Father's Day: A dad wonders, does anyone ever get this job right?

a reply to: nonspecific

My perspective does color my interpretation of the comment. Which is why I said I recognize I'm a rare case. But, I can also see how somebody would find it offensive to be told that a mother is more responsible for her children than the father is because biology. In a normal, healthy relationship neither party bears more burden than the rest. I don't think, anyway.

originally posted by: KnightLight
a reply to: nonspecific

You are bitter about daddy issues, but you are agreeing with me.
I can't see how you are confused.

Maybe you think I am blaming you for messing up a thread?
I didn't say that. I said bringing this back up AGAIN..
It's not ok to talk about other posters who are not here.


AS in nice posts came later and got back on topic.
And you have to ruin it again, cause you are hurt.

You are kinda yucky.

But I'm smiling.

I have no bitterness about any issues, I have no feelings as to you messing up a thread.

The issues discussed earlier have been dealt with. The fact that not everyone can have or be a good father is undeniable.

I do not intend to ruin it and I do not hurt. I may be a realist and may speak what I see to be the truth and if that upsets you and your view on life then that is not the intention.

Peace.

originally posted by: nonspecific
I very rarely meet someone that says there ex is just another human experiencing life.

I'm one of them!
The mother of my son, and ex-wife, is my most trusted friend and the perfect parenting partner with me.
We realised we didn't really have enough to make a marriage work when sober after we stopped raving and partying in the 90's so decided to split rather than waking up 40 years later wishing we hadn't wasted all that time.
One of us had to petition the divorce, we played best of three poker to decide who, I lost. We didn't get lawyers, paid the court £50 for a load of complicated forms, got a divorce with joint parental responsibility for our two year old, which wasn't restricted to days/times in any way, just that we would deal with it as worked best for us all or take any disputes back to the court (we never have), sold the house, paid off debts, shared the profit and became 'Team Parent'.

We've been to every school event together, every parent/teacher meeting, every rugby match and training each week, and worked totally at being good parents in a team with two locations, backing each other up with everything important.

My well balanced son is a testimony to our teamwork, and now he is old enough to buy me a pint, he took me out yesterday evening and got me pretty drunk at a local beachside bar. One of the funniest fathers days I've had!

...and on-topic, I've always said to my son that he didn't come with an instruction book so I always make it up as I go along and strive to do the right thing. As long as he always knows he can trust my intentions then I'm happy I'm doing something right.

Happy Fathers day to the dads ..

originally posted by: grainofsand

originally posted by: nonspecific
I very rarely meet someone that says there ex is just another human experiencing life.

I'm one of them!
The mother of my son, and ex-wife, is my most trusted friend and the perfect parenting partner with me.
We realised we didn't really have enough to make a marriage work when sober after we stopped raving and partying in the 90's so decided to split rather than waking up 40 years later wishing we hadn't wasted all that time.
One of us had to petition the divorce, we played best of three poker to decide who, I lost. We didn't get lawyers, paid the court £50 for a load of complicated forms, got a divorce with joint parental responsibility for our two year old, which wasn't restricted to days/times in any way, just that we would deal with it as worked best for us all or take any disputes back to the court (we never have), sold the house, paid off debts, shared the profit and became 'Team Parent'.

We've been to every school event together, every parent/teacher meeting, every rugby match and training each week, and worked totally at being good parents in a team with two locations, backing each other up with everything important.

My well balanced son is a testimony to our teamwork, and now he is old enough to buy me a pint, he took me out yesterday evening and got me pretty drunk at a local beachside bar. One of the funniest fathers days I've had!

...and on-topic, I've always said to my son that he didn't come with an instruction book so I always make it up as I go along and strive to do the right thing. As long as he always knows he can trust my intentions then I'm happy I'm doing something right.

After seeing how other people do it I tend to loose heart. Me and my ex had our problems to start with but soon realised its just not worth the effort.

My son has no idea that me and his mother at one time lived together and certainly does not know we ever argued. We even spend boxing days together including Mrsnonspecific who actually gets along wither her very well( a bit too well at times I sometimes think they wil gang up on me).

a reply to: nonspecific

Same sort of deal with me and my lads mam, even Christmas and birthday presents have always been from 'mam and dad' so there was no competition of any presents being better than the others. Split all parenting costs 50/50 and no maintenance payments either way as we both work and provided him with a bedroom in a loving home 3 or 4 nights a week as it worked for us
We were at a rugby club event some years ago and some of the other parent couples were surprised when it came out we weren't 'together' because we are so naturally good friends.

