don't know where else to turn, found some odd stuff on my girlfriends kik messenger.

a reply to: dr1234

So you invaded her privacy and then impersonated her?

...people are cheering you on here?

Meh. I agree with PorteurDeMort and some others. That's really f'ed up.

Keep loving her, and making her happy. When the day comes to be separate, just remember you treated her right, for she will remember that too.

ETA: Tell her what you found out and apologize for what you did. If she breaks up with you, atleast you won't have to waste time with her. As much as that sounds harsh, its best not to waste someone else's time and energy than to pretend it was love.

originally posted by: Abysha
a reply to: dr1234

Regardless of your soon-to-be-ex's sexuality, one thing I know for certain: her boyfriend has zero respect for her privacy.

Shame on you.

Shame on me? Really now this is too much. If she is bi i deserve to know, that's a pretty big deal.

originally posted by: Lucid Lunacy
a reply to: dr1234

So you invaded her privacy and then impersonated her?

...people are cheering you on here?

Meh. I agree with PorteurDeMort and some others. That's really f'ed up.

More #ed go than cheating/hiding a bisexual side of yourself? Idk man. I have decided to write it off towards bots and trust her. I deleted the app from my phone. It's easy to judge, harder to understand where someone is coming from. It's thought when your gut tells you something.

originally posted by: dr1234


This is serious man. I feel like my world has been turned upside down. Please try to understand I don't want a 3way and if she has been doing stuff behind my back, guy or girl, I'd be devastated. Do you all agree this is what it seems?

It's beyond your experience and capacity to deal with
It's probably time to seek out a relationship councilor and do a bit of work together

If you don't sort it out immediately then this is the biggining of the end
If she is not into counseling she isn't into the relationship

a reply to: dr1234

You should read Tigertatzen's post again. Then read it again.

Truly, you have a lot of growth in store before you're ready to be a great boyfriend for your next girlfriend.

Some of us are being honest here. Although, all things considered, that's not something you're really appreciating right now in many ways.

It's tough when your gut tells you something.

Relationships can be tough in general. That's not an excuse to do what you did.

Communication dude, communication.

a reply to: dr1234

Bots are a problem with messaging apps, and from what your interactions sound like, it appears you were talking to bots. Most, if not all messaging bots, are female. Do a little search on kik bots.

a reply to: dr1234

Mate, chill, she has interests in the other sex too.......how could you not want a 3-way?!?

I've been with my mrs for 15 years, we've had 2x 3-ways when we were younger....no harm, good fun.

Even to this day, my rules are "You can sleep with any chick you like.......as long as you ask me first and, preferably, I'm invited or at least allowed to watch".

originally posted by: dr1234

originally posted by: Abysha
a reply to: dr1234

Regardless of your soon-to-be-ex's sexuality, one thing I know for certain: her boyfriend has zero respect for her privacy.

Shame on you.

Shame on me? Really now this is too much. If she is bi i deserve to know, that's a pretty big deal.

You've already asked her. She said what she said.

All you discovered (at most) was that there is a scantily clad woman out there who thinks your girlfriend is cute. In fact, you're the only one in this story who is chatting with scantily clad women.

Her liking lesbian porn doesn't make her a lesbian. Most men like it too. Are they lesbians? Porn is arousing because it is people having sex and often times, people like the kind of porn that depicts the kind of sex they aren't willing to have themselves or perhaps are not "allowed" to. But maybe she is. Why does it bother you so much, anyway? Is being bisexual a problem to you?

originally posted by: Perjury
a reply to: Abysha

there should be no secrets between them in the first place..

Secrets like... accessing your girlfriend's online account behind her back, posing as said girlfriend, and then chatting with other women online?

Those kinds of secrets?

Stay out of ur gf's phone. Just because you are dating doesn't mean u have a right to violate her things. I'm sure u wouldn't want her logging into ur account or scrolling through ur phone. Stop being so possessive and start treating her better instead of like property. It's a relationship, not ownership. You aren't married, and she has every right to see anyone she wants. If that makes u uncomfortable. Then confront her. Don't get online asking for advice. Tell her to be open and honest with u, but in turn u have to be open and honest with her... by not spying and going through her personal messages.

originally posted by: Abysha

originally posted by: dr1234

originally posted by: Abysha
a reply to: dr1234

Regardless of your soon-to-be-ex's sexuality, one thing I know for certain: her boyfriend has zero respect for her privacy.

Shame on you.

Shame on me? Really now this is too much. If she is bi i deserve to know, that's a pretty big deal.

You've already asked her. She said what she said.

All you discovered (at most) was that there is a scantily clad woman out there who thinks your girlfriend is cute. In fact, you're the only one in this story who is chatting with scantily clad women.

Her liking lesbian porn doesn't make her a lesbian. Most men like it too. Are they lesbians? Porn is arousing because it is people having sex and often times, people like the kind of porn that depicts the kind of sex they aren't willing to have themselves or perhaps are not "allowed" to. But maybe she is. Why does it bother you so much, anyway? Is being bisexual a problem to you?

Yes it is, if I don't know about it. Also, if she is meeting online girls and #, that is a little weird for me. As I have said I agree I shouldn't have posed as her or looked up her stuff. I have written it off as bots and am going to trust her on this one. Doesn't make it easy.

