Having a hard time.

Do you ever have those moments in life where things do not give you hope? Where you lose your inspiration and faith, and don't feel like you can accomplish much?

I'm having one of those moments, or rather I've been feeling this way for a time now.

I've lost faith in my old religion, which at first I thought was enlightening, I thought I found some new path that was never opened to me before but now I pretty much feel lost. Is spirituality important, or just a by-product of a mind that needs justification and reassurance of an important existence? I have no idea where to turn for enlightenment, and the things within are darker, when I feel I need some light.

I am not doing so well financially - Sure, I have enough money to write these posts, I have enough money for food on the table, but is this the new standard we are calling a "good life"? I always imagined the american dream to be something entirely different than just living. People compare us to third world nations, we are told we have an entitled mentality and that we are so lucky to live in this great country.. Yet we have far more stress and unhappiness than those other countries. Social constructs attempt to define what we need for a happy life, and I'm trying, TRYING to get away from these mentalities - The ones that attempt to define what a good life should be within america. Turn on the TV - Are we anything like the people in the commercials that we constantly see? Are we anything like the people within the TV shows, movies, and series we watch? I know I'm not - And I shouldn't let such things determine my happiness, I should define my own happiness in my own way - But again, I am lost. I do not feel I have an amount of light, or inspiration within me to grab onto, I don't have a "passion" that I can turn into a career, I don't have a meaningful hobby..

What should I do?

Sorry for the solemnity

Deadlyhope

What should you do? Hmmmmm, that a tough one.

I start slipping into the dark from time to time. Usually, I find it coincides with my neglect of my spiritual side, and immersion in the world. By neglect of spiritual, I don't mean skipping out on church, or saying my prayers, or things of that nature. But ignoring the energy that is in me, in all life. How one connects with that force can be different for each of us, but finding a way to reconnect always helps me. It's a hard place to stay in, while existing in the world too- and that, I think, is what I have to learn to do.

I'm not sure what your disaffected religion is, but I am sorry, because I know that can be very painful. Seek out the divine in whatever way brings you closer to it (or don't, if that brings more peace). Good vibes to you.

a reply to: deadlyhope

You are warm and dry, live indoors behind doors with locks on them, have light switches, hot water plumbing and food to eat?

Come live under a bridge with me…

Not so easy easy to be grateful having your needs met when the expectation is to have more than one needs. We are conditioned to expect more so we want more.

Where does that expectation end, though. The more we get the more we want. We been programmed and conditioned to this, our expectations are no longer our own.

a reply to: deadlyhope

Sorry to hear about your rough patch.

I'll leave the religious part on the side for the moment. I can tell ya that I think, in some ways, I understand where you are coming from on the financial side.

I grew up very poor (as did my wife, coincidentally). When I was growing up my "American Dream" was very reasonable, or so I thought. Of course everyone would love to win the lottery and be millionaires, but all I ever wanted was to be "that guy" that I would see in the neighborhood. That guy that was leaving his modest home (a home that he OWNED) and go to his job and maybe take a vacation once a year. That guy who maybe didn't have an extraordinarily exciting life, but a comfortable one.

Even without the benefit of college educations, we have come an incredibly long way and both have decent jobs and make good money (by comparison even to our college educated friends, we are earning a good amount more). Unfortunately, also live in one of the most expensive parts of the country.

I'm not complaining because in addition to a career (that as I kid I never thought I would have) I also have a marriage that is twenty years strong and a healthy, handsome and smart son. That being said, that "dream" is always JUST out of reach. It has been years and years since we have been commanding decent salaries and it is still ALWAYS JUST out of reach. Then I think about my age and all that.... and I start to have almost a claustrophobic sensation. Or maybe a panic attack is a better word. Are we EVER going to OWN a house? (Then, just to pile on....) Will I have enough to send the kid to college? Will I have enough to retire? Are we EVER going to be able to see other parts of the world? Things just spiral in my mind like that.

I know this is such a cliche, but what works is really trying to focus on one day at a time. Admittedly, a glass of wine or two doesn't hurt either.

You're right about "what we see on TV" and all that. It doesn't help because the vast majority of shows/commercials are not even a vague projection of what the "real world" is like. Particularly the financial/work part of life.

Best of luck.

a reply to: chelsdh

I feel pretty powerless to impact things positively, though. Sure, I can smile and say hello to anyone who walks into the shop I work at, I can try to be a good person and help others and all of that rainbow and unicorn stuff, but in the end, it comes down to... I'm not happy with my circumstances. Many quotes and advice will say " Change the circumstances " many others will say "Change the attitude " - I am just unsure how to do either, and not sure what I want.

Feelings and emotions are transient. None last for too long whether good or bad joy or pain. They come and they go. You'll make it to better days, just trust yourself

a reply to: deadlyhope

not sure what I want.

That may be a big part of your state of mind right there. It's hard to work towards something when you don't know what that something is.

I love the honesty of your post.

I have about 17 months sober and 17 months ago is when I began my spiritual journey. I have never experienced such a level of peace before. I say this in order to point out the spiritual portion of your post.

