Father's Day: A dad wonders, does anyone ever get this job right?

a reply to: homeskillet

Which debate?

The fact that I am a mother and mentioned it.

It isn't a mother hating thread, nor a fathers only thread.

Nothing in my first post in this thread was even vaguely offensive or rude.

You accused me of hate. Bandwagon style. Back off.

Don't bother replying, some people only see thing through a hate filter. Same for anyone else on this thread, I won't read your replies, nor respond to them.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

You don't think "moms have more responsibility" is rude in a thread about Father's Day?

Well. That mystery is solved.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

Ok I looked back over it.
I was talking about your second post being rude not your first.
Sorry about that. I missed fury post.. You'll see my first post was after yours.

Now that I see where I was wrong.
Do you?

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

Read my posts again. I never accused you of anything

I'm walking away from this irrational conversation.

Happy Father's Day guys!

It's somewhat reassuring to know I'm not the only one wondering if I'm doing things right. I have to say I've had to Google a lot. Little dude is fifteen months old now, his little sister will be here in November. It's still surreal to me.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

Something to consider: I am a member of ATS first. Anything beyond that....i am a member first.

With that said, our culture is misandrist in many ways, right down to "pro choice" meaning a father has his child taken from him without his consent when an abortion happens. I run a business that hosts events for Mothers Day and Fathers Day both. The turnout for Fathers Day is less than 1/3 that of Mothers Day. Look at the amount of money spent marketing the holidays....

...Fathers Day is every bit as forgettable to American culture as Presidents Day. Which maybe shouldn't be surprising in a country that has 3 million men locked away in prison, and with all our soldiers deployed overseas.

But as a man who has spent the last 20+ years of his life being the best husband and father he could be, who has poured his heart, soul, and life into this thing called "fatherhood", I absolutely bristle at any notion that moms (or dads, for that matter) have any "greater role" in the raising of a child.

No, i didn't carry them for 9 months. But after birth, when she was laying there exhausted and in need of rest, it was me that changed their first diapers. It was me that held them while she slept. It was me that handled everything. Because that is what we do. We are a team, each with strengths and weaknesses. Neither of us is "more important", neither of us has a louder voice than the other, neither of us is "in charge". We are a team.

If you feel that it is not misandrist to point out that "moms do more" in a thread about fathers day, on fathers day, then it might explain why you think I was being hateful or rude.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

What is your malfunction?

This is a thread about fathers and all they do. No one can take the fact away from us that we carried the kids, but nothing replaces what fathers do for them, either.

Look at our crumbling society and realize that a good part of the cause is the lack of fathers. It is vitally important for a child to see how men, real men, behave toward each other and toward women. No woman can teach either a boy or a girl that, only his or her father can show that by example.

That is what Father's Day celebrates, not who carried the kid in the womb, which, btw, is only as important as who squirted the sperm. The real parents are the ones who raise the kids, not the ones who did the deed physically to bring them into the world.

To all the crazy attackers on this thread accusing me of ''BS'', ''misandry'', and of ''debating fatherhood'' because I said something from the perspective of being a mother (that was intended as empathy for parental responsibility, and read as such to those able to read things in context), I suggest you go back and actually read my first comment in this thread. *Here's a hint take your hate glasses off first.

It was not offensive. If you read it as such then that is because of your own issues /hate lens / feminazi accusing agenda or whatever caused your reading / comprehension malfunction.

Furthermore, ATS member first or not, moderators should be aware of their 'following' when they accuse or attack other members.

Also, and this is the part you all missed, bizarrely, just because I mentioned something from MY OWN PERSPECTIVE, isn't some point of debate about mothers v fathers or any other garbage you lot accused me of, so kindly get off your faux self appointed self righteous high horse and take a dose of reality.

The person I replied to didn't seem to see it as offensive, perhaps because it was not intended as such, nor as a debate, just a friendly comment.

Basically you all got sucked into a moderators false accusation and straw man argument. How very blinkered and reactionary of you.

