Akward, hopeless, depressed about being single? there is hope, don't give up!

Oh man what a week it has been.

I had my life completely destroyed by a soul sucking she devil 4 years ago. I have been more or less alone for that time, I had completely lost hope in everything and didn't think I would ever even have a chance to meet someone who I actually like and who actually likes me.

I haven't even had any human contact besides my family for about 3 years. I have became a shut in, extremely depressed about everything and became completely socially awkward around people. I dreaded even exercising the thought of meeting someone and having to put the "moves" on her. Blah, talk about uncomfortable!

I am in my thirty's, lost my job, had to move back in with my parents. All that pretty much ran through my head from day to day was just being alone and just getting weirder and weirder and nobody liking me because of it.

I couldn't even imagine a scenario that would involve me feeling good about meeting a potential mate. Even if I had a magic wand and could control every aspect in my life I couldn't feel like I deserved anyone great, so I seriously couldn't think of a way of getting better, I just felt like if I tried to be someone I wasn't, it would end in disaster.

So I said screw it, I put an ad on craigslist in the strictly platonic category as a man seeking woman for friendship, with only the purest intentions, sex was the last thing I was looking for. I pretty much just put a post of what I felt like emotionally and I didn't put a picture on the post.

I got like 10 different responses in about 3 hours, mostly from women. I talked to a couple, one in particular seemed important. I sent her a pic just so she had an idea of who she was dealing with. She happened to work real close to my house and wanted to meet that day, "whoa really" i said to myself. I didn't ask for a pic because I didn't want to seem like I was looking just to randomly hook up, I thought what the hell whats the harm in meeting someone but I had no idea who I was in store to meet.

I was mostly hoping for someone average looking. Not someone grotesque and not someone so hot that it would be like trying to face a white dwarf sun from 3 feet away. I didn't want to feel awkward, so hot would have been almost worse. I go to meet her as planned in a parking lot in town but I have no idea who I am looking for so I just wait. Nobody shows after about 30 minutes and I start getting the feeling of being trolled after not talking on the phone first and not even requesting a pic.

I leave and go home mad that it's someone messing with me. I email her and tell her thanks and I am sure she is trolling. At that moment I get a pic attachment of her, OH MY GOD!!! she is gorgeous, like a 10, I am not exaggerating at all. right before I notice the pic I send a nasty message to her. She flips out on me and gets super mad for ruining her night, she even tells me I made her cry. I feel horrible and send her an email telling her I am done making myself and others feel bad and I am pulling my post and giving up. She asks me what happened to me to make me so messed up and I shared my sad, pathetic story with her.

So we started emailing a lot the last week and turns out we had a lot in common. We started talking on the phone for like 3 more days, about 4 hours a night. We met 2 days ago and really hit it off. I wouldn't let myself have thoughts of us being together because I didn't want to get awkward and nervous. I totally felt after the first date or what ever it was, that I was directly in the friend zone. She wants to hang again last night. I start getting the feeling she likes me more than a friend, but I cant force myself to make a move.

So I think to myself how I can ask without being a beta douche, even though I pretty much became just that, my confidence is shot. So I force myself to say "what do you think of me?" and she tells me that she likes me and thinks I am cool. I say "no, like what are your intentions with me, do you find me sexually attractive?" So she gets red in the face and giggles, and replies "Yes I find you extremely attractive,do you find me sexually attractive?" I am like, ahhh, "YEAH, of course I do. I told her I want to take things slow and so does she.

We didn't do anything physical last night, just basically talked about dating and the outlines of what we both expect from each other. I told her I am not screwing around and playing the field and want to date someone who I could possibly marry once I get my life back together.
She is coming back over tonight to maybe finalize the agreement, it sounds weird that we are talking so openly and business like about what we expect but we are both cancers and are birthday is only one day apart.

Things may or may not work out between us but if you don't see me posting anymore after today you'll know why.
I am not going to get my hopes up just quite yet.

My point of the story is to show you good things do happen if you are honest with yourself and with others and just hang in there.
I don't consider myself a great looking guy or feel that my personality is all that extraordinary but someone else does, so I guess it's not up to me.