I can tell you absolutely that I could not quit drinking on my own. It was not until I began a spiritual path that I was able to experience a complete psychic change. One of the most fantastic things I've learned in my recovery is that it doesn't matter who or what you call the spiritual power, it only matters that you reach out and begin learning to listen/sense the presence. I've seen it over and over again as people recover from the grips of addiction.

There are many paths to a spiritual life, and it does not matter which one you take as long as you take one (my opinion based upon my own experience/observations).

Don't give up on this, as it is guaranteed to work for every person that honestly seeks.

When I get down about the world, the US, my place, my dreams, my passion, my lack of passion...all that internal conflict - it helps me to get out of self by either getting into some gratitude for what I do have, or reaching out to someone who has less and trying to help or to just be there.

Peace

a reply to: eluryh22

I suppose owning a house is a big part of a lot of peoples problems. If there were one benefit I wish was expanded, one market I wish was legislated in some way .. It'd be housing ( on a larger scale than already is ) . Leaving this up to capitalism and bank-loans, leaving housing to a free-market just leaves people believing that paying a 30+ year loan, being in debt for the better part of their lives is just the norm. If housing was easier to pay off, if loans weren't so dang profitable for the banks, I think the quality of life for the average would improve.

a reply to: deadlyhope

You dared to hope, OP. I wonder if it might be better to have no expectations that prove to be false.

I think it is safe for me to assume that the next ten years (if I live through it, lol) will not be too dissimilar to the past four decades of my existence, that is pretty crappy!

Arghhhhh! Excuse me while I munch my way through this latest overdose.

Only kidding you. In all seriousness, though, I find it better not to hope. These days I am never disappointed because really I have no expectations.

Great Expectations wrote Charlie Dickens. We all know how that story ended up.

As Mr W Jr said moods are subject to flux. Check my mood on my avatar.

Big hug to you. Hope (arghhh I used that blooming word) tomorrow feels better for you.

a reply to: raedar

I'm glad to hear you're sober, and that you've found ways to be enlightened. I do have times I'm a bit happier, I mean I love my wife, I enjoy the area I live, I love my parents/siblings and all that I live near - I guess it's just something a bit more personal, it's like... What SHOULD I be doing? Or should I try to be content with what I am doing? I've always been the change-the-world-altruistically type of person and it just gets me down to know that I impact very few lives, in very small ways.

a reply to: intrptr

This is why I mentioned society. Societal constructs and ideas and expectations of life - In 3rd world nations, living under a bridge might be the high-life. It might be an honor to have even that much sheltering - I get too much into the comparison frame of mind but I suppose this is human nature.

a reply to: deadlyhope

it just gets me down to know that I impact very few lives, in very small ways

Maybe I'm just feeling optimistic today, but you don't really know that. At least the "very small ways" part. I have been drastically affected by people that I only knew for a very short time (not often at all, but two that I remember to this day). To that end, keep being "good" to others. Ya never know what impact you have on others.

a reply to: deadlyhope

I feel pretty powerless as well. And I understand, someone saying "change this" or "that" doesn't help. Especially if the person can not relate at all.

a reply to: chelsdh

The biggest question for people, and myself is "What do you want to change? " It's not about changing one particular thing, or something someone can easily weigh in on. I want to.... Give my wife a happy and meaningful life. No one can specifically pin-point what I need to do other than my wife, who is not bound to go out of her way to demand the types of changes that would make her happiest ,as she is happy/content currently.

Go out and watch a sunset and get a really good sense of your own insignificance.

It might not sound like much but you can walk away after that with a fresh appreciation of Self plus a resolve that you might have been previously lacking.

a reply to: deadlyhope

Life is hard, with intermittent periods of ease.

And happiness is mostly relative to memories and the romanticizing of the memories.

I am usually faced with dread for having tasks that are almost insurmountable (or, they feel that way) in front of me. That kills my hope. Otherwise, im wired to be pretty happy regardless of situation.

a reply to: deadlyhope

I get too much into the comparison frame of mind but I suppose this is human nature.

He, she, they have more than me? Easy trap, called envy. Wanting more used to be called greedy, but greed has since renamed itself thrift, so greed by definition is now okay.

"Savings" is just more than you need, and trust in that instead of faith. Faith, whats that? That needs will be met.


I hate referencing the bible, meaning is so twisted these days.

Bible hub

You do not need to have a religion to believe in god. You do not need hiking boots to walk in the woods. Make your wants your needs and you will be less depressed. We need food, shelter, someone to talk to, and something to do. Set your desires to that and don't be worried about getting more for now. If you are in a good mood, others will feel like being around you and things will pick up. Don't be getting depressed over not having what others have. Have patients.

I was happiest when I worked at Holiday gas station pumping gas. I had people to talk to, something to do, and the job paid enough that I could have a small apartment and money to eat and go to a few social events. I wasn't worried about getting ahead, I was concentrating on the moment and was happy as hell.

Now life has changed and I look back at how I screwed up forty years ago and started to chase things I really did not need.

a reply to: berenike

Not to sound pessimistic but after a sunset comes the stars, comes the realization that I am one human being, on one planet out of... Billions of light years of planets and stars and space. Significance? Absolutely zero. I suppose the quote "the meaning of life is to give life meaning" could apply, though. Find our own reason to live and not think of significance on a grand scale.