very comfortable life and that the costs of school added to the cost of supporting myself was more than I could financially handle.
It breaks down to ...If I was not willing to bow down and do her bidding then she felt no obligation to help me in the slightest. Of course she would buy my folks cars and vacations.... pay to have their house landscaped...... and the folks were always nonstop praising her... totally unwilling to hear anything that painted her as anything but perfect.
Once she loaned me money to get car... for some reason the payments schedule got off and she figured out I still owed he 90 dollars... I said my records show I paid you the entire amount..... she still has not gotten over it and tosses it in my face every time I see her.
It's better to leave people to bathe in their money and let them socialize with the phonies they call friends. She couldnt buy me and it pisses her off that my soul is not for sale....even for a job that would have put me on easy street

a reply to: goou111

do you send them Christmas cards? if not you should start to, send them one every Christmas,send them a birthday card every birthday, the thing is that if your out of sight then your out of their minds.
They are mad at your mother not at you, you might even be the type of person that they like and get along well with.

It`s really petty and stupid to break up a family over materialistic stuff, none of you can take the china with you when you die,plus it proves that a person cares more about materialistic things than they do about family. I wouldn`t want to be around someone who cared more about what I have than who I am.

a reply to: goou111

dude you would be surprised what people will do if you just ask them.

pick up the phone and ask them to hook you up with a new ride.....whats the worst that can happen?

LOL after reading the op sober I can see how it comes off like Whaaa cry baby. I guess you have to realize who i am talking about and every one in the thread has heard of them.

You would think a guy like him would have an open door policy to any of his nieces or nephews to at the very least call for advice.

I dont even have so much as an email or phone number to ask why ,because of some dumb grudge that has nothing to do with me.

So when i see my Aunt on tv talking about carrying on my grandmothers legacy and doing everything she wanted it makes me go "yeah effing right my grandmother would have wanted me her oldest grandson and my mother to be part of her legacy."

originally posted by: Boadicea
a reply to: goou111

I really hope you re-read your OP when you are not inebriated, and that you really think about your words.

It would be very easy for me to assume the worst about your wealthy aunt, having seen the worst from my own very wealthy family members, one of whom can pinch a penny so hard a booger pops out of Abe's nose...

But what struck me in your OP is that you seem to have absolutely no relationship with your aunt, and you make no mention of trying to have a relationship with your aunt. If you haven't seen her since you were 15 years old, and you are now old enough to have a grandchild, I'm left wondering what effort you made to be "family"... or if you made any effort at all. Because it seems to me that if you had made any such effort, that would have been very relevant to your rant.

In other words, I see absolutely no regard for your aunt as a person or someone you love and respect and want to have a close relationship with... you just want her money. Where's the love for her? How would you feel if the situation were reversed? What if your mother was the fabulously wealthy one, and it was your cousins who wanted her money after blowing her off for years?

When my "second mother" passed a couple years ago, I received a couple baubles. I don't believe they were actually willed to me, but that her children wanted me to have something to remember her by. I could probably sell them for a pretty penny, but I won't. The sentimental value is worth far more than their market value. Of all my brothers and sisters, I was the only one who had maintained any kind of relationship with her. When she was dying, I was the only one in contact with her children. And yet my sister, also quite wealthy, and also her God-daughter, was quite bent out of shape about the fact that she got nothing. Under the circumstances, my sister had no reason to expect a darn thing, and I suspect that she is really more upset that I got something and she didn't, which means it's just jealousy and entitlement... which is really funny because my sister could buy and sell me in a New York minute!

In the end, it's all about the love.... for HER. Not her money. I hope you really think about that for your sake -- no one else's.

Again I am to the point in my life where I dont even care about me anymore it is all about my kids and grandson.

On my wifes side of the family We are the ones everyone needs to borrow money from and we are the ones with in laws living with us.

I would love a relationship with them again of course, it might be selfish but that would be pretty cool.

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
Ahhhh, the RAS (Rich Aunt Syndrome) at work again. The sense of entitlement is an interesting phenomenon. Not suggesting you have a sense of entitlement, but it does happen.

This thread is interesting to me because it made me think about perspective. Things are not always what they seem.