Also that ATS was really my only social outlet and it really helped me along the way. So I guess if you all could send me positive vibes tonight that would be awesome. And just don't give up or be afraid to take chances even if they are highly calculated chances or not that bold.

a reply to: bananashooter

If someone like me can find a woman that can put up with my shenanigans for the past 25 years then there is proof that there is someone for everyone.

a reply to: bananashooter

good luck my friend. i can definitely relate.

years back my then wife sat me down and said she filed for dissolution and she wants me out.
within an hour or so i was back at my parents house. i lose my wife. my dog. my house. 90% of my things.
i fell into a serious depression. had all the feelings you had. i wanted to die. i mean literally wanted to die. i used to think about driving my car into trees. all kinds of # like that.
i though i would never meet someone that would love me let alone like me. i figured i would be alone forever and began to accept it. i told myself i would never marry again.
about 2 years into that thought process my brother told me about a girl he worked with. he said he told her about me.
even though we lived in the same town we talked online for about 4 months before we met in person.
when she finally did come over i was so nervous. we were hanging out in my room and i wouldnt even sit next to her on the bed. i was piss scared.
we spent every day together for about 2 months doing nothing but talking and listening to music. talked about every thing you could possibly imagine.
we became best friends before anything romantic happened.

we have been married for almost 5 years and i can not imagine life without her. she is truly my best friend and she saved my life.
i didnt care if i lived or died before i met her. now it is polar opposite of that.
i can not even imagine having to walk the earth without her by my side.
i feel like she is the only person that truly understand me. i am a pretty weird guy. my thought processes can seem pretty warped to most but she gets it.


with her i also finally got to experience true love. real love.
i loved the woman i was married to before but this is totally different. what i feel with/towards her does not even compare to what i felt before.
thing is, before we met i didnt know something like that existed.

her and i can have entire conversations without saying a word to each other. a simple look from one of us to the other is more than enough to get an entire conversation through.
i think it was great that we got to know each other before we got romantic. some days we would spend 6 or 8 hours just talking. we knew everything about each other.
best friends first. romantic partners after.
sorry for the ramble. just wanted to say good luck and wish you the best.
sometimes things do happen for a reason.

Too many people think that getting a girlfriend or boyfriend is the perfect solution to being uncomfortable in your own head space. Become best friends with yourself and you will need no "other half". You may still need a shoulder to cry on but they won't expect half your stuff in return for the favor.

a reply to: TzarChasm

Ha, I don't have any stuff, I live with my parents and have no job.

Someone sounds a little bitter, if it doesn't work out I will be right back there with you in bitterland.

a reply to: bananashooter
Good luck buddy!! We're rooting for you

a reply to: bananashooter

I can relate, man. I'm 42 and have absolutely no prospects. I don't get out much but am on a couple dating sites-not that that means much. I mostly get spam, if I get any messages at all. My younger brother got married a few years ago and just recently found out that his wife is pregnant. My mom keeps dropping hints and it's leaving me feeling like this:

I LOVE being single !!!!! I can do anything, its cool if you have single friends too and I have a bunch.

a reply to: Skid Mark

Do what I did, no dating sites, those are just for spreading STD's. That's the second time I met someone on craigslist strictly platonic and the first one wasn't the she devil.

a reply to: Foderalover

Well keep the fedora on and you will remain that way, sorry I couldn't resist.

Some advice, drop the craigslist thing, that's not where you meet people. You are a recluse like me so it may never happen. Get out more and not to bars, go to the mall, have friends hook you up with their wives single friends, that's the easiest way. Running club, cross fit or visit Charleston S.C. if you cant find a girl there then there really is no hope.

a reply to: bananashooter

HAHAH good one, but its fodera bass guitars, good one though, true

a reply to: Foderalover

You must have not read the OP i guess, its going swimmingly I would say. Yeah I want to meet a drunk at a bar when I don't drink alcohol. I don't run and never will so that's out, my friends wives suck and have crap friends. Just stop hating and visit another thread if you're happy with your single life, obviously something drew you to the thread.

It's never impossible. The problem is that as we get older the cumulative effect of bad experiences and others placing limitations and expectations on our abilities can grind self esteem down so low it causes most people to say "I can't" before they try anything.

Most of the time manning up and trying is all it takes and once you start looking at everything that way the whole world opens up for you.

Congrats dude.

a reply to: MagnaCarta2015

I liked that comment, thanks.

a reply to: bananashooter

Great!
You know, we sometimes never see ourselves as others do.
You may not think you have a great personality or body or whatever but, there is someone for everyone as cliche as that is...

Hope all works out for you and some of the best relationships I know got off to a somewhat rocky start at first and they are still going strong!

Good luck!

I am absolutely tired of hearing the shtick that you need another person to find happiness. Happiness is within and it's there whenever you want it, enough of this stuff.

originally posted by: pianoasis
I am absolutely tired of hearing the shtick that you need another person to find happiness. Happiness is within and it's there whenever you want it, enough of this stuff.

Right....

Well, you certainly sound happy!

a reply to: awareness10

When people stop 'needing' another human as a security blanket and yes subconsciously that's what intimate love is, as nice as it feels at times,they begin to evolve into what they truly are. Just ask a Tibetan Monk.