Is Flirtatious Texting or Sexting Cheating?

So, is flirtatious texting cheating or not? Is sexting cheating or not? Is pornography okay or not? Does it depend on what it is or does that matter? Do you want a partner who is okay with your wants and needs, no matter how far out there it may seem or do you need a partner who understands you might need to look elsewhere to fulfill some of your needs?

If you think that anything short of flesh to flesh sex is not cheating, that can be construed as a reasonable conclusion. If you think that even a small amount of flirtation through text is cheating, that is also a reasonable conclusion. Some readers may ask how both can be reasonable conclusions. The answer is that it's what you can live with. Whatever your position, you don't have to rationalize it or justify it and no one has the right to tell you that you're being silly or uptight. What is important is that you have reasoned out your conclusion and it makes sense to you for all the right reasons.

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I think of this issue in terms of extremes. On one extreme, you've got swingers who don't think of any sexual act with people outside of a relationship as being cheating. On the other side of the issue, you've got people who believe one time flirting with someone of the opposite sex in a text message is cheating.

Here are my opinions:

Is flirtatious texting cheating or not?

My answer: No.

Is sexting cheating or not?

My answer: No.

Is pornography okay or not?

My answer: Legal pornography is okay.

Does [the pornography] depend on what it is or does that matter?

My answer: As long as it's legal, no.

Do you want a partner who is okay with your wants and needs?

My answer: I have no preference on this issue.

Do you need a partner who understands you might need to look elsewhere to fulfill some of your needs?

My answer: Not applicable. I would never do this.

a reply to: Profusion

I think that the question is entirely dependant on the opinion and agreement of the people involved.

To some people pornography is deemed unacceptable if within a relationship others differ, it is the same with sexting and the like.

I would personally say that if it is done in secret without the others consent and agreement then it is cheating, if there is nothing wrong with it why would it need to be hidden?

Its only cheating if you get caught...

All of that is cheating...

If you love your partner, be with them.

If not, leave them...Then your free to do anything.

Yes sexting or flirting in text is cheating.

hurts just as much, and I know.

so if you justify it, you don't even know what it is you have, you do not deserve it.

If you have to, or even feel the need to hide it, then you are cheating. If your partner thinks it's cheating, then it's cheating, even if you don't think it is, and vice versa .

The hardest part of any relationship is communication. Talk about it, set boundaries, and agree to them. Compromise and keep your word. If you can not come to an agreement, or the boundaries are to restrictive for you then this is not the relationship for you.

a reply to: Profusion

"Cheating" is a relative term, referring simply to the act of breaking the rules established, and the different rules are established by different people. So it really comes down to the "rules" each couple establishes for their relationship.

If someone agrees to be exclusive, and knows their partner would consider sexting to be breaking the rules of their relationship, then yes, it's cheating. It doesn't matter if one partner thinks it's okay if the other partner doesn't if it's contrary to the established rules.

Of course, if one partner makes it clear that this is who they are and what they do, and it will be part of the relationship "rules," then the other partner has the right to accept those terms or walk away... if they stay, then it's not cheating because the partner made it clear that sexting (or whatever) is part of their terms.

a reply to: Boadicea

This is the best answer possible. You described the issue perfectly. Those who deny your answer are anti-human freedom in my opinion.

I think of sexting and pornography (extreme cases excluded) as being matters of pure fantasy. How can fantasy become a "sin"?

I guess it's ingrained in Western culture because of Jesus' words:

Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

So, somehow that idea is programmed into people's heads in the West.

The concept of thoughts being "sin" makes no sense to me at all.

a reply to: Profusion

Texting ... it depends on the content of the text.
Sexting ...yes it is cheating , it's an intimate act with someone other than your partner.

originally posted by: whyamIhere
All of that is cheating...

If you love your partner, be with them.

If not, leave them...Then your free to do anything.

Agreed.

I can not imagine, nor would I want to imagine 'flirting' with someone else. This is after 29 yrs together, 26 married.

No it is NOT ok. SMH

a reply to: Profusion

Yes to all of it. Cheating is cheating, is cheating, is cheating.....

Sexting to me is the intention to cheat. It gives them a buzz most of the time its fantasy land. If someone needs that buzz and isn't getting it from their partner...leave...don't sext. Its unfair on the other person and shows a complete lack of respect and/or committment to the other as well as the fact it means there are possible problems in the relationship that need addressing but aren't being so the easy way out is ignore the problems and get yer kicks elsewhere whilst staying safe & secure in your little relationship bubble. Until caught obviously

originally posted by: nonspecific
a reply to: Profusion


I would personally say that if it is done in secret without the others consent and agreement then it is cheating, if there is nothing wrong with it why would it need to be hidden?

Emphasis added, and quoted for truth.

a reply to: Profusion

Got caught didn't you.

a reply to: Gothmog

No, it is cheating. You're only cheating to get caught. It's that "taboo" thing.

a reply to: stosh64

I agree with you.

I pose this question: would you feel the same if your spouse were chronically ill and totally unable to partake of the marriage bed?

(I apologize if this is already the case; I don't want to presume)

a reply to: Profusion

I have never been programmed.

Whatever one does to sexually stimulate oneself should be done with your partner or with the full knowledge of your partner. Even so, it is still cheating, even in the East.

Earth · Population

7.12 billion (2013)

Yet humans seem to find themselves messing around where they shouldn't. I know ! I think its the danger of it all.

I myself will never do that again.

Oh and humans lie a lot!!

It's most definately cheating.
Being in a relationship shouldn't be a one way street.
It's the intent to cheat here that i would say is what
people are referring to. I just leaves a bad taste in
your mouth.

originally posted by: NewzNose
a reply to: Gothmog

No, it is cheating. You're only cheating to get caught. It's that "taboo" thing.

Naw , just fun because it is the "taboo" hidden thing. Then when ya get caught , it becomes "hell on earth" .shh...went there once a long long time ago. Got the T-Shirt and the scars to prove it. No , really scars
Peace.