Added to that who do you all think you are? Thought police? Perspective nazis? Who are you to challenge my comment from MY perspective?

ATS just sucked 100% more today thanks to all your nastiness.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

Take off your mask of self righteous idignation and see if you can figure out why what you said could be taken wrong.

Happy Father's Day!

A very happy father's day to all qualified members.

originally posted by: Ashirah
A very happy father's day to all qualified members.

Surely you don't mean to say you have to have a member to be a member?
I remember only recently how off topic we all got,
when some justice was sought,
for the feeling of a day,
just one day,
for father's.


But I'll take it in some other way,
happy father's day you say?
ok you're cool.

a reply to: KnightLight

I just meant to say happy father's day to all men that qualify as fathers. Don't have one of my own to wish that to anymore.

And yeah, I think it sucks when a well intended thread turns into a collective #fit.

I feel for dads & their parenthood worries. Especially the single dads, society doesn't appreciate those guys at all. A single mom is lauded as brave, a single dad? People shrug their shoulders & carry on. And don't forget the SAHDs, those guys get crapped on like they're not doing anything, regarded as lazy sponges laying on the couch, watching football & knocking back beers while wifey works when it's not remotely like that. And they're shunned by SAHMs like they're creeps.
Dad worries are just as well founded in raising kids, just as much as mom worries are. It's a shame they're not treated as equal worries, and frankly, it's insulting to me.

As a whole, moms & dads have the same worries, but sometimes for different reasons, depending on the family dynamic. The article's pretty spot on, in giving those worries from a dad's perspective as far as I can tell. Reading it is like reading my own husband's worries in his words.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

I call BS on your call of BS and accusation.

Did you have the responsibility of carrying your children in your womb?

How about giving birth to them?

Breastfeeding them?

Men cannot do that.

Therefore mother = more responsibility. FACT.

Casual uneducated misplaced accusations are still uneducated misplaced accusations, just saying!

I beg your pardon?! Gestation does not a damn contest make. Fricking STOP IT. Dads have just as much to worry & sweat over as moms do, what makes you think us women as so unicorn farts & glitter kittens special?

This is a thread for fathers on Fathers Day. If you want to whine about how you think your role as a parent is the harder tole, make your own thread. And apologize for threadjacking, because that's exactly what you would demand if a dad threadjacked a Mothers Day thread.

I'm getting spoiled today, but to be honest?

I get spoiled every day.

a reply to: KnightLight

Thank you.

It's the only sane reply to me so far on this thread.

People jumping to conclusions on ATS as usual, worst of all this time it was caused by a moderator.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
People jumping to conclusions on ATS as usual, worst of all this time it was caused by a moderator.

To be completely blunt, my post had zero to do with anyone else's, and was entirely directed at your presumption of gestation ability = more deserving of sympathies/having it worse.

Blaming a mod for making an insensitive statement like that is just full of fail.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

So I guess the answer to knight's question would be big fat "nope" with a victimization trump card.

a reply to: Shamrock6

Soo.. I don't know if this is true or not, but this is what just happened.
I am on here ATS posting, staying at my mom's house for a bit.

My mom comes in and tells me that a man is working in the backyard for some extra cash.
Ok that's cool, my mom has no money but hippie so anyway. I like that.

He says to her that "he needs the money for gas to try to see his dad dying of cancer." I've heard this story so many times.. Just need gas money to get back home, get to work, see my daughter, get to hospital...

The guy is sweating outside so it lends some credibility..
Then he gets a call. And starts balling his eyes out. He tells my mom that his dad just died.. And then he left. This was after my mom paid him as far as I can tell.


So if that is a true story, or whether it's not..
If you have a dad in this world, and even if you don't get along so well

Be thankful.
Let him know.

a reply to: KnightLight

That's a truly awful story. If true, I hope he's able to make it to wherever his family is.

a reply to: Shamrock6

I didn't see any of this, but if I did I would be very upset right now.
I thought I should share.

Take care, guys.
I need something else to focus on.