And the reason she double-backed on her lesbian/bi-sexual statement is because she probably actually loves you/really likes you and saw your reaction to her stating she might be bi....

You need to accept her for who she is, let her be herself, and you need to let down your guard......you may just end up having the best time of your life.

And you need to communicate with her, you;ve already made some very very big mistakes......how she reacts to this will be a good identifier to how much she likes you......cause most people wouldnt tolerate that level of insecurity.

originally posted by: SheepDipped
Stay out of ur gf's phone. Just because you are dating doesn't mean u have a right to violate her things. I'm sure u wouldn't want her logging into ur account or scrolling through ur phone. Stop being so possessive and start treating her better instead of like property. It's a relationship, not ownership. You aren't married, and she has every right to see anyone she wants. If that makes u uncomfortable. Then confront her. Don't get online asking for advice. Tell her to be open and honest with u, but in turn u have to be open and honest with her... by not spying and going through her personal messages.

Just because we aren't married she has the right to cheat? That's twisted logic. We are both adults, both want marriage, and both have agreed to only be with the other romantically and sexually.

originally posted by: LightAssassin
And the reason she double-backed on her lesbian/bi-sexual statement is because she probably actually loves you and saw your reaction to her stating she might be bi....

You need to accept her for who she is, let her be herself, and you need to let down your guard......you may just end up having the best time of your life.

Not true, I said I didn't care. She just doubled back and "rechose" her words. Dunno what to believe, but I'm going to try to trust her.

a reply to: dr1234

but I'm going to try to trust her.

...but why should she trust you??

That's the part you seem to be missing here.

a reply to: dr1234

Trust her? You shouldn't even need to say that.

Yeh, people only 'rechose' their words when they feel they need to, and it's generally to stop or protect from a reaction/avoid confrontation or discomfort.

Analyze how you said 'I don't care', analyze that entire interaction.....

Again, if she cares for you that much, and is even remotely worried about your opinion of her being Bi, then she may very well be trying to suppress the person she really is when she should be embracing it.

originally posted by: dr1234

originally posted by: Abysha

originally posted by: dr1234

originally posted by: Abysha
a reply to: dr1234

Regardless of your soon-to-be-ex's sexuality, one thing I know for certain: her boyfriend has zero respect for her privacy.

Shame on you.

Shame on me? Really now this is too much. If she is bi i deserve to know, that's a pretty big deal.

You've already asked her. She said what she said.

All you discovered (at most) was that there is a scantily clad woman out there who thinks your girlfriend is cute. In fact, you're the only one in this story who is chatting with scantily clad women.

Her liking lesbian porn doesn't make her a lesbian. Most men like it too. Are they lesbians? Porn is arousing because it is people having sex and often times, people like the kind of porn that depicts the kind of sex they aren't willing to have themselves or perhaps are not "allowed" to. But maybe she is. Why does it bother you so much, anyway? Is being bisexual a problem to you?

Yes it is, if I don't know about it. Also, if she is meeting online girls and #, that is a little weird for me. As I have said I agree I shouldn't have posed as her or looked up her stuff. I have written it off as bots and am going to trust her on this one. Doesn't make it easy.

But you have no reason to believe she's doing any of that. If she's cheating on you, she's cheating on you. That has nothing to do with her sexuality. Maybe she's still figuring that part out.

You need to learn that you are not entitled to her every thought or secret. She is allowed to have her privacy. You have zero evidence of her betraying your trust and you have only betrayed hers. At this point, if I were dating you two, I'd trust her more than you. Just step back and look at what you are doing objectively.

a reply to: dr1234

dr1234,

This is a tricky situation. It's not tricky because there are lots of potential explanations for this which make sense and are not that she has cheated in some way (although it is POSSIBLE that there is nothing to this). It's not tricky because you should just sack up and service the account, so to speak. That is clearly not something you are into, which you should not be in any way ashamed of, quite the opposite.

However, it IS tricky, and it is tricky because you did not ask her about it when you found the app on her phone. You did not have to look inside to see what was going on. But you went the extra mile, and that means that you did not trust her not to violate the terms of the relationship you had both agreed on. It is also tricky because this sort of thing is, as far as I understand it, a little like interactive pornography. For all you know there is no relationship happening between these two people, just a bunch of naked pics, the same as you would get out of any website dedicated to the display of the anatomy for titilatory purpose.

Unless you know that your woman has been actually physically cavorting with the woman from the kik account, then you are on shaky ground and could be freaking out over nothing more than that, titilation. Have you ever watched a pornographic movie, or read a nudey magazine? I do not particularly like that sort of thing myself, but many people do. As far as modern standards go, it's totally legit to get ones porn on these days, and if all she's done is seen some risqué shots of another woman's nether parts, then has she cheated? What is more, is what she did worse than the failure of trust you expressed by rooting around in her phone?

Just to be clear, as there seems to be some confusion about this app.

It's just a messenger app. It's in no way orientated around infidelity or even 'hooking up'.

It's no more an app for that purpose than Google Hangouts or Facebook Messenger.

Finding that app on your partners phone is not cause for worry in of itself.