Biblical Psychology - Virginity, Monogamy, Adultery, Divorce

I am going to attempt to explain the psychological and physiological reasons virginity and monogamous marriage is better than multiple partners.

Falling in Love as a drug

"The euphoric “high” that accompanies the passion-filled, early days of romantic love is a common pop music theme, but is it just a metaphor or is love really like a drug?

When researchers examined the question, they found that intense feelings of romantic love affect the brain in the same way drugs like coc aine or powerful pain relievers do."
www.m.webmd.com...

Sex as a drug

Dopamine - A release of dopamine is associated with craving and dependency in addiction,

Norepinephrine - This chemical generates exhilaration and increased energy by giving the body a shot of natural adrenaline.

Testosterone - the key hormone of desire, triggering feelings of positive energy and well-being.

Oxytocin - The flood of oxytocin at climax acts as a natural tranquilizer.

Serotonin - This natural chemical is released right after climax, bringing on a deep feeling of calmness, satisfaction and release from stress.

www.feedtherightwolf.org...

Love and Sex the addiction

Since it scientifically proven that falling in Love and Sex share similar chemical release to taking drugs I am going to use a drug addict as a metaphor. To keep with T&C I am simply going to say Drug L and Drug S for Love and Sex.

The first time our user uses Drug L is similar to the first time we fall in love. The first time he uses Drug S is similar to the first sexual experience. Sometimes he uses both Drug L and Drug S at the same time. We will refer to this as Drug LS. This will represent having sex with someone we are in love with.

The first time he uses drug L he believed that he was flying high, everyday he became more and more addicted to Drug L. Afte a time he decides to add Drug S to the mix and the feeling was euphoria.

This chemical addiction to Drug LS is so strong it is an addiction that is almost impossible to break. Once he takes Drug LS he will do just about anything to keep Drug LS in his possession so he never has to come down.

Afte one year he notices the effects of Drug LS are diminishing. Drug L is weakening while he needs more and more of Drug S to achieve the same euphoria.

However he only knows about Drug L and Drug S and his addiction is so strong even with the diminished results he will do almost anything to keep Drug LS in his possession.

This is the state of a virgin who has fallen in Love and had Sex for the first time. Addicted to his partner, willing to do almost anything to keep his partner because it is the only source of Drug LS that he knows.

Assume that our addict moves to a new town. In this town they have Drug L2 and Drug S2. Almost identical but when he first takes them he considers them better than Drug LS. However after only 6 months he realizes the Drug LS2 actually is having lessor effects than Drug LS had before he moved to the new city.

This is the state of the person who has fallen in love and had sex with his second partner.

Again he is forced to move and in his new city he finds that they only have Drug L3 and Drug S3. The first time he takes Drug LS3 it reminds him of the high from Drug LS.

However after only 3 months Drug LS3 has less effect than either Drug LS or Drug LS2.

This is similar to the state of the person who has fallen in love and had sex for the third time.

The effects of having many sexual partners

Can we know for certain that the more partners we have the effects of the Drugs of Love and Sex diminish?

Porn Addiction leads to ED.

60% of compulsive porn users in this brain scan study reported erectile dysfunction
yourbrainonporn.com...

Porn allows us to simulate a sexual experience with hundreds or even thousands of different partners.

Our drug user now has access to Drugs S4 to S1000 but he has disassociated Drug S from Drug L.

A similar dissociation will hapen in the minds of those who are promiscuous or who frequent prostitutes.

Now that Drug S no longer is accompanied by Drug L, the effects are weeker and the user needs to take many different combinations of the various Drug S to achieve a high.

The promiscuous person becomes like our drug user. He seeks more and more combinations of Drug S. Chasing after his high he becomes more likely to experiment in the world of taboos just to get high.

What does this have to do with the bible

Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

I believe that Jesus is expressing a psychological and physiological truth.