In my case, the tables are somewhat reversed. We're not fabulously wealthy by any means, and certainly not Richey Rich wealthy, but my wife and I have been successful in our lives and endeavors.

I have two nephews (my sister's children) who apparently have copped a bit of an attitude (from their mom, my sister) because we don't pave their future with gold. They grew up with golden spoons in their mouths. Their dad's family was very wealthy. However, that gravy-train ended when they were in their early to mid twenties. (long story) The playboy life was no longer paying the bills and they had to go out and get jobs like everyone else. That didn't sit very well with their mom (my sister) I guess.

I had always been the black-sheep of the family. If there was a hard way to do something, that's the way I would wind up doing it usually. My sister (the middle child, I'm the youngest) always prided herself in being the rebellious one. I never really cared one way or the other, but to her it was a badge of honor. What she didn't see was that while she thought she was the "rebel" she'd really always had everything in her life given to her on a silver platter (by my parents and her in-laws)...and she passed this entitlement mentality on to her kids (my nephews). When all that ended (divorces, deaths, medical expenses, etc.), when the money ran out, she was standing there with her hand out waiting for someone to give her stuff. When it didn't come she took it personal. There was nothing personal about it, there was just no more money to give.

For our part, my wife and I never took any hand-outs. Me, being the hard-head that I am, and my wife being as shrewd as she is, were long gone (financially and geographically) before ever becoming part of that lifestyle. So then, when the chickens come home to roost, and reality set in we were free from all the fallout and baggage associated with maintaining an unsustainable lifestyle.

Money and sense of entitlement are strange bedfellows. To those with a sense of entitlement there is absolutely no care where the money comes from, just so long as it keeps coming. When one spigot shuts off...they just go looking for another spigot, regardless of who or where.

So now, I guess we're the 'bad guys' for being somewhat successful independent of the whole gravy-train life. And, when the "Eye of Mordor" swings around searching for money there's actually resentment that we just don't give away land and monies to those who feel entitled to it (for what reason I have no idea...other than it exists).

But can your nephew call you and ask you anything? money aside , Is your door always open to family?

a reply to: goou111

I would love a relationship with them again of course, it might be selfish but that would be pretty cool.

I don't think that's selfish at all. Exactly the opposite! And it wouldn't surprise me if she would like a relationship with you as well. She may have pulled back in order to not put you in a difficult position, or she may be worried that you are taking your mother's side, or Heaven only knows what.

I hope you try to reconnect. Just a simple note or card telling her that you think of her often and fondly... if she's fairly local, perhaps you could invite her over for dinner or invite her out for coffee and pie... No need to even talk about the feud with your mother. If it comes up, just say that's between them. You're not the problem and you're not the solution.

Good luck. I wish you all the best

Screw the egg nog. If you get soused on rum your not a drunk, your a pirate!

a reply to: goou111

Well, sure!!...if either one of them "ever" called, but they don't, and they won't.

In fact, I've never spoken to either one of them on the phone...not even once, ever!

Even so, if one of them were to show up, they would be welcome.

I grew up in Wyoming, we left our doors unlocked. People were welcome, even strangers, but like the old "gate" rule...do no harm and leave what you take (i.e. if the gate's open leave it open, and if the gate's closed close it behind you).

I imagine it's probably different now, but our door is always open and people are welcome. Obviously; drunk, rowdy, crazy and/or destructive doesn't fall into that category (for anyone).

But, in a word...yes.

a reply to: goou111

I was instantly annoyed when I read this thread because what I've seen involves lies and theft. Years later I coincidentally met some friends of the Aunt and found out she'd been offering to lend the stolen money in an attempt to buy friends. Knowing who that money should have gone to this really was very sick behaviour.

Your situation sounds a bit different so I'm not qualified to comment on those grounds.

There is something I can say. I've known two men who were set up with nice little properties where they could play at being small farmers, plus all they needed to run their money making businesses. Both of these men were very depressed. I guess every time someone looked around and said "What a lovely place you've got here", they knew they hadn't earned it. If you're in that situation it's probably easier if you only mix with the other spoilt brats.