I genuinely feel sad for all the kids who have parents who are split but fail to succeed at the most important job, just being good working partners as parents.
Being dad has been, and continues to be, the best job I've ever had

originally posted by: Shamrock6
a reply to: nonspecific

My perspective does color my interpretation of the comment. Which is why I said I recognize I'm a rare case. But, I can also see how somebody would find it offensive to be told that a mother is more responsible for her children than the father is because biology. In a normal, healthy relationship neither party bears more burden than the rest. I don't think, anyway.

I am going out on a limb here but as a man and father I will say that a mother will always have the greater responsibilty as far as children are concerned.

I am sure that a load of dads will come at me because of this and loads of stories of poor mothers will ensue.

On the whole though I really do not think that a good dad can compete with a good mum.

There I said it and I have many reasons for saying so.

a reply to: nonspecific

You are not upsetting me.

"A realist, and a hippie who can't hate."
You are soo twisted.

but please don't mistake my play as offence. It is not meant.

a reply to: nonspecific

Ooh, controversial, hope you've got ya flame proof suit!
I can only talk about my own experience and I think the perfect team is two parents working well together, whether as a couple or not.
My son would be a completely different person if I had brought him up myself, same if she had. His mother and I are very different people and we have balanced each other out really well when reaching agreement about the best moves to make for our child.

One thing she's always used in all the times when he's been with her over the years is 'Do you want me to ring dad and ask him what he thinks about all this?', yes, my job was scary cop!
I wish all parents could get over their personal bitterness about relationship failure and just worked hard at being parents with strong communication between each other.
It is absolutely the right thing to strive for all children in my opinion.

originally posted by: KnightLight
a reply to: nonspecific

You are not upsetting me.

"A realist, and a hippie who can't hate."
You are soo twisted.

but please don't mistake my play as offence. It is not meant.

Realist and hippy? juxtaposition maybe.

Just a little but maybe thats why I need to ask questions otherwise it does not make much sense...

a reply to: nonspecific

A child without either parent is at a loss. I don't think it matters which parent is gone, the child suffers for it.

So we'll agree to disagree and move on.

See how easy that was? Nobody went off the deep end. Nobody attacked anybody. Disagreed and went on with our lives.

a reply to: nonspecific

Thank you.

Good to know there are sane people in the world.

originally posted by: Shamrock6
a reply to: nonspecific

A child without either parent is at a loss. I don't think it matters which parent is gone, the child suffers for it.

So we'll agree to disagree and move on.

See how easy that was? Nobody went off the deep end. Nobody attacked anybody. Disagreed and went on with our lives.

I agree but fail to see what we disagreed upon?

Either way I agree that a mum and dad is better than the lack of one?

a reply to: nonspecific

Western civilization was founded on Rome, which didn't seem to place fatherhood above military conquest. Not sure how it works in Europe, but in the states....

over 1 million troops currently overseas

not to mention our rampant prison problem pulling out another 2.5mil (mostly males).

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

ahh you are here.

I am sorry for talking about you when you were not. Here.

Hope you understand. No hard feelings.

a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

Similar figures for us in the UK +/- 1%, currently there are around 19,000 armed forces personnel overseas, and 86,000 folk in prison, 82,000 being male. Add them together it's about 0.15% of the UK population.
Just done the quick maths from your figures and if your population is 320 million then it works out 1.09% for you guys.

I think the real problem is one or both parents failing in their role at striving to be good parents over anything else. People can blame whatever circumstances they like, but personally I think it boils down to just that usually.
...and the tragedy is that the next generation learn from the example.

*Edit*
www.gov.uk...
www.gov.uk...

a reply to: KnightLight

No worries. Thanks.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
a reply to: KnightLight

No worries. Thanks.

Thank you.

a reply to: Shamrock6

You said "a mother will always have the greater responsibility" for children.

My children's birth giver isn't even allowed to see them, so how could she possibly have more responsibility than I do? I'm not going to get into the gory details about it, but I assure that even when married, I shouldered significantly more of the workload and now carry all of it. And have, for well over a year now.

So, we disagree that a mother "always" has the greater responsibility. Is my situation unique? Yes. But I'm not the only one in it.

a reply to: Shamrock6

True, once breastfeeding ceases, both mother and father have equal provider roles and abilities.
Ideally both parents work as a team, but when breastfeeding stops they offer an equal ability to provide for the kids.
Lone mothers are no more special than lone fathers once formula milk gets in the mix, they're just different.