The person who remains a virgin until marriage only knows of one place to get high. To this person their relationship is like a extreme drug addiction. This addiction can be so strong that it binds a couple together, even when the relationship is rocky.

For the person who divorces and remarrys they will become like the drug addicts above. They will form a strong addiction but something is different the second time. Now they have realized that the drugs associated with Love and Sex are not exclusive to one person. This knowledge actually weakens the bond formed by the drugs.

A second divorce leading to a third marriage will weaken the chemical bonds even more and so on.

Summary

The teaching of Jesus is trying to return us to the nost beneficial state for our soul. There can be no greater bond of Love and Sex than between two people who have known no other intimately.

When this bond is broken it is like becoming an adulterer, someone that knows the drug can be found in multiple sources, but who's effects have been diminished.

Is divorce still allowed

1st we must understand that physical abuse and adultery are not permitted. In both situations the abused has a right to leave as the partner has violated the terms of marriage.

Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

What if 2 people simply don't want to be married anymore?

Anyone who wants to be perfect in the Lord will seek counciling and do everything humanly possible to stay together, but if one party no longer has faith in the union of marriage here is what the bible says about a marriage absent of faith.

1 Corinthians 7
A husband must not divorce his wife...But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

If one person is set on leaving and can find no faith in their heart to remain married God would prefer you to live in peace. The one who's faith is pure will be exalted and the one whose faith is weak will be forgiven.

I understand that I have simplified Love and Sex, and that their are many other factors involved, but for the sake of this thread I would like to assume that each relationship was similar in both Love and physical compatibility. Hopefully this will keep us from getting off topic.

a reply to: Isurrender73

Interesting take on a hugely complicated umbrella of subjects.

You have done an interesting thing in that you turn science into almost a religiously idealised 'wish''. Yes I can see the reasoning that if one only knows one partner and gets one's high of sex and love from that partner - that is fabulous, no need for anyone else. But what if you end up with a partner whose as cold as ice and doesn't satisfy you emotionally and you have married in your early 20's? Must someone be condemned to remain unfulfilled?

Something I have noticed about very powerful men is that often they can have a terrific sex drive. I give you Bill Clinton as just one example. Even married to the beautiful Hilary, he couldn't stay faithful even if wore a chastity belt. In order to drive himself to the top, the man with this kind of focus and drive, God if you like included in this personal power sexual lust. Its part of the chemical package (to keep to your analogy) that drives that individual's aspiration.

Another interesting point is that very often within the stricter religious, there is an ever diminishing gene pool simply because first cousins have a propensity to marry first cousins or people they are related to because they only mix within a certain circle. God with his wisdom would have known this - or should have done - so why input such a flaw into our geniality and his own instructions?

Its not just about the sex act or whether you are addicted to sex - which most teenagers are purely because they are programmed chemically to be so in order for the species to survive. - thats just how nature works to create life.

Religion likes to attach rules and demands on humans but, hopefully many are deciding to make up their own minds, if they haven't been brainwashed into giving up their will power to their religion and its priestly caste.

You might as well try to blind everyone once they have married so they don't look and compare. Something that goes against man's/woman's curiosity. I can honestly count on one hand only, people I know who have lived long lives and been totally true (so they say) to their partner and I still have two fingers left on that hand. I know an awful lot of people who have had the odd 'encounter' and there are a lot of marriages that have become lacklustre over the years that people stay in purely because of the cost of breaking up and getting the kids off their hands and then parting. You will know the divorce statistics and the reckoned number of people living together today, which is increasing.

I've never wrapped my mind around the whole marriage thing.
Maybe I'm shallow.
If a woman wants to get it on, I take care of business.
Fun for the both of us.

a reply to: Shiloh7

Yes I agree with most of your reply. That is why I covered so many topics.

I was trying to show value in purity but also show that the bible recognizes the challenge we have been given. Also to show that forgiveness has been offered to us when we fail to remain in the purest state.

However, I believe there are promiscuous sex addicts who would benefit from learning a bit of self control.

