Who Do I Love?

I realize that it is a mistake to post this, but I just have this feeling in my gut and I can't seem to shake it, so I hope by posting it here I can get rid of it. Now, just to clarify, the reason I post it here is because although yes what I will put here is creative writing, it has more to do with relationships than the actual Shot Story part of it. I just have this feeling to say the three words, and for that matter, I have a question, I will ask it and I may ask it again because I realize this will not get much attention due to the timing of the post. But, what are your thoughts on falling in love quickly. I'm not asking whether it is good or bad, some more in depth analysis and opinions and personal experience I suppose, but, what do you think of falling in love quickly. My last relationship started with the three words, and surely you know which ones I mean, but to avoid jokes they are: I love you. I fall quickly, and before being accused of not actually being in love with the person, I disagree. I don't think I am capable of less, and frankly the relationship would have continued if I wasn't such a screw up, which to avoid attacks on that premise I think I understand why, but it will not be shared publicly in a discussion. My feelings to say "I love you" to someone prompted me to write this, no it is not good. It is downright horrible, but it for the most part came without planning. Oh, and of course I find most of you great.

Who Do I Love?

I love you. To who is this? I don't quite know. I know I love a girl, and that she is the one. But to this day I have not seen her face, or was she the one that is gone? These three words now live in me and echo through my body filling me this amazing feeling and now I am all void. I love you, but to who is this. To many, to none, to the one, but is she gone? I know I love you. But who are you. Are you a face that to me is unknown, are you the body that has yet to face my embrace? Or are you the one that not nine months have gone that in the Winter Wonderland these three words echoed along with the wind, and the cold, and the snow on top of the steps to that Holy House that stands empty and barren of all that there is? I love you, but are you my future or past that has just gone by without any answer, and no chance for a plea that ran to me, embraced me and whispered three words that I said to thee. Under the sky on that cold day, on the steps of the barren Holy House made of concrete? I am the Devil under a guise, and you are an Angel under my dark shadow, now gone gone, gone now forever. I love you, but still I don't know. Are you that one that ran to me without confession of love, that embraced me when love was not ours and are you the one that loved without end, only to have the Devil cover you in shadow. Love in shadow, a wretched horrid thing. I love you, now tell me. Who do I love, my future or past?

make your own choice for the betterment of you. if you don't mind me saying i have a love too but its an impossibility she even had the nerve to use a spell to bring me someone else when all that matters is her

a reply to: malevolent
What choice? I have none, just to clarify my creative writing, the girl that almost nine months ago I told her I loved her and subsequently started a relationship with her wants nothing to do with me. And then there's the future. Right now, I see no one that could possibly be the future, so I have no choice. But I do have to be better. I finally understood how to be better, but it was too late, the final straw...hmm, so you believe in magic, and I don't mean that silly "magic" performers do. Not poking fun, I have some belief in it too. How do you stop loving quickly. There are short term solutions I know, but that is not enough. Also, what do you think of falling deep in love quickly? Like I had, the first words to her to say my feelings were those three. It's over now, been over for a while. Well, almost 3 months...

im sorry im not sure how to help but earnestly want to. even when you think all is lost and you have lost your way new paths open up for you. yes i do believe in it and have been a practitioner for 18 years at the least. your last questions are the hardest to answer however to stop it it hurts till it fades away magik can't fix it or stop anothers heart from loving well in my case at least and she even used some of my blood.

a reply to: malevolent
Don't take this as an argumentative or offensive or pointed statement, but those that spell magic with a "k" are not. I'm very interested, especially recently in magic, but that is going off topic. Back on point, of course new paths open up, but to me, now. One major path has opened up, and this path is not directly a path to the future, but a path that can show many more paths that can lead to the future, but none of them are mine. Not here. I have no interest in them. Someone here said I am not over my last love, perhaps I am not completely. I do still smile while reminiscing.

"Also, what do you think of falling deep in love quickly? " its too fast at least in my experience i have heard about the twin flames thing, soulmates i don't put much faith in that even if if that was a possibility its likely the other person is so far away they would never meet

Tiamat, you are being very cryptic.

Understandably since we are strangers worlds away.

Cryptic nonetheless.

But I feel you. On the things I perceive I can relate to in one way or another.

No advice though, sorry.

i didn't take it wrong slip of the finger spelling or not don't discount the practitioner. its obvious you aren't how to get over well we all have are own individual ways

a reply to: WakeUpBeer
I'm going to have to ask you what you mean by "cryptic" and is it with a negative feeling. I'll gladly clarify anything that is cryptic. I do tend to write in a manner that might be, as you say, cryptic. It's ok. I like chatting.

a reply to: malevolent
True, we have our ways. But if we are honest with ourselves most often those ways are not the best of ways with irresponsible behaviors often being a way to deal with it.

a reply to: Tiamat384

Cryptic as in enigmatic, perplexing, puzzling, obscure. Not giving more details to this relationship and/or a first. The things you understood you needed to do to be better, etc.

I'm not asking for those details, they are personal.

No negativity attached!

yeah in extremes it could lead to a self destructive lifestyle but the learning of the real you is the way of starting over, you can't be you until you know you

a reply to: WakeUpBeer
Well, it's a tale I love saying, and sure one day I'll be sure to post it onto ATS because although it has come to an end, it is to me an amazing tale. And as to being better, well behavior, though I suspect that doesn't answer your question. If you don't mind, shortly I'll edit this reply with a link to another thread I created which is a short story that is about my relationship, before falling apart by a couple months before. It is possibly cryptic as well, but to keep simple. North Star is the girl and I am the Sailor.



EDIT: www.abovetopsecret.com...

a reply to: malevolent
It's funny you say that. I am currently on a quest within myself to find my very self. Can't wait to meet me. It'll be nice to know who I am, just hope I manage it.

good luck, not sure what your into but crossing the abyss isn't fun

a reply to: malevolent
Oh, but so many say the journey is everything. Hope you have found yourself or are on your way as well.

you got some backbone there. yes i have and have excepted myself

a reply to: malevolent
What do you mean I have backbone? I'd disagree, too easily broken and rather lost. Though to be expected with this journey.

I've always been in love with a girl who has never existed. And I will never meet.

a reply to: IridiumFlareMadness
Care to elaborate? Do you mean a girl, which to you would be perfect, but the perfect idea of a girl does not exist in physical form?