Personally I think STDs might be God/Natures way at hinting at self control. But the biggest key is not to intentionally harm anyone.

a reply to: Isurrender73
Uhm. No. There is no way to prove that 2000 year old book, written by men who saw women as something to be bought, sold, and dressed up like their version of Barbie, knows anything about human sexuality.

I'm sorry, but this is whacked out nonsense. There is no advantage to being a virgin when you get married. Neither is being promiscuous a disadvantage. I don't care if both people have been with hundreds of others. When you meet that special someone, no one else compares. DrugL and DrugS are just as effective as they ever were.

I've known more than one person, who has been married 2 or 3 times, but when they finally meet that one, they stay with them. On the other hand, I've met plenty who met their spouse in high school, and they're still together. It's about compatibility, not how many people you've had sex with.

We are sexual beings. It's part of who we are. We are not naturally monogamous, but there's nothing wrong with choosing to be, or not to be. Neither is wrong, for either gender.

The bible is NOT an authority on human sexuality. It is some guys idea of how to control other peoples sexuality.

a reply to: Klassified

That's one opinion. When I read the bible I don't see God creating the life for women that you describe. When I look at the religions that have been based on the bible I find those things, but I do not interpret the text in the same way as the church. I believe that women are 1/2 of the Devine nature and therefore equal to, but in some ways different from man.

I see it this way.

If one believes that celibacy is the most desirable life, attaching onself completely to the acquisition of spiritual knowledge in service to God, then celibacy is not denying oneself.

If one believes that having only one sexual partner for life is most desirable and most likely to make one happy, then to have only one partner is not denying oneself.

If one believes that life wouldn't be worth living only having one sexual partner then to do so would cause much frustration.

The problem is there has been a war on sexuality, with each side saying my way is best while looking down on everyone else.

What you say is what you believe and what I say is what I believe, and there is no reason to force our opinions on anyone.

We can coexist peacefully even though we disagree.

I am naturally monogamous, I have never wanted to be anything but monogamous. Some are naturally celibate. Just like some are naturally heterosexual and some are naturally homosexul.

a reply to: Isurrender73

That's one opinion. When I read the bible I don't see God creating the life for women that you describe. When I look at the religions that have been based on the bible I find those things, but I do not interpret the text in the same way as the church. I believe that women are 1/2 of the Devine nature and therefore equal to, but in some ways different from man.

Too bad there aren't more people who think this way.

If one believes that celibacy is the most desirable life, attaching onself completely to the acquisition of spiritual knowledge in service to God, then celibacy is not denying oneself.

If one believes that having only one sexual partner for life is most desirable and most likely to make one happy, then to have only one partner is not denying oneself.

Agreed. And agreed. Though what one believes does not make something true, except to them.

If one believes that life wouldn't be worth living only having one sexual partner then to do so would cause much frustration.

Not so sure I follow on this. The statement sounds very skewed toward monogamy. I was very promiscuous in my youth, and I don't remember being frustrated at all. When I decided to get married, that didn't frustrate me either. I made a choice, and stuck with it to the end of the relationship. I don't know anyone who thinks life wouldn't be worth living if they couldn't have multiple partners. It comes down to the individual.

I am naturally monogamous, I have never had the desire to be anything but monogamous.

Humans are not naturally monogamous. However, our upbringing and social structure are very instrumental in our choice to be that way. And for those who do, it may feel natural to make that choice. Nothing wrong with that. We should all be free to choose our personal path.

We can coexist peacefully even though we disagree.

Indeed we can. Know that I respect you as a member, and a human. However much we may disagree on certain topics, I do not take it personally. I take it as a multi-faceted opportunity to learn.

a reply to: Klassified

If one believes that life wouldn't be worth living only having one sexual partner then to do so would cause much frustration.

I have been rereading some occult stuff and some Aleister Crowley lately. The comment was probably a bit over the top because of that. Sorry it came out that way. Not